Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

  “That's her!” I jumped up. “What did she do?”

  “Calm down, killer,” he laughed. “She didn't do anything, just watched me the whole time. It was creepy, she didn't move much, like she was pretending to be a vampire. Or practicing.”

  “Then what?”

  “I ate my food and left. She didn't follow.”

  “Did you see her again?”

  “No, I had class, and then I got sucked up doing homework and forgot to look for her. I think I need a math tutor,” he said apologetically. “I did learn a few things about your girlfriend. She's an art major, not from around here and an only child.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “She told me she had an older sister.”

  “Did you tell her I was older?”

  “No, I told her I was worried about you always being with your girlfriend. She said she knew what it was like because her older sister abandoned her for another human.” I felt anger shake me. “I believed her. She told me she wouldn’t lie to me.”

  “Tommy.” My brother placed a calming hand on my shoulder. There was a mixture of concern and fear on his face. “You know why she lied?”

  I shook my head, too angry to speak.

  “Because she wanted to get close in hopes that when she finally told you what she wanted, you'd do it because you were connected in a way.”

  “I thought she was my friend,” I hissed.

  “I know and in a way she was.”

  “But she lied.”

  “She lied so you'd be her friend.”

  “I don't like liars. I should have killed her the first time I thought she was lying.”

  “You don't mean that. You're mad and hurt.”

  “Yes, I do! I'm going to find her, make her think I'll turn her, then kill her. It's what she deserves.”

  He added his other hand on my shoulder, wiping the fear from his face. Even the usual goosebumps were absent from his arms. “I know for you when something goes wrong, you instantly want to kill it, but think about it. Do you really want to kill her?”

  “No,” I admitted after a moment. “I want to know why. I want to understand.”

  “Okay.” He released me.

  “I don't know where she is right now, her scent has faded. This is a mess,” I sighed.

  “That's what you get for talking to anyone else but me,” he teased, bent over his homework again.

  “You said my life shouldn't revolve around you,” I protested.

  “It shouldn't,” he replied. “But you have to be careful around people. Do a little research, push your will against theirs and get them to tell you why they aren't afraid to speak to you first. If it's a sympathizer, fine, but anyone else, get away.”

  “Can I kill them?”

  “You should know what I'd say by now,” he sighed. “Do whatever you want, just stay safe, for me.”

  “Okay.” I fell silent, letting him work on his homework. For a few minutes, then I wondered something. “Why do some humans sympathize and others want to be vampires?”

  “Sympathizers believe vampires are still people, there's human in you. I think they're right, but I'm not about to buddy up with any more vampires. You're enough of a handful. Plus, any other vampire, I'd probably wind up dead,” he replied without looking up from his homework.

  “You trust me?”

  “I trust you,” he agreed. “I think what happened with you was you saw me and our connection sparked what human was left in you. Now it's growing, helping you still be the brother I know.”

  “You still think I can be human?”

  “You get more and more human every day.”

  “Maybe,” I admitted in a small voice.

  He looked up at me, smirking. “One day, when I'm old and you still look the same, you're going to do something incredibly human and I'm gonna say, I told you so.”

  “I do understand friendship now. I like having friends to talk to.” I made another admission. “What about the others? Suck wannabes. Why do they want to be vampires?”

  He sighed, tapping his pen on the desk. “Guess they think being human is boring. They get caught up in the glamor of old myths, thinking that's how it will be. Or sometimes, they want to be immortal at any cost.”

  “She did say humans were slow and one day she would die.”

  He snorted. “I bet she's got a nice life. Both parents, no worries and all she does is whine about how one day she will get old and die.”

  “I told her dying was normal.”

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “Of course.” I motioned to myself. “Do I look normal?”

  “You look like a walking corpse.”

  “Exactly, I should be six feet under.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “Do you even know what that means?”

  ****

  The rest of the night I spent with my brother. After he finished his homework, he went to bed, tossing and turning before settling into sleep. The sleep was fitful, like he was unconsciously aware of the danger I presented.

  When the sky started to lighten and the air slowly warmed, I didn’t move from my spot. The unknown was outside my brother's room. Fallen was out there. I expected her to try to force my hand and make me turn her. Which wouldn't happen; if my fangs punctured her flesh, it'd result in her death.

  “What are you still doing here?” my brother muttered sleepily.

  “I can't go out there, not when I don't know what's waiting for me out there.”

  He sat up, shuffled to the window and looked out. “Sun's gonna be up soon. Whatcha gonna do?”

  “...Can I stay here?”

  His eyes widened in shock. “You serious? What are you gonna do? Rest on the bed? I'm sorry, I don't think I could deal with that. Not without thoroughly washing my sheets.”

  His worry was a little trivial in my opinion.

  “I wouldn't sleep on the bed,” I replied. “I just need someplace dark.”

  He relaxed instantly. “Um, the bathroom doesn’t have windows. Maybe you could crash in the shower and I could cover you with some blankets? It won't be pitch black, but you should be safe from the sun.”

  I peeked out the curtains, seeing pink tint the sky. “It will be fine.”

  “All right.” He pulled a thick and dark blanket off his bed.

  I followed him to the bathroom, wrinkling my nose. “It kind of smells bad.”

  “Yeah, well, cleaning the bathroom is a bit low on my to-do list.” He cracked the shower door, peering in. “Floor's dry, that's good. You want some towels to lay on anyways?”

  “Doesn't matter.”

  “Of course not. Get in and I'll cover you up. I don't know how I'm going to manage taking a piss with you in here.”

  “I’m not sure I want to be in here when you have to,” I replied warily.

  He smiled wickedly. “Sweet dreams, lil’ bro… or rest,” he said and tossed the blanket over my head.

  I settled against the tiled wall, staring at the threads in the blanket and feeling unease settle into my stomach. A new resting spot that was above ground? As safe as I felt with my brother, it’d be a lie if I said I didn’t feel a little exposed. It took some time, but I managed drifted away, falling into half awareness.

  True to his word, my brother was back in the bathroom, trying to move quietly as he prepared for his classes. After running a lot of water and generally making the room smell worse, he snuck back out.

  When the door to his room clicked shut and his footsteps faded down the hallways, I fully woke. Anxiety joined the unease sitting in my stomach. What would happen if a human came in and found me? What would happen to my brother? A vampire found in his room. The other humans would be outraged.

  As time ticked by, the day grew hotter and hotter. The blanket was no help. It trapped heat, drawing it in and holding it against my skin. My instincts started screaming at me, pleading for me to go underground where it was always cool and the sun’s rays couldn’t reach me. That was im
possible though. I was stuck in the smelly bathroom and trapped under the hot blanket.

  At one point, my brother returned, but he left quickly and without checking on me. I wished he had, I was desperate to know how much longer the day had.

  What if the sun never went down?

  “Tommy?” The scorching blanket fell away, my brother leaning over me. “Hey, what are you still doing in here? The sun's been down for almost an hour. I figured you'd want to be out of this room.”

  How could the sun have set an hour ago? I would have known, would have felt energy return to me. All I felt was heat.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

  Worry filled his face. He knelt before me and he placed a hot hand on me. His lips moved, but a thumping sound drowned his words out. A pulse accompanied the thumping, both beating against me. My eyes were drawn to his arm, stretched across my vision. I could see his pulse throbbing, beckoning me. He cried out, trying to tear his arm from my grip when I grabbed his wrist and sank my fangs deep.

  “Tommy, stop! Please, Tommy, listen to me. Tommy, I'm your brother! You know you'll regret it! ...I don't want to die.”

  The last words were a terrified whisper, but a loud roar in my ears.

  His hand slipped through my fingers and he scrambled back until he hit the wall. There was no color in his skin and terror filled his eyes. His chest heaved with each breath. When I moved towards him, he jerked away.

  “I'm sorry!” The words burst from me and I knew I meant them. “Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Please, don't be scared. Please, I'm sorry.” It wasn't something I had done often, maybe once or twice, but I had seen enough humans do it. I hugged my brother, trying to reassure him. “Danny, don't be afraid of me, I don't want you to.”

  He pulled away, leaning against the wall. He kept his arm close to his chest, the blood from the punctures on his wrist running down his arm and dripping onto his clothing. He took a deep, shuddering breath, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “Never gonna be afraid of my little brother. I'm okay, I'm okay.”

  I wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure more: himself or me.

  I reached up, gripping his hand, unsure if I was trying to reassure him or myself either. “You are okay. It was a little prick, barely any blood loss. You'll be fine in a few minutes.”

  He smiled weakly. “I'm not the only one that took by surprise, eh?”

  “I told you survival was stronger than anything,” I replied. “I felt your pulse and heard your heart and couldn't stop myself.”

  “I guess you spending the day above ground wasn't that great of an idea.”

  “Guess not,” I muttered. “I told you I'd never put you in a situation where survival would trump you.”

  “Yeah, you did. What the hell?” A trace of a smile was on his face, his voice growing stronger. He motioned for me to sit next to him. I settled against the wall, our shoulders pressed together. His fear was melting, maybe dripping off him like the blood on his wrist. He held his hand out, the tips of his fingers puffed up and red. “You burned me. Your skin was so hot when I touched you, my skin blistered.”

  “Does it hurt much?”

  “My fingers hurt more than my wrist.” He curled his fingers up, twisting his wrist this way and that. “It feels numb now, like when your foot falls asleep. It's like there’s something on your teeth that numbs skin.”

  Carefully, I took his hand. He flinched, barely, but let me examine his fingers, and then his wrist. His face remained calmed, even when my fingers lingered over the drying blood.

  “You said survival was stronger than our bond, but you stopped. As soon as I said I didn't want to die, you stopped,” he said softly.

  “I know, but I...” I thought back, trying to understand how I had been able to stop. I had never done that. If I needed blood, I took it until there was no more. Stopping never entered into the equation.

  “You don't know how I made you stop,” he finished my thought.

  I looked into his eyes, being truthful. “I shouldn't have stopped.”

  “I bet I know why you did.” In the dark, his eyes sparkled, a sliver of light from outside the door catching them. “It's much sooner than I thought, but I told you so.”

  ****

  Gray and pink lined the horizon, the tree line slowly becoming visible. The air warmed, chasing away the chill of the night. Birds started chirping, rejoicing the start of the day.

  I saw no reason for happiness. After spending the whole day above ground, my aversion to daylight had multiplied tenfold. I refused to stay above ground for a second of it. Fallen waiting for me or not, I had to get underground now.

  “I imagine you don't want to spend the day again?” My brother yawned, silencing the alarm that beeped next to his bed.

  “No.”

  He laughed and yawned again. “I figured as much. Well, gimme a minute and I'll drive you to wherever.”

  “What?” I asked as he shuffled to the bathroom. I followed, peeking in.

  “I'm gonna drive you to your resting place.” His speech was muffled, a toothbrush in his mouth. “What?” he asked when he noticed me staring. “You spent all of yesterday in here; it shouldn't be a mystery to you.”

  “What’s the point of doing that?” I motioned to the toothbrush.

  He rinsed the toothbrush off and spread more toothpaste over it. “To clean your teeth.”

  “Why do you need to clean your teeth?”

  “Because if you don’t, your breath can smell really bad. Sometimes I keep my distance because your breath could knock over an elephant,” he replied and held the toothbrush out. “Brush.”

  I stuck the toothbrush in my mouth, instantly pulling it out. “It tastes nasty.”

  He pushed the toothbrush back in my mouth and wiggled it. “Just do it.”

  I obeyed, making a point to show my dislike for the taste. Why he put something that tasted this horrible in his mouth was a mystery. How it would make my breath smell better was a bigger one. “Do you do this all the time?”

  “Every morning. Girls will be more willing to kiss you if you don't have nasty breath. Okay, spit and rinse,” he instructed, filling a glass of water. He exchanged the water for his toothbrush, dropping it in the trash. He never used something after I did.

  I rinsed and spat, wiping the water away in amazement. It worked! The bad tasting paste and foam was washed away, leaving a clean feeling in my mouth. It was oddly refreshing in a non-satisfying way. “I don't care about girls.”

  “One night you might care about a girl. Then you'll be glad I taught you how to brush your teeth,” he said with a grin.

  “Why would I care about a girl? Humans are only food to me.”

  “Maybe you'll meet a vampire lady.” He clasped his hands, fluttering his eyelids. “You'll fall madly in love with her and run off into the sunset.”

  “You're making a joke right? I can't run off into the sunset, I'd die,” I replied slowly.

  He dropped his hands, shaking his head. “Yes, I'm joking. But you never know, you may meet a special someone one day.”

  “I doubt it. If you’re taking me, then we need to go. The sun's about to come up.”

  He paused by the door, pulling a dark shirt down and tossing it at me. “Put this on and the hood up. Oh, and try to act human.”

  I smirked at him. “I thought you said I did act human.”

  “You occasionally do human things. You don’t move like one though. Watching you move, it's pretty obvious you’re not human. Although, anyone out might be thrown off by how close to sunrise it is.” He poked his head into the hallway looking both ways. “Coast is clear.”

  I followed him as he rushed down the hallway and stairs. At the door to the lobby, he peeked out again, checking for humans. We made it to his car without seeing a single one. The small sedan came to life with little coaxing and soon the college was shrinking behind us.

  “You cool with this?” he asked. “I know whe
re you rest is something you don't want anyone to know, not even me.”

  I watched cars pass, most heading to the college. “I trust you. Besides, I won't show you the exact spot.”

  “As curious as I am, that’s a good idea. That way I don't risk letting it slip while I'm drunk. You have no idea how often I'm threatened to have my mouth duct taped at parties,” he laughed.

  I laughed with him. “You do talk a lot. Left.”

  “Maybe you don't talk enough,” he teased, following my direction.

  “I only talk when I need to.”

  He snorted. “How much farther?”

  The road stretched straight ahead of us. Thick trees surrounded us on both sides. Other than a few reflective markers, there were no other signs on the road.

  “See up ahead, about four markers, there's a driveway. That's it.”

  The driveway we turned down was overgrown. Grass grew thick between twin ruts of dirt that were marred with potholes. The car bounced as it hit the holes, crawling to a stop out of sight from the road.

  My brother turned to me, eyes full of questions. “Do you want me to go farther?”

  I shook my head. “This is fine.”

  “And you just dig into the ground?”

  “No, there's a cellar that's perfect.”

  “Ah! I’ve been wondering. It used to be you’d show up and your clothes would be caked with dirt.” He picked at the tattered fabric of my shirt. “You need some new ones. I'll pick up some up for you this weekend.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Well, I figured if I didn't, you'd strip your victims or something equally disturbing.”

  I didn’t reply.

  He shook his head at my silence. “After three years, I shouldn't be shocked. They find bodies drained and naked all the time.”

  I scrambled for something to say, something not typical of my vampire thoughts that would wipe the shocked look off his face. If I was lucky, maybe I could make him laugh.

  I jabbed a finger at him. “You should be ashamed for thinking such a horrible thing. I'd never do something like that. Those humans were my meals, why would I degrade them like that? I can't believe you'd think that!”