Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

  “So you aren't freaked out because you decided cops looked tasty?”

  I looked at my brother. “Humans look tasty?”

  He shrugged. “I dunno, do they?”

  “I go on smell.”

  He nodded, looking thoughtful. “Did you see many vampires in the city?”

  “Too many. This one was shocked I wanted to find you. He was no help either.”

  “You told another vampire about me?” He chewed on his bottom lip – gnawing almost – the video game forgotten.

  “Was that wrong?”

  He was silent for a moment, then he forced a smile, meeting my gaze. “Naw, it’s fine. You sure you don't want to play? It was our favorite.”

  It'd make him happy, so I slowly nodded. He popped the screen out, setting it aside and handed me a controller, the cord stretched tight. I leaned my elbows on the window sill, feeling energy crackle at me.

  “What do I do?”

  “Try to defeat my character. B is punch, A is kick and joystick moves you around. And don't push the buttons too hard or fast either. I'll kick your ass if you break it with your vampire strength,” he teased and started the game. It took him only a moment to send my character flying out of the ring. The next round ended with the same results. He laughed the third time my character flew out of the ring. “You used to be good at this. Played it non-stop. Mom always said she regretted getting it for your birthday.”

  “Don't you mean our birthday?”

  He chuckled. “No, I was born at 11:57 and you 12:32 the next day. We gotta be the only twins in history born on different days.”

  He started another round and I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He smiled, laughed and poked fun each time my character was knocked out.

  “What?” he asked when he saw me watching.

  “What's the point of this?”

  His cheer died. “What do you mean?”

  “I don't get why we're doing this. What's the point of playing a game?”

  “You're kidding, right? To have fun. Get together with friends and kick each other's ass,” he replied awkwardly.

  “Why would I want friends when I have you?”

  “You serious?” he asked and I nodded. “But aren't you curious about our other friends? What we used to do? Where we hung out after school?”

  “No.”

  He slumped back against the window frame with the same look he gave me after I murdered our parents. Like what he saw before him was something he didn't know, something strange and unfamiliar. Something that was horrifying. I was horrifying.

  “What's wrong?” I asked. “What did I say?”

  “Everything,” he sighed. “You're so empty. Your eyes, your voice. It's like there's nothing in you. Even when you show emotions, it's like a ghost of who you were. And I wonder, do I even know you? Are you still my brother?”

  Panic flashed through me. “Of course I'm your brother. Don't you feel it?”

  He crawled through the window and sat next to me. “I know you're my brother. Kinda hard not to notice we look exactly alike. Well, you look like a dead person. It's just, you say these things and they sound so empty.”

  “Am I that different?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “Before... well, you know how I am?”

  “You smile a lot.”

  “That's not what I meant.”

  “You're overly emotional?”

  “Not what I meant either.”

  “You're smarter than most humans.” I was sure I figured what he meant.

  He laughed. “I imagine most people would think I was completely insane. Normal people don't have deep conversations with their vampire siblings.” He adjusted his position.

  “You move a lot.”

  “You don't move enough.”

  “Why are you worried about how I act?” I asked. “You know I'm not human, you accept it. Why does it matter if it makes me act different?”

  “It doesn't. It shouldn't,” he replied with a sigh. “Maybe it's something I need to get used to. You're matter-of-fact. This is what you eat and this is what you need to do to eat.”

  “It's survival,” I supplied and paused. “But I can learn. You can teach me.”

  “You want me to teach you to be human?”

  I shook my head. “That's impossible. You can teach me to have fun. Tell me how I used to be. I'm curious about it. I do want to know.”

  “You do?”

  “Sometimes you smile and it says you're thinking about something we did together when I was human, but I no longer have the memories. I wonder what you're thinking. I want to know everything about you and to do that I have to learn about me,” I explained.

  He considered my words a moment. When he spoke, he made no sense. “There are these soldiers and they receive a new tank. They're discussing the tank and the Sergeant says he wants to call it the warthog. The soldiers ask, Why warthog? Sergeant says, It looks like a warthog. It's got tusks. One of the soldiers disagrees and says it looks like a puma. Know what the Sergeant says?”

  I shook my head.

  “Stop making up animals!”

  I busted out laughing.

  ****

  My brother told me amazing stories. Stories about birthday parties, going to school, family vacations and other activities we did together when I was human. Every night I'd go to his window and he'd pop in a video game and we'd play for hours while he talked. He'd talk until he couldn't talk anymore or fell asleep, chin on his chest, controller in hand.

  I wouldn't say I learned about myself. I felt like I was listening to him talk about someone else. I couldn't see myself saying or doing any of the things he told me I did. I felt nothing when he talked about a crush on a girl we both had, had no feeling of friendship when he mentioned our friends and no feeling of pride when he said we were both on a basketball team and won lots of games. There was no connection between the vampire I was and the human I used to be.

  We did discover my sense of humor hadn't changed. I laughed at every joke he told. One time so loud, he had to pull the curtains, shut the light off and pretend to sleep while I hid as our uncle peeked in the door.

  “Hey? Are you awake?” My hand hovered, millimeters from the energy. It hummed at me, a faint crackle echoing. I pulled my hand away, accepting I couldn’t reach through.

  On the other side, my brother was fast asleep. He looked peaceful, mouth slightly open. It made me wonder. Was he dreaming? And what did he dream about? What went through a human's mind when they slept?

  I'd have to ask tomorrow night.

  Silently, I slid down the roof, landing on the ground. A feeling churned in me, one that had been growing all week. Need. I needed to hunt and feed. Once again, I had been putting it off because of my brother. We didn't talk about my hunger. I think he feared what I would say. I didn't hold back according to him, just blurted the truth out without considering how he'd take it. I didn't see what was wrong about that.

  Still, I felt I should explain how a vampire's hunger worked. I caught thoughts about my hunger when I looked in his eyes. How many humans died because of me? I wanted to let him know I didn't have to feed every night.

  Tonight, I was going to find a human to kill. Anticipation, need and hunger welled in me, fueling me forward. I licked my lips, almost tasting the blood. No homeless human either. They were easy to find alone, but smelled bad and their blood tasted stale.

  I headed out of the city, following the roads of my preferred hunting grounds. I had to catch the car and stop it, but there were always cars on the highways.

  The vehicle I picked was a heavy-duty truck. Huge tires lifted the body off the ground, the engine roaring as it barreled down the road. I couldn't imagine what had this human in such a rush, but I was enjoying myself.

  That was something I learned on my own. I loved feeling like I was flying as the car drove down the road. The wind blowing around me, watching the ground blur, sent thrills through me. I'd prolong my hunt to enjoy th
e feeling a little longer.

  In the end, I'd have to come back to reality. It was vital I paid attention. If I was going to kill a human, then I had to do it well out of city limits and while no other cars were around or risk a human calling Vampire Forces.

  Opening my eyes and ignoring the wind around me, I took note of my surroundings. Trees were thick on each side, ditches dry and filled with soft grass. The truck was still a few miles out of the city and heading farther out. Ahead, headlights appeared and I lay low as a car flashed by. Once the car was gone, it was the human in the truck and me.

  I reached down and smashed the driver’s side window. Digging my fingers into the metal, I groped through the broken window and yanked on the steering wheel. A voice yelled, hands grabbing at me and trying to break my grip as the truck careened through the ditch and into the trees.

  Metal twisted and crunched, wood cracked and splintered, sending shards of both into the air as the truck collided with a tree. The momentum of the crash threw me from the roof and into the trees. I stalked back to the truck, circling around to the driver's side. The human was bent over the steering wheel, causing the horn to wail into the calm night. The smell of blood filled the air, sweet and fresh. My jaw tightened and my fangs slid out as I crawled into the truck and grabbed the human. Veins twitched and I felt the warmth of the blood as it pulsed and followed the rhythm of his heart.

  Without warning, the human moved. He screamed unintelligibly, swinging his arm wildly. The blow caught me in the chest, throwing me back. An annoyed growl ripped out of me as I scrambled back up. Only to jump back when a foot long flame burst from the truck.

  The human vaulted away, escaping through the other door. Instinct had me pursuing, catching up in a matter of seconds. I grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him off his feet. He cried out as he collided with the ground, feet kicking and pedaling in the air. He fumbled for his mini flame-thrower and I knocked it from his hand and into the bushes. Weaponless, he tried to shield his neck, eyes bulging in terror.

  I slapped his hands away, grabbing his head and slamming it into the ground with all the fury I had. The chase and struggle had woken something in me and the fear from the human fueled it, propelling it forward. Ferociously I bit down, severing the jugular. I buried my face against the human's neck, gorging myself on the blood that poured out. I heard his gasps of pain, felt his skull cracking and breaking under the pressure of my grip.

  When the blood gone and the feeling faded, I sat back. The world around me was eerily silent, as if everything was dead. My gaze fell on the human. His neck was ripped to shreds, head split open and only one eye remained. His blood stuck to my face and chin, thick in my fingernails, plastering my shirt to my chest.

  My full stomach churned and a sick feeling rose in my throat. I darted to my feet, feeling like the world around me was closing in. It was like the trees were looking down, seeing what I had done and were appalled.

  I wiped at the blood covering me, feeling dirty and filthy like a homeless human. Only I wasn't covered in dirt, but blood and that was much worse. What had come over me?

  The desire had been like nothing I had ever felt. Nothing like the feeling of need. Need was simple, my energy was low, my body weak from lack of blood. I needed to feed to survive. Desire had nothing to do with survival and everything to do with want. I had wanted to rip into the human, wanted to make him feel fear.

  I dragged the human back to his truck, slinging him inside and raced to escape, seeking something familiar. I ended up at the cabin, kneeling at the water's edge. The water lapped at the shore, soothing and calm as I washed the blood away.

  Never again, I told myself. Never again would I let myself feel desire. Not if it made me an out-of-control monster. What would have happened if another human had come along?

  I shuddered to think of the possibilities; each one soaked in blood.

  Once the disturbing blood was washed away, I headed back to the city and perched outside my brother's window. He moved on his bed, sprawled under the blankets. Guilt churned in me as I watched him sleep.

  “Danny.” My voice was a whisper and he didn't wake. I continued anyways, I wanted to say this now. “I hunted tonight and something happened to me when the human tried to escape. I felt like a monster and it was horrible... and intoxicating. I never want to kill like that again. I only want kill when I need to – for survival.” I turned to leave, but paused and turned back. “Have good dreams.” I added, then disappeared into the night.

  ****

  “Hey… hey? Hey, Tommy!”

  “What?” I snapped my head around.

  My brother half leaned out his window, staring at me. “You okay? You look a little lost.”

  “I'm good.”

  “Talk slower, my poor human ears didn't catch that.”

  “I'm good,” I repeated slower.

  I hadn't said anything to him about hunting. Hadn't even mentioned the little speech I gave while he slept. I didn't want to think about it because if I thought about it, I'd think about the desire and the rush it had been.

  “You're distracted tonight.” His voice cut into my thoughts. “Maybe we should do this another night.”

  “No!” I protested. “I'm fine, I was just thinking of...” Desire “...something.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What sort of something? Secret vampire something?”

  I couldn't think of anything to say so I snapped my mouth shut and stared until he shifted uncomfortably.

  “You know, all the old stories, the ones about vampires before we knew they existed, said vampires didn't blink,” he said. “I kinda wish it were true because the way you blink... you do it real slow and it's creepy.”

  “You say that a lot.”

  “Yeah, you creep the hell out of me now. My skin crawls looking at you. Even now. You're sitting still as a statue, barely moving. Except when you blink. I swear that's gotta be the only slow thing about you. You hardly ever show any emotions and when you do, it's weird, like you can't get it right. Stop that.”

  I untilted my head. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, when you laugh. The way it sounds, it's not quite right. Like you're trying to exaggerate or something. If I had to describe it, besides creepy, I'd say it's intense. Everything about you is intense,” he explained.

  My mind drifted to the desire again. That had been intense. And terrifying. It horrified me with how it made me act, but at the same time I felt intoxicated. It was like sitting on the roof of a car, only better. Every part of me had reveled in the feeling as I fed and despite my resolve never to feel desire again, I found myself wanting to experience it again and again...

  “What... was that?”

  I tilted my head. “What was what?”

  He looked warily at me. “You have this creepier than usual look on your face and you just licked your lips. Just when I think I can't be any more creeped out, you raise the bar.”

  “What bar?”

  “Wha... nevermind. We need to get going if we're going to do this.” He climbed through the window, sliding it almost shut and inched down the roof until he reached the edge. Grunting, he slid over, clinging by his fingertips before letting go. He crawled to his feet, brushing at his jeans.

  I stepped off the edge, landing next to him.

  “Show off,” he grumbled. He darted to the side of the house, falling into its shadow. There, he crept along the side, peering around the front, and then motioned me to follow.

  I joined him by the car in the driveway, amused at his attempt at stealth. “You're lucky humans have bad hearing because you’re being very loud.”

  “Shut up and help me push,” he replied. “This is a lot easier with you,” he added as we rolled the vehicle down the street.

  “Why are we doing this?”

  “Might wake someone if we start it in the driveway.” He threw me a sideways glance. “Our hearing isn't that bad.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Bec
oming a vampire has made you an ass. This should be good, come on.” He scrambled into the car, starting the engine.

  As we left the city behind, the locks on the doors clicked down. I tilted my head, looking at him.

  “Aunt Dee says to keep the doors locked when driving at night because vampires have been attacking cars, especially on this road,” he explained.

  “I don't bother opening the door, I break the window,” I replied, staring out the window at the road and longing to feel like I was flying.

  Or desire.

  Don't think that, I thought.

  “You what?”

  I turned to him, seizing the distraction. “I don't bother opening the door; I break the window and make the human crash. I want to sit on the roof. I like how it feels.”

  “Hold up,” he said. “You are the vampire attacking cars?”

  “Yes.”

  Silence filled the car. I felt it pushing my brother away from me, a great divide between us. He refused to look at me, focused on the road instead. I leaned against the window, staring at the dark world, deep in thought. I thought he understood and learned to accept I killed humans.

  Did he know about the other night and the desire?

  The silence continued as we pulled into an empty parking lot. He climbed out of the car, walking ahead. I followed, unsure of what to say, wanting to break the terrible silence.

  “I killed someone the other night. On the highway we were just on. I thought he was unconscious, but he wasn't. He ran, but it didn't take long to catch him… I’m sorry.”

  “Killed them too.” He knelt in front of a plaque, brushing his fingers across it and wiping debris away. “You killed our parents, but you sound more distraught over some stranger's death.”

  I knelt next to him, glancing at the plaque before us. I traced my fingers over the names and dates, memorizing them. “You want to know why I'm more upset?”

  “Yeah.”

  I picked my words carefully. “When I murdered... Mom and Dad, it was peaceful. They were asleep. They didn't feel anything, didn't know.”