Sleep Peacefully

by NC Marshall

  I look behind her to see the dog’s face pressed against the glass in the door, curious to see who their visitor is, and I smile.

  “How can I help you?” the woman asks politely, looking around as if to see if I am with anyone else, then downwards at my empty hands. She probably presumes that I’m going to try and sell her something and is searching for my pen and clipboard.

  The woman looks around her early forties, and has wild red hair tied in a messy knot on top of her head. Her skin is fair, covered with a smattering of light freckles, and her eyes are bright green. She’s pretty, in an unconventional sort of way.

  “I was wondering if you know a man named Adam Walker?” I ask quietly, getting straight to the point, crossing my fingers at my sides, hoping that she’s heard of him.

  “Yes, Adam’s my brother,” she answers instantly, eyeing me suspiciously. “He lives in Australia, why do you want him?”

  I hadn’t rehearsed what I was going to say, so blurt out the first thing that comes into my mind. “My sister... um Jess, she died recently and...”

  I feel relieved when the woman cuts me off mid-sentence, stopping my useless babbling.

  “Oh goodness,” she says. “I knew your face looked familiar, God, you’re the double of your sister.” She puts her hand up to her mouth. It’s not the first time I’d seen someone taken aback at how much Jess and I look like one another, so her reaction doesn’t startle me. She continues, talking quickly.

  “I was so sorry to hear about Jess. I read about her death in the local newspaper a few days after the accident happened. It was tragic.”

  She opens the door, pushing past the dog that has now calmed down, and motions for me to come in. I enter the house and stand uncomfortably in the hallway, shifting my weight from foot to foot and fiddling with the chained strap of my handbag.

  The woman puts the tea towel she was holding onto the radiator next to me then closes the door. She holds out a hand. “I’m Sarah, please, come on through.”

  I shake her hand gently. “Nat,” I reply as she turns and moves through an open door at the bottom of the hallway. I follow her through into the living room, tastefully dressed with lilac and silver Christmas decorations. A large matching tree stands in the window and the strong smell of its pine needles fills the room. I take a seat on the brown leather sofa, and squeeze my hands together tightly as they rest on my knee, in an attempt to offer myself some comfort.

  “So what is it you want to know about Adam, Nat?” asks Sarah. “I just spoke to him on the phone earlier this morning actually,” she adds casually.

  She pauses, bowing her head down at the cream coloured carpet, looking saddened. “He worshipped Jess... he was devastated when I called to tell him the news of her death; he left the day after she fell. He had no idea until a few days later when I spoke to him.”

  I nod, being careful in my choice of words “So, do you get to see him often?” I ask as informally as I can.

  Sarah shakes her head. “We’ve only seen him a couple of times since me and my husband Sam immigrated here four years ago. My husband was offered a job down on the south coast, but was relocated here after a few months. I’ve only managed one trip back to Australia.”

  “So when did you see Adam last?”

  “He came here last year to spend Christmas with us. He stayed for a few weeks before heading back home. That’s when he and Jess met up again.” Sarah suddenly stands from where she is sitting.

  “I’m so sorry, Nat! Where are my manners? Can I get you anything to drink? Tea, coffee, soda maybe?”

  “No, I’m fine, thank you,” I reply. I’m parched and would appreciate something to drink, but I don’t want her to stop what she is saying, I'm intrigued to find out more. Sarah smiles and sits back down. Luckily, I don’t have to prompt her to continue from where she left off.

  “It was good they got a chance to see each other again after so long... five years, I think Adam said it had been since he’d last seen her. He didn’t realise how close I lived to Jess until he got here. Once he knew, he couldn’t resist tracking her down and getting in touch with her again.”

  So Adam had only been here for a short time visiting, but by the sounds of things they must have met before, maybe when she was travelling. Sarah confirms my suspicions.

  “They were so good together,” she says brightly. “They could never be parted when Jess was in Australia with him. They were love’s young dream, and were such a good match as well. Jess told me that she had a sister, told me all about you and her family. She said you were looking forward to meeting Adam someday.”

  I almost laugh out loud, I was looking forward to meeting him! I didn’t even know he existed until now. Why? My stomach does an unexpected flip. I put my hand on it, trying to keep composure. So Jess and Adam had been in a relationship while she was in Australia. But I thought she and Matt were going to attempt to make a go of things, to eventually admit to one another they were more than just friends. Nothing had been official when she’d left, but Matt doted on her. It was clear to everyone that he was in love with her, how could she have done that to him? She married him after returning home, for Christ’s sake. How many people had she lied to about this?

  “I know,” I say, swallowing hard, smiling. Sarah obviously thinks I knew about their relationship while Jess was in Australia, so I play along. “Jess never stopped talking about him, she used to call me all the time when she was away travelling.” In truth, I had rarely spoken to Jess. We had sent lots of e-mails and had the odd phone call, but all we talked about when she called was where she was, the weather, how she was enjoying it. Then she would ask how the family were all doing. She had never mentioned Adam, not once, not to any of us.

  “So, you want to talk to Adam?” Sarah asks me, breaking the trance that I have entered.

  “Um... yeah, if he wouldn’t mind,” I say politely, “If you have his phone number, that would be great.”

  “Actually,” she says. “You might be in luck, your timing’s just right. He’s coming over to spend Christmas with us this year. He’s arriving in four days’ time. If you would prefer to wait and meet up with him face to face, I can take your number and pass it on to him when he gets here.”

  I smile and nod, my heart pounding in my chest just thinking about it. I didn't even know this person existed until twenty-four hours ago, now suddenly I'm arranging to meet him.

  Sarah walks over to a glass cabinet in the corner of the room, returning with a biro and a piece of paper. I call out my number as she writes it onto the sheet, using the coffee table in front of me.

  “Got it!” she says, “I’ll pass it on to him. He’s due to get here Friday morning, so I’d expect to hear from him anytime after that. I know he’d like to meet you, it’s a shame he didn’t get the chance when he was over here last.”

  I rise to my feet and head to the door, after thanking Sarah for her help. I have what I came for, I just need to get out of here now and take some time to process the information Sarah has given me.

  “Once again... I’m so sorry for your loss,” says Sarah, “I only met Jess on a few occasions while she was in Sydney, but she made my brother the happiest man alive. She was a great girl.”

  I smile. “Yeah, she was.”

  Maybe their relationship had just been a holiday romance which was re-kindled when Adam came to England. But things must have been pretty serious, as it appeared that Jess was going to leave the country to be with this man. She must have loved him, and by the sounds of things he still loved her too. So why did he leave without her?

  I bid Sarah goodbye as she leads me out of the house.

  “Thanks again for passing my number onto Adam. It’ll be good to finally meet him and put a face to a name that I heard so much about,” I say, my voice sounding credible.

  Sarah nods. “I’m sure Adam will be happy when I tell him about you. He’s had a really tough time and is still struggling with Jess’s death, but then he was her husband
.”

  My mouth drops open in astonishment as Sarah waves briefly and wishes me a safe journey home before closing the door behind her, and my world implodes.

  Chapter 22

  Jess

  I stare out of the windscreen at the never ending straight black road ahead of us. The heat bounces off it, casting a blurry haze for as far as I can see. The sky is grey, and dense rain clouds loom in the distance. The ground on either side of the road is dry and dusty, the earth a dark shade of red. I put my feet up on the hot dashboard and gaze down at my bare legs, which have now tanned to a golden shade of brown. The breeze from the open window next to me blows through my loose hair and it tickles at my bare shoulders.

  We pass a yellow road sign with a picture of a hopping kangaroo on it. It’s an image I find rather ironic, as the only kangaroo I’ve seen on the whole journey here has been lying dead on the side of the road.

  Adam and I are travelling to Margaret River for a weekend break. It will be nice to get away from the city for a few days. I’ve been doing quite a few shifts at the bar I work in lately, so the rest will be appreciated. Adam says Margaret River is a must see while in Western Australia.

  I look at Adam as he drives. He has his hand placed casually on the wheel, and his eyes are covered by black aviator style shades which are focused firmly on the road ahead. His arm rests on the open window, at least until he swiftly moves to swat at a fly which has entered. The fly noisily buzzes past my head before exiting via the open window on my side of the ute.

  Adam has been working hard lately too, he works as a builder. There’s no shortage of work for him at the moment, due to the increased demand for houses because of the State’s ever growing popularity. It seems that at the moment everyone wants a piece of life down under, and are flocking to the country in droves. He has recently bought a new apartment up in the Perth hills, and I am now living there with him. My life is perfect, and I’ve never felt happier.

  An image of Matt suddenly comes into my head, and a stab of guilt hits me. There’s nothing but friendship between us. There never has been anything else, but I know how he feels about me. It’s written all over his face, and blatantly obvious to everyone else, too. I love him, and constantly worry about hurting his feelings.

  I’ve known Matt for as long as I can remember. He’s been my best friend since we were old enough to walk. I think maybe that’s the reason I can’t picture us being together as a couple. I haven’t mentioned anything about Adam to my family yet either, not even Nat. I feel terrible, because I tell her everything. I just don’t want them to think badly of me. I know how they feel about Matt, they have always just assumed we would end up together. Dad, in particular, looks at him like a son- in-law already, so I know he will be crushed when I tell him I don’t love him, not in the romantic sense, anyway.

  My thoughts are interrupted as we enter the town of Margaret River. The approach to the town had been filled with vineyards stretching for miles, and Adam promises me we can take a trip to them during our time here, but there’s somewhere he wants me to see first. We stop at our hotel and check in before dumping our bags, then jump back in the car and hit the road once more.

  Dusk is approaching as we approach Cape Leeuwin. The threatening rain clouds from our journey have now all but disappeared, as though they had never existed. Adam parks the car and I get out. The wind here is strong. I push against its intense force and it whips at my face as we walk towards the white lighthouse that stands tall and proud, jutting out along a narrow peninsula into the ocean.

  The surrounding rocks and vast landscape are rugged and wild, creating a dramatic contrast between the soft white fluffy clouds above, which are now starting to break up and float away, revealing a cloudless pink sky. The sun is beginning to fade now, its view slowly disintegrating into the water.

  We take a slow stroll along a wooden walkway leading to the sea, where Adam tells me the Southern and Indian Oceans meet with an invisible connection. The waves are rough and powerful here. I feel small and insignificant, like I can almost reach out and touch Mother Nature herself. We walk away from the lighthouse and I sit down on the jagged rocks overlooking the extensive terrain. The sea below crashes loudly beneath us. Foam sprays into the air, flashing with a hundred shades of blue. It’s peaceful, serene, and unmistakably beautiful. There’s hardly anyone here now, but I can imagine that it is visited by many tourists during the daytime hours.

  “You were right! I love it, it’s amazing here,” I say as Adam sits down next to me.

  “Yeah,” he replies, “I used to come here with my family when Sarah and I were kids.”

  I smile. This place must hold memories, much like Milton Point holds so many for me back home. I feel a sense of homesickness every time I think about the place. I’ll have to organise a trip there with Dad when I return home. We haven’t been in a while, and I know he loves it there almost as much as I do.

  Adam speaks as if he can see the images that are flashing through my mind.

  “I don’t want you to go home,” he says, his voice no more than a whisper, as if he’s been thinking it, but the words came out of his mouth instead.

  “I have to at some point,” I say. “I’ve been here almost twelve months now and I’m only here on a working holiday visa.”

  Adam stares at me. His green eyes twinkle in the quickly diminishing light as the sun continues to set.

  “There’s things we can do so you can stay permanently,” he says.

  “Like what?” I ask. “Sponsorship is few and far between these days, and I don’t have a profession on the wanted skills list so...”

  Adam laughs at my apparent naivety. “That’s not what I mean,” he says, standing up and reaching into the back pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a small black velvet covered box and kneels on one knee in front of me, snapping it open to produce a stunning white gold band holding a little cluster of diamonds in the centre.

  “Jessica Lawson, I love you, and I can’t imagine living my life without you. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

  At that moment, the thought of Matt, of my family, and my whole existence back home in England is erased from my memory. All I can focus on is this fantastic and beautiful man in front of me who is asking me to share the rest of my life with him. I don’t even waver before grabbing his face in my hands and kissing him lightly.

  “Yes,” I say with no hesitance. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  Chapter 23

  I head straight to the city after leaving Sarah’s house. I feel like screaming, or breaking down and crying, but I’m too furious to do either. She was married? How could she be married to this man and nobody knew about it, not even Matt! Was she married to Adam when she married Matt? Was my sister a bigamist? Even thinking of the word makes me feel slightly sick.

  She was going to go with him, leave Matt and flee the country, but she didn’t and Adam went without her. If he loved her that much, then why would he leave without her? Was he the reason my sister killed herself? And where was he now? On the other side of the world acting like nothing happened, that's where.

  I arrive in the city and head towards the wine bar that Lola works in. I need to speak to her. Surely she will know who Adam is. She had been in Australia with Jess for almost a year, but I’d never heard her mention him either, even after Jess died.

  I walk into the pub and head straight to the bar. I could kill for a glass of red wine, but resist the temptation. I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol all the time that I was pregnant with Josh, and I don’t intend to with this pregnancy, either.

  The pub is quiet today. The only customers are a group of young guys at the back playing pool. It’s Tuesday. Lola works every Tuesday, so she should be here, but I can’t see her. There’s a woman sitting at the bar who I know from when Jess used to work here. It’s Jan, the manageress of the bar.

  She’s a nice woman, very down to earth and approachable. She had given great references to both Jess a
nd Lola when they went to Australia, which had in turn helped them to secure jobs while they were there. Jan had thought a lot of the two girls, and had even given Lola her job back when she had returned home.

  Lola had studied English literature at university and had graduated with a first. However, when she found out that she was pregnant with Liam, continuing with the part time bar job seemed a better option. It meant that she could be there for Liam as he grew up, while Ryan pursued his career in accountancy, following in our dad's footsteps.

  Jan sits at the corner of the long bar with a pile of papers spread out in front of her. I can see as I get closer that they look like staffing rosters.

  She jumps from her seat when she sees me. “Hi, Nat. Long time no see, stranger.” She gazes down in the direction of her papers that I’m looking at.

  “Christmas staffing rosters, I hate them! No matter how hard you try you can’t please everyone.” She shrugs her shoulders at me.

  I smile at her. “Is Lola working today?” I ask, assuming that she’s on her break. I’ll have to wait for her to return.

  “No,” she replies. “She’s got the next week off, gone to stay with her parents over Christmas.”

  Damn it! I’d completely forgotten that she, Ryan and Liam were going to her parents today and not returning until the day before New Year’s Eve.

  “Oh yes, sorry I’d totally forgotten,” I say, feeling glad that Dan had popped around to their home while I was taking it easy last week. He’d taken their Christmas presents then, so at least they have them. I would hate to think Liam had missed out because of my own selfish problems.

  I don’t want to discuss Jess and Adam over the phone. I’ll wait until they come home and ask if she wants to meet up then. The only thing that I can think is that Jess swore Lola to secrecy about her and Adams relationship. She probably didn’t know that they were married; Jess and Lola had gone their separate ways after seven months in Oz. Jess had said it was because Lola had met a new group of friends and decided to go travelling with them. She’d said that she was really enjoying her job in Perth, she’d met new friends too, and she loved the city so wanted to stay longer. She’d said that’s why she hadn’t gone on to other places with Lola. I remember thinking it seemed a little strange. Now I know that’s because it wasn’t true.