I’d be pissed too if that happened to me. I’d say she sounds like a bitch, but I understand a need to survive. Easy money like stealing from Luca doesn’t come around that often.
“And, I apologise for any grief I’ve caused you since you came to town.”
“You’re starting to scare me, you don’t have to be nice to me if it’s not what you want. I personally, still think you’re an arrogant prick.”
He barks out a laugh and he sounds so much like Cas. Our dad.
“I didn’t dislike you, Harper. You weren’t a part of my life, I didn’t have to go out of my way to be anything to you. However, you are my sister and I won’t be a cunt to you for the fun of it. Plus, you’re married to my brother. We’re going to be around each other a lot, we might as well get along.”
He makes sense I suppose. My smile returns, and I nod.
“Okay, we can get along, but don’t go out of your way to be nice either. It freaks me out.”
“Sounds good to me,” he says, nodding, agreeing with me.
We walk back to the table, I fall into the chair beside JJ and Leo drags a chair over from another table and sits behind India, he’s still so close he can wrap his arms around her. She leans back into him and her smile says it all, she’s besotted with him.
I look back over my shoulder and the guy is gone. I didn’t even notice him leaving while Leo and I were talking. I look across the table to Luca and he nods slightly. I offer a small smile and settle against JJ. Around this one table, including Gabe and Zander, are very violent men, yet I don’t feel anything but safe.
Beers appear at our table, girls start creeping closer and the party continues on around us. It gets rowdier as the night passes too quickly.
“You seem at ease here,” Cas says as the rest of the table are busy in their own conversations.
“It’s different here compared to Willows Peak, it’s calming.”
“Are you saying my chapter isn’t calming?”
A brief pause sits between us and then he cracks a smile.
“I’m messing with you,” he tells me and I smile.
There’s too much I need to learn about him, I wonder if we have enough time to figure each other out?
“What a day,” I exhale heavily, falling back on the bed. “Did you really not know they were coming?”
He keeps his back to me, causing me to think he did, but when he turns to face me, and says, “I really didn’t. I would’ve given you a heads up if I did.”
I believe him.
“I wasn’t happy with them springing up like that, I think you should have had notice, you should have had the choice to see them or not.”
I love this side of him so much. It’s what I craved for so long, it’s hard to believe this isn’t a side to him but who he is underneath the prick he used to be to me.
“It’s been a weird day, but I’m glad they came. It’s been a rollercoaster, but I’ve come a long way with them.”
He whips his hoodie and long-sleeved tee up over his head and drops them to the floor. I still can’t get over he is mine when I see him like this. Every inch of his chiselled body belongs to me as I do to him. His tattoos move around his skin as he moves and when I’m caught off guard, I’m memorised by them.
“I notice you haven’t spoken with Alannah yet,” he murmurs, slipping my boots off for me.
“No.”
Cas assured me she isn’t the monster I was building her up to be, but I’ll put that off for as long as I can. I should spend more time with Cas before reaching out to others.
“I spoke with her while you were off with Cas.”
I lean up on my elbows as he drops my boots to the floor. He climbs on the bed and lays beside me.
“What did she have to say?” I’m intrigued.
“That once the shock wore off, she’s fine with you.”
I snort.
Fine with me? As if Lily keeping me a secret from everyone was my fault.
I relax back on the bed and close my eyes.
“This is too much, I’m struggling to think straight,” I admit to him.
“Hey, don’t let all this get to you.”
“I’m trying but it’s so much to take in, Cas wants to be my dad, but he might die.”
A rush of breath exhales from his mouth loudly and he leans up on one elbow and he searches my eyes.
“He told you then?”
“Yeah, thanks for not telling me by the way.”
He runs his knuckles over my cheekbone and down across my bottom lip.
“It was just another bullshit thing for you to think about. From what I’ve been told he’s been getting treatment, if he had worsened, I would’ve told you, I would’ve taken you home.”
Home? Is that what Willows Peak is to me now? I suppose it is. It’s where my husband was born and raised, it’s where my mom lives now and a whole new family of mine runs a club and lives there.
I roll onto my side and try to block everything out. Jason cuddles up behind me and holds me.
“What if we just leave again, go somewhere no one knows us?” I hedge, but I already know his answer before he opens his mouth.
“Don’t worry, I know we can’t do that, but it would be nice,” I sigh, answering my own question.
“Shit will work itself out and you’ll find your peace, babe. I’ll make sure of it.”
Again, I believe him.
“What happened between you, Leo and Luca?” he asks.
“Didn’t they tell you?”
I’m surprised. They claim to be brothers who don’t keep anything from anyone, but they kept that bullshit show between us tonight.
“No, he just said he got into a fight and that was it.”
“Oh.”
I don’t know if I should say anything, I feel a strange sense of secrecy with my new brothers, but then again, JJ will always have my loyalty and if he asked Leo, he wouldn’t keep it from him.
“Some guy was trying it on with me after I left the bathroom and wouldn’t let me pass. Luca stepped in and kicked his ass and then Leo and I had a chat.”
He tenses against me and I wait for the lecture.
“Why didn’t you call for me? Why didn’t you tell me when you came back to the table? Fuck, Harper.”
“It worked out, Luca left him bleeding and knocked out. Didn’t you hear what else I said? Leo and I had a chat.”
Leo has never tried with me. From the moment I arrived in Willows Peak, he was already infatuated with India, I’m not quite sure if he’s always been a prick though. I’ve heard he’s the most like Cas, so I guess it runs in the family.
“Leo’s not a bad guy, he’s…”
“Rude? Ignorant? Oblivious to anyone who isn’t him or his precious India?”
I could rattle my own perceptions of him out all day long, and then into the night as well.
“No, well, yeah, he can be those things but if you know him then he’s a great guy.”
“You sound like you should’ve married him.” I giggle as he growls.
“We were raised together as if we were brothers from the same parents. Our bond can never be broken, we fuck about and we don’t agree on everything but deep down, we are one. If anything ever happened to me, I would trust him to keep you safe from Ellis, from everyone.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you.”
I have every faith in him to come home to me alive and in one piece. Anything else is unimaginable.
The darkness in the room hides his face from me, but I can sense the tension in him.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I sometimes feel something is going to happen to you and I won’t be able to save you.”
Placing my hand on his cheek, I hope he believes me when I say what I truly believe.
“Sometimes, I can save myself.”
He rolls his eyes, but I don’t take offence.
“You know what I mean.”
“Don’t worry about it, we’re s
afe here and we’re going to be fine.”
He still hasn’t relaxed and the longer his muscles are coiled tight, the tighter mine become.
“There’s more to it, talk to me.”
“I think Cas is going to want us to go back with him.”
“And that scares you?”
“Of course it does, the last time you were in Willows Peak, you were attacked. I couldn’t wait to get you out of town and the further we got, the better I felt.”
Wow.
Cas did say something about us going home. I didn’t see Cas talk with JJ tonight, but unless he tells my husband we have to go, I don’t have to do shit. JJ knows him better than me, so I ask, “What makes you think Cas wants us to go back with them?”
It might be dark, but I still catch his eye roll.
“He didn’t come all the way out here just to talk to you and then go home. He brought the whole family for you. He wants you to see he is serious about you and wants you to feel welcome around them all. He won’t want his only daughter where he can’t lay eyes on her while Ellis is still free to breathe.”
“He knew I was his daughter when you arranged to leave town. Why would now be any different?”
“Because he’s come to terms with you. Before I came to you about leaving, he was adamant Leo wasn’t leaving, he agreed I could take you, but not him. Family stay close, very, very close. Trust me, he’s going to want you home.”
“I don’t care where I am as long as I’m with you.”
I lean up and press my lips to his. I don’t care what he’ll admit to, he needs physical assurance from me as much as I need it from him.
“If this is to be our last night here, can we at least enjoy it, where we don’t have to worry about anything?” he asks, as I break away from him.
“We sure can, but, what about your deals with Gabe?”
I’m not sure if Cas or Leo know about them. Again, I didn’t see JJ talking with them away from the Mercy chapter brothers and I haven’t known JJ to talk with them over the phone over the last few months.
“I’ll talk to him in the morning. It’s not like I’ve been here long enough to be needed, but he does owe me for this last run with him. It’ll come in handy going home.”
He takes my breath away when he rolls on top of me and uses his knee to spread my legs open.
His head dips into the croak between my neck and shoulders and he kisses a path down to my collar bone. His lips travel down and over the top of my cleavage. His hand I didn’t notice holding my left hip down roughly tugs my top up and I help him out and drag it up and over my head.
“I won’t ever tire of seeing you like this,” he whispers, taking my bare breasts in.
“I should hope not,” I grin and pull him down to meet my mouth.
I won’t ever tire of him, not in this life or the next. With minimal work, he loses his boxers and my jeans are pulled off me smoothly. Rolling us over, I land on top and guide myself onto him.
“Fuck,” he grunts and holds onto my hips.
I’m barely able to move before he’s taking over and driving into me from underneath.
His fingers dig deep into my sides and I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t leave a mark or two. It wouldn’t be the first time and I doubt it’ll be the last.
Harper
It took me a while to get used to the coldness up here. I’d forget to slip into warmer clothes when I threw the covers back in the morning, I’d forget to layer up before leaving the warmth of the clubhouse. Now, I enjoy the icy blasts that assaults me. It reminds me I’m still alive and I’m loving life. To think I’ll be back in Willows Peak in a few days if Cas has his way, doesn’t exactly fill me with joy, but it doesn’t exactly fill me with dread either.
I slip out of bed and throw on my jeans and JJ’s hoodie that is much softer and warmer than it looks.
JJ rolls onto his side and after a soft snore, continues to sleep as I slip out of our room.
No one is around as I make my way down to the kitchen for a coffee. If I stayed in bed any longer, I’d drive myself crazy and I can’t afford for that to happen again.
I’m careful to side step the left-over bottles of beer and rubbish none of the prospects have cleared up yet, and finally make it to the kitchen.
The coffee machine is humming softly, and the pot is half filled. I look around again to see who is up, but the place is empty.
I pour myself a large mug full and add cream and sugar before slipping into my coat that I left in the corner of the bar last night and head outside.
There have been a few times I have seen the sun rise out here and I head for my favourite spot on the swing chair.
The first time JJ and I sat on it, it fell on the porch. We laughed so hard that day, it always brings a smile to my face whenever I think about it. The day after, the swing chair was back hanging in its place and someone had fixed it. JJ denied he had a part in it, but I didn’t care. I loved sitting on it.
“Can’t you sleep either?”
I spin around just as I’m about to sit and find Cas sat in the old wicker chair that I’ve only ever seen Gabe sitting in.
I shake my head and sit down. He’s lucky I didn’t spill my first coffee of the day.
He’s paler than he was yesterday and quite frankly, he looks like shit. I wonder how close he is to dying?
“Is there really a chance you can die?” I blurt out.
His chest heaves with a sharp snort and it hits him wrong. It takes a few moments for him to collect his breath and then he looks at me and says, “Why? Do you think there’s no point in getting to know me if there is?”
“Part of me thinks that, yeah.”
Why would I want to get to know him and become attached for death to snatch him away and leave me fatherless again?
“I like your style, girl.”
He pulls a cigarette out of his packet that was lying on the porch rail and I frown. How can he still be smoking? He’s literally knocking on death’s door and he’s still lighting up?
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not going to light up. The routine is hard to break, I pull one out, keep it between my lips and then break it in half.”
I nod like I understand and part of me does. All bad habits have routines, it’s half of the addiction and they’re just as hard and cruel to break.
“How long was you a smoker?” I ask.
It’s a good question to start getting to know all about him and his life that I haven’t seen around the club.
“I had my first cigarette when I was around ten or eleven. Whenever I could steal one I would, and then in time, I stole to pay for my own.”
I like that he doesn’t hold anything back with me. He is who he is, and he doesn’t hide it from anyone. Hopefully he’s as truthful when I ask my next question.
“Did you feel anything for my mom, like, at all?”
It’d be nice to know that she wasn’t completely used, that I wasn’t made from nothing but drunken lust.
He snaps the cigarette in half and crushes each piece in each of his hands. He gives me the curtesy of looking at me, but I can see he is struggling to answer. I know I’m not going to like his answer.
“I won’t give you excuses, I fuckin’ hate them, and I won’t give you pretty dressed up lies. I felt nothing more for her than I did for anyone who wasn’t Alannah at that time. I wasn’t a nice man. Looking back, of course I should’ve been nicer but I wasn’t. It was my downfall because your mom couldn’t tell me about you.”
“If you don’t die?” I half smile.
He nods slowly and smiles.
“Yes, if I don’t die.”
It becomes quiet and before I can work out if it’s awkward or nice, he says, “Harper, I don’t plan on dying, I’m fighting this as hard as I can. I want you in my life, and I want us to eventually get to a point where we forget the years we missed out on, if that’s possible.”
Is it that simple?
“JJ told me you�
��re a good dad,” I say, and he smiles. “There’s a difference between being a good man and a good dad, you can be as nice as you can to me but if you’re not a good dad, I’ll know the difference and it’ll suck.”
It’ll also be pointless in trying to connect with him. He’ll just be another let down on the long list of let downs.
“Don’t fear me, Harper. I’ll spend the rest of my life being your dad if you let me. I know the difference between you being someone around the club, and someone who is my daughter. I piss my sons off, but I also protect them and shield them from as much as I can. I’ll do the same for you too. Don’t judge me as the president of the Lost Souls.”
It’s so easy to fall into his words when I’m this close to him and I want to fall.
“What do you think of my mom now?”
I revert to Lily, she feels safe when he gets too deep and dangerous.
“I’m not going to lie, I have my own issues with her. I feel bad for treating her like shit, so much so, she kept you from me, but I also hate her for it too.”
“Is she still in Willows Peak?”
I haven’t spoken to her in the last month and when I did have her on the phone, she was talking about skipping town. It filled me with anxiety because as much as she tells me she’s doing fine and coping on her own, I think she’s full of shit. Lily doesn’t know how to cope alone, there were many nights she would climb into bed with me if there was a bad storm rolling over town. She’s an overgrown child in many ways and it debilitates you in ways it shouldn’t do to a child.
“Have you not spoken to her?”
“Not recently.”
“She said she spoke to you the day before we left.”
“She didn’t,” I reiterate.
“She’s still in town, she was at our place for dinner the night before we left for here.”
“She had dinner with you?” I blurt out sarcastically, instead of screaming it in my head.
“Not just me, Alannah and the boys were there, your Uncle and Aunt, Zach and Nina were there too. Alannah cooked for everyone and as I don’t have much energy at the moment, I didn’t exactly fight her on it.”
Nina? Is it possible my moody, pot head cousin has himself a new girlfriend? I doubt Cas is up for gossiping about love and relationships so I put it to the back of my mind to ask JJ later.
Her Crazy Life: Sons of Lost Souls MC Novella 3.5 Page 4