Languish for you (My soulmate)

by Daniel, Serafina

  You could never be free, because someone will always hold you somewhere, I said in my mind. In one of my stories I told about a boy who wanted to be free. He did everything what could help him to be independent, but in the end he understood that freedom was an illusion. No one could ever be free.

  Tears threatened to appear on my cheeks. He managed to find and touch the right chord of mine.

  “We barely know each other,” I said in a whisper, like that that could justify my words about the death.

  “You are soulmates,” he released me. “He doesn't need to know you long in order to love you.”

  But I do.

  I clenched my hands into fists.

  “What would happen if I kill myself?” I asked, suddenly curious of the possibility to kill myself and easing their job.

  “Your soul has a mission, Vanessa. You can't ignore that. You were brought back to life... and Tobias... I would have never thought that you are one of those who surrender quickly.”

  “We are hiding under so many masks that it is impossible to know anyone in this planet.”

  He didn't say anything to those words. He just left me alone in my room, thinking that maybe it was enough for this time. I knew he will ask me to tell him where I was later. He wasn't from those you could give up.

  Christopher sat on his bed, his head in his hands. He closed his eyes, letting his memories to invite him. He never let himself remember those last moments with his wife. She was so stubborn then, ignoring his words to stop, to pretend that nothing was happening. In other words, he advised her to close her eyes and be with him, his beloved Vanessa.

  She tried to do what he had asked, but in the end she became broken, always sad and in pain. Every day she told him over and over that she wanted to be free. And before his wife was taken from him forever, she said exactly the same words Trinity had used some minutes before.

  “What point is to live if you create darkness?”

  How did Trinity know these words? Was it just a lucky coincidence? But if so, there were too much of them. His Vanessa was vegetarian because of the same reason Trinity was. Also, they both liked writing, saw this world in other colors. And now this.

  He ran his fingers through his hair. He hadn't even had a thought that a name which was so precious to him, he will give to a girl, who would be like his wife.

  “She is not my Vanessa,” he said in a whisper. “My Vanessa was taken from me.”

  Christopher didn't know the real reason of that, but what would it change now? Nothing. What was done couldn't be undone. He lost his Vanessa and now had to keep another one for other guy. For Tobias, who was much more for Trinity than she had though he really was.

  A knock on the door pulled him out from his thoughts. Christopher stood up and took a deep breath. After some seconds, the door opened and Avery walked inside. She seemed concerned, although she didn't know about Trinity's grand escape.

  “Are you busy?” she asked him. Christopher shook his head. He wanted be occupied, but he doubted if he could really concentrate at this stage. “I was thinking about Vanessa,” she started slowly, her eyes on Christopher, gauging my reaction.

  “And?” he tried to stay calm, but he doubt if he succeeded.

  “We need help,” she said.

  “Help?” he said bewildered.

  “Be honest, you don't need much time to be with her to understand that she won't do what she is told to. She would put her head with pleasure under axe instead of being a good little girl.”

  She was right. Christopher had realized the same thing.

  “What kind of help are we talking about exactly?” he narrowed his right eye a bit. He didn't like that Avery was even suggesting this thing. Usually she wanted to do everything without anyone's interventions.

  “Another protector and tutor, maybe. It is too quite. There aren't any hunters. “

  “Yea, I noticed the same thing. “

  “Usually they would have showed up, trying to convince Vanessa or Tobias to join them. But now.. nothing, That scares me.”

  “I don't know, really,” he said openly. “Maybe they don't need them.”

  “We are talking about hunters, not about something ...else. The hunters always need new souls. Always. Something smells here fishy.”

  “You always want to believe that someone is laying a scheme to do something. Yes, they do need souls, but not always they try to steal them from us.”

  Avery knew that he was telling the truth, but still, it was too quite and she suspected the worst. From her own painful experience she knew how powerful and determinate the hunters could be sometimes. She didn't want to be in the loser’s side.

  “But to make...”she started, but Christopher cut her off.

  “No, Avery. Everything is fine. Vanessa is safe, Tobias, too. We just need to give them some days and their bond will do everything for us. Then there will be another pair of souls, which needs our help. Nothing special. Nothing new.”

  “Maybe you are right,” she sat on the bed. “I am just worried. She isn't an ordinary soul, you know.”

  “Yes, I know,” he nodded and took a seat next to his only true friend.

  “And special souls need special protection.”

  Chapter fifteen

  Everyone wants to be special, to do something better than other person, but I always needed to be normal or a shadow in other's life. I thought that it was my mission and I tried to do my best to show the universe that I could do that. Unfortunately, I couldn't even do that. No one could blew against the wind and I wasn't an exception.

  I looked through the window. I could see how

  “No,” I shook my head and deleted all the text which I had written today. My thoughts over and over came back for some reason to a dream which was haunting me these three nights when everything should settle down; I was a student, my heart always started speeding in my chest as I saw Tobias. My protector and tutor stayed away from me, giving me some space. I even became better friend with Agnes. I liked that girl. I would really like to have a sister like her.

  I put my laptop away and walked to the kitchen. Anna was doing some lunch for me, even though I had said to her not to prepare meal for me today, because I was planning to go with Agnes to do some shopping. Surprisingly, but Christopher and Avery let me leave this flat. Of course, they mentioned that I had to have my phone and some kind small device on my ankle.

  “Maybe you would like a sandwich?” Anna asked as I took a box of juice.

  “No,” I shook my head with a smile.

  “Really?” she didn't believe me. “You are so thin. You should eat more.”

  I shook my head with a bigger smile on my face. My grandmothers like to say the same words every time I saw them. You are too thin. Eat more.

  “Don't worry, Anna. The wind can't blow me away yet. So, I think I am not as thin as you have stated,” I said, pouring juice into my glass.

  She rolled her eyes and I left the kitchen with a glass in my hand. I had one hour before Agnes will come ant take me away from this prison. So, I need to spend this hour in the best way as possible. Exactly that was what I did.

  I took a paper and a pen. I decided to write down my dream in order to remove it from my mind. Also, I wanted to analyze it.

  So, I wrote down about the fog and many silhouettes around me. The harder I tried to focus, to see through the fog, the more blurry the silhouettes became. In the end, I stopped doing that and only tried to touch them. I walked forward, closer to those silhouettes, but they started to recede. And in the end, someone's hand gripped my wrist, forcing me to stop. But before I could turn around and see, who was behind me, a blindfold was on my eyes, hiding everything from me.

  “Please, my treasure, just believe in your heart,” I heard a soft voice whispering world into my ear. That manly voice was familiar to me, but I didn't know where I had heard it before.

  “I will try,” I promised.

  I could feel a smile on his face, and that
let me be braver in this blackness.

  The voice owner walked away from me. I couldn't feel his hands on my skin anymore, and that forced me feel abandon suddenly. I didn't know, who he was, but I wanted him to be with me.

  I opened my mouth to say what I was feeling, when many fingers started running on my arms, legs, chest, neck and face. I shrink in horror. I tried to remove those fingers from me, but only more of them appeared on me.

  “Please, be with me.”

  “No, with me.”

  “She must be with me!”

  “Mine!”

  Many manly voices were screaming, touching me. I felt sick, wanting to escape from this nonsense. But I couldn't even more. Someone was holding me in one place, stealing a possibility from me to move.

  My dream was turning into a nightmare and I was powerless to do anything about it. The only logical thought, how I could end it all, was to remove the blindfold from my eyes. But every time I tried, I woke up in a cold sweat and red scratches all over my body. I knew that they weren't mine. How I could scratch all my back?

  But in the morning I couldn't find any of them were on my body. I even if I could tell someone, no one would believe me that my dreams could do something on my body in reality. The most possible thing, that everyone would just laugh at me, saying that I had a wild imagination. At least they would be right about that; I really had a wild imagination.

  I put the pen away and read, what I had written five times, before I put that paper on the desk. I wasn't afraid of Christopher or Avery reading it. For some reason I doubted if they could believe that this was my dream. One of the disadvantages of being a writer was that people couldn't understand when you were creating a new world or just writing about fro feelings. And that sucked. Sometimes I really wanted that someone could hear my pleas, which I had written down on the paper and would do something to help me.

  I looked at my wrist. It was time for me to go. I quickly grabbed my things and met Agnes in the landing. She promised to take me to see some malls and then some interesting places. I was forward to exploring this city.

  “So, how are you feeling?” she asked me as we were standing in the stop, waiting for U-bahn to come. Agnes was really attentive and that scared me sometimes. My family wasn't eager to know, what was going in my head. Even friends... Everyone cared only about themselves. But Agnes...No. She wanted me to know that she could help.

  “Worse things happen at sea,” I said and put a smile on my face.

  “Something haunts you,” she took my hand and lifted it a bit. “You can trust me, Vanessa.”

  Trust me... Everyone wanted to hear those words, to have a true friend to whom he could open his heart, mind and even soul. Even I wished for that. But could I ever open myself truly for someone, when I had this huge secret?

  “Boys,” I said in the end. I wasn't lying. One of problems really were boys.

  “Tobias?” she smirked. I bit my lip. Even his name really had effect on me; I felt butterflies flying in my stomach. “I knew that,” she said, rolling her eyes playfully. “He calls me everyday to ask if I have seen you. You managed to catch a guy, who doesn't really pays attention to girls,” and there in her voice I heard jealousy. She thought that maybe she will have a chance to steal him for herself.

  “Really?” I had never thought that he would be one of those guys, who would actually avoid girls. After all, he was a titbit, sweet and smart.

  “Yea,” she assured me. “My parents and I sometimes came to Munich. He never had a girlfriend and if some kind of girl appeared, he always assured us that she is just a friend. I even heard his parents telling to mine, that they think that their son is a gay.”

  I burst into laugh. Tobias? Gay?

  “Yea, I know, it is really funny,” she was laughing with me.

  “You know, it's really hard to imagine him without a girl,” I said, when I could finally stop laughing.

  “Well, I could say that there was a girl,” she licked her lips, proving me that what she was about to say wasn't so pleasant than a thought of him being a gay. “His cousin,” she said, lowering her eyes to the ground.

  He told me about his cousin, who was dead. I frowned. I didn't understand what Agnes wanted to say.

  “Cousin?”

  “Yea,” she nodded sadly. “He was really interested in her. He asked everyone, who knew her. He has many photos of her, her stories. You know, she liked to write. And...she is dead. She died before he was even born and that ... He was possessed with the idea to know more about her. One day, when I came to him, he had many pictures of her on the ground. He was sitting and staring at them.”

  She lifted her head to meet my eyes.

  “I think I know why you caught his eyes. You look a lot like her.”

  I turned my eyes away from her. I didn't want to see her eyes anymore or even hear what she had for me to say. It was Tobias's past about which I at the same time wanted and not to know.

  “He said the same thing,” I confessed.

  “So, he have already introduced you with her. She lived in Lithuania, how I know. She had really interesting name. I can't remember it. Sometimes I wondered who could give such a strange name to his child.”

  Our conversation died when U-bahn appeared. But I didn't let our conversation to vanish from my mind. Something in her words forced my brain to work on the full regime. She had died before he was born. So, she died eighteen years ago. She was from Lithuania. She liked writing stories... No, I shook my head in my mind. It was even stupid to think about that like that.

  We took our seats and chat about meaningless things until we reached our stop. I could say, that malls really changed while I was dead, but clothes ... not really.

  “Could we visit a pet shop first? I want to buy some food for my rabbit,” Agnes said.

  “You have a rabbit?” I asked surprised. She nodded.

  “Yea. His name is Riddle. My friend gave it to me when he was really small. We couldn't find out what was he: she or he. So, we called him Riddle. After all, we had to call him somehow.”

  “And he is now...”

  “He,” she laughed,” and he has a really good appetite. Especially for sunflower seeds. He always eats them first.

  “Okay, we can go,” I said.

  The pet shop was huge, with many puppies and kitties. Also and with various rodents. There were also supplies, food and so one. But my eyes were caught by a little girl with her parents. They were standing in front of one of the huge cages in which were many kitties.

  I took some steps closer to them in order to hear about what they were speaking with a salesgirl. Agnes didn't even notice me moving away from her. She was so focused on labels on food boxes that I doubt if she could notice anything at all.

  “All of these cats are brood, calm and friendly. They really like kids and play with them willingly. They could be left alone of several days. Also, these cats don't have a tang.”

  “That's good,” the woman said in high voice. “ I don't like smelly animals.”

  “What do you think, Ophelia? Do you want to have a kitty?” the mane was asking the little girl. She turned her head to him and nodded arrogantly. I didn't like that little girl.

  “Yes, daddy. I want a kitty. Please, buy me one,” she put a puppy's face. I wanted to puke.

  The man and his wife smiled coldly.

  “Please, choose one that we could leave this place,” the woman said, touching her hair.

  “That one,” the girl pointed to a little white kitty, which was sitting and staring at the girl with warning eyes. “The white one.”

  The salesgirl smiled and nodded.

  “That kitty is a girl,” she said as she quickly took the kitty and gave it to the little girl. But before everyone could even register, what was happening, the little kitty had done her job. With small, but sharp nails, she scratched through the girl face, letting blood to see the daylight.

  The girl screamed from pain and dropped the kitty down. Th
e poor animal didn't waste a second. She quickly found with her black eyes what she was looking for...me. She ran toward my and soon I found that small animal in my arms, where she sweetly started purring.

  I looked at the woman and the man. They were standing in chock while their daughter was crying and salesgirl saying sorry over and over again. Soon another salesgirl came, carrying the first aid box to help the little girl, but her father in angry voice ordered her to stay away. And soon they were out from the shop. But before they left, they told everyone that he will suit this shop for hurting his little child.

  “Wow,” I heard Agnes saying next to me. I glanced at her.

  “You could say that again,” I touched the little kitty. She purred louder, putting something on her face what reminded me of a smile.

  “Sorry, miss,” the salesgirl said in anxious voice. I lifted my head up. “Thank you for catching this little beast,” she extended her arms to take the animal from me, but I shook my head. I knew that maybe I was going out of my mind, but I didn't believe that this kitty will get a good care.

  “I would like to buy it,” I said.

  “Are you sure. You saw what that cat did.”

  I nodded. I was sure. I wanted to safe this kitty from people, who thought that they could do what they wanted and to control everything. Because this kitty didn't obey, she will be punished and that wasn't right. That little girl was evil. Even animals could feel that.

  “Yes, I saw.”

  I put the cat on the ground. She purred and started touching her head to my leg. She didn't intend to run and that surprised me.

  “Okay, then,” the salesgirl said unsure.

  “You will buy a cat,” that was Agnes words. I nodded.

  “I like cats,” I said like that was the excuse, why I was buying this cat. But maybe it was.

  Agnes didn't say anything more and soon I was standing, paying for the cat with money which wasn't mine.

  “Thank you very much, Miss Vanessa Stanton,” the salesgirl gave me back my credit card. I smiled and walked with Agnes out from the shop. The little kitty followed us without even glancing around.