Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

  “You won't let anyone hurt Uncle, right?” my niece insisted.

  “Well, Uncle is pretty capable of taking care of himself.” He rolled his eyes.

  “We'll do our best,” Rissa replied, throwing a glare at him.

  My niece's face glowed with happiness. She hugged my brother then Rissa. “Thank you! Thank you! I love you, Mommy and Daddy!”

  “Come on, let's get you back to bed.” Rissa half laughed, half sighed. She picked my niece up and turned to me so I could present my cheek for another bedtime kiss.

  “I won't let anyone get you,” my niece whispered.

  I looked at my brother, trying to comprehend my niece as Rissa took her upstairs. “She can't protect me.”

  He sighed. “It has nothing to do with whether or not she can protect you and everything to do with her feelings. She understands you, a lot better than both Rissa and I thought. She understands vampires are caught and destroyed and she's scared someone will catch and destroy you. She doesn't want that. In her mind, telling you she'll make sure no one gets you makes her feel better.”

  “I want her to feel happy,” I said.

  “I know you do.” He wandered to the kitchen, returned with two beers and handed one to me. “Stop trying to understand humans. The ones who care about you will accept you as you are.” His grinned widened as his voice dropped to a whisper. “Did you really tell Mackenzie you loved Charissa?”

  “Yes.”

  He stifled a laugh. “Her face was priceless. It took all I had not to bust out laughing at her face.”

  “Why?”

  ****

  “Pssst! Pssst! Hey you!”

  She looked young, only a child. Her hair was blond, hanging past her shoulders, and her eyes dark blue. But for vampires, looks were deceiving. Her child-like face held eyes that, to another vampire, showed age. Wisdom in their depths that said she earned her survival. Her hands were held out, a cautious look on her pale face.

  I growled and flashed my teeth when she moved closer.

  “I'm not challenging you,” she insisted. “I need to talk to you.”

  “You don't need to get closer to talk,” I replied.

  “But I do need you,” she said. “You're young, I can see that. You don't know what it was like when the humans didn't know. That can’t be undone, but there is something you can do. You can help. Be a voice. Don't let the humans destroy us anymore.”

  “No.”

  “We deserve to live.

  “Do we?” I challenged. “Or should we have died instead of turn? We can't even remember our human lives.”

  “There's a lot about their lives they don't remember either,” she said in an icy voice. “They are violent and hurtful. More than us at times. Why do they get to keep surviving? We deserve the same chance.”

  I agreed with that. I believed I deserved a chance to survive, but I saw no point in what this vampire wanted me to do. It only gave Vampire Forces another chance to destroy me. By staying hidden, I was giving myself the chance to survive.

  “I will not help you.” I turned to leave.

  “I've seen you,” she called. “With the humans. The little one, she is adorable. I had a younger human sibling like her.”

  She didn't fight when I grabbed her, letting me slam her against a brick wall and squeeze her neck until I heard bones crunch. “You had.”

  “She sat with me,” she replied in a whisper. “As I hid in my room, fighting it. The hunger was bad, the need great and the desire overwhelming. I kept telling myself to leave, find another, not knowing why. But I was afraid if I left, I'd forget everything. Not only how to walk and talk, but her. I didn't want to forget her. Even as I forgot.”

  “You murdered her?” I asked, my fingers relaxing.

  She nodded sadly. “The humans assume because we murder our families that we don’t care and sometimes it feels that way. But when you refer to your family, you say murder and deep down, you regret it. You’d change it if you could. I don’t know how you did it, but I’m impressed. I’ve never met another vampire who didn’t murder their entire family.”

  “He is my twin.”

  “That doesn't mean much to me.”

  “Means everything to me,” I replied and tightened my grip again. “You stay away from me and my family. I want nothing to do with your protests. I will not risk myself or hurt them that way.”

  She rubbed her neck when I released her, face showing no signs of discomfort or anger. I backed down the street, reluctant to take my eyes off her, finally turning when I rounded the block. As I dashed away, I heard her voice whispering, “When you change your mind, find me. My name is Amy.”

  I didn’t stop running until I was home and in my niece’s room.

  Amy’s words bounced in my head. Was it true she murdered her family, but didn’t want to? I always wondered about other vampires and their families. Did they regret murdering their families like I had? If so, then maybe Amy was right. Maybe I should change my mind and help her.

  No, that wasn't a possibility. If I protested, I was putting my family at risk. Another human could find out about me, learn my brother spoke with me. They'd think he was a sympathizer. I vowed never to put him through that pain again.

  “I won't let anyone get you,” I whispered, carefully brushing a lock of hair off my niece's face.

  Faintly, an aroma tickled my nose. Hunger and need rumbled in me, drawing me closer, reminding me of why I had been out. I had been hunting when Amy distracted me.

  Now all I smelled was my niece. She had never smelled this good before. Or maybe she had and I had never been around her when I needed blood.

  A shudder ran through her when I placed my lips on her neck. Rhythm pulsed hot against me and I fell into it, imagining the way it would push the blood into my mouth. My fangs slid out as my stomach clenched in hunger. I closed my eyes, lost in the desire the rhythm beat out as it picked up its pace.

  One small bite, I thought, my hands holding her head in place. One tiny, little bite to get the blood flowing.

  “Ow! Dammit!” My brother's voice rang out after a loud crash down the hallway.

  I jerked away, vividly aware of where I was and what I was about to do. Horror, disgust and revulsion slammed into me. I almost bit my niece, almost killed her.

  I was a monster!

  I whirled around, scrambling to get away. Dark houses and empty streets flashed by as I escaped into the night. I didn't slow until I reached my resting spot, wanting the safety and comfort of the dark cellar and earth. I jumped down, curling up in the corner, pressing my head against my arms and squeezing my eyes shut.

  “I didn't do it. My teeth didn’t touch her skin. She's okay,” I whispered.

  The words didn't console me. I knew what I had almost done and why. I had fallen into desire. I hadn't wanted my niece’s blood because I needed it. I wanted it because I desired it. Nothing else would do. No other blood would satisfy me the way hers would have. If I had.

  But I didn't.

  But I could have.

  That haunted me all day and into the night.

  As the first glimmer of energy surged through me, I jumped to action. I raced to the city in search of a human to sate my need and cage my desire. My family would never know what I had almost done. But the human I found paled in comparison to my niece and when it came to the moment, I let her go. I didn't want her blood.

  I wandered the city, starving with need and fighting the desire and confusion. Why was my niece tempting me? She was a constant fixture in my life and everything I did was for her safety. Now all I could think of was her blood and how I wanted every drop.

  ****

  My stomach dully ached, my throat felt parched and my legs weak. It had been two weeks since I last fed. Each time I tried, I stopped before my fangs hit flesh and ran. I needed to feed. Hunger and need dominated my thoughts; my survival at risk each second I failed to feed. But stronger than the need to survive was the fear. Fear of what would ha
ppen once I tasted the blood.

  The blood wouldn't be what I desired. And then what? I find my niece and sate the desire on her blood? I couldn’t do that.

  So I starved and avoided my family, digging into the ground far away from my cellar. I knew my brother would go there looking for me, maybe even bring my niece. When the sun set, I wandered the streets of the city, trying to gain enough courage to bite and growing weaker each time I backed away.

  I stumbled to a stop, leaning against a large window. On the other side, dozens of TV showed scared eyes. How much longer could I go on like this? Would I drop dead? Permanently? I wanted to survive, but how could I if I was too scared to feed?

  I resumed my walk, frequently stopping. If only I could get a little energy back. Maybe if I closed my eyes for just a minute... I jarred myself from that thought. The only way for me to get energy back was with blood.

  Resolved to beat the desire, I headed to the part of the city that always had humans awake. Short, shabby buildings lined the streets, rusted cars parked under the unbroken lights. Debris littered the sidewalks and streets. Humans stood in tight groups, casting suspicious glances. I watched them talk, waiting for one to break away. That’s all I needed, one to step away so I could swoop in, grab the human and feed.

  “Hey, Darrell,” a human called and separated himself from a group.

  I blew out of the shadows like a gale force wind. The force at which I slammed into the human bent him over my shoulder. Behind me, the humans yelled in shock and feet pounded after me. My weakened state kept me from running as fast as I could, but even then the humans chasing stood no chance of catching me.

  Down a dark and deserted alley, I threw the human to the ground, stalking back and forth, and trying to get the courage to bite. The human scrambled to his feet with a curse, yanking a gun free of his pants. His eyes widened, the whites almost glowing in the darkness, when he saw me. The gun swung around to face me and a crack echoed off the walls. Pain burned my stomach, spreading through me like a wild fire.

  The injury ignited my need, propelling me at the human. I sank my fangs into his neck, the blood bursting into my mouth. I greedily sucked, unable to drink fast enough. Once his body was drained, I licked up the drops that had escaped my frantic sucking.

  I left the body in the alley and raced home, eager to see my family again. I threw the door open, taking no care to be quiet, even trying to make some noise. I wanted my family to know I was home. Taking the stairs two at a time, I hurried to my niece’s room. How mad would Rissa be if I woke her?

  I didn't care.

  The smell of my niece stopped me at her door. It hung heavy in the air, overpowering the other scents. Desire roared to life and the urge to feed on my niece filled me.

  I backed away, not watching my step and tumbling down the stairs. A door above burst open, my brother flying from his room. He called to me as I raced away, darting out the nearest door and into the backyard. I paced the fenced area, trying to understand. Why did I still desire for my niece’s blood? I shouldn’t feel anything but minor hunger after feeding. Not full-blown desire.

  “Tommy.” Relief filled my brother’s voice. He stopped my pacing, his eyes roaming over me. “What happened? Where have you been?”

  I shook my head, refusing to speak. I couldn’t tell him what I felt, he’d be furious and send me away. He said my niece’s survival trumped everything. That had to include our twin bond.

  “Come on, lil’ bro, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.” His voice was soothing, easing the turmoil in me and making me speak.

  “I don’t want to leave! I want to stay and be part of the family.”

  “You are part of the family,” he assured me.

  I shook my head. “No, if you knew, you’d be mad, you’d hate me and send me away. She trumps everything. That means us too.”

  “You’re not making any sense. Who trumps everything?”

  I looked at him. “M-m-ma-mackenzie, I almost bit her.”

  His hands fell from my shoulders, mouth dropping open in shock. I braced myself, waiting for him to banish me from my family’s life.

  “Tommy, it’s okay.”

  I shook my head. “No, you hate me. I can’t be around her anymore.”

  He shushed me, his tone gentle. “You didn’t touch her, she’s okay.”

  “I wanted to. I was distracted from hunting by another vampire and I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I came home. If you hadn’t woken up, I would have killed her. I can’t ever hurt her, I love her.” The words were a relief to confess.

  “I know how much you care about Mackenzie and I know you’d never hurt her.”

  His heart thumped loudly in my ears and the desire throbbed in time. I grabbed his wrist and bit. Blood oozed, coating my mouth, but I didn’t suck. I didn’t want his blood. I didn’t know what I wanted. I released his wrist and bit into my own. No blood greeted my tongue or rhythm jumping as fangs sliced through flesh. I bit again and again, gnashing my teeth until he pulled my arm from my mouth.

  “Danny, I’m scared.”

  He hugged me tightly, his voice soft. “I know, lil’ bro, and I’m here for you.”

  ****

  My brother and Rissa were visible through the kitchen window. He softly groaned, his hand rubbing his chest. Rissa pressed her hand over his, worry filling her face. “Does it hurt much?”

  “Feels like it did the past two weeks, like a bad case of heartburn. I'm just glad to know what's wrong so I can help,” he replied.

  “My knight in shining armor.” Rissa smiled and kissed him.

  “Why are you a knight?” I asked as he rejoined me.

  He took the chair next to me, his eyes blinking to stay awake. “That’s Rissa’s way of saying I’m being noble.”

  I debated asking another question, wanting to keep him talking, but I didn't know what to say. Soon his eyes drifted shut, sleep claiming him. The fear slowly slid back, made worse by the silence around me. I wrapped my arms around my knees, terrified of losing myself to my feelings.

  “He's been worried.” Rissa stopped by my brother, brushing the hair off his sleeping face. “The only thing that kept him sane was he knew you hadn’t been destroyed.”

  Guilt picked at me, worse than the fear curling through my stomach and the confusion filling me. I didn’t want to feel any of it. I darted from the lawn chair and into the house. I rummaged through the kitchen, grabbing a beer. Ignoring the odor and taste, I drank it down.

  “What are you doing?” Rissa grabbed the second beer from me.

  “I’m getting drunk so I’ll forget,” I replied and grabbed another.

  She snatched that beer from me and I snarled at her. She met my snarl with a glare. “You know I’m not scared of you.”

  “Give it back.”

  “It won’t solve your problem.”

  “I want to forget,” I insisted. “I don’t like feeling human and I don’t want to feel like him. I want to feel like me!”

  Rissa sighed and shook her head. “Tommy, you’re not feeling like Tommy the human, you’re feeling like Tommy the vampire.” She took my hand and led me into the living room. She pulled out a book from the bookshelf by the TV, flipping to a page and holding it out to me. “Read this.”

  Mackenzie smiled for the first time today. It lit up her face. The moment was bittersweet though. The smile wasn't for me or Dan, it was for her uncle. He was holding her, staring at her with that wide-eyed look he always gets when he watches her. He smiled back, a quick, barely there smile that one could easily miss. She started crying and Tommy panicked. I think he believes he needs to protect her, chase her fears away with a growl and some fangs. I took her back and he stayed by my side until her crying stopped.

  I looked from the book to Rissa. “I remember that. Why did you show me?”

  “Because this shows who you are,” she replied. “I read this and I see a concerned uncle, ready to protect the ones he loves. You need to trust
your feelings, trust the love you have for your family. It will protect us if you let it.” She left me with those words, heading back outside to my brother.

  I stared at the book in my hand. Had I been complicating matters and making my life difficult?

  A vampire’s life was straightforward. We survive, nothing more and nothing less. For me, it was the same with my family. I wanted to see them, so I did. If I didn’t want to hurt my niece, I wouldn’t, right?

  Slowly, I walked up the stairs. At the top, I sniffed, searching for my niece's scent. It hung in the air, pulling at the desire. I hesitated, the book clutched to my chest. Footsteps creaked behind me. My brother yawned as he and Rissa reached the top. He smiled and patted my back and both disappeared into their room.

  They trusted me.

  I sank to the floor, afraid to go any farther, and the book fell open on my lap. I leafed through the pages of pictures of my niece and read Rissa’s commentary.

  Under one picture of my niece wearing only a diaper, Rissa wrote, Mackenzie managed to get her diaper off today. She laughed and laughed, running from Dan. Then she peed on the floor.

  A few commentaries mentioned me.

  We let Mackenzie stay up until Tommy arrived tonight. The joy on her face was indescribable. I think he was happy too. We let him put her to bed. It turned out to be a bad idea. He willed her to sleep. At this rate she's never going to learn to sleep on her own.

  Tonight, Mackenzie played hide-and-seek with Tommy. Dan explained the rules to him twice. He didn't understand either time and kept asking why. Then Mackenzie joined in, asking why too. I do not need two mouths constantly asking why in my life.

  I was absent in the pictures. The flash always made me think of the sun, so I hid.

  Jumping up, I rushed down the stairs. I rummaged through the desk in the corner of the living room, looking for the camera. The device was clunky and black with a long, gray strap. Flipping the flash up, I turned it on myself and pushed the button.