Being Human

by Patricia Lynne

Nothing happened.

  I frowned at the camera, turning it over. It was on, so why didn’t it work? I held the button down again and a click sounded. Light filled my vision and seconds later a picture slid out.

  Double-checking I didn't catch fire, I turned the camera back on myself. I held the button down longer, readying myself for the flash. I still flinched, the flare of heat tingling against my skin. Image in hand, I climbed to my feet, searching for a pen. I scribbled a quick commentary, placing the picture in the book. Then I set the book on the kitchen table, leaving it open to the page so my niece wouldn't miss it. Feeling content, I locked the front door behind me and headed to my resting place for the first peaceful rest in two weeks.

  ****

  Giggles met my ears and a happy grin my eyes as my niece bounced to me when I arrived home at sunset. “Uncle, acrobat!”

  Confusion filled her face when I stopped her at arm’s length. Her scent curled around me, drifting up my nose. Desire and need flared, filling my mind. I tried to banish the feelings, reminding myself of the human I killed the other night. The human hadn't been enough, not after failing to hunt for over two weeks. I should have gone hunting again, but upon waking, all I wanted to do was go home to the comfort of my family.

  What if the night before had been a fluke? The injury from the gunshot propelled me to do what I hadn't been able to. I wanted my fears erased, hear my brother or Rissa assure me I wouldn’t hurt my niece. I looked from her to them. There was no fear in their eyes or scents. They still trusted me.

  Pushing my uncertainty back, I managed a smile for my niece. “Did you see my picture?”

  My niece looked behind me at her parents. When she looked back at me, her voice was serious. “Your eyes were closed and it’s blurry.”

  “I don’t like the flash, it makes me think I’m catching fire.”

  Little arms hugged my waist and my niece looked up at me with trust shining in her eyes. “Don’t worry, Uncle, I won’t let anything burn you.”

  How could she trust me? She knew what I was, how I survived, and wasn’t afraid. When I first discovered she understood, I had been happy. I never thought there’d be a time she needed to be afraid of me.

  As I raced out of the house, escaping into the night, I heard her ask, “Why did Uncle run away?”

  “Family problems?” Amy appeared, keeping pace and a reasonable distance.

  I slowed to a walk. “Guess so.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Do you care?”

  “I don't.”

  “Yes then.” I stared at her, tilting my head.

  She mimicked me.

  “I see what's creepy about that,” I said. “Do you think about your sister a lot?”

  Amy untilted her head and tipped it back to stare up at the sky. “She’s always on my mind. I learned where she was buried and I visit her when I can, telling her about myself and making sure I don’t forget. Forgetting is the only real fear I have, but I think we have to forget. If we don’t forget what it was like to be human, we wouldn’t be able to survive.”

  “But you still believe we have the same feelings as humans?”

  “Do you laugh? Smile? Frown? The past couple weeks you've been expressing fear,” Amy replied. “We feel the same emotions as humans, we just express them differently.” She turned to me and reached up on her tip toes to gently place a kiss on my lips.

  “Why did you do that?”

  Amy shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe to see what the big deal about a kiss is. Have you ever been kissed?”

  I nodded once. “During the day. This human–”

  Amy cut me short. “It hurts to be touched during the day. Sometimes I wonder if that's what the sun feels like.”

  “I've been above ground during the day. It was too hot and when the sun set, I still felt hot, energyless.”

  “What had you above ground? Your humans?”

  “My brother.”

  “Mmm,” Amy sighed. “I can only imagine what that sort of trust must be like. Can't even trust other vampires. Makes organizing the protests hard, but sometimes I get help, another older one who's not threatened by the presence of other vampires.”

  “Why do you let them be destroyed? They don't move when Vampire Forces come.”

  “They're not supposed to let themselves get torched. Some of the younger ones don't get what it is us older ones are trying to achieve. We tell them not to fight the humans, it will hurt the cause, and they take it too literally,” she replied.

  “What are you trying to achieve?”

  “That the sympathizers aren't wrong. That's there's some part of us that is still human: the part to survive.”

  I nodded. “I want to survive.”

  “But you still refuse to help me.”

  “I already hurt my brother twice by letting humans know he still talks to me.”

  “I can't argue with that. If I could, I'd abandon this to change the past. Leave my sister alive and forget about the hatred.” Amy glanced at me. “We may not be human anymore, but somehow, family is more important than ever.” She gave me another kiss, this time placing it on my cheek. “You are young, with a lot left to learn. But know this: always trust your instincts. They will never lead you astray.”

  Then she was gone, leaving me alone on the street corner. I headed back into the night, ready to go home, but not before I did something. After all, I promised Rissa I wouldn’t visit if I needed blood and if I was ready to put my fears behind me and trust my instincts, then I had to keep that promise.

  ****

  My family was asleep when I returned. I made my way upstairs and slipped into my niece’s room. She was sprawled on her bed, one foot hanging off the side and her stuffed horse on the floor. I picked the toy up, placing it next to her, then recovered her foot. I stayed by her side all night, escaping to the basement when I felt the first trickle of energy drain away.

  I curled into a corner, my eyes on the small window on the far side of the basement that glowed with light. Above me the sounds of my family filled the air. My brother and Rissa shuffled about, their voices quiet and sleepy. When my niece woke, the noise grew louder. She ran across the floor, her voice filled with excitement.

  “Can I go see Uncle?”

  “No, we’re not taking you out to see your uncle,” Rissa replied.

  “But Uncle’s in the basement, I heard him go down. Do you think the monsters will get him? I hope not,” my niece answered in a rush of words. She paused to take a breath. “The monsters are probably scared of him,” she finished confidently.

  “Mackenzie, stay here.”

  Footsteps thumped across the floor, then the stairs.

  My brother threw up his hands when he saw me. “Jeez,Tommy, what are you doing?”

  Rissa patted his arm. “I’ll get a blanket for the window.”

  “I'm sorry,” I mumbled. “I didn't want to leave.”

  He sighed, worry filling his face. “It’s fine; I’m just remembering what happened last time you were above ground during the day.”

  “We’re not above ground,” I pointed out.

  A sliver of relief showed in his eyes despite the stern look. “Okay, but if you feel even a slight urge…”

  “I’m fine! I won’t hurt my family,” I cut him off.

  He scowled at me, but a smile quickly cracked his anger. “You should see yourself, huddled like a lost puppy. I’m sorry I snapped; I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt us. We’ll get the window covered and you can rest.”

  I nodded, already drifting away as they covered the window and left me. When the sun set, my niece stood at the top of the stairs, a smile on her face and arms reaching for me. “Acrobat, Uncle.”

  Desire flared, the urge to bite rising. I froze and pushed the feeling back. I would not hurt my family. The desire reigned in, I swept my niece into my arms and tossed her up. She squealed with delight, her arms spread as I ran through the house, vaulting over furniture and
sliding under the kitchen table. We collapsed on the floor and she giggled madly. A laugh escaped me and I joined in her happiness until my chest ached and she panted for breath.

  “Okay, you two,” my brother said with a grin. He picked my niece up. “It’s too late for your uncle to be getting you riled up.”

  My niece giggled more. I presented my cheek for a bedtime kiss and he took her up the stairs.

  Rissa stopped by my side, a smile on her face. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  I glanced at her. “I don't know what to say to that.”

  She laughed. “Naturally.”

  ****

  It was time I started doing more for my family. Be a real family member that said and did things for them. I would stop doing things as well. Things that I knew upset my brother, like killing the humans I hunted.

  I wandered down the city streets, searching. It didn’t take long to find a human. She walked down the brightly lit streets alone, her purse clutched to her side. Nervousness churned in me as I closed the distance between us. How was I going to leave her alive? I didn’t know where to put stopping into the equation.

  Maybe this human wants to die, I thought. She was alone and vampires were still considered a threat in many cities. Maybe I could start not killing next time I hunted.

  No, I was going to go through with this. I wasn’t going to kill anymore humans. I just needed to bite and take a few sips to satisfy myself.

  The human shrieked when I grabbed her and I clamped my hand over her mouth to silence her. Dull teeth bit into my flesh, the human continuing her screaming as I yanked my hand away. I whirled her around, catching her gaze and willed her silence. I looked at the faint mark on my hand, then back to the human.

  “Why did you bite me?”

  “I don’t want to die.”

  “I’m not going to kill you so you don’t need to worry.”

  She struggled slightly when I pulled her close and bit. The time I had wasted speaking to her had weakened my hold over her will. Her pleas for help grew louder and she pushed harder in an attempt to free herself. I grabbed her arms, pinning them to her sides and tried to figure out when to stop.

  There were no clues. Her heart beat as fast as ever and the flow of blood was effortless. I slowed my drinking and tried to feel for a sign. Again, there was nothing to clue me in and I decided to stop while I knew she was still alive. Reluctantly, I let her go, a large part of me aware of how much blood I hadn’t consumed.

  For a moment, she stood there, eyes staring blankly. Then, without warning, she attacked. The life was back in her eyes and she shrieked loudly as her hands flew at my face. I reacted instinctively, slapping her hands away, and sinking my fangs back into her neck. I tore myself away after a few gulps and shoved her away. She thudded against a wall and her body slumped to the ground where she lay still.

  Slowly, I approached, cautious of another attack. She remained still when I reached out to nudge her. Did I accidentally kill her? That was as unusual as leaving her alive.

  I turned her over and pressed my ear to her chest. It heaved under me and a gush of air rushed from her mouth. I jumped back, watching as she rolled over and pushed herself up on shaking arms. Her eyes locked with mine and her head tilted to the side.

  “Damn,” I muttered.

  “Weren’t expecting that, were you?”

  Amy strolled out of the shadows and to the human. Her hair fell over her face as she leaned over. With an absent gesture, she swept it back and faced me. “You turned her; did you mean to?”

  I shook my head.

  Amy sighed. “She won’t survive as a vampire. You can always tell by the eyes.”

  I glanced at the turning human. A vacant look filled her eyes as she stared at our surroundings. The look said nothing was clicking in her mind when everything should be snapping into place.

  When I was turned, I remembered looking at my surroundings and recognizing everything. My mind registered the trees around me, the ground below me and the sky above. Thoughts naturally came to me, my mind chaotically flitting through the events that were starting to fade as the denial set in and hunger started to grow.

  None of that was happening for this woman. There were no thoughts or recognition, not even denial. She was nothing more than an empty shell incapable of surviving.

  “You know what we gotta do?”

  I looked at Amy. “We?”

  She shrugged. “Why not? Follow my lead.”

  We moved around the vampire, Amy to one side and me on the other. At her nod, I grabbed the vampire, holding tightly. She grabbed the head, twisting and tearing it away as one last scream escaped. She dropped the head next to the body.

  “Stand back.”

  I stepped back and Amy pulled a lighter from her pocket. She flicked it open and tossed it onto the body. Flames sprung to life, quickly consuming the corpse. I turned away, not wanting to see the bright flames or my failure.

  A gentle hand touched my shoulder, Amy turning me towards her with a knowing look. She hugged me tightly, her voice soft. “Do you know how you did it?”

  I shook my head against her shoulder. “I don’t know. I was trying to leave her alive.”

  Amy sighed. “That’s too bad, I’ve always wondered. I’ve never turned someone or even wanted too. Never even talked to another vampire that had turned someone. I’ve talked to ones that mentioned turning someone, but I don’t know if they did. They disappeared and I assumed they were destroyed.”

  I glanced back at the smoldering remains. “Have you ever seen one like that survive?”

  Amy's eyes followed mine. “No.”

  “Now what?”

  “Go home to your family and stop worrying about being something you're not,” Amy replied, already strolling away.

  ****

  “Okay, lemme get this straight. You decided, for our family's sake, that when you hunted, you weren't going to kill the person, and you have no idea how, but in doing so you turned the poor woman into a vampire incapable of surviving.” My brother rubbed the bridge of his nose, his expression torn between amusement and sorrow. He sighed, wiping the conflicting emotions away. “Is there any reason you're telling me this?”

  I paused. “I’m not sure. I just thought you should know.”

  He laughed. “Well, thanks. Glad you like to keep me in the loop about the inner working of your freaky, vampire mind. Anything else?”

  “I'm thinking of resting in the basement every day.”

  “Did something happen at the cellar?”

  “No.”

  He took a slow breath before answering. “Let me discuss it with Charissa first.”

  I tilted my head. “Why? She’s let me rest here before.”

  He fought another smile, patting my shoulder. “Trust me, lil’ bro, it’s better if I discuss it with her first. Come on, I need to get to bed.”

  We headed inside, rinsed our bottles out, clicked the stove light off and headed through the house. He led me to the basement and checked the blanket over the window. After arranging some boxes, he turned to me with an amused smile. “You want a blanket or pillow?”

  “I thought you had to ask your wife first.”

  “I'm sure Rissa won't mind you sleeping in the basement tonight,” he replied. “Don't worry, I'll talk to her tomorrow first thing. Night.”

  “Night.”

  He disappeared up the stairs, immersing me in complete darkness. I settled in the corner, curled against the cool wall. The boxes he arranged were piled next to me, obscuring my vision of the stairs. I stared at the neat letters on the side, deep in thought.

  Amy told me not to worry about being something I’m not; my family did as well. When I tried, I failed. I turned the human instead of leaving her alive. Obviously I needed to listen to my family and friend’s advice.

  A grin tugged at my lips as I wondered if Amy thought of me as a friend too.

  The night slipped by quickly and soon my energy faded and l
ife sounded above. I listened to my brother and Rissa discuss me staying in the basement, and then listened to the noise my niece made when she woke. The house became nearly silent when she and my brother left.

  Then she returned.

  She raced across the floor above, talking loudly as she recounted her day to Rissa. “Today we played Duck-Duck-Goose and Billy Duncan smacked me on the head. And during story time, Billy Duncan kept poking me in my back. Then when we were painting, Billy Duncan smeared paint on my face. Miss Valerie put him in time out.”

  “Oh my,” Rissa replied. “Sounds like Billy Duncan has a crush on you.”

  “What? Ew! Boys are gross, Mommy!” my niece shrieked.

  Rissa laughed. “Hush, your uncle is resting downstairs. You don't want to wake him, do you? Anything else happen?”

  “Jamie wasn't there again. She hasn't been to class all week. Miss Valerie looked worried.”

  “Oh. Well, I'm sure she's just home sick.”

  “Can I go see Uncle?”

  “No, let him rest.”

  Silence filled the space above me. I drifted half away again, my mind musing on the girl my niece mentioned. The tone Rissa used wasn't unfamiliar, full of worry and fear. It was the same tone she got when the news reported something sad, like missing children.

  “Mackenzie,” Rissa suddenly warned. “Get away from the basement door.” A few minutes later, the basement door opened. “Mackenzie, what did I tell you?” Soft footsteps on the stairs. “Mackenzie! Get back up here NOW!”

  My niece rushed back up the stairs, giggling as the door slammed shut. She didn’t try to make it down to me the rest of the day. When the sun set, she was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. A smile filled her face as I picked her up and carried her to the living room.

  “Did you rest good?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  She squirmed out of my arms and scurried to the couch to sit between my brother and Rissa. He tucked her against his side, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, then focused on the TV. It was a beautiful scene and I couldn’t imagine life any other way.