Sleep Peacefully

by NC Marshall

  I look around the small wine bar and can’t help but remember the last time I had been in here. It had been my birthday the year before last. Dan was working away as usual, so Jess had insisted on taking me out for a few drinks to celebrate. Unfortunately, as usual, I didn’t handle my drink very well. I’d managed a few double vodkas and a fantastic rendition of ‘I Will Survive’ on the karaoke, before spending the rest of the night with my head down the pub’s toilets. Jess had the same amount to drink as me, but she appeared fine. She held my hair back from my face while I was sick, and then took me home in a taxi and tucked me into bed.

  “Can I get you a drink?” asks Jan, as she pours herself an orange juice from a small glass bottle on the bar.

  “No thanks,” I answer, as I back away to the door. I jangle my car keys in my hand, “got to run.”

  “Okay, well have a lovely Christmas!” shouts Jan, as she picks up her pencil and returns to work on her roster.

  “You too, Jan!” I shout over my shoulder as I leave.

  *

  It’s four-thirty and I’m back at home preparing dinner. Dan’s still at work and Josh is outside in the garden, playing with his football. I watch him through the kitchen window, running around energetically on the lawn. I briefly wonder if I should tell Dan about Adam, and about my visit to see his sister today and what she told me, but I decide against it. There’s a part of me that wants to keep this a secret, at least until I’ve met Adam or spoken to him, anyway. Kate will want to know what happened too, I might just tell her I went to the address and there was no one home, it would be easier that way. I suppose I’m a little embarrassed by my sister’s possible actions.

  I continue to watch Josh playing. It’s Christmas Eve soon, and I need to think about getting his presents wrapped. Luckily, I’ve finished my Christmas shopping early this year, which is good because I don’t think I could face it at the moment.

  I finish peeling some potatoes and put them into a large water-filled pan. It’s starting to get dark outside, and the temperature has plummeted, so I decide to call Josh in for the night.

  I step outside and run up behind him, catching him unaware in my arms and swinging him up into the air and around in a circle. He giggles as I place him back onto the ground and tell him to go inside to watch a little TV before dinner is ready.

  Josh runs into the house, and I turn to follow him. But before I get to the open patio doors something stops me dead in my tracks.

  There’s a shift in the air. Although it’s only ever so slight, a feeling of unease hits me powerfully. I shudder as the coldness outside seems to suddenly increase, pushing me to wrap my arms around myself. I start to move again, but something stops me. I have the strangest sensation that someone is watching me, carefully studying me from afar. Then there’s the smell, the familiar, dense, sweet, fruity scent that I know so well. I know she’s there before I even turn around.

  The darkness seems to come in faster now. It spreads ruthlessly and encases me as I slowly turn around, and sure enough, standing in the distance with her back towards me, looking out over the hills of the countryside is Jess. I back away as she slowly starts to turn to face me. I close my eyes tightly and shake my head, hoping her image will vanish like before. When I open them, she has moved closer and now stands directly in front of me. Time slows as I stare into my sister’s lifeless eyes. Then, all I can hear is silence, cut by the sound of my own voice, screaming.

  Chapter 24

  Jess

  The wedding was perfect. It had been just Adam and I, along with his mum and dad who doubled as our witnesses. I’ve grown very fond of his parents and I think the feeling is mutual. Although we are young, and Adam and I have only been together a year, they have accepted me as part of their family and seem to be joyful at the fact their son is happy.

  Adam’s dad is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and I’m pleased for Adam’s sake that he was having a ‘good’ day on the day we were married. In fact, I think he really enjoyed himself. It was a shame that his sister and brother-in-law couldn’t make it, but the wedding had been announced at such a short notice that neither of them could get the time off work to travel over from Sydney.

  We were married in a small registry office in the city centre, and although basic, it didn’t matter. I didn’t need the big puffy white dress or enormous bouquet of flowers, six bridesmaids and a horse drawn carriage. I’ve never been one for extravagance, preferring to keep things simple and focus on the things in life that really matter. All I need is Adam. The day was rounded off with a BBQ in Kings Park with a few of Adam’s close friends. I couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect.

  I’m not so nervous now about calling Matt to tell him about Adam. I know that we were never going to be anything more than friends, even though everyone had thought that would be the case. We just don’t feel that way about one another.

  I know now that my life back in England is my old life. My new life is here, in Australia, with my new husband. I’ve decided to call Mum and Dad tonight. I know that they’ll undoubtedly be a little angry at first, maybe even a little disappointed in me, but I know they’ll come around. They’ve always said that my happiness is all that counts. I hope they stand by their word.

  *

  It’s a Monday morning, and our wedding—which had only taken place on Friday—already seems a million miles away. We have decided to hold on for a while until taking our honeymoon. We need to save some money, then can hopefully head over to Bali for a couple of weeks, but for now, ordinary life continues.

  I’m getting seriously close to being late for work. Adam left for work over an hour ago. I must have fallen back to sleep, and have successfully managed to sleep straight through the alarm. I’ve recently started a new job at a restaurant in a trendy suburb just outside of the CBD. I love it. The job is excellent, the staff is great, my boss is fantastic and I’ve been told if I continue the way I’m going, they might promote me to a supervisor. But right now I’m looking at getting myself sacked if I don’t get a move on.

  Outside the sky is gloomy, and the rain comes down in continuous sheets. I shudder as I hear the rumble of thunder way off in the distance, soon followed by a brief flash of lightening. I rush around the bedroom, frenziedly trying to find the matching shoe to the one I have on. Why can’t I be more organised like Nat? She would never misplace her shoes. After a solid three minutes of searching for the elusive pump, I admit defeat and am digging out another pair of shoes from the back of the wardrobe when the phone rings.

  My heart skips a beat. Who is it? It can’t be anyone from back home because it’s the middle of the night there. Maybe it’s Lola, calling from Melbourne, probably to see how the wedding went. She’s the only person I’ve told, and I trust her to keep my secret. She had been so disappointed that she couldn’t be there with me, but she couldn’t afford the flight until she gets herself set up with a job in Melbourne.

  I eventually find another pair of suitable shoes and slip them on as I hop and run into the living room to find my mobile phone. I pick it up looking at the caller ID showing on the screen—it’s Nat. Why’s she calling me in the middle of the night? A sickening feeling of dread hits me as I push ‘accept’ and hold the phone to my ear.

  “Hello,” I say quietly.

  “Jess, it’s me, Nat.”

  She’s been crying, her voice is croaky and hoarse. I can tell straight away something’s happened. Something bad.

  “Nat, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  “Jess you need to get home, something awful has happened... it’s... It’s Dad, he had a massive stroke earlier tonight, he’s in the hospital.”

  My heart hammers and the room starts to swim in blurred shapes around me, I feel like I’m going to pass out.

  Nat clears her throat, her voice is shaking. I imagine her closing her eyes on the other end of the line, pain clouding her pretty face. “I’m so sorry Jess, they don’t think he’s going to make it.”

/>   *

  I run as fast as I can through the airport terminal. As I burst through the doors at the main entrance, I pick up speed and narrowly miss sending an old man with a walking stick flying into the air. After stopping briefly to apologise, I reach the reservations desk and lean on it heavily, breathing hard, trying to catch my breath. I’m lucky. There's a plane leaving for Singapore soon with a few spaces left on it. From there I can get a flight to London, then another home. It’s going to take me the better part of a full day, but at least I’ll get there and see Dad at the end of it. He’ll be okay, I know he will, he has always been a fighter.

  I call Adam from the departure lounge and explain what has happened. He tells me to call him as soon as I get to the UK. He understands my urgency to get there and is only sorry that he’s not there to support me.

  I can't afford the flight home. I’ve put the hefty charge onto a credit card, which has bumped me up to my credit limit. The money that I had taken to Australia was an unrealistic judgement to how expensive living here was actually going to be, and that’s with help from Adam. I've already had a loan from Mum and Dad, and don’t want to ask for any more money from them, especially not now.

  Sitting in the departure lounge I think of Dad, of all the times that we have shared together. I think back to Milton Point and how much fun we used to have there. The last time we visited had only been a few weeks before I left for Australia. We had taken a long walk along the beach, eating ice cream cones and talking. He had his trousers rolled up to the knees and walked along the water’s edge, letting the waves wash up his bare legs. It’s a memory I hold dearly, I’ve always been so close to my dad. I can't bear the thought of not seeing him again.

  Nat, Ryan and I always used to laugh about Dad’s favouritism towards me. He has always said that the love he has for his three kids is like slices of cake; each cut exactly the same, equal in shape and size. It didn’t bother Nat or Ryan. They know that the bond me and Dad have is special, and joke that my slice of cake will always be the one with the cherry on top.

  I look down at my hands; they are a golden shade of brown, and for once in my life, my fingernails are long enough for a manicure. They look cute with the glossy varnish and white tips I had done for the wedding. Small diamonds from my rings catch in the overhead lights. I slide them from my wedding finger and carefully place them into my purse, hiding any trace of my marriage. Hang on in there Dad, I’ll be there soon.

  *

  I tap my hand against my side impatiently as I wait for the flight attendant to check my boarding card, and point me in the right direction to where my seat is situated on the aircraft. I hurry to it and quickly secure my hand luggage in the overhead hold before taking my seat near the window, then fasten my seatbelt. A middle-aged woman with bright red frizzy hair takes the seat next to me, and smiles politely as I look at my watch. I need to calm down. I have over five hours stuck on this flight and then another gruelling fourteen once I hit Singapore. I’m going to work myself into a raging frenzy by then if I continue like this.

  The woman next to me notices my frustration, and mistakes it for nerves.

  “Are you okay, darl? I hate flying too,” she states kindly, trying to show empathy towards my non-existent phobia.

  “Oh, no, it’s not that. Flying doesn’t bother me,” I say, in an attempt to reassure her that I’m not going to turn into a gibbering wreck as soon as we take off.

  In fact, I’ve always liked to fly. The moment, when a plane lands in a place that you've never visited before has always excited me. That first glimpse of a new land as the cabin doors open. The endless possibilities and adventure that lies beyond has always appealed to me. I could never be a home bird. Although I love my family, the world is too small not to explore all it has to offer.

  “Are you visiting Singapore on holiday?” asks the woman.

  “No, unfortunately not. I'm continuing on to the UK.” I pause, as tears prickle my eyes and a lump starts to form in my throat. “I’m going to see my family.”

  “Oh, me too!” The woman beams back at me. “I have a son who lives in Scotland, he’s in Glasgow. He just moved there six months ago. It’s the first time I’ve been.”

  “You’ll like it,” I say, managing a smile. “Scotland is a charming country.”

  I remember the last time I was in Scotland. It was not too long ago, when Nat and Dan were married in a castle not far from the city of Edinburgh. An image of Nat pops into my head, and I have a sudden need to see her. My sister’s level head, sensibility and motherly instinct always calms me in situations like this. I’ll see her soon, but for now I’m on my own.

  *

  By the time I reach the hospital, I can hardly see straight. I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours, and the time difference is already playing havoc with my brain. Jet lag has set in and I feel rough. I couldn’t stomach the food on the plane, so can’t decide if my light head is because of that, the number of time zones I have passed through, or the sheer state of panic that I have now entered.

  I call Nat as soon as I arrive in London, and she tells me the ward number that Dad is on. He is still unconscious and totally unresponsive, nothing has changed and his condition is still the same. My family are at the City General now, waiting for me to arrive.

  I get to the hospital as quickly as I can and head straight to the intensive care unit. As I turn the corner into Dad’s ward, I see Nat and Ryan. They are sitting on either side of Mum in a small waiting area opposite the ward’s reception.

  Ryan looks like he’s grown taller in the year I’ve been gone. Nat has lost weight and her hair is a lot longer than it was when I left. She has her arm around Mum and strokes her arm. Mum’s head rests on her shoulder, she’s sobbing quietly. They all look up at me in unison as they see me approach. Ryan shakes his head slightly. His eyes are rimmed with redness, swollen and puffy. I can tell from the state that they are all in that I’m too late, I’ve missed him. He’s gone. Ryan gets up and walks towards me, but I back away from him, putting as much space between us as I can. No, no, this can’t be happening. I turn on my heel and my trainers make a loud squeaking against the hospital corridor floor. I turn my back to my family, even though I haven’t seen them in a year. I can’t bear to look at them, not like this. I start to run.

  I head for the nearest exit. I need to get out of here, I can’t breathe. My pace quickens as I move, people stare at me as I pass them, but I don’t care, they can think what they like, none of them matter. I am just approaching the exit when I slam into someone. I don’t even attempt to apologise. As I start to move away, a pair of arms grab me and pulls me towards whoever they belong to in a tight embrace. I don’t need to look up to know whose arms I’m standing in, stable and familiar.

  “Dad’s dead Matt,” I sob, burying my head into his chest, feeling the heat of his body through the thin material of his T-shirt.

  “Shh, I know, Kiddo. I know.” Matt’s voice is soothing, but he can’t disguise the pain that he’s trying so hard to suppress from its tone, I know him too well. Nat or Ryan must have called him. He thought the world of my dad, and visa-versa. We stand in that spot in the middle of the hospital corridor for a while. Matt strokes my hair, and I cry until I don’t think I have any more tears left to shed. Matt takes my hand in his and grips it tightly as he leads me back down the corridor in the direction I had just fled from moments ago, towards my family.

  As we approach, they all stand and move towards me. Matt stays by my side and grips my hand tightly as they reach me. My dad was dead, and I hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye.

  Chapter 25

  “What the hell’s the matter?” I hear Dan’s voice shouting behind me, as he grabs my shoulders firmly and spins me around to face him. I look at him, but I can’t speak, I’ve lost the ability. All knowledge of the English language temporarily forgotten. I glance back to the spot in the distance to see if she’s still there, but Jess has gone. I briefly wonder if she wa
s actually there at all.

  “Are you okay, Mum?” Josh is standing next to his dad, half hiding behind Dan’s left leg. I must have scared the poor kid half to death.

  “I’d just pulled onto the drive and was getting out the car when I heard you screaming.” Dan sounds genuinely concerned; he has completed a full search of the back garden and is waiting patiently for an explanation. I need to think up a story... and fast. Both my husband and my son are now looking at me as if I’m from another planet.

  I back up and find the use of my legs again as I climb the steps back into the kitchen, trying to act as normal as possible. I don’t dare tell Dan the truth. He will have me shipped off to a psychiatrist in the blink of an eye if I do. He’s already worried about me, this would only make things worse.

  “I, um... thought I saw a mouse,” I say, hoping that Dan falls for this as my excuse for screaming; I’ve always been petrified of the things. “There have been quite a few in the garden lately. They’re coming in from the fields over there,” I add, holding up an arm and pointing with a shaky hand to the farmer’s field which lies adjacent to our garden.

  Luckily he believes me.