Family Dynamics: Pam of Babylon Book #5

by Suzanne Jenkins

  While he held her, he mouthed a silent, ancient prayer, Protect my heart’s friend, spirit of the earth. Suddenly, without provocation, Pam began to weep. She was so alarmed and angered at her lack of self-control that she pulled away from Dan and grabbed her purse to rummage for a hankie.

  “I am so sorry! I don’t know where this is coming from. Please forgive me,” she pleaded. But Dan wasn’t letting her get away and pulled at her to hug her again. “This is so not me,” she said, contradicting her former declaration that she wouldn’t walk on eggshells with Dan. But Dan only cared that she was free to take whatever journey this was. He knew she was still grieving a profound loss, both of an imagined beloved spouse and the illusion that her marriage was sound.

  “Just relax, will you? You’ve been through a lot. The only way you’ll heal is by feeling it. You can feel it with me, OK? I’m not going to force you to move on before you’re ready. Just take it slow.” She fell against him, sorry that the center console was between them. In a short time, she felt better and straightened up to look in the visor mirror.

  “Oh hell, I look awful now,” she declared, picking up her purse again to get her makeup bag. Dan looked over at her and smiled, already resigned that Pam rarely went anywhere without a perfect exterior. She applied fresh lipstick, patted the mascara from under her eyes, and brushed her hair, forgetting she wasn’t alone. When the realization hit her, she put her brush down and started laughing. “Wow, the mystique, if there was any, has to be shot. I am so embarrassed.” But she kept primping. “OK, that’s as good as it gets, and I’m getting hungry. Should we go in? Did we miss our reservation?”

  Dan looked at his watch. “We’re right on time,” he said. “Stay right there.” He got out of the car and walked around to her door, opening it, and offering his hand. “Madam?” he said. She took it and groaned as he pulled her up out of the low car and into an embrace. They had another hearty laugh. She thought but didn’t say it out loud: I hope I don’t remind him of his mother.

  Chapter 22

  Bernice returned to The Eagle’s Nest Retirement Center in a private ambulance. She was lucid but seething. She remembered almost the entire episode that led to her hospitalization: the decision to go seek out the mansion, hailing the cab, the indifferent cabbie, and then the horror of not being able to find her home. At first, she thought she was losing her mind. But the realization that the mansion was gone, torn down without regard to its history and beauty, and a monstrosity being built in its place, hit her. Some foreigner had come along with a load of cash and bulldozed through her life. As the nurses scurried around to get her settled back in her room, the thought occurred to her that a foreigner—Pam—had done it. Pam, the bane of her son’s life, had made those plans without consulting her. It was taking all the self-control Bernice had, but she needed resolution right that minute.

  “Call my daughter-in-law! I must talk to her this minute,” she yelled.

  “She was at the hospital with you, Mrs. Smith. She’ll be on her way to Babylon by now,” the nurse said. Bernice thought for a minute. Had Pam been in her room that morning? How would anyone here know that fact?

  “How do you know?” Bernice asked, repeating her thoughts.

  “Because she came here afterward and read us the riot act. That’s how I know. Believe me, we’ll be keeping a closer eye on you from now on. Imagine! Taking off like that, getting a cab, and getting sick on the sidewalk!” Bernice looked away; discussion about her public humiliation was not going to take place in her own room. She’d forgo insisting Pam be called and do it as soon as she was left alone. “If anything had happened to you, not only would I have lost my job; my life would be ruined because I’d feel so bad. Why don’t you start thinking about someone else besides yourself all the time? Jeez!” The nurse glared at her, picking up her chart and stethoscope and leaving the room without saying goodbye. She’d accomplished making Bernice feel a little guilty, but it was soon forgotten as Bernice swung her legs out of bed and reached for her beside telephone. The public jaunt had limbered up her body, and she was ready to go now. She would make sure from now on she wouldn’t miss one opportunity to exercise. She was poised over the keypad of the phone and suddenly couldn’t remember Pam’s telephone number.

  “What?” she said out loud. Jack and Pam had had the same number for years, ever since they moved out of the city. And now it was going to escape her? As happened so often lately, with one lapse of memory came a torrent of it, and before long, Bernice was wandering the elegant halls of The Eagles Nest Retirement Center in a hospital gown, no underpants, and the back entirely open.

  After she got home from the hospital, Nelda had a chance to putter around her room with baby Miranda napping. Of all the things she loved in her simple life, next to cooking, puttering was probably her favorite. She would go from task to task, often making a big mess in the process. Today she was going to clean out her closet. Having lived with Steve in Greenwich Village only a short time, the condition of the tiny closet just proved that it doesn’t take long for an empty space to fill up. Everything she had of value was stuffed in that closet: boxes of photo albums, mementos of her marriage and her daughters’ early years, and a few treasures left from her mother-in-law’s estate. Her own family lived in Michigan, and it could have been New Zealand as far as she was concerned. In sixty years, not one of her sisters or brothers had ever made the attempt to visit her, nor her own mother and father, who lived to be in their seventies as well. Nelda forgot they existed after they ignored the births of her four children. For some reason, this afternoon, memories of her father filled her head as she unloaded one box after another, standing in her high heels and nylon stockings to reach for the very highest of boxes. It was while she was in this pose that she imagined she heard her father’s voice coming from behind her. Nelda, it’s almost time for your visit!

  “Dad?” she said. As she twirled around, a barrage of heavy boxes fell from the top shelf and tumbled onto her, hitting her in the head, and when she fell to the floor, covering her body.

  Steve loved Fridays, too, but for different reasons than Sandra or Pam. He liked stopping at the dive bar where he first met Marie rather than going straight home like he usually did. He’d go and sit at the bar, holding his hands up in the sign that the bartender knew meant two fingers of scotch. They always brought him two because he’d down it in one gulp and nurse the second one.

  But he had different plans this Friday. Carolyn had stopped by his office earlier in the day, and the smell of her perfume went right to his crotch. As soon as he was able, he was going to call Nelda and ask her if she minded taking over for the night. He was going to invite Carolyn to dinner, and if she was agreeable, spring for a hotel. They hadn’t had a chance for any intimacies yet besides kissing, although he had groped her ass once last week. For an older woman, she had a nice ass.

  He finished the project he’d been working on all week and handed it off to the office secretary so she could make copies. Then he went back to his office and closed the door. He punched in his number, and while he waited for Nelda to answer, he went through a couple of piles of paper on his desk. When the answering machine picked up, he hung up without leaving a message. It was odd for her not to be there in the afternoon. He waited another twenty minutes and tried again, in case she was in the bathroom. Maybe Pam knew where she was. He dialed her number, and she answered on the first ring. Their relationship had reached a place of respect and comfort, and when she saw the number on caller ID, she was happy.

  “Hey, have you heard from your mother today? It’s not like her to go out in the afternoon, and she’s not home. Well, not answering the phone, anyway,” he explained. Pam thought for a moment. Nelda hadn’t said anything about going out after she’d left the hospital. Pam explained about the fiasco that day with Bernice.

  “Sandra left the office to babysit while Nelda went to help out with Bernice. Why not give her a call?” Steve thanked her and hung up the phone. He dialed
Sandra’s number at the office, and she picked up right away.

  “She got back around one,” Sandra said. “She didn’t say anything about going out again.” Steve was concerned because it was so unlike Nelda not to be there in the afternoon. He thanked Sandra and hung up. All thoughts of dinner with Carolyn gone, he went to her office to tell her he was going home to check on things. She stood up and walked around her desk toward him.

  “Do you want me to come along?” she asked, not saying when was on her mind—in case something happened. He hesitated, and then reason set in; if all was well, Carolyn would be available to him. He agreed, and they left the office together, walking to the subway in silence. Steve wasn’t a superstitious person or a worrier. But he fantasized about the worst-case scenario: He’d get to the apartment, and both Miranda and Nelda would be gone. He entertained that thought for just a second—the freedom he had before he met Marie. He imagined being able to do whatever he wanted again, without worrying about another human being. And then, ashamed, he said a silent prayer: Please, God, let everything be OK. He fought the selfish daydreams, but they popped up until they got to his front door and he could hear Miranda’s frantic screams. He quickly unlocked the door and ran into the townhouse, up to the second floor, and into her room. She was fine, just angry and hungry. Steve got her out of the crib and soothed her, and her sobbing hiccups slowed down. Carolyn found Nelda unconscious but alive, and called 911.

  Steve felt awful about Nelda, but not all for the right reasons. What the hell was he going to do now? Who would watch the baby while he worked? He passed Miranda off to Carolyn, who went to find a bottle or jar of food for her while Steve stayed with Nelda. He patted her hand and whispered to her.

  “Get better, woman, I need you. Don’t die on me now, Nelda. Jesus, don’t let her die. Come on Nelda; hang in there. We need you. Miranda needs you. We can’t survive without you, woman.” He repeated it over and over to her. Finally, he heard the siren of an ambulance rounding his corner and the noise men make when they enter a house. Carolyn led them up to Nelda’s room. It was clear boxes had fallen on her, but beyond that, Steve had nothing to add. He didn’t know how long she’d been lying there, but it wasn’t longer than four hours because that was when Sandra had left to go back to her office. The EMTs got her onto the stretcher and took her out of the building. Seeing her on the stretcher looking so small and frail struck Steve, and he turned his back to the door and started to cry. He went into the adjoining bathroom and ran water to mask the sound, wiping his face off with a towel.

  He left the room, and as he walked to the stairs, he could see the commotion on the street in the front of his building. Someone came back into the house to get Nelda’s personal information from Steve, and he realized he had to call Pam and tell her what had happened. Carolyn was in the kitchen, sitting across from Miranda’s high chair, spooning food into her mouth. The baby leaned forward in her high chair for each bite, reminding Steve of a little bird. He could feel the tears welling up. What the hell is going on? He couldn’t stop them; sobs coming from his throat, mucous running from his nose, feeling so sorry for himself he could barely breath. Great, he thought, all for Carolyn’s benefit. He doubted if sex would be in their evening agenda.

  She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder. “She’ll be OK,” Carolyn said.

  “What will I do if she isn’t, though?” he whined, knowing that he was being negative, but unable to be otherwise. He wasn’t prepared to take care of a kid. Nelda made his bleak situation tolerable. Pam had warned them both repeatedly that they needed to get alternative child care lined up, just in case, and they blew her off. She made it clear that she wasn’t going to take care of Miranda, that she had her own agenda, and if that made her selfish, so what. Steve had to hand it to her because he remembered Marie telling him her sister was a pushover who gave unselfishly no matter how outrageous the request was.

  “Look, you have the entire weekend to line up someone to watch Miranda. It’s not as bleak as you think,” Carolyn said, thinking, Isn’t it just like a man; he wants a woman to take over. “There are agencies in place for this sort of thing.”

  “Yeah, but the cost must be an arm and a leg,” Steve said.

  “Isn’t her aunt a wealthy Long Island matron? I think some familial favor might be in order,” she said.

  Steve shook his head and said, “That’s not an option.”

  “Ah, knock it off, Steve, you don’t have a choice. You either ask for help or stay home with your kid. Those look like your two options,” Carolyn said, getting up from the table. “I can’t hang around here all night. My ex is dropping the boys off at eight, so I’d better get home.”

  The hysteria rising in Steve’s face was obvious. He did not want to be left alone with Miranda. “Let me drive you,” he said. “I need to move my car today anyway.” He went to the back of the house to get the baby’s car seat while Carolyn cleaned up the baby. She got Miranda out of her high chair so she could change her diaper. She didn’t want Steve coming to her house and expecting her to take care of the baby. She didn’t like the direction this was going.

  “Steve, you need to make some calls right now. Doesn’t Nelda have family who should know what’s going on? Besides, it would be simpler if I just left and went home alone. My parents are there waiting for me.” Her unspoken message was I don’t want to have to explain you and a baby. He walked back out, defeat all over his face. And then he thought of someone else. Sandra! He walked to Carolyn and kissed her cheek.

  “OK,” he said, taking Miranda from her. “I’ll make some calls and talk to you later.” She could feel she was being rushed but was fine with it. After she was out the door, Steve took Miranda back to her bedroom and put her in her crib to cries of anger, but he didn’t even hear them. He went back out to the phone and picked it up, scrolling through the numbers until he came to Sandra’s. He looked up at the wall clock and saw that it was seven; he pictured her home, watching the news with Lover Boy. He pushed “talk” and the phone rang. She answered with a drowsy hello. When Steve heard her voice, he slid back into hysteria.

  “Sandra?” he said. “Oh my God, it’s Steve! Nelda had an accident, and I don’t know what to do. I have the baby here. I need to call Pam, and I should go to the hospital. Can you help me? Can you come and watch Miranda? Or take her for me?” As he blubbered, Sandra tried to pick out her words. She sat up with a start and tugged on Tom’s arm.

  “Steve, what happened?”

  “Boxes fell on her this afternoon, and I found her unconscious. The ambulance just took her to Saint Vincent’s. Can you help me out here?” he pleaded. Sandra didn’t need to think for an answer, but out of respect for Tom, she thought she had better confer with him.

  “Hold on for a second, Steve,” she asked. Covering the phone with her hand, she mouthed to Tom. “Baby?”

  He nodded. “We don’t have any plans this weekend, do we?” he asked.

  She didn’t care if they did. “Steve, I’ll come and get her. It will be easier for me to have her here, if that’s OK with you.” Steve didn’t care if she took over in the street. Miranda was screaming for all she was worth, and he was afraid Sandra would hear it.

  “I’ll bring her to you,” he replied. “I’ll get her stuff together and be there in an hour.” Forgetting Friday-night traffic going into Williamsburg, he could think of only one thing: getting the baby out of the house. He hung up, forgetting to call Pam about her mother. He went back to the baby’s bedroom, and she reached out for him, yelling “Dada!” He grabbed her diaper bag and packed whatever he could think of into it, emptying her drawer of pajamas and undershirts, stuffing it with diapers. He went back out to the kitchen and, at a loss, starting throwing empty baby bottles into the bag. A cabinet above the sink held cans of formula and jars of baby food. He wasn’t sure if she still drank formula, but better safe than sorry. Leaving the baby in the house alone, he grabbed his car keys, ran out into the street with the bags, and thre
w them into the back seat of the car. He went back and got her car seat and installed it in the back, too.

  Back in the house, he looked around to see if he had forgotten anything. Miranda was whimpering and sobbing alternately. Steve gathered up a few more items and then went and got her out of her crib.

  “Sorry, kid,” he said, hugging her. “You like Sandra, right? Be nice to her because she’s all we got right now.” Without looking back, he went out the front door and locked it behind him.

  Chapter 23

  Pam and Dan walked into the restaurant together, holding hands. Heads turned to look at them admiringly; he was as proud as he could be. Pam, on the other hand, just felt self-conscious. She was happy they were seated behind a potted palm.

  “Thank God for palm trees,” she said.

  Dan laughed, handing her a menu. “Do you want something to drink first?” he asked.

  “If you’re going to have something, I might have a glass of wine,” she answered.

  He scooted his chair around the table closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulder while he read the menu. “They have the best crab cakes on the island,” he said. She was smiling down at the menu. He was so young for forty-five! Or was this normal—holding hands, sitting together to eat? She peeked through the palm and noted that every other couple was sitting across from each other.

  “I love crab,” she said. “Actually, I love all food.” They ordered and had a leisurely meal. Pam encouraged Dan to talk about his family; he’d heard about hers ad nauseam. He had eight brothers and sisters. His oldest sister was ten years older than Pam. For some reason, that fact gave her some peace, just in case she was to meet them someday. His parents and both sets of grandparents were still alive, his oldest grandfather nearing one hundred years old.