“Yes, I’m leaving home. This is it. It’s over. And that’s good, even great, but I can’t say it’s easy.”
“I would imagine,” she says kindly and asks, “What can I do to help?”
Anat smiles wearily and says, “You’re a honey, but I’ll be just fine.” Her answer sounds more familiar than ever. “I found a cute apartment,” she continues, “and I’ll manage. I just have to get over the shock…and Koby promised to help…”
She feels her lips tighten and says she’s not sure that Koby can be relied upon. She tries to control the anger welling up inside her even though she knows that the two are good friends “Amnon and I will gladly help you with the move,” she offers, “just say when. We’re both great at assembling furniture.”
“You’re wonderful,” Anat says and wipes her nose, “and you know what? I’m going to accept your offer with both hands. I can really use some help.”
“Wonderful!” she says in relief, “just let me know when. Over a weekend would be best. We can always leave the kids with their grandparents.”
“Yes,” Anat says and massages her temples, “One Friday or Saturday would be wonderful. There really is a lot of furniture to assemble.”
“Send me your address and we’ll arrange a time,” she says magnanimously, and Ilai, who is back from the bathroom, yanks at her clothes and asks to go home already.
***
“What about our family vacation this year?” Amnon asks that evening when they’re sitting around the table. The children have gone to bed but they haven’t fallen asleep yet. Amnon is eating and she is sitting with him munching on a salad.
She has no idea. Usually, she looks forward to their vacation and she plans them a long time in advance. The summer vacation is about to begin, Ofer is enrolled in two different day camps, one after the other: soccer, and science. A winning combination, without a doubt. Ilai has preschool until mid-August. And then what? They’d talked about going to the Black Forest in mid-August and spending a week there, but she still hasn’t booked. Amnon is looking forward to it, as are the kids. And her? The thought of being far from Koby makes her shiver. How will she handle a week without him? Without talking to him? Without the warmth of his body? Without him inside her, embracing her, without becoming one, invincible body.
“Gari?” he asks, “Don’t you want to go away this year? You usually can’t wait…”
“Yes, sure,” she reassures him, “of course I want to, I don’t know. I’m just not sure I have the stamina…”
“To organize it,” he asks, “or to go?”
She smiles, “Well, you know that spending an entire week with the kids isn’t exactly relaxing.”
“I know,” he agrees, “in fact, I would even say it’s exhausting. But it’s important for us as a family, don’t you think? For just one week a year, we’re entirely theirs, twenty-four hours a day, without interruption.”
“Yes,” she answers, staring blankly into space. She really doesn’t want to go away, not with the kids, and certainly not just her and Amnon. Luckily for her, that’s not on the table right now.
“So will you organize it?” he asks as he dips a piece of bread in the juice from the salad. “If not, I’ll do it. There’s not much time, Gari. We usually book much earlier.”
“Maybe we should do something simpler this year,” she suggests, “I’m really not sure I can handle a trip abroad…. What do you think of a few days in Eilat? The kids will be over the moon, and that’s what’s most important, don’t you think?”
“We could,” he says blandly. She studies him. Does he want to go on vacation or not? She can’t really tell.
“Let me look into it tomorrow,” she says, “maybe there’s a luxurious hotel, with great swimming pools, or a water slide…an entertainment crew…the kids will love it.”
“Okay,” he says and takes his plate to the sink, “but book someplace good. I don’t have patience for the masses.”
She laughs. “I know,” she concludes the discussion and gets up to see if the children have finally fallen asleep.
***
It’s the middle of August, and it’s her last time with him for the week. He enters her, and she grunts in release before bursting into tears. He kisses her cheeks, licking her tears away and telling her not to worry. They’re both soaked with sweat. It’s really early but the air is heavy with heat humidity.
“How will I survive without you?” she asks and kisses his shoulder as she breathes in his scent, trying to commit every detail to memory, mourning the short separation they’re facing. Five days in Eilat. And maybe she’ll be so busy with the kids, she’ll be able to avoid torturing herself with agonizing thoughts. Of him, maybe she’ll be able to shut down her body and stop yearning for him, for the pleasure he gives her body and soul?
“We’ll do it on the phone,” he whispers in her ear, “I’ll write to you all the time. You won’t be alone.”
“How on the phone?” she whispers, running her fingers through the hair on his chest, “I’ll be with Amnon and the boys. I won’t have a minute’s rest…and anyway, Amnon’s not exactly happy that you’re visiting us at home all the time, we have to be a little more careful…”
Gently, he kisses her earlobe, “What do you mean, he’s not pleased?” he asked and his warm breath sent a chill through her body.
“The boys tell him about every time you visit. They’re crazy about you, you know.”
“And Amnon feels threatened?” he asks, the scorn apparent in his voice.
“Koby,” she pushes him away from her for a moment, “between you and me, don’t you think he has every reason to feel threatened?”
He laughs and smooths her hair away from her face. “Now he’ll have a week without me,” he says, “maybe he’ll relax. You see? There’s a bright side, too.”
She frowns and sighs.
“Don’t worry, beautiful,” he says, still stroking her hair, “longing for each other will only do us good. Wait and see what heights you’ll reach when you return…. Everyone in Jerusalem will hear you.”
She laughs, kisses his chest, bends over and goes down, engrossed in the act of love. “I’m afraid they can already hear me.” His limp penis jumps to attention and they start again, from the beginning, moments before the day begins, before the parking lot begins to fill up, moments before she goes home for a quick shower, before another day of work.
***
When she packs that evening for their trip, the sadness she was feeling in the morning is reduced by a sense of excitement. They’ll have fun together, she tells herself, and maybe being away from Koby will do her good. She is, after all, a grown woman, she can control herself for a few days. She has full control over her life. Koby was right; all is well and no one is getting hurt. She’s finally taking care of herself and the strength it’s given her is helping her to continue taking care of her beloved family.
Amnon comes into the room and asks if she packed his bathing suit. She replies calmly that yes, of course, and she throws a pair of nylon stockings into the suitcase. “Did you take flip flops for everyone?” he checks.
She laughs, “What’s got into you? Since when do you take an integral part in the packing process? Don’t you trust me anymore?”
“I don’t know,” he bends down and takes clean underwear from one of the drawers, “you’ve been so flighty lately, I’m worried you’ll forget something…”
“And, if I do?” she argues, “we aren’t in the middle of the desert, Ami, it’s only Eilat. They do have stores there, you know…”
Ilai calls out from bed that he’s thirsty. Amnon rolls his eyes and says, “I’ll go.”
***
The next day, she sends Koby pictures of the kids at the underwater observatory, one of Ilai riding a statue of a dolphin, and of Ofer climbing a huge slide shaped like an octopus and
then sticking his head into the jaws of a shark statue.
“Cute,” he writes, “but what about a picture of you?” followed a second later by another message, “Preferably naked,” and then by his usual smiling purple devil emoji.
They enter the souvenir store. The kids choose two terrifying plastic sharks. She meanders through the rows of glass shelves wondering if she should buy him a souvenir. Something small that may help her alleviate some of the stress. He’s been on her mind all day. So much for not thinking about him. Eventually she picks up a cup at an exorbitant price, with “Eilat” written on it in big letters. She’ll tell Amnon that she’ll give it to her mother, or to one of her friends.
In the afternoon, they return to the hotel and go down to the pool. She sits on a lounger, smears the kids with a thick layer of sunscreen and sets them free. Amnon volunteers to watch them. She notices him horsing around, splashing them, tossing Ofer into the water, holding Ilai, who is gripping onto him, his eyes wide with panic, refusing to let go, even with his florescent orange floats on.
She smiles. He really is father of the year. He loves them so. He loves her so. She watches the children laughing. Their children. And his. And suddenly she notices how much they resemble him. They have his eyes, his profile, nose, chin. They screech and Amnon laughs. Her heart fills with love. Can she really do it all? She thinks so. Is it really possible to love more than one man? She recalls Koby saying that the heart is a flexible, expanding muscle, that there’s room for everyone.
She makes sure they’re still in the pool before taking her phone out of her blue and white striped beach bag. “I miss you,” she writes and sends a heart. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Me too,” he connects and replies, “try to enjoy yourself, Hagari. You deserve it. You’re on vacation. And I’m waiting right here for you. I promise to check your bikini lines in a few days.”
She gulps. All that did was make her long for him more. He really does want her to enjoy the vacation. She can’t understand how come he’s not jealous. How come he doesn’t want her exclusively for himself?
“I bought you a stupid cup,” she writes and he answers that he loves stupid cups. She laughs and glances up quickly to see if Amnon is watching. But Amnon is focused on his sons, his face beaming with joy like the face of a little boy. How easy it is to make him happy. How hard it is to make her happy.
After the children go to bed, two hours later than usual, she knows that it’s time to get into bed. Amnon is waiting for her there, reading a book that he shoved into the suitcase at the last minute. She goes to the bathroom, takes her time applying moisturizer, examining her face in the mirror, and then steps out onto the balcony to look at the view.
It’s eleven o’clock. When will she pluck up the courage and get into the king-size bed? Finally, she breaks, knowing there’s no escape. She lifts the blanket and slides under it. Amnon closes the book. In response, she closes her eyes. She wants it over and done with. He kisses her softly and asks if she’s wants to. Of course she does, but not with him. She fixes a smile on her lips and nods. Amnon has been expecting it all day, she could see . She slips her hand into his boxers and rubs gently. Up. Down. Her eyes are still shut and another man is standing before her, with a different touch. Is her vagina another expanding muscle that can contain two men, like the heart?
She spreads her legs and lets him penetrate her. Nausea washes over her. She can’t take his breath anymore, the way he moves, his scent, the small irritating sounds he emits. She used to like making love with him. She enjoyed it until recently. How did things change so rapidly?
“Should I wait for you?” he whispers into her ear.
“You can come,” she whispers back. His moans turn into rapid pants, but he’s quiet and subdued so the kids don’t wake up. The bed creaks, twice, three times, four, and it’s over. She imagines their sperm mixing inside her, fighting over her. Who will win? Neither of them—she’s on the pill. Koby was tested way back. He’s fine. there’s no reason to worry. Yet still, she can’t relax. She kisses Amnon on the forehead and rushes off to shower, to wash away the last ten minutes so she can preserve the other memories inside her.
***
By the time they get home, they’re exhausted: from the heat, from the boys, from the throngs visiting the Israeli resort capital, and from the build-up of stress that the end of summer brings. Amnon returns to work. She, on the other hand, has to juggle between the children’s remaining week of vacation and her own job. As usual, both grandmothers have volunteered to help, and the kids go from one to the other. She tries to leave work earlier, and between biking lessons and long lunch breaks with Koby, there’s hardly any time left for her to be at the office.
They spend the afternoons that week with Koby, and one day he even surpasses himself and brings Shaked with him. Elad and Noam aren’t interested and stay attached to the computer or their phones at home. Thrilled, she orders pizza, and even asks Shaked which toppings she likes. She orders another pizza for Koby’s boys, who are waiting for dinner, and Koby promises not to devour it on the way.
Wild, beautiful Shaked hits it off immediately with Ofer, and the two wage ferocious battles in the living room, armed with original Star Wars swords that Amnon bought on one of his business trips to the United States.
Ilai, a little bored, amuses himself with Koby for company. Koby tosses him in the air, tickles him, and is even willing to play hide-and-seek in the well-kept garden. She feels dizzy with happiness as she glances from her delighted children to her lover.
At seven, Koby and Shaked get ready to leave, bearing extra pizza for the boys.
“Come again tomorrow,” Ofer suggests.
“Tomorrow I’m at my mother’s,” Shaked answers naturally.
“Are your parents divorced? Ofer is a bit taken aback.
“Yes, yours are too, aren’t they?” Shaked asks.
“Umm, no,” he lowers his eyes in embarrassment.
“So where’s your father?” she gives a puzzled frown.
“He’s at work,” Ofer replies, “almost always.”
“Oh,” her voice fills with pity mixed with understanding,
“Right then, we’ve got to go,” Koby urges her out.
“Bye, Ofer!” she waves her hand and skips out.
When Amnon comes in an hour later, Ilai leaps into his open arms. Ofer bolts out of his room holding a shiny pink hair band. “Shaked forgot this here!” he announces and leaves the band on the table.
“What is this, do you have a girlfriend?” Amnon asks jokingly and kisses his son.
“It belongs to Koby’s daughter,” Ofer explains, “and we’re just friends.”
The smile on Amnon’s face is instantly erased. “Now he’s bringing his kids here too?” he asks, “Hagar, this is too much already…”
“What’s too much?” she stiffens. “His daughter is delightful and she gets on really well with Ofer. Where’s the problem?”
“I don’t know,” Amnon rubs his thinning sculp, “it just sounds strange to me, that’s all. I’ve said before that I don’t understand why he has to come here.”
“Oh really, Amnon, don’t make a big deal out of it,” she says as she wipes the kitchen counter, “the kids and I have to get through the afternoons somehow, you know…”
“So invite a friend over! Invite friends for the kids! Why only Koby?!”
She rolls her eyes impatiently and hisses that he’s making a mountain out of a molehill and that she didn’t know he was such a chauvinist.
Amnon’s temper is rising. “What has chauvinism got to do with it?!” he shouts, “I don’t understand why three times a week I have to hear from my children that Koby was here! Can’t you see that there’s something wrong about it? Unhealthy?”
“You’ve become a doctor now?” she growls. “What’s not healthy? Who are you to det
ermine for me what is and isn’t healthy?!”
“Mommy and Daddy are fighting!” Ilai shouts excitedly. A little action never killed anyone.
She catches herself and sighs. “We’ll discuss it later, Amnon,” she says severely, “not in front of the children,” she says in English, so they won’t understand.
“Exactly!” Ofer adds knowingly, “After the children go to sleep!” he adds, also in English.
She bursts out laughing. Amnon’s face cracks and he laughs too, and then Ilai starts laughing, simply because everyone else is.
“Go shower, wise guy,” she tells Ofer and then asks Ilai to start getting undressed. It’ll be his turn soon.
***
“How was your summer vacation?” she asks Anat when she drops Ilai off at preschool, pleased that there’ve been no significant changes. Ilai is staying at Skylark Preschool for another year and Ofer is beginning fifth grade.
“You can’t exactly call it a vacation,” Anat sighs, “I barely had two weeks, and that included a week and a half of preparing the preschool for the new year…”
“I can imagine…” she says empathetically and watches the kids who arrived before them. Some of the faces are unfamiliar. She’s happy to see that the child with the runny nose has left. “And how is your new home?” she asks.
“It’s not easy,” she admits, “but luckily I have a few good friends to help me through this challenging period.”
She knows that Anat counts Koby among them. Other than biking lessons, she knows that he gives her a shoulder to lean on, that he even encouraged her to get out of the wretched relationship in which she’d spent years and years of her life. He told her about it once. Or maybe Anat told her, she no longer remembers. She was jealous then and she’s jealous now, of anyone who goes anywhere near Koby. Every day, she finds herself wondering how may private lessons he gives and to whom. Deep inside, she hopes that it’s primarily to balding, overweight men.
“I’m here too, if you need anything,” she offers generously and rests her hand for a second on Anat’s arm.
Riding Lies Page 10