Forbidden Contract (The Birmingham Brothers Series)

by L. A. Miller

“I can’t do it again.”

  “What?”

  “Love someone…..I can’t love her only to lose her.”

  “The only way you are going to lose her is by sitting here on my floor getting drunk with me….look I don’t know what you saw or think you saw. I only know how she reacted when we learned you were gone. You think you were shattered when you saw her kissing another man? That girl fell apart when you left, she didn’t show it, didn’t say a word. She went on, head held high while people talked and speculated behind her back and sometimes to her face. But she remained till the last guest left and when she turned and said good night you could see it in her eyes. You hurt her Beck tonight. You weren’t the only one who risked exposing your heart to someone, she never has before. To be honest, I don’t know if you will ever be able to win her back. What I do know is if you don’t try you will regret it for the rest of your life. Beck few of us ever get a real shot at love, you’ve been blessed with two. One died to early, the other you are throwing away. Don’t waist that chance.”

  Beckett looked at him then leaned his head back as he stared at the ceiling. He relived this past week with Bailey then the moment he saw her kissing Matt. Had he misinterpreted what he saw? How could he when they were kissing. The possibility of doubt that Trent planted took hold. Beckett had never been one to run away from a fight. There had been women he had seduced that had been with other men, some even engaged. It didn’t matter to him; if he wanted them he went after them and won. Why then had he run away from Bailey? He knew it was because he was in love with her and feared the rejection. He also knew Trent was right. He would regret walking away from her if he didn’t try to fight for what he wanted. Standing up he waited for the room to stop spinning. Trent looked at him and shook his head.

  “You can’t go to her in that condition. Go take a shower, grab some of my clothes and I’ll make you something to eat.”

  “I already showered.”

  “Yeah well you need another to clarify your senses…..go.” He ordered.

  Two hours later Beckett pulled up in front of the house. Like earlier in the evening when he sat outside Macy’s hotel he was contemplating his next move. Unlike earlier this time he got out of his car and went inside. The house was quiet, everyone had long since gone to bed and he was amazed the only remnants of the earlier affair were the flowers still displayed around the foyer. He was about to head up the stairs when a shadow caught his attention. Putting his things down on one of the chairs he moved quietly towards the direction where he saw the shadow. The hallway was empty so he began to move cautiously inspecting each room as he passed. He found her in the solarium. She was dressed in a lace nightgown and the moons rays shown through her gown reflecting her body beneath. His breath caught in his throat as he admired her beauty. He felt his desire now strain within the confines of his jeans and mentally he cursed at his body’s reaction to her. It was making it harder for him to think. He didn’t make a sound but as if sensing his presences she turned. In the moonlight she almost looked like a vision and for a moment he wondered if she was really standing there. He saw the hurt in her eyes and fought the urge to go to her. He was afraid she would reject him and at that moment he was as vulnerable as she was.

  “Why did you leave?” She finally asked her voice barely a whisper.

  He thought about his response having had this discussion in his head over and over again as he drove back but now that she had asked words failed him. He watched the display of emotion on her face and when he didn’t respond the wall came up between them. He watched her square her shoulders as she gathered her pride and prepared to walk past him. He needed to speak, needed to stop her.

  “I saw you kiss him.” He finally said when she reached the door.

  Bailey froze and it was as if time stood still while he waited for a response. She was so close to him he could feel the warmth of her body, smell the lemongrass in her hair. He wanted to touch her but gripped his hands at his side instead.

  “I’m sorry.” She said softly.

  She hadn’t denied it and he felt the knife dig deeper into his heart. When she turned to look at him he saw the pools of moisture that now threatened to overflow in her eyes. Her bottom lip quivered as she tried to control her emotions.

  “It didn’t mean anything” She said. “Matt was comforting me while I cried, then he was kissing me. When I realized I stopped him.”

  Beckett thought about that for a moment before he asked. “Why were you crying?”

  Bailey turned and walked back into the room adding distance between them. He knew he was affecting her as badly as she affected him and she needed clarity of mind before she replied.

  “I don’t know. Maybe because when I saw Matt he reminded me of home. Of everything I had and walked away from. He was always there for me. When my father died I had to be strong for my mother when she fell apart. I had to comfort my brother and sister. Matt was there for me. When my mother was ill he was there, when she died he was there. Every night I had to sit with Tristan watching him struggle for breath in the hospital Matt was with me. He was my strength and my comfort.” With each revelation he felt his heart crack. He didn’t know how much more of this he could withstand. “Matt was my best friend, the only one who I could talk to, the only one who understood. He never made demands, never expected more than I could give. Tonight when I saw him, saw how I hurt him I was reminded of all our moments together and his love for me.”

  “Do you love him?” Beckett asked not truly wanting to hear her response.

  Bailey looked directly in his eyes and he saw the truth. “Yes I love him.” She replied and the crack in his heart shattered.

  Chapter 47

  Bailey watched the pain on his face when she told him she loved Matt. She knew he had misinterpreted her words but the pain she felt was too great at that moment to clarify it. When Beckett had left the party she had been left behind to face the guests. She had been humiliated but kept up the façade for the sake of her pride. Each comment she heard behind her back dug into her heart. Each one to her face was even worse. She had given Beckett the part of her no man had ever received and he had walked away from it without a word of explanation. What hurt the most was that he hadn’t even given her the chance to explain. He had assumed the worse and she wondered now if they ever truly had a chance. She had been a fool to fall in love with him. She was not about to let him know and hurt her even more. Matt had done her a favor in revealing Beckett’s true intentions and she was not about to let him toy with her heart anymore. Let him believe she was in love with Matt. Let him believe it was only a game for her. It would be easier to walk away from him if he hated her than it would if he pretended he cared.

  “This past week….between us….” He began as he looked at her. She saw now that his hurt was replaced by anger and she was glad. It made it easier to lie to him. “Was any of it real?”

  Bailey took a moment to seal off her emotions. She could not let him see how she really felt. She needed the break to be clean.

  “No…it was a diversion.”

  “I don’t believe you.” He said now trying to control the hurt and anger. He walked over to her and pulled her against him. “What we shared could not be faked.” He said before his mouth claimed hers.

  At first his mouth was rough demanding a response. She held herself rigid fighting her own body. She felt his frustration and knew if she held out he would push her away. Suddenly he changed tactics and his kiss softened. She felt the need and desperation in his kiss, felt the pain they shared from what they lost. She tried to resist but in the end she succumbed. When she responded he moaned crushing her in his embrace as his lips took what he wanted. Her hands moved involuntarily up his chest to dig into his hair as her body molded to his. Every fiber of her body was on fire for the need to be with him. Her body betrayed her and for the moment she couldn’t care. She needed him, needed to feel his arms around her, his lips on hers. She needed to know that what they had share
d, however brief was real. When he pulled his lips back and moved to her ear she felt his ragged breath along her neck.

  “Your body doesn’t lie Bailey.” He said. “You want me as badly as I want you.”

  His words acted like ice water to her brain. He wanted her physically and nothing more. There were no words of love, of commitment or of a future. She pushed him away and he stared at her confusion written on his face. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as her anger replaced her passion.

  “Every animal has basic needs Beckett, that’s all we shared, nothing more.”

  Her words shocked him as easily as if she had slapped him. He was angry and his eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

  “Is that all it was to you?” He asked daring her to deny it.

  “Yes, you are an expert lover and knew exactly how to play my body. I guess I should thank you since it was a pleasurable first experience and if I had to lose my virginity to someone, at least it was to someone who knew what they were doing.” She said coldly as she replaced the mask over her emotions. “I’m sorry if I mislead you into thinking there was something more. We both knew when we took our vows it would end.”

  She could see him fighting for control. The muscle along his jaw twitched and his knuckles where white from the restraint he was showing in his clenched fists. She held her breath waiting for him to respond. She knew if he pulled her into his arms she would surrender. She wouldn’t be able to deny her true feelings and part of her waited, hoping he would. Then she saw the wall he put up and knew it was over, he would not fight for her; he did not love her. Without a word he left her standing there and only after she heard the front door slam and his car speed away did she release her breath and collapse to the floor in tears.

  She didn’t know how long she sat there but when the chill of the night settled into her bones she stood up and went up to her room. She didn’t sleep and when morning came her eyes were red and puffy. She had Trixie bring her coffee and when Tristan commented on her eyes she told him it was allergies. Alexis was full of questions about the party but when Bailey snapped at her she left the room quietly followed by her brother. Bailey chastised herself for taking out her mood on the children and after she showered and dressed she headed for their bedroom. She was surprised when she heard Beckett with them and froze in the hallway to eves dropped.

  “We really get to help you knock out a wall?” Tristan asked.

  “As long as you wear the protective mask and goggles yes….I figure since it’s going to be your home you should have a hand in fixing it up.”

  “I don’t think Bailey is going to let us go.” Alexis said sadly. “She got mad at me when I asked her about the party.”

  Bailey felt a rush of guilt overtake her and was surprised when Beckett spoke in her defense.

  “Your sister had a rough night which is why I wanted to take you guys out for the day. Give her some time to herself.”

  “Why was it rough, it was a party?” Tristan asked.

  “True, but a lot was expected of us and I’m afraid you sister did most of the work.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I was an idiot.” He admitted. “I got mad and left.”

  “Why did you get mad?” Alexis asked.

  Bailey heard the pause as Beckett contemplated what to tell them. She had once told him her policy was to never lie to them if they asked a direct question and she wondered now what he would say.

  “You know her friend Matt…..he came to the party.”

  “Matt was there!” Tristan asked. “Is he still here…I want to show him my room.”

  “No I think he left.”

  Bailey heard the hurt in Beckett’s voice. She knew he loved the kids despite what he felt for her and the thought they might care for Matt more than him only added to his loss.

  “Why did he leave, is he coming back?”

  “I don’t know….you’ll have to ask your sister.”

  Bailey heard Tristan getting up and not wanting to be caught she entered the room. She felt Beckett’s eyes on her and avoided meeting his gaze fearing he would see too much. Tristan saved her when he ran up to her grabbing her hands.

  “Matt was here, is he coming back, can we see him?” He asked excitedly.

  Bailey knew Beckett was listening despite the interest he seemed to be showing in Tristan’s action figures. She looked down at Tristan and smiled.

  “Yes Matt was here and I believe he was planning on coming for a visit this afternoon. He texted me and told me he wanted to see you guys before he flies home.”

  “He’s coming today?” Tristan said disappointedly as he looked at Beckett. “We were going to go over to our new house and knock out some walls.” Bailey could see the way he was torn and was surprised when Beckett spoke up.

  “We can do the walls anytime Tristan, you should spend time with Matt today.”

  Bailey saw how disappointed Tristan was and knew while he loved Matt he had come to love Beckett more. Unlike Matt Beckett let him do the things normal boys did and didn’t fear he might have an attack. She had to admit he was good for Tristan and that made everything that had happened hurt all the more. She looked over at Beckett and his expression ripped her heart out. He was hurt and she understood why. She kept telling herself this was for the best. The more time she had spent with him the deeper in love she would have become. She wasn’t as certain when they said their vows that she would have had the strength to keep her distance and there were too many people who would have been hurt. She looked away fearing he would see through her façade and touched Tristan’s cheek.

  “Maybe you can do both, Matts not going to be here till five. He wanted to take us out for dinner so if Beckett can have you two back by four you will have time to get cleaned up.”

  Tristan’s face lit up with hope as he turned to Beckett. “We can still go can’t we?”

  “If you sister says it ok” He smiled looking now at Bailey. “Do you mind, we’ll make sure they use protective gear.”

  “No that’s fine, thank you.” She replied.

  “Can Bailey come too?” Alexis asked and Bailey felt her face flush.

  “I can’t.” She said before Beckett could reply. When all three sets of eyes looked to her for an explanation she added. “I need to go over some wedding plans with grandmother.” She lied.

  Only Beckett knew it was a lie and he assumed it was because she didn’t want to be around him. He didn’t question it just stood and looked down at Tristan and Alexis.

  “Why don’t you get your shoes on, we’ll pick up some breakfast on the way.”

  Bailey watched at both kids now scrambled to find their shoes. There was now an awkward moment when she was left alone with Beckett. She looked at him, wanted to speak then didn’t. It was better this way; it would only hurt more later. Without a word she turned and slowly left him standing there. Only once she reached the hallway did she allow her legs to move quicker trying to put as much distance as she could between them. She needed to get out, needed to clear her mind. She raced down the steps and was heading out to the stables when she crashed into Trent. His hands on her arms were strong but gentle as he kept her from falling backwards. When he searched her face she saw the small frown form between his eyes as he saw through her defenses. Cursing he kept hold of one of her arms and led her down towards the stables where they could have some privacy. He made sure they were alone before he released her then leaning against one of the stalls and crossing his arms over his chests he asked.

  “What did my idiotic brother do now?”

  Bailey didn’t want to drag Beckett’s family into their issues but by the black eye and cut lip on his face she knew it was probably too late. She had seen the fresh cut on Beckett’s face and easily assumed the two of them had probably exchanged blows. She also assumed it was over her. In Trent’s eyes she saw concern and knew it was directed at her.

  “He didn’t do anything.” She said turning away from him to stroke the neck of o
ne of the stallions that stood behind her. “I just needed to get some air.”

  “No I know that look. You needed more than air; you needed to escape…why?”

  Bailey thought for a moment and she knew no matter what she said Trent would see through the lie. She turned and looked at him unable to hide the pain.

  “Because it hurts to be near him.”

  Bailey watched the emotions that played over Trent’s face. First confusion, frustration, anger and finally determination.

  “He didn’t tell you did he?” Trent asked.

  “Tell me what?”

  “That he’s in love with you….the same way you are in love with him.”

  “No he’s not…….and…..no I’m not either.” Bailey said denying it as if she spoke the words it would be true. Even in her ears it sounded hollow.

  “You both can deny it but it’s obvious to everyone else. As long as you continue to deny it you two are just going to keep hurting each other.”

  “Beckett doesn’t love me.” She said unable to hide her hurt.

  “Really?” He smiled. “That’s why he got so mad when Matt showed up, why he avoided you all night but the minute you left and Matt followed he had to go after you. When he saw you kissing Matt he left only to end up at my place and get shitfaced.”

  “Why….Matt and I are not involved.”

  “Yet you kissed him.” He said raising one eyebrow.

  “It just happened…..he was holding me because I was crying and then he kissed me.”

  “Why were you crying?” He asked ignoring the kiss.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes you do”

  Bailey thought for a moment and knew that he would keep asking till he got to the truth. She also knew unlike Beckett he would see beyond her words.

  “Matt was a big part of my life, a person I leaned on when I had to. I missed him. When I saw him I was happy but also ashamed.”

  “Why?”

  “Matt loves me….he wants to marry me…..I left without a word to him, I come here….then he shows up and he finds me engaged……I hurt him.”