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Riding Lies

Page 34

by Eshkar Erblich-Brifman


  “Don’t you worry about it, it’s perfectly fine,” she says, “and if you want time alone with Anat, I can go home. It’s okay.”

  “No, no,” Hagar stops her, “stay. We’re in the same boat, right? On the same sinking ship. That’s supposed to be of some comfort, no?”

  “I don’t know,” she answers honestly, “either a problem shared is a problem halved, or it’s doubled. I never can remember.”

  Hagar is smiling now through her tears, and Anat hands her a cup of steaming tea.

  “Did you do all the tests?” Anat asks and sits down beside her.

  Hagar nods. “I don’t have the results yet. Maybe you two should also be checked,” she advises them.

  “He assured me he was tested and that he’s clean,” Anat says.

  “He also said you’re the only one he’s sleeping with,” she says venomously, “I wouldn’t describe him as being trustworthy, you know.,”

  Anat’s face darkens even more.

  She sighs deeply, allowing the thick silence to settle. They drink their tea.

  “Are you telling me that Amnon doesn’t know anything?” she suddenly asks Hagar. She knows that she’s hurting her, but she has to know.

  Hagar is surprised. “Amnon knows,” her voice tremors, “Amnon is fighting for me. He’s been putting up a fight for a long time.”

  “You’re lucky to have a husband like him,” Anat gently strokes her back.

  Hagar nods. “Yes, I really am lucky. I just don’t understand how I allowed myself to get into this situation; how I believed him and let myself fall in love with him…”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Anat says, still stroking her back, “you’re only human.”

  “As are we all,” she reminds the two women beside her, “talented, wise women, and nevertheless, we all fell into that trap of temptation.”

  “It was an addiction,” Anat says, “to the excitement, the unfamiliar intensities, the sense of freefalling, the passion for freedom, the flame inside that he fanned in all of us, that feeling of vitality.”

  Hagar takes a sip of tea and mumbles, “I think he clarified my feelings, and that is something that I’ve never experienced before. Something pure, primal, almost animal-like, very precise and concentrated.”

  She holds the edge of her teacup firmly and thinks that perhaps her old habit of examining herself in the mirror every day has finally been of use. She’s the only one who dared to look properly and see the person in front of her, with all that that implies. She takes a deep breath, knowing that it’s time to let go, to relent, to relax.

  She puts her cup on the table she assembled with her own two hands and says, “It was an illusion,” and then in a softer, more accepting voice she adds thoughtfully, “and none of us noticed that illusion, which is everything and at the same time, nothing at all.”

  Special thanks for your support

  Adi Carmeli

  Adi Lavenko

  Anat Bardugo

  Anat Ben-artzi

  Andrea Yardeni

  Arik Ben-Moshe

  Aviv Ronen

  Avraham N kluger

  Ayala Assaf

  Chuck Gold

  Cami Goor

  Dafer & Wissam Saman

  Elana Doron

  Eleanor Avinor

  Eli Tayeb

  Gali Barak

  Gershon Diner

  Hadas David

  Hana Shany

  Hila Ben moshe lustig

  Ilan Cohen

  Ilana Assor

  Ilana Gold

  Inbal Hasson

  Iris Zigler

  Ishai Shamir

  Judith Davidson

  Keren R bar-yosef

  Keren Tsur

  Lempel Barbara

  Liat Beck

  Libat pomerantz

  Limor Barak

  Limor Deutsch

  Malka katzevman

  Marianna Goldman

  Meirav Offir

  Michal Netzer

  Moshe Pinchover

  Naama Axelrod

  Naama idan miller

  Nirit & Doron Hetz

  Noa Abramson

  Oded Gafni

  Odelia maman reshef

  Orly Nathan

  Orly Rozenberg

  Pnina Abuhazira

  Revital Liber

  Ricky Israel Chait

  Rinat Yeger

  Rivka Gintzburg

  Robin Bersch

  Ronit calic

  Ronit Ranel Roses

  Ronit Shapira

  Ronit Shoham

  Rony Lifman

  Saar David

  Shahar Tabib

  Sharon avrech shezifi

  Sharon Dangur

  Shay Avivi

  Shimrit Gerby

  Shira Avidor

  Shirly Koren

  Tal Araten Bergman

  Tali Bar

  Vardit Itzhakey Leibov

  Vered Moalem

  Yaron Mantel

  Yona Joanne Silman

  Yoni Baron

  Zehava Apple

  Zehavit Petronius

  Ziva Kovner

  Zohar Gvily

 

 

 


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