A Soul Mate's Promise

by Soprano, Robin H

  Steve seems relieved to hear we’re not rushing to the altar. I give him a shove. “Will you walk me down the aisle?”

  “Sure, if you give me enough warning ahead of time. Just keep me in the loop.”

  That evening Pop joins us and we all have dinner together. I tell my brother about the New Year’s bash.

  “You might want to get a dress shirt and tie” I suggest and he wrinkles his nose.

  Sal laughs. “I got some you can borrow.”

  “I’m just not used to wearing confining clothes,” my brother mentions.

  “Yeah, not one of my favorite things either,” Sal agrees. It would seem they are simpatico on the topic.

  “All three of you will look so handsome at Celine’s party,” I brag. “It should be fun–they always are!”

  Pop looks up from his plate. “Yes, last-a-year I went, we had a nice time. Did-a-you tell Celine about your news yet?”

  “No Pop, I was going to surprise her with it on New Year’s. She’s going to die! I told Mag’s, though–she’s very happy for me.”

  * * *

  The next day is a blur. Still on an emotional high from being in Napa and getting engaged, I struggle to quickly fall back into my routine. When I get into the office, I can’t wait to tell Veronica my happy news.

  “Oh, that’s just the best news I have heard in months,” she says, her happiness showing in her eyes. “I bet Antonio’s very happy.”

  “Very happy, I would say. He didn’t think Sal would ever settle down and he worried about me and my future, too. Now he seems content.”

  “Good. Hey, your brother is here for a few days, right?”

  “Yes, why?”

  She taps me on the shoulder. “Go ahead home and don’t come in till he’s gone. You hardly see him. Go home and be with your family. Things will keep around here.”

  “Really? Oh my god! Thank you! I guess I’ll see you after New Year’s then.”

  “Happy New Year, Gracie. Now go on and get out of here!”

  I give her a big hug. “Happy New Year, Veronica!”

  * * *

  I wake up at two in the morning on December 30th, to an empty bed. Oddly enough, not even Toby is here.

  I go to the bedroom door and peek down the hall and notice the dim light of the study is on. Quietly, I pad my way down the hall. When I get to the door, Sal is behind the desk staring out into space, deep in thought, the light from the computer screen glowing on his face.

  As quiet as I am, Toby whines when he sees me and Sal turns toward me.

  “Gracie? What’s wrong? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

  “I could ask you the same question? I answer, moving closer to the desk. Somehow I know something is wrong. “I woke up to an empty bed. I don’t like that. What’s the matter? I know you well enough to know you’re far away in thought.”

  Sal takes a deep breath, then holds out his hand for me to come sit on his lap.

  “Gracie, I have something to tell you and you must promise me you won’t get upset.”

  I feel that feeling–that dreaded sense of foreboding that makes the hairs on my neck stand up. Slowly, I asked around the lump in my throat and the knot in my stomach, I grind out a question. “You need to go, don’t you?”

  For a moment, he’s quiet, softly caressing my bare arms. Then I feel him sigh. “I got a call, yes. My team has been reassembled for a call of duty. I’ve been asked to come and supervise the mission for the captain acting in my place.”

  “I don’t understand, Sal.” I groan, trying not to unravel. “I thought you were done? You said they let you go because you have been through so much.” I looked out the window as a horrible thought came to mind. “You didn’t lie to me, did you?”

  “Oh, god no, Gracie. I’ve never lied to you. He turns my face back to his. Won’t ever lie to you. But, they feel my skills are needed.” He pauses rubbing my back. “Those men–the agents–they are my brother’s, Gracie. We’ve worked together a long time–some of us have been to hell and back–in some cases, more than once.”

  My mind screams for me to get up, leave him in the dark, go back to bed and find it’s all another horrible dream. But I’ve learned not to run anymore. Sal’s taught me that I’m strong and capable, so I sit still in his lap and concentrate on his touch. I speak softly because he deserves that from me.

  “My point exactly. You’ve been to hell enough. How can they ask? Is it mandatory? Or is this your choice?”

  “That depends on me,” he says. I pitch my eyebrow at him and he continues. “I’ll fly to Quantico, sit in on the meetings, get the orders, and see how much I’m needed. I may be able to just handle the situation from there.” He drops his hands from my back and puts them in my lap. “Gracie, those are my men. I have to help if I can.”

  I pull away from him and get to my feet. “NO! No, you are not going,” I command. Sal reaches for my hands and I pull away from him. I’m so angry I can’t even think. Why doesn’t he understand he can’t do this?

  “Gracie, calm down,” he whispers. “I have to go.”

  I spin on my heel and get right in close to his face. “How long will you be gone? Where the hell will you be? Will I even know where you’ll be? We, we….won’t be able to communicate!”

  I feel tears burn my eyes and my stomach pitches. As I clutch my hands over my mouth, my anger is transformed into a fear so large I can’t breath. Something bad is coming and not even Sal can talk me out of knowing this.

  He stands from his seat and clasps me firmly at my shoulders. “Gracie, stop! Stop…shhhh.. it’s all right! Everything is going to be all right. I won’t be gone long. It’s just a supervising mission. It’ll be done before you know it and I’ll do all I can to try to keep contact with you.”

  The tears are running down my face and I can’t stop them. I look at him with my red eyes and runny nose. “You don’t get it, Sal. This is where it all goes to hell. You leave me…and…and…you don’t come back. I can feel it–just like in my dreams! Something’s wrong. You can’t leave–not this time. Not now–now that we’ve found each other. The psychic, she..she told us not to separate! You can’t go!”

  My heart is pounding all the way up into my ears. My chest is tightening and my head is swimming. Sal scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom and places me on the bed.

  Sitting next to me, he looks into my face. “Gracie, breathe. Come on, nice and slow–in….out...look at me, Gracie. Don’t take your eyes off me. Breathe, deep, breathe, good, that’s my girl. Relax. Shhh.. don’t get upset, please, don’t get upset.”

  He sits me up and encircles me with himself. “Gracie, you’re shaking. Please calm down, it’s all going to be fine.” He coaxes my chin up, looks at me.

  “It’s all good. Nothing is going to happen to me. I told you not to listen to that crazy psychic.”

  “But Dr. Brooks believes it, too,” I cry. “Sal please, for me, don’t leave on this mission.”

  “I’ll fly up there and see what the details are. I told you, that might be it and then I’ll be home.”

  “And what if you decide to go?” I whisper. “You can’t tell me anything. I’m in the dark. You know how scary this is for me?”

  “That’s for your protection, Gracie. Please understand. I will come back to you, I promise.

  His words sent a shiver up my spine and knocked the wind out of my lungs. The look on my face scares Sal into getting to his feet.

  “Gracie, what is it? Are you ill? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I can’t speak for several minutes. How many lifetimes have we had together? How many times have we lost each other? Sal stands before me, clenching and unclenching his fists, but waits for me to collect myself.

  “Every dream, Sal,” I whisper. He kneels at the side of the bed so he can hear my words. “In every dream, this is what happens. You tell me you have to leave and you promise me you will come back to me. Those are the last words I ever hear from you, time and time
again. You can’t keep that promise. You always promise me you will come back, but you never do. Don’t you see? Our history is going to repeat itself. We can change it–we have the free will to change our path. Don’t go! How about you promise me you won’t go?”

  * * *

  I wake up late after a fitful sleep. Again Sal is not beside me. The sun is high in the sky and my clock informs me it’s almost noon.

  I get up and shuffle about but even Toby is gone. I’m sure he’s outside with Sal. I feel beat up, like I’ve been punched in my gut. And then the tears start again. Sal is not changing his mind, and shortly I am going to be out of mine.

  I get dressed quickly and head downstairs, spotting my brother sitting by the pool, reading the paper. Toby is laying by his feet. He cocks one doggy-eyebrow at me, expectantly.

  “Hey,” I say as I come out of the house, “what’s going on?"

  “Oh hey,” he answers with a grin. Sleep much, it’s noon?”

  “I had a rough night.”

  “You need to talk about it?” he asks.

  I look at my older brother and manage a smile. “Not yet.”

  “Well, something’s up.” He points to Antonio’s house. Those two have been arguing for at least two hours.”

  I follow his finger with my eyes and out on Antonio’s deck, father and son are yelling at each other.

  I can’t make out every word, but the knot in my stomach knows exactly what they are fighting about–I don’t need to hear it. I sit down hard on one of my patio chairs as if someone’s dropped me into it.

  “Everything okay Gracie? What the hell is going on?”

  “Did Sal mention to you what he does–or did–for a living?” I narrow my eyes as I ask.

  “He told me he was in the military. Why?”

  “Yes, he was in the military, then Special Forces. And lastly, he told me he retired from the CIA as a special agent.”

  My brother’s eyebrows shot up with excitement. “Wow, no shit? Makes even more sense to me now how easily he killed that mugger! Okay, so what’s the problem, Sis?”

  “He got called in for one more mission. I don’t want him to go and I’m guessing from the sounds of it, Pop‘s not happy either.”

  My brother sat back in his chair and gave me a sympathetic smile. “Gracie, he has to go. Unless–he has a choice. Can he choose his missions?”

  “Yeah, he can,” I answer. “He feels it’s very necessary for him to go on this last mission because it’s his team, his men. He knows each of them, their personalities, how they work, who’s right for what job. That’s why they want him on this detail, so he can train the new captain.”

  “And this is why you’re upset and he’s fighting with his dad?” I nod.

  “Okay, so he chooses to go. He’ll be back–how long could it take? The man is serving his country. He’s not going on the front line of combat. he’ll be fine Sis.”

  I start to cry, again. “You don’t understand, Steve. If I tell you something, swear to me you won’t think I’m crazy… please, on mommy and daddy’s graves.”

  My brother leans over the table and rests on his elbows. “All right, tell me.”

  I tell Steve about it all. The dreams, the sense I’ve known Sal forever, the gypsy, the psychiatrist. The promises. He sits very still and quiet through the whole story. Then he rubs at his eyes and shakes his head.

  “I have been all over this world Gracie,” he says. “I have seen way too many unexplainable things. Every culture has their own take on all kinds of spiritual beliefs. The words soul mate are used all over. Every culture have various representations of it, like angel or guardian, even protector. In Haiti it’s called Konpayon nanm. In Hindi, Sathina. But it all comes down to the same thing. All believe we have them. I know you Gracie, and I don’t think you are crazy. I believe, just knowing how strongly you’re feeling about it.

  “What your doctor and the psychic told you seems right to me. I also have read a little on past life regression. Like I said, I have seen a lot of unexplainable things in my travels. Who’s to say it’s not true?”

  I swipe my arm across my face. My eyes are burning with tears and lack of rest. “Now you know. That’s why I don’t want him to leave. This is just like one of my dreams, Steve. He might not come back.”

  “I can understand how you must feel.” My brother sighs. “I do see how much you both love each other. I just don’t know what to tell you guys.” He pauses. “Maybe this time, it really will be okay.”

  The shouting gets louder, but it’s in Italian. My brother and I both look over at Antonio’s.

  “Should you go over there?” my brother asks.

  “No, I think I’m gonna let Pop help me out on his own on this one.”

  I was so grateful my older brother came for a visit. His love of travel and helping the less fortunate around the world made him stronger and wiser then his years. I was glad I filled him in and he understood.

  * * *

  Sal sat down on a chair on his father’s deck staring at him. “Pop, I’m going to come back, I swear it, I would never leave Gracie.”

  “I told you from-a-the beginning! Don’t you hurt that girl, she can’t take no more. You love her–a-son, what are you doing this for?”

  “Pop please, I have a job to do, just please keep an eye on her. I’ll have Lou come by, too. Listen, I know you and Gracie are upset because of her dreams, but I’ve got a duty to do. Would you leave your partner or other police officer’s hanging? No you wouldn’t! Just please, understand. I will come home and I will marry the love of my life!”

  “The thing is son, what if you don’t? I’m-a-so afraid of-a- what she might do. She loves you so much–why you gotta tempt fate? You almost died once in-a-that prison. What if some thing goes wrong again?”

  * * *

  The rest of the day was a quiet one. Gracie stayed up in her room. Sal did his best to get her to help take down their first, glorious tree, but she refused, explaining she wasn’t feeling up to it. So, he and Steve spent the afternoon packing ornaments and lights and hauling the tree out of the house.

  When it was time for dinner, Sal again approached her. “Gracie, your brother and I would like to know what you would like for dinner? Or we could go out…”

  “I’m not hungry,” she answered. “Why don’t you guys go out? I have no appetite.”

  “Gracie, you have to eat. You’ve been up here all day and I’m not going to leave you alone. We have a few days left…”

  “A FEW DAYS?” she shrieked, cutting him off. “When do you have to leave?”

  Sal looked down to the floor and hesitated. “I leave on the second.”

  She looked away from him, and tears started to flood her eyes again. Sal rushed to her side to hold her.

  She put up her hand to keep him away. “Don’t. Just don’t. Please, just leave me alone.”

  Sal slowly bent down to try to make eye contact. “Understand this,” he growled. “I will never leave you alone. NEVER!”

  She put her hand to his chest and looked up at him. “But you are leaving me,” she said in a small voice.

  His heart was breaking. If he didn’t go, he’d never be able to look himself in the mirror again. And if he did go, it just might kill the woman he loved.

  “Gracie,” he whispered, kneeling in front of her and putting his head in her lap. “You are my life. Please understand when I tell you I will be back. Class C, remember? Nothing should go wrong. It’s all I can tell you for now. Please come down and eat. Spend the last few days at my side. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve and I want to bring in the New Year with the woman I am going to spend the rest of life with. Please don’t shut me out.”

  CHAPTER 23

  Though I’m no good at pretending, I manage to join Sal and Steve and we ordered a pizza. I barely got one slice down my throat. Sal watches me struggle to eat it. My brother on the other hand took a different approach, he just made sure my wine glass wasn’t empty.

 
; Later that night in bed, Sal holds me while I cry silently into my pillow. He doesn’t know what to say or do anymore. He rolls me over to face him so I’m on my side, my head resting on his bare chest. He caresses my hair and rubs my back. I finally start to relax.

  “Sal,” I whimper, “I understand why you have to do this, but I’m so scared of what might happen–and I’m going to stay scared until you come home.”

  “I will come home, Gracie. But I’m worried you’re going to make yourself sick in the meantime. You won’t eat and I know you won’t sleep. I wish your brother was going to stay longer, but he leaves the same day as me. Please promise me you’ll take care of yourself. I understand why you’re scared, but please don’t make yourself sick about it.”

  Soon the wine and the tears catch up to me and I drift off to the sound of Sal’s heartbeat.

  * * *

  I wake before daybreak with a pounding migraine. I stumble to the bathroom to take some aspirin while Sal sleeps peacefully. I search for Toby who is sleeping on the floor. Making kissy noises, I get him to follow me down the stairs. Air–I need fresh air and a walk on the beach with some time to think, by myself.

  It’s cool but not freezing and it feels so good on my swollen face. I can tell my eyes are puffy from all the crying and I’m sure I’ll look like hell for the New Year’s Eve party. Celine would know something’s wrong she has seen these eyes before she’ll be insane when she sees them again.

  Just a day ago I was so excited to show her my ring, tell her our plans. And now, I feel like I’ve died and it’s all over.

  As I walk on the beach the tears start again. Toby stays very close to me this morning, looking up at me every now and then.

  I decide to go sit at the edge of the little pier that jets out over the water. I watch the sunrise in the purple, winter sky. I pray for Sal-and I pray for us. I shed a few more tears.