Riding Lies

by Eshkar Erblich-Brifman

  She watches Nadav and reminds herself to tell him off later. He’s behaving like a child who’s never seen candy! It’s so embarrassing!

  “So, what do you do?” Hannah asks.

  She takes a deep breath. She knew the time for questions would come, how not? “I’m a preschool teacher,” she starts and notices Hannah’s eyes immediately light up with interest. The conversation develops rapidly.

  “I have so many things to give you!” Hannah beams, “I keep everything!”

  “That would be wonderful,” Anat says, pleased. “You know, I’m always collecting stuff for the kids, I’m a real hoarder…it really annoys my husband. We can never leave the house without me stopping to see what people have left on the street.”

  Hannah laughs, “Well, as you can see, I’m like that too, even though I don’t have a preschool to use an excuse!”

  She laughs too and asks Hannah what she used to do.

  Hannah tells her proudly that she was a nurse at a national family health center.

  Koby hardly joins the conversation. Instead, smiling and content, he leaves them to it and goes off to play ball with the children.

  She watches him. He’s such a child. Nadav is mad about him. Everyone is mad about him. She, too. And his mother is so nice.

  At six-thirty, when they leave, brings out three bags crammed full of spoils: glossy magazines, empty cheese containers, little green plastic baskets, remnants of wool and a packet of feathers forgotten in the closet from a fancy-dress costume she made for one of her grandchildren.

  “I’m leaving here with such wealth,” she laughs and hugs Hannah tightly, “it was very nice to meet you.”

  “You too, honey,” Hannah says, “it’s too bad you didn’t get to meet Anton, I don’t know what’s keeping him so long, today of all days…but I’m sure we’ll have other opportunities.”

  “So am I,” she says, hoping with all her heart that Koby will invite her to visit Hannah again. She lost her own mother six years ago, to cancer, and she could still feel the pain. . She misses her terribly. And here is a woman old enough to be her mother who wants to spend time with her. They could adopt each other, or maybe she could be more like a kind of mother-in-law. She would happily replace hers.

  “I’ll collect more whatnots for your preschool,” Hannah shouts after them and they start down the stairs.

  “Thanks!” she turns and reminds Nadav to say thank you for having him. “Thanks for having me!” he repeats after her.

  Hannah keeps waving goodbye until they disappear from her view. Only then does she close the door. The street is almost dark. The streetlights have been on for a while and she knows that it’s time to part ways. For a moment, she pictures them going home together, one big happy family. They’d have six children between them. They’d need a bigger apartment, that’s for sure, but there’s a solution for everything.

  He puts his hand on her back. “Did you feel comfortable?” he asks as they stroll toward her car.

  She nods. “Your mother is lovely.”

  “So are you,” he whispers to her, and taking advantage of the fact that the children are racing ahead, he gives her a quick peck on her throbbing temple.

  ***

  “I want you, Koby,” she says simply, but he just smiles. They’re lying in bed, the bed she shares with Dror. It’s late in the morning and the house is empty. How wonderful it is to have a free day every week, all she had to do was a little shopping, a little cooking, a little cleaning, and now, a little wild sex. She’ll change the bedding later, there is a limit after all. Right now, she needs to catch her breath. Her throat is dry. She asks if he can bring her a glass of water. He kisses her exposed shoulder and goes to the kitchen, naked as the day he was born while she stares at his firm butt.

  “Drink,” he hands her the glass, “you have to find the strength for another round.”

  She laughs. She doesn’t need another round, she barely survived the first. Sex with Dror was invariably bland, and pretty redundant. In fact, when she thinks about it, she’s never enjoyed having sex, it was just something people did; so she did, too. Sometimes she felt more passionate, other times less. Once in a while she managed to have an orgasm, but usually she didn’t. The initiative was always Dror’s. He asked, or actually, he demanded. He was the one who wanted it. She couldn’t be bothered, but she wanted to maintain a normal marriage, and sex came with the package

  She looks at his bare chest and wonders whether her life would have been any different with him. They would definitely have made love every day. Or maybe she would have landed up in a despicable routine with him too? Now that she’s discovered the pleasure of it, she can’t stop. She craves the feel of his hands, of his warm mouth, the semen he spills into her so often. She wishes she could spend all her time with him, that she could discuss things with him, listen to his opinions and drown in his eyes like a silly teenager. She’s never had enough confidence to pay any heed to her own thoughts or to make her own decisions. She always listened to Dror and allowed him to make all the decisions. Now she has Koby to listen to. She trusts him blindly. He’s good at everything, so much better than Dror. What did she used to see in him? Perhaps she compromised right from the start. Has she never known true love? She’s not sure. She knows only one thing: She loves Koby the way she’s never loved anyone.

  ***

  She picks up Shaked from school. Nadav is overjoyed. She’ll have lunch with them and then they’ll do their homework, that was the condition. They could play only after they did their homework. At five-thirty, she’ll take Shaked to her swimming lesson, and at six-thirty she’ll drive her home to her mother’s. She offered to drive her, obviously, she had no problem with it.? She only wants to help.

  He’s went to learn the trail for the next riding trip. It’s almost Passover. The scent of blossoming flowers is filling the air, which is already so dry it’s burning her throat, and it’s not even summer. The stores are filled with mountains of matzah, from low-calorie to whole wheat, spelt flour, egg, gluten free, organic, and chocolate-coated. It’s become almost impossible to find the regular, simple kind.

  “Can I come along?” she asks sweetly and bats her eyelashes. He laughs and says she’s sweet but of course she can’t.

  “Why not?” she asks, “What do you need to do?”

  “Firstly,” he stretches and explains, “we do all the trails we’re planning to do together. I have to make sure that everything is in order and that I know of any issues beforehand, at least as much as possible. I can’t lead a whole group along an unsafe trail, or a trail that’s too difficult…I have to choose the routes carefully.”

  “And do you think it’ll be too hard for me?” she tries to understand.

  “It’ll be too hard for you,” he starts listing the reasons, “and I doubt that Dror would be happy to know you’re spending the night with me.”

  “But it’s very dangerous to go alone,” she says, “and what if something happens to you in the middle of nowhere?”

  “Don’t worry,” he winks, “I won’t be alone.”

  She looks surprised. “So who are you going with?”

  “With a woman from the group. She organized a place to sleep and everything.”

  “A woman from the group?” she narrows her eyes, “Who?”

  “Orly,” he replies indifferently.

  “Orly?” she leaps up, “How come she didn’t say anything to me?”

  He laughs, “It’s not such a big deal…we’re only going on a preparatory trip!”

  “Will you be sharing a room?” she asks, although she knows that she’s badgering him, that she’s being pathetic, that she may annoy him. But he’s not annoyed, just amused, and he replies straight away that yes, they’ll be sharing. After all, Orly has done him the favor of organizing a B&B, so he doesn’t want to pay for another room. She gulps. She doe
sn’t like it. She wonders if she should ask more questions or let it go. Does she really want to know the truth?

  “Does it bother you?” he asks and lifts her chin with his fingers.

  “Should it?” she answers with a question.

  “Come on, Anat,” he says, “you sleep with Dror every night. Do I say anything to you about it?”

  “Oh, that’s not at all the same!” she growls, “How can you even compare?!”

  “You’re cute when you’re jealous,” he says and kisses her on the forehead, “but it’s only for one night.”

  She exhales loudly. What can she do about it? Nothing. She has no control over him. If he were really hers, she could say something, stop him. But what is he to her? Just a lover, at best. She can threaten to stop seeing him, to end their intense yet bizarre relationship. But she’s not sure to which of them it’s more important. The chance of him saying okay paralyzes her. She can’t imagine her life without him, not even for a moment.

  “The problem,” he says, stroking her hair, “is that it falls on a day that I’m supposed to take Shaked for her swimming lesson…her mother doesn’t drive…I don’t know what I’ll do about it. Maybe she’ll just miss one week…”

  “No way!” she straightens up, “I know how important it is to her! I’ll take her!”

  “But she also has to go home afterward,” Koby hesitates.

  “So, I’ll take her home,” she’s quick to volunteer.

  “Will you fetch her from her mother’s?” he asks.

  “I’ll be finishing work early that day,” she says, “so how about I pick her up straight from school? As you would, since it’s your day with her. I’ll take her home with us, she’ll eat, do her homework and play with Nadav.”

  “That actually sounds like a great idea,” he says, “are you sure you can fit it in?”

  “Of course!” she says, “It’ll be fun!”

  “You’re the best!” he says and gives her a wet kiss.

  ***

  She glances wearily at her watch. It’s a quarter to five. She hates having to stay until the end of the day. She’s dying to get home and she knows they won’t see each other. He’s only returning from his trip today…with Orly. She feels like screaming. And if that weren’t enough, Ilai is still at preschool and his mother always arrives at the last minute.

  The door opens. “Ilai-chick, Mommy’s here!” she says cheerfully, with a sense of relief. At long last she can go home.

  Ilai runs into his mother’s open arms and tells her about a bee that visited them at preschool and made a big commotion. She starts to close the blinds and slings her purse over her shoulder. She still has to ride home.

  The days have become warm and sunny again, and she’s started riding to work now and then. It’s a refreshing change and it’s doing her the world of good, not to speak of the huge bonus it comes with: She doesn’t have to look for parking.

  “Are we ready to go?” she asks Hagar with a tired smile. Hagar has already picked up Ilai’s superhero backpack and water bottle.

  “Sure,” Hagar nods and the three of them go outside.

  She closes the door, double-checking to make sure that it’s locked.

  “Whose bike is that?” Hagar asks, and she answers proudly, “Mine. It’s one of the best things that’s happened to me recently…” and in her heart, she thinks: the bike and Koby. Perhaps firstly Koby, then the bike.

  Hagar is surprised and asks her to tell her more

  “Listen, it completely changed my life,” she says as she bends down to unlock the bike, and then without giving it much thought, she suggests, “I ride with a group of wonderful people. Would you like to join us? You won’t believe what a crazy adrenaline rush it is…”

  Hagar declines politely and tells her she’s really a dancer, or at least used to be. But she doesn’t drop it and suggests she takes a free trial lesson. After all, she has nothing to lose.

  Ilai’s beginning to lose patience, poor mite. She also wants to get home already.

  She puts on her helmet and closes the buckle.

  Hagar continues to chatter on about her past as a dancer but eventually she gives in to Ilai.

  “Think about it,” she suggests and throws a leg over the bike. “If you change your mind…”

  Ilai and Hagar walk away and she’s ready to leave. Finally. Let him go riding with Orly, she can get along perfectly fine on her own.

  ***

  She’s plucking half-dried leaves from the flowerpot at the entrance to the preschool when Ilai and Hagar walk in. Four children who must have woken up early were already there.. Ilai is still sleepy, but Hagar’s makeup and clothes look as if she’s stepped out of a fashion magazine. She always looks like that. She can’t help but wonder how many times a day she touches up her makeup to maintain such a fresh appearance, even when she’s running late at a quarter to five, after a day’s work.

  Ilai sprints over to her and throws his arms around her legs. Hagar walks over with a furtive smile and tells her that her husband bought her a bike.

  “You’re kidding!” she laughs and points out bitterly that Dror could learn a thing or two from him. Maybe then they’d be in a different place today. She can see that she’s embarrassed Hagar. They had a heart to heart recently, and she told her that her relationship with Dror was on the rocks. She even told her that she was considering divorce. She regretted it later. The children’s mothers don’t have to know such things. That’s all she needs, rumors spreading. Things are hard enough for her as it is. She’s been competing for each and every child, especially since another preschool opened up one street over. She’s always tries to keep her private life to herself, but somehow their conversation took a more personal direction and she found herself sharing more and more of her misgivings and urge to get up and leave.

  “So now you really have no choice but to start riding,” she says and asks Ilai to hang up his backpack.

  Hagar is still hesitant, but she’s inclined to agree, and she promises to send her Koby’s phone number as soon as she’s free. Maybe she’ll get credit for it, who knows. His opinion of her is so important to her. She wishes she were more indifferent.

  ***

  The next day he shows up at the preschool. Just like that, he had time on his hands and he wanted to surprise her. He misses her, when does she finish work? Not at all soon. Does he want to wait for her? Sure, he says, that’s why he came.

  Noga notices him and runs to him with open arms. “What are you doing here?” she asks and wraps herself around his neck. And he tells her that he came to visit Anat. And her. Three inquisitive children hang onto his leg and within moments he’s playing with them. Who is running after whom? It’s not clear, but the rolling laughter leaves no room for error. He’s having just as much fun as the kids.

  She looks at him lovingly, admiringly. She wishes he were the father of her children. He brings such joy to people, with all the love he has to give. If Dror could give her a tenth of the attention that Koby gives her, she’d be happy. But Dror is Dror, self-absorbed with no room in his heart to love anyone but himself. Koby prides himself on his enormous heart, on the boundless love he has to give, because the heart is a muscle, and every time you meet a new person, your heart expands a little more. She touches her heart, searching for its beats.

  The few mothers who pick up their children at noon arrive and she knows that her shift will be over in a few minutes. She collects all the water bottles and puts them in the basket, says goodbye to the children who are leaving, and asks Noga and Hava to start getting the children ready for the afternoon. The main room slowly empties. The children queue for the bathroom and then disappear into the bedroom. She can breathe freely. She can go home.

  “Have you eaten?” she asks and he says no, but he has other things in mind. She giggles. “Lucky for you Nadav has karate this
afternoon and finishes late. Neta is on some tour of a museum and she’ll only be back this evening.”

  “I know,” he says and taps her lightly on the shoulder, “you told me yesterday, remember?”

  Of course she remembers, she just didn’t think he would. “Home, then?” she asks and he nods. They stop by her small car. She presses the button and the central lock opens.

  “Where’s your car?” she asks.

  He opens the door and gets in beside her. “Someone dropped me off. My car’s at home, don’t worry. Let’s go. I can’t wait any longer.”

  Appeased and flattered, she starts the engine. She was hungry a moment ago. For an hour and a half, she’s been thinking about what to eat when she gets home, but now her appetite for food is gone and been replaced by a much more thrilling appetite. She presses the accelerator to the floor and the car bounds for home. The sheets are clean, she changed them yesterday. She just has to remember to turn on the water heater. She’s not sure there’s enough hot water.

  ***

  It’s Friday afternoon and she arrives at the meeting point. Thick dust is hanging in the air and she finds it hard to breath. She sees that Noga’s there. She was at preschool just a short while ago, and now she’s dressed in her riding gear and looking completely different. Typical.

  Then Orly arrives and marches over to her with her boyish smile. She likes her, but maybe a little less after she went with Koby on the preparatory trip.

  “How was it?” she can’t resist asking, but Orly doesn’t know what she means.

  “On the trip,” she continues. Why is she playing innocent? How hard is it to understand?

  “Great,” Orly replies, not elaborating.

  “How was the B&B?” she inquires further, trying to figure out if they slept in the same bed.

  “Charming,” she answers, “It was at work’s expense, a gift for the new year. It seemed like a good opportunity to use it…”

  She wonders to herself why she didn’t want to go with her family, but on the other hand, who is she to judge? She would have also preferred to go with Koby, and from what she can see, Orly is in a similar situation. The two of them have been planning to meet for coffee for a while but somehow it still hasn’t worked out. She notes to herself that she must try to arrange a get-together.