The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  The words spun around my head until they finally settled into four little letters.

  Mine.

  Mine.

  Mine.

  Mya was saying she was mine... if I still wanted her.

  I dropped to my knees in front of her and let the scrap of paper flutter out of my hands as I cupped her face. “You’re done with him?”

  “So done.” She grinned, her eyes full of promise.

  “You really want to be mine, Hernandez? Because I’m going to be needy. So fucking needy.” I admitted. “Waking up and finding you gone, it hurt. More than I ever thought it would.” Leaning in, I rested my head against hers. “But finding out you’d gone back home, imagining you with him, that almost damn near killed me.”

  “I’m sorry. I just... I got scared, Asher. The way I feel about you scares me.”

  “Yeah?” Pulling away, I looked into Mya’s eyes, needing to see the truth there. “How do you feel about me?”

  “Like I could lose myself.”

  “I’ll never let that happen,” I said. “Know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’ll always find you, Mya.” Burying my fingers in her hair, I leaned in and tasted her lips. Once. Twice. Three times. Just to be sure this was real.

  That she was real.

  Mya looped her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. I rose up on my knees, leaning into her, pressing her back into the Giles’ swing seat. She said she wanted to go slow, but I couldn’t resist hitching her leg around my hip and grinding against her.

  “Asher.” One hand curled into my jacket. “We should probably...”

  Don’t say it.

  Don’t fucking say it.

  “Slow down.”

  A groan of frustration worked its way up my throat, but I smiled at her as I slowly eased up. “You’re going to drive me insane, Hernandez.”

  Mya smiled. And it was so pure, so fucking honest, I felt myself fall even deeper into her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Never be sorry with me. Ever. You like something we’re doing, tell me. You don’t like something we’re doing, tell me. You need me to slow down, tell me. You need me to speed up...” my brow rose suggestively. “Definitely tell me.”

  She batted my chest, gawking at me as if I’d lost my damn mind.

  “It’s one of the things I love most about you, Mya. You’re not afraid to speak up. I don’t ever want to silence you. No matter how blue my balls become.”

  “Oh God, stop.” She was laughing now. “You have a hand. Use it.”

  I crowded her again, kissing a path from her lips to the shell of her ear. “Oh, I do,” I whispered. “And I always think of you.”

  “Asher...” My name on her lips was like music to my ears.

  “Come on, you, let’s go hang with the others.”

  “For real?” The surprise on Mya’s face was so fucking adorable. As if part of her actually expected me to throw her over my shoulder and stalk off to my cave to have my way with her.

  I mean, thinking it wasn’t the same thing as doing it. Right?

  I dropped a kiss on her head before pulling her up and hooking my arm around her shoulder. “Me and you, Mya. On our terms, okay?”

  “Okay.” She swallowed nervously.

  I chuckled, leading her back inside to join our friends, feeling like the motherfucking King of the world.

  Mya

  The second we stepped into Felicity’s living room, silence fell over the four of them. Jason smirked, grumbling something that sounded like, ‘about fucking time’. Flick elbowed him in the ribs, making him grunt in pain. Asher chuckled, taking me by the hand and pulling me over to the empty loveseat. He sat down first, tugging me down beside him and wrapping his arm around me as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “So,” Flick said, her eyes darting from me to Asher and back again, “does this mean you two are together now?” She fought a grin.

  “We’re…” I looked at Asher, unsure I wanted to define or put a label on us when everything still felt so new.

  “Taking it slow,” he answered for me. “But just so we’re clear, I don’t intend on looking at another girl, let alone touching one.” He wasn’t looking at me, but I felt the words all the way down to my soul. It was his not so discreet way of letting me know he was all in, and I couldn’t deny it did soften something inside me.

  “That is so cute.” Flick was grinning now.

  “Fucking nauseating if you ask me.” Jason groaned.

  “Do I look like I care?” Asher pulled me closer, dropping a kiss on my head. “I finally got the girl. I think it gives me a free pass for tonight at least. Besides, I have to watch you clean Fee’s teeth on a regular basis.” He flipped Jason off.

  “Just be thankful you don’t have to watch me clean her pus—”

  “JASON!” Felicity shrieked, clapping her hand over his mouth. “That is disgusting.”

  “Nah, babe, it’s fucking delicious,” he mumbled against her palm.

  “Seriously though, man, we’re happy for you.” Cam gave us a small nod, shifting Hailee who was curled in his lap, her head resting on his chest. “At least now we can go out without you moaning like a little bitch,” he teased.

  “Fuck you. I just so happen to be an awesome fifth wheel.”

  “Hey.” I pinched his rib. “What are you trying to say?”

  Asher’s eyes slid to mine, shining with lust and other things I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. “You know I want you, Hernandez. It’s you who’s got us moving at a snail’s pace.”

  “Ash…” My cheeks burned as I felt everyone watching us, no doubt wondering what he was talking about.

  “Say it again,” he breathed, eyes wide with awe.

  “Say what?” My brows knitted.

  “Ash. You called me Ash.”

  “I did?” I hadn’t even noticed.

  “Yeah, you did. You know what that means, Hernandez?”

  “No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.”

  He leaned in, brushing his nose over mine, completely forgetting we had an audience. “It means you must really, really like me.”

  “You’re okay I guess.” I smothered the laughter building.

  “Say it, Mya. Admit you like me.”

  “You really need to hear me say it?” He’d pulled me into his bubble and I couldn’t deny him even if I’d wanted to.

  He gave me a small nod, his eyes pleading with me.

  “I like you.” It was a whisper, meant only for his ears. But in true Asher Bennet fashion, he threw his head back and roared, “She likes me. Mya Hernandez likes me.”

  Laughter exploded all around us, our friends infected with his excitement.

  “You’re crazy,” I said, fisting his jacket, coaxing him to come back to me.

  “Yeah, you’re right, I am. I’m crazy for you.” He attacked my mouth with his, kissing me clumsily. Greedily. Pushing his tongue into my mouth and tangling it with my own.

  This didn’t feel like going slow. It felt like falling recklessly and hopelessly into each other, giving no thought to how hard we might crash.

  “Asher,” his name was a breathless whisper as I tried to hold onto my last shred of defenses against him.

  But it was futile.

  Asher was my weakness.

  “What’s got you so happy?” Aunt Ciara eyed me across the table the next morning.

  “Nothing,” I said, averting my eyes.

  “Don’t be thinking I’m some fool. You’ve got that young and in love look. Please tell me you didn’t fall for that athlete’s charm?”

  “Asher, Auntie, his name is Asher.”

  “I don’t need to be knowing his name. He’s bad news and I thought you were smarter than this, my girl.”

  “Auntie, please.” Guilt coiled around my heart. I didn’t want to disappoint her. Not when she was one of the last people left in my life who cared.

  My visit home had been a d
isaster in more ways than one. My mom had barely been around, tied up at The Diamond with work. She’d invited me to hang out there with her, but I couldn’t bring myself to be in that place. To see her draped over Keelan, waiting on his every need, or even worse up on stage dancing for him and his friends.

  A painful shudder worked through me.

  When I’d given her my new cell phone number, she’d hugged me tight and told me it was the right thing. That she was real relieved I was finally letting go of Jermaine and my life in Fallowfield Heights.

  A life that included her.

  “Now you’re frowning like your whole world just ended. What is going on with you, Mya?”

  “Mama just let me walk away.” I hadn’t said much about my trip and Aunt Ciara hadn’t asked. She knew how fickle her sister could be. It was one of the reasons she’d barely visited us when I was younger.

  “Because she knows you’ll have a better life, better opportunities out of that place.”

  “Yeah, but she’s my mother. I thought she’d at least seem sad.”

  “Mya, she loves you something fierce, but she’s also different to you and me. Sofia needs to feel needed. She needs the validation a man’s love gives her. After your daddy left...” Aunt Ciara hesitated.

  My father was never around. He left before I was even born. It had taken a while to accept I was never going to know him, but I had made peace with it a long time ago.

  “He broke something inside her,” she went on. “Something that Keelan fixed. He might not be who you or I would choose for her, but he’s always provided. He kept a roof over your head and food on the table.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  But it came at a price. And that price was her love. He’d demanded it to its fullest. And somewhere along the line, I had to compete for her attention.

  Until somewhere along the line, I stopped.

  “Now tell me about this Bennet boy.”

  “Really?” My face lit up and part of me hated how much I’d already let Asher get under my skin. “You want to know?”

  She clucked her tongue. “If it puts a smile on your face, I suppose I can listen for five minutes. But don’t get the wrong idea, Mya. I still think this is a bad idea. This town is more backward than you think. It won’t easily accept one of its football stars going out with one of us.”

  “There is no them and us, Auntie.”

  Her brows pinched and I knew she saw right through me. Because while I so wanted to believe my own words, part of me knew she was right. But it was too late now. Asher wouldn’t let me run anymore.

  And I didn’t want to.

  I wanted to do what I did best for something I wanted; for the people I cared about.

  Fight.

  “Are you going to get Asher a gift?”

  Eight little words I never expected to hear. But I should have known Felicity would already be planning our wedding. She hadn’t stopped grinning ever since me and Asher entered her living room together, two days ago. Now it was the day before Christmas Eve and she was asking me about gifts.

  “No, I’m not getting him anything. We’re not—”

  “Oh my god,” she groaned. “If you say you’re not together one more time, I will explode. Have you seen the two of you? You can barely keep your hands off one another.” A smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth.

  “We’re not that bad.”

  “Try telling that to someone who’ll listen. You’ve got it bad, girl. Almost as bad as Asher.”

  “I just... crap, it wasn’t supposed to happen this fast.”

  She was right.

  Me and Asher had been inseparable for the last forty-eight hours. It was only when Flick insisted I help her with some last-minute shopping, and Asher’s mom needed his help with preparations for the Christmas Eve party they were hosting, that we’d actually left each other’s sides.

  “You should get him something.”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little soon for gifts? We’re not even official.”

  Flick gave me a pointed a look as she inspected some wallets in the men’s section. “Do you plan on hooking up with other guys?”

  “You know I don’t.” I rolled my eyes.

  I hadn’t planned on hooking up with any guys when I’d moved in with my aunt. But here I was, Asher Bennet’s unofficial girl.

  “Asher made it pretty clear he only has eyes for you.” Felicity cut through my reverie. “So label or no label, you’re together. I don’t know what the big deal is. This is a good thing, Mya. That boy is crazy about you.” She traded one wallet for another. “You’re coming tomorrow, right? To the party at the Bennets’?”

  “I don’t know.” Asher had said he wanted me there but after everything he’d told me about his dad, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

  “You have to come. We’re all going. It would mean a lot to Asher if you were there.”

  My heart clenched. I wanted to be there for him, I did. But I didn’t want to make things any worse for him.

  “You’re worried his parents won’t approve?” Flick lowered her voice.

  “If people can’t accept me because of where I come from or the color of my skin that’s on them,” I replied, the half-truth souring on my tongue. “I just don’t want...” Pressing my lips together, I swallowed Asher’s secret. The one I’d promised not to repeat.

  “You’re acting strange.” Felicity frowned at me.

  “It’s all right for you,” I deflected. “Jason’s family all love you.”

  “And Mr. and Mrs. Bennet will love you too. You just have to give them a chance to see how good you are for their son.”

  I pretended to look at some nearby sweaters, letting my fingers run over the soft material.

  “We all know something is going on with Asher,” Flick came up behind me. “I know Jason talked to you about being there for him.”

  “That’s not what this is,” I rushed out, glancing back at her.

  “Mya, I would never think that. All I’m trying to say is, if you ever need to talk, about anything, I’m here.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

  She smiled, mischief sparkling in her eyes. “Now about his gift. I have an idea.”

  I followed Felicity as she weaved through the racks like a girl on a mission. But we never reached our destination because she stopped in her tracks, anger rolling off her.

  My eyes immediately found them; a group of girls from school, talking in hushed whispers, judgmental gazes narrowed in our direction.

  “We should probably go,” Flick said, her words clipped, but one of their voices drifted over to me.

  “Don’t know what he sees in her. I mean he could do so much better than her.”

  The words reverberated inside me, and something snapped. Before I knew what I was doing, I marched over to them. “Do you have a problem?” My brow went up and I folded my arms over my chest. But I was met with a wall of icy resistance.

  “So you can say it behind my back,” I scoffed, “but you won’t say it to my face?”

  “Mya.” Felicity grabbed my hand. “Come on, they’re not worth it.”

  “You’re right, they’re not.” My fists clenched at my sides as I glared at the girl who had spoken loud enough for me to hear. Back in Fallowfield Heights, if someone dissed you like that, you called them out on it, and eight out of ten times it usually ended up getting physical. But this wasn’t my old neighborhood and the last thing I wanted to do was live up to the stereotype they had of me.

  It almost killed me to walk away, even if Felicity was right. They weren’t worth it. Vicious gossip was nothing new. I’d been on the receiving end of whispers and disapproving looks since I arrived in Rixon and became a member of the four percent club.

  “Ignore her,” Felicity said as she ushered me out of the store. “Kellie Ginly is just a jealous bitch.”

  “She’s on the gymnastic team, right?”

  Flick nodded. I’d heard the stories. Knew
all about Asher’s preference for flexible gymnasts who all looked like carbon copies of one another. Blonde. Big boobs. Tanned legs that went on for miles.

  Past preference, I reminded myself.

  “Asher hasn’t touched any of them in months,” she reassured me.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Sure it does. You don’t always have to act so tough around me, you know. You’re one of my best friends, Mya.”

  “I just hate it, you know? I left Fallowfield Heights because I knew Jermaine was only going to drag me down with him. But being here, the constant stares and whispers; it’s like a permanent reminder of the very thing I’m trying to escape.”

  “You can’t let them win. The people who matter, who know you, don’t care about any of that. Asher doesn’t care about any of that. Besides, where’s the girl who told me to stand up for my man?”

  “Oh she’s in here somewhere,” I said.

  “Well, time to dig deep and find her because the Ginleys are good friends with Mr. Bennet which means Kellie will most probably be there tomorrow night. And if you don’t claim Asher, she’ll have no problem stepping into the role for you.”

  My chest tightened as I imagined her trying to make a move on Asher.

  “Now I’m certain I should avoid the party.”

  “What?” Felicity gawked at me. “Why the hell would you say that? Didn’t you hear anything I just said?”

  “Oh I heard you all right,” I ground out unable to think about anything but how hard I’d beat her ass if she so much as looked at Asher tomorrow night.

  Because official or not, he was mine.

  Just like I was his.

  Asher

  The house looked like Buddy the Elf had paid an overnight visit, if Buddy used high end ornaments and garlands to adorn every shelf and flat surface.

  “What do you think?” Mom asked, putting the final touches on the main tree. There were at least another three scattered around the house, but this one… this was the showstopper.

  “It looks great, Mom.” I grimaced.

  “Gosh, just think, this is the last Christmas you’ll be here.” Her voice cracked and I felt like an absolute shit. Me and Dad were all Mom had, and she was right, I was leaving next fall.