“I have JJ now.”
And she’s back to JJ, her crutch.
It pains me to hear her cling to him like he’s all she has, but then again, I need to make her believe she has us too. I’m not going to let her not be in my life, and in turn, my wife and boys.
I’m about to tell her this when my head spins. Closing my eyes doesn’t help and I wait for the sickness to come. When it doesn’t, I inhale, and the dizziness slowly subsides.
“That’s another thing we share, when we love, we love hard. Alannah for me and JJ for you, we have to learn how to love others around us, it doesn’t come naturally. Don’t be afraid of me, you are more me than you think.”
“Are you going to start making promises to me now,” she snorts.
“Is that what you need from me?”
She thinks it over and stares out over the mountains surrounding us. No wonder she likes being out here, it’s bringing me a sense of calmness I don’t usually feel in my life back in Willows Peak.
“I don’t need promises, false or genuine.”
“What do you need?” I ask her.
She looks me in the eye and tells the truth.
“I have no idea yet.”
I’m grateful for the truth but for the moment, I need to lay down before I fall down.
“Can we agree that we both want to form a relationship?”
“As long as I don’t have to call you dad.” And like that, a huge crack in the ice breaks away. Smiling, she stands and holds her hand out to help me up.
I take her offered help and it’s shocking when I touch her. My daughter. She’s warm under my touch and I don’t use any of her energy as I stand.
“Things are going to change from now on. You’re married now, and you have JJ, but I need you to know I’m here for you too. Anything you need that I can help with, just ask.”
Her dark eyes, so much like mine and my sons, search mine and I leave our conversation as we head back to the cabin. Whether it’s here on the mountain or back in Willows Peak, she can have as much of my time as she needs.
JJ
She’s been gone for too long. She is more than capable of handling herself, but Harper can only take so much before her mind and thoughts starts to scramble. Cas can be overpowering, especially when he wants to get a point across, Harper won’t like being spoken over. This could quickly turn into a shit show and they’re out there alone.
“If she didn’t want to talk to him, I doubt she would’ve left your side.”
Lana comes to a stop beside me. I still can’t believe they’re here. Gabe never said anything about having Willow Peak brothers coming to visit, let alone the president.
“Why are you here? Is it really for Cas and Harper, or is it club business and he’s using it to talk to her?”
I’ve never gone against my president, surrogate uncle, whatever he is to me, but I will if he’s not here to be genuine with my wife. If he’s here to deal with business with Gabe and using it to speak with Harper too, I’m going to be pissed.
“He’s here for her, we all are.”
I turn to her, and she looks content as she stares off into the trees and bushes surrounding the clubhouse.
“The last time I saw you, Lana, you couldn’t even look at Cas, or talk to him because of who she is to him,” I remind her.
I need to know what’s changed to bring them all this way. It can’t be Cas’s cancer because that’s been out in the open for months.
“Imagine this, you’re heading for your fiftieth birthday in a couple of years, you’ve been with the same man since you were twenty-two, you have two sons, a home, a life, a history you know everything about, and then after all that time has passed, a twenty-five-year-old woman is thrown into the mix. It takes a beat to wrap your head around it all. I hope you never have to encounter something like this if you’re not willing to understand it from both sides.”
My mouth shuts and I look back to the pathway leading through the trees. I almost will Harper to walk through the branches and return to me. Lily caught Cas after twenty-five years, a new dread starts to rise in my gut. What if there is a kid of mine out there?
As fast as it hit me, it fades.
There has never been a time I didn’t wrap up with anyone who wasn’t Harper and that was only the once, and I know she hasn’t had my baby. A shudder pulses down my spine and my mouth goes dry.
I wasn’t lying when I told Harper I didn’t want kids, I couldn’t think of anything worse coming between us. I can handle others wanting her attention because she’s my old lady and I have her at my side whenever I want. A child would have to come first so I’d rather not have them. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a selfish prick, I doubt I’ll ever change.
“She’s a cool girl once you get to know her,” I blurt out softly. “She’s funny and smart, she’s a good person.”
“She must be to have married you,” she laughs and keeps her eyes on the pathway her husband took.
“Your mom is not happy with you, by the way.”
“I guessed as much.”
There isn’t one moment with Harper that I regret. My mom will have to live with my decisions the same as I do.
It’s not much longer when Cas and Harper reappear, and they are at least, both alive and there are no signs Harper has been crying.
They break away from each other and she comes to me and Cas heads for Alannah. My arm automatically wraps around her. I didn’t realise how much I’ve come to need her with me now Cas is here. She’s my home and all my needs wrapped into one.
“Everything okay?” I ask, whispering close to her ear.
Her smile says it all. I’ve worked out what her smiles mean without her having to tell me.
This smile says she’s fine but she’s glad she’s back with me. Mine probably reflects the same.
“How was it? What does he want?”
“He wants us to get to know each other, I think he wants to be my dad, like, a real dad.”
Her voice shakes as she speaks, and her smiling fading and her anxiety returning hurts me to see.
“Is that something you want? We haven’t talked about him for a while.”
“I’ve always wanted a dad, Jason, but when I found out I actually had one, it petrified me. But, I think I want him in my life. He seems serious about wanting me in his family too.”
“That’s real good, and if that’s what he said, then it’s the truth. He wouldn’t mess you around.”
I don’t ever remember hearing about or witnessing Cas lie about something. It’s not in his nature, he doesn’t give a fuck about the truth hurting someone or not, so if he is telling her he wants to get to know her, he’s being genuine with her.
“How was your afternoon? It must be good to see Leo again?”
“If I’m honest, I haven’t really seen him. I was waiting for you, he’s inside settling India and the baby, who has grown fuck loads since we left.”
“Yeah, apparently babies do that,” she chuckles. “Come on, let’s go in. You can find your boyfriend and have a beer.”
Rolling my eyes, I ignore her jibe and lead us to the clubhouse. Cas and Alannah are already sat with Gabe and Luca is chatting some girl up in the corner, out of his parents view.
“We can blow them all off if you want to go up to our room and escape them?” I offer.
“You’re sweet, but I’m fine. I should stick around and get to know Alannah and my brothers.”
She physically cringes using the term. It’s so fucking weird to hear her refer to Luca and Leo as brothers but I’m glad it’s worked out this way. She has so many more men looking out to protect her now. I trust Leo with my life, Harper’s too.
It’s barely five o’clock in the afternoon but brothers are arriving and gradually, the place is filling up.
It wouldn’t surprise me if Gabe throws a party in Cas’s honour tonight. For now, we join them at their table and I keep Harper close to me, rubbing my thumb over her wedding ba
nd. Cas’ eyes fall to our hands and I hold my stare when he looks up at me. I’ve known this man my whole life, he knows me as well as my own parents. I’ve slept at his house as much as my own, or the club. I’ll do anything for this man, but when it comes to Harper, we’re not Lost Souls now, I’m her husband and he’s her father. If we clash, we clash but it will be on him if we do.
“I haven’t congratulated you both yet,” he says.
Harper doesn’t tense but I can feel a tremor run through her. I haven’t got a clue what they spoke about out in the woods, I do know that she wouldn’t sit here with him if he had upset her. She wouldn’t be able to hold herself in check.
“Yeah, congratulations. What a surprise,” Lana adds, smiling.
“We didn’t want to wait, did we?” Harper smiles at me and I shake my head.
Cas knew she was his daughter before we left, however, there was no need for me to ask for his blessing. Their relationship is nowhere near the stage where I need shit from him where she is concerned and now we’re married, there never will be.
Harper
This is the biggest party I’ve seen while we’ve been here and every weekend there is a party happening, so it’s saying something everyone showing up tonight. While Alannah and I haven’t directly spoken to one another tonight, it hasn’t been awkward between us. There haven’t been any glares, or stares of wonderment as she looks at me. Leo and Luca haven’t laced any words with disgust around me, they haven’t out right spoken to me, but they haven’t made me feel like shit either. I must’ve pushed India away too many times, she only smiles and keeps her distance. I think I’m good with that.
A contented peace seems to have threaded through us and so far, I’m happy with that. JJ is out of his mind happy to have Leo here and I find it so weird that his best friend is my brother. We are all truly connected to one another.
I tap JJ’s arm that is sitting snugly around my shoulders and go to stand.
“I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a moment.”
His touch always leaves a cold mark on me when he pulls away, but it isn’t the same when we were just fucking, he is my husband now and I know when I sit back down, he will seek me out and put his arm around me again, and his warmth will return.
I have to barge my way through the guys and women hanging around them all the way through to the back where the bathroom is.
Thankfully, no one is locked in there and I slip in and lock the door behind me. I take care of business and wash my hands. The gleam on my wedding ring still catches me off guard. It shines even under the dull over head light and brings me a peace I never thought I’d have with JJ. We have come so far, and we continue to keep progressing as a couple. Our relationship strengthens every day that passes.
Someone knocks on the door and I quickly dry my hands. A woman dressed in the shortest skirt I’ve ever seen pushes past me to get to the toilet and I shut the door behind me to give her some privacy.
If it’s possible, there are more people around and no one is listening when I ask them to move out of my way. One guy turns causing me to knock into another guy and I wish I didn’t catch his attention.
His eyes are the clearest grey, and they are not kind. For a moment it takes me back to Simon on that awful night I try not to think about. The night I killed a man who was hurting my mom and using his strength to overpower us. I push him out of my mind and focus on the guy in front of me. His smile is just as unkind as he peers down at me causing me to shiver under his cold spell.
“Excuse me,” I mutter, looking away from him.
I go to step around him, but he side steps and blocks my way.
“Not so fast, baby,” he purrs, and I can smell the beer on his breath.
“I haven’t seen you around here before, where are you from?”
He begins taking small steps backing us up to the wall near the bathroom.
“Please, move out of my way.”
“Have a drink with me, it’s a party after all.”
“Thank you for the offer, but my husband won’t appreciate me drinking with some other guy.”
“Who’s your old man?”
“Turn around and we’ll point him out.”
I exhale heavily at the voice and I’m not sure if I’m relieved for the interruption or not.
The guy looks over his shoulder and back at me, ignoring Leo. This isn’t going to end well; my anxiety is building faster than my emotional walls.
“Piss off, brother, I found this one first.”
Found me? Like I’m some sort of stray dog?
I go to step around him again, knowing Leo is close and he grabs my arm. A sharp gasp escapes from me and my arm burns from his tight grip.
And then all hell breaks loose.
I’m being pulled to the side and the guy is being tackled into the back corner. When I get a proper look, Leo is holding me and it’s Luca who now has the guy shoved up against the wall and has his hands wrapped around his throat.
Luca is half his age and half his size, but it’s not stopping him. The sleaze-ball doesn’t stand a chance and it’ll make him a joke if anyone witnesses this going on.
At first, no punches are thrown and neither of them move besides Luca leaning in and whispering in his ear. Leo stays behind me, keeping his hand on my arm. I desperately want to know what Luca is saying but before I can take a step forward to lean in and listen, Luca is bringing his head back and thrusting it into the guys nose. His face opens up before me and blood literally spurts everywhere. It doesn’t stop Luca, he releases one hand and tightens his other hand on the guy’s shirt. His swings his fist into the guy’s jaw and the impact is so hard, the guy’s legs go like jelly beneath him. Luca holds him up and repeats his punches until the guy’s face is unrecognisable.
“He’s going to kill him,” I murmur.
I’m probably being dramatic but there is too much blood coming from the guy and Leo lets me go and goes over to his brother. Or I should say, our brother.
He pulls Luca away and the guy slumps down the wall and onto his ass. Leo keeps a hold of Luca until he calms down and I see exactly how big Luca is now. He’s grown so much, he’s giving Leo a good run in the size department.
He shrugs out of his hold and looks my way. I’m sensing he didn’t mind the fight and he wanted it, I was a good excuse to execute the first punch.
“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re my sister, if some asshole puts his hands on you, I’m going to put him on his ass.”
I wasn’t aware I was looking at him in any way, but my heart drops and by the time I go to thank him, he is walking off.
Leo digs his heavy boot into the guy’s stomach four times before he turns to me.
“Did he really mean that?” I ask, nodding my head in Luca’s direction. He sits at our table and Cas is quick to grab his hands and check the cuts out.
JJ is quick to turn and look for me, but Leo nods his head and it must signal to JJ I’m okay because he stays in his seat.
“Yes,” Leo says, making me jump. “He really did mean that. You’re our sister and while we weren’t used to it when we first found out, we’ve talked, and we reckon it’ll be cool to have a sister.”
“Are you saying I’m cool?” I smirk.
“We’re saying, that we’re open to having you around. We won’t be awkward and give you shit. And yes, when JJ isn’t around and you’re in trouble, we’ll be there for you.”
I stand there, staring, not saying a word, barely able to dig deep for a breath. My head is spinning, and I can’t take much more of Jackson acceptance.
“I don’t know if I’m meant to be grateful that you’ll both treat me better, or if I should be insulted that you’re gracing me into your life.”
“Ultimately, it’s your choice, but you’re the one coming into our family and we’re letting you know, we’re not going to make it difficult for you.”
“Well, I’m not the sharpest tool in the box, you said that
about me once, didn’t you? I mean, you’ll have to repeat yourself again, just so I can understand.”
His cheeks redden and he’s quick to look away. He fucking remembers, which is good because I’m not letting him forget, ever.
“Yeah, sorry about that. But, hey, aren’t little brothers meant to annoy the shit out of you?”
I can’t help but laugh at his defence. This back and forth chatter with him is so fucking weird.
“Doesn’t it feel strange to you to know you’re my brother?”
This lightens him up and he chuckles softly.
“It really fuckin’ does, but I’m over the hostility towards you. Blood is important, and we’ve already missed out on too many years.”
This takes me back. I look over at Luca and wonder what is going through his head.
“And Luca really feels the same as you?”
Because from where I was standing, he would’ve fought for anyone just for the thrill of violence and he hasn’t looked my way or spoken to me since.
“He does, you’ll quickly learn that he is a very angry guy and he’s a little bitch to everyone, so I wouldn’t continue to take it personally.”
“Why is that?”
I mean, what does he have to be so angry about?
A loving family, check.
Food on the table without having to pay for it himself, check.
There’s so much he doesn’t have to be pissed about.
“A couple of years ago, his best friend, who wasn’t his girlfriend, but I reckon he loved as one, ran out of town without him. The girl was being abused by her father and he tried to protect her, but it got him bit on the ass and he’s been pissed ever since. I mean, he’s never been the happiest, but he’s got worse, for sure.”
“Wow. How do you know he loved her if she was just his friend?”
“Because he stole a lot of cash from our dad and his gun, he was going to run with her to keep her safe, but she took the lot and left without him.”
Her Crazy Life: Sons of Lost Souls MC Novella 3.5 Page 3