Freed by Fire

by Christine, Ashley

  I blushed as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. I don’t think I will ever get over my blushing. Yes, I could write about certain things, but I was still having a difficult time actually speaking out loud about them. To me, those things were personal. Especially after being with Caid. I wanted to keep it private. I wanted him all to myself. “I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “I haven’t heard from him today. I think they’re still out on the water.”

  “You aren’t going to surprise him with a little French maid outfit or something?” Maggie asked. “I mean, come on, Em…use that big brain of yours to drive your man crazy!”

  Blushed. Again.

  I couldn’t picture myself dressing up in some silly outfit and parading around for Caid. I doubt I would be able to pull it off without laughing at myself. “My French is horrid.” There. That should be the end of that one.

  “So?” She said. “I doubt your mouth would be used for much talking.”

  “Holy shit, Mags…what’s with all the dirty talk over lunch?” I laughed at her.

  She pouted. “Sorry…I guess I’m long overdue for…pound-cake.” She winked.

  “Pound-cake?” Ellie asked with her mouth full of rice.

  “We’re in public, Ellie. We don’t say certain words…” Maggie giggled. “Like pounding…or pussy.”

  Ellie’s eyes lit up and she sputtered her rice. “Oh, my God!”

  “See.” I smiled, pointing out that some words weren’t table-appropriate. Instantly my mind took off in another direction. Okay, so…I was embarrassed at dirty words, but I let Caid go knuckle-deep inside of my pussy in a fucking Big Boy for crying out loud. I think it was about time my girly bits, and brain starting speaking. There must have been a connection broken at some point and the pair of them needed to regroup and get their shit together.

  “You know what…” I crossed my arms. “Maybe I will do something for Caid. Something sexy. Hurry up and finish your lunch, girls. We need to find the nearest La Perla.”

  Ellie squealed, Maggie smirked approvingly, and we finished our lunch in about five minutes.

  As we walked into the doors of the sexy shop, I felt my heart race. I didn’t know what I wanted to get, but I knew it had to be something Caid would never forget I wore. I wanted the image of me in the sexiest pieces of fabric I could find to be imprinted in his brain forever. I still planned on wearing what I had bought yesterday from Lexi at the boutique, but I was going to slip whatever I purchased here into my purse and slide into them before rocking Caid’s world.

  As I stood back and listened to Maggie and Ellie talk about whether I should get a thong or panties that covered my ass, I received a text from Caid.

  Caid: Thank you, beautiful. I’m sorry I didn’t

  respond earlier. We just got back from the lake.

  Me: I knew you were out. I hope you boys had

  a good time. Catch anything?

  Caid: We did. Caleb caught the biggest.

  An 11lb. bass.

  Me: That’s awesome

  Caid: I can’t wait to see you tonight. What are

  you up to right now?

  Me: Shopping.

  Caid: For…

  Me: Stuff ;)

  Caid: Stuff sounds sexy. Am I going to see

  this stuff?

  Me: Depends.

  Caid: On…

  Me: If I have enough nerve to actually buy it.

  Caid: Buy it ;) But try it on first and send me

  a picture of yourself wearing it.

  Me: Umm…no way, Mr. Burke.

  Caid: It’s my birthday.

  Me: I know that. But, the answer is still no.

  Caid: Pretty please?

  I didn’t respond. I grabbed whatever Maggie had in her hand and marched toward the dressing room. Swallowing when I saw the price tag on the Donna Lucia babydoll set, I pulled off my shirt and slipped on the silk chiffon. It felt like a second skin. It was…perfect.

  Holding up my phone, I took a photo. Of the tiniest detail on the top. All that showed in the image was the swell of my breast, my collarbone and shoulder. I hit send.

  Me: There you go, sweetheart ;)

  I waited a few moments, but when he didn’t respond, my heart sunk. Did he not like it? Was he expecting more? I pulled it off and put my own top back on. Just as my fingers touched the handle to leave the dressing room, Caid called me.

  “Em…” his deep voice growled and goose bumps spread across my skin. “I don’t think I’m feeling well enough to go out tonight.”

  I actually frowned. “Really?”

  “Really. I think it would be best if you just came straight to my house—wearing that, of course—and take care of me.”

  “I don’t think so, buddy. But nice try.”

  Caid laughed. “It was worth a shot. Anyway, can I just say how fucking hot that was. You’re such a tease, you know.”

  “I try.”

  “Well, I’m going to stare at that all day, and think about running my tongue all along that beautiful body of yours.”

  My heart fluttered, my stomach flipped, and my knees weakened. “Caid…” I whispered. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  “I miss you, Em. I can’t wait either.”

  I hung up before he could say another word. “This is it,” I said, placing the items down and handing over my debit card.

  “I have pretty good taste, eh, Em?” Maggie said, elbowing me. “I like the color, too.”

  Ellie picked out a few things for herself too, and after we paid we headed back to Maggie’s work. I said goodbye to the girls and went to the apartment to finish writing a little more.

  ***

  Not only was it tradition for Caid, Caleb and Leland to fish the morning of their birthdays, but they also went out for dinner to celebrate as a family. As much as I yearned to see him, to touch and kiss Caid, I knew what he was doing was special and it warmed my heart to know that even though he didn’t have a big family—the two he did have meant the world to him.

  The hours dragged by. By the time Maggie arrived home from work I had fallen asleep on the couch watching TV. She didn’t wake me when she got home, instead she cooked us dinner and woke me once it was on the table.

  “Maggie, this looks so good! Thank you.”

  “You were right out, I figured you needed the rest for tonight anyway.” She smirked and stabbed a piece of cheese and broccoli-stuffed chicken, putting it on her plate. “Ellie heard that Leland’s will be at, if not over, capacity tonight. It’s not just Caid’s firehouse that are coming, there is supposedly a few of them in the city. A brotherhood type of deal, I guess.”

  I smiled. “He’s a popular guy.”

  “Yeah, especially since his tattooed bod was nailed to the wall of every horny housewife’s kitchen in Chi-Town.” Maggie laughed before she sipped her wine. “I think every woman and a few men in my office alone bought copies of that calendar.”

  “Did you?”

  “Of course! Have you even checked out the rest of it, besides Mr. September?” Maggie smirked. “Em…I suggest you take a peek into March…or May, perhaps.”

  I liked September. I was happy with September. I had an autographed copy in my dresser from Mr. September himself.

  “To the sweetest girl in the world.

  My Emery.

  xo Caid.”

  It read. I can’t tell you how many times I opened that calendar and stared at his back, his tattoo, and the inked curve of his handwriting in Sharpie. The part that got me spinning was that the world “My” was underlined. Just in case it wasn’t clear, it needed to be defined.

  I was his.

  “Is Ellie going to meet us there?” I asked.

  “Yeah, she’s going with Daniel. She said she would text when she arrived.”

  “Good. I want to be a little late.” I wanted Caid to spend some time with his friends first, because I knew when I got there I wanted his focus to be solely on me. I felt starved. It was too long since I had seen
him. Locking him in the bathroom for a while once I got there sounded like a good plan to me.

  “I’m happy for you, Em. I want you to know that.” Maggie smiled. “It’s like…having the old Emery back. Pre-Matt.”

  I smiled back at her. “I know. And thank you. I feel different. But, the same. It’s weird. I feel like this person was trapped inside all along. The only way I could let her speak was through my writing. Caid brought her out.” I blushed. “It sounds stupid. I feel free.”

  “It’s not stupid. You were freed, Em.” She reached to clink her glass with mine. “You were freed by fire.”

  I regarded her with my head cocked to the side. She was right. I was. It wasn’t just that Caid was a firefighter. He was fire. He ignited something inside of me, he consumed me. Once the fire touched me, I was marked…changed for life.

  “To the fire,” I said, clinking her glass.

  We finished dinner, showered and dressed for Caid’s birthday celebration at the pub. I carefully rolled the La Perla babydoll set and tucked it into my purse. I sat at the kitchen table while Maggie curled my hair into long and thick waves. I pinned a small section at the front back with a tiny pearled comb and put the diamond earrings that my mother bought me when I graduated high school into my ears. I felt pretty.

  “Ready?” she called from the hallway while I glanced around my bedroom one last time before we left.

  “I’m coming!” I sung.

  Arm linked through arm, we walked down the hallway and traveled down the elevator to climb into our awaiting cab. During the drive I tried my best to calm the million erratic butterflies flourishing in my stomach. Breathe, just breathe—I repeated to myself under my breath.

  “Em, wait,” Maggie said, looking down at her phone. When she turned to me, she bit her lip. “I…I don’t think we should go in.”

  “What? Why not?” I asked, my forehead crinkled.

  She exhaled. “Fuck,” her whispered breath blew out. “Ellie’s coming out. Just hang on.”

  What the hell was going on? Why shouldn’t we go in? I reached for the handle and got out of the car. Maggie called after me, but I ignored her. As I approached the door, Ellie came out and grabbed my hand.

  “Emery…” she said.

  I searched her eyes. “What? Ellie! What?!”

  “Maggie,” Ellie said and nodded her head to the side.

  “Okay, if you two are going to screw around, I’m just going to go in.” I marched past Ellie and opened the door. The blast of music that was hummed on the outside hit me like a brick wall. Leland’s pub was packed. To the brim. My eyes searched around for Caid. For Leland. For any familiar face. As I squeezed through the crowd I felt a hand on me.

  It was Leland’s. “Em…come outside for a minute, love.”

  “Leland, what’s going on? Why can’t I come in?” I asked, my voice loud with concern.

  “Ah, feck,” he said. “I’m sorry, Em.”

  I pulled from his hand and pushed deeper into the bodies of people. As I got closer to the bar I noticed where all of the attention of the patrons was focused. On the dance floor. Cheering, whistling and roaring hammered through the room and into my ears. As I made my way to the space, I saw him. I saw Caid.

  He sat on a chair, facing away from me. He was getting a lap dance.

  What the fuck?

  For the split second peppered with jealously I stood there, watching, engrossed. But then I calmed slightly, thinking, it was his birthday after all. This kind of stuff happens all the time. Right? For all I knew she was just some hired body with the intention of making his birthday a little extra fun.

  Then her hands traveled up his chest and onto his face. Her painted red nails. She was beautiful. A dark-haired beauty wearing skimpier lingerie than anything I had seen in La Perla. Her heels had to have been over six inches, making her long and lean legs go on for miles.

  When my eyes finally left her body, I focused on Caid. His expression. He was enjoying it. I could see his glazed eyes from where I stood. He was drunk. As she ground into him, he bit his lip and grabbed her ass, pulling her down to his lap. She quickly turned and laid on his body, his hands moved to her breasts and caressed them.

  Like he had done to mine over and over again. I couldn’t move. I was frozen on the spot. I didn’t even register that Maggie had found me when she grabbed hold of my hand.

  “Em!” She said, pulling me.

  “Maggie, no,” I muttered, not looking at her. I couldn’t. Like a bad accident I was forced to keep my eyes locked on the painful view ahead of me.

  Caid’s hands moved down her stomach, traipsing along from hip to hip. The music slowed and she ground harder into him. That’s when she turned her head and kissed him. He grabbed her face and lapped her tongue for all the people in the pub to see.

  “Go, Leeanna!” a girl’s voice squealed over the music and the crowd.

  I think I fell to the ground.

  No, I did fall. The last thing I remembered was Leland’s strong arms carrying me out of the pub and putting me back into a cab.

  “Christ,” he growled “Maggie, fuck…get her home please. I gotta go deal with that foolish motherfucker in there.”

  I didn’t cry on the ride home. Despite how many times Maggie asked me if I was okay, I didn’t answer her. I looked out the window, watching the Chicago nightlife fly by. When we arrived back home, I got out of the car and took off my shoes, walking barefoot up the pavement and into the lobby.

  When I got into the apartment I went to my room and shut the door. That’s when I fell again, to my bed and screamed.

  “Em!” Maggie burst in the door and moved to the bed, hugging me tight. “I’m so sorry, girl. He’s a stupid fucking idiot.”

  I still didn’t speak. I sobbed, sniffled and whimpered into my hands. I was the idiot. Not Caid. He may have been an epic asshole, but I was the stupid one. Letting myself think for one second that he actually cared for me. That what he told me was true, and how fucking dumb was I that I may have actually believed it?

  My heart hurt. It ached and swelled as I tried to gain calming breaths. As I wiped my face and looked down to my hands, Maggie soothed my hair and rocked me.

  “Well,” I whispered, finally speaking. “That was a waste of $600 bucks.”

  Maggie spoke into my hair, “What was?”

  “The clothes. La Perla.” I laughed.

  “Oh, Em…” she rocked me again.

  ***

  Wednesday, August 28 – 10:39 am

  It had been almost one month since Caid’s birthday. Since I got my heart put through a blender and poured down the sink. Caid had called, and texted me over five hundred times in the days since.

  I didn’t read any of his messages. My phone showed they were all still unread. I didn’t have it in me to hear anything he had to say to me. My voicemail was full and I didn’t clear any of those either.

  Maggie said Caid had shown up at the apartment too. She slammed the door in his face many of those times and started checking the peephole afterward, just not opening it to him at all. When she was at work he would show up, calling me from the other side of the door.

  “Em! Baby, please…I’m so sorry, love,” he would say. I got up from wherever I had been and locked myself in my bedroom where I couldn’t hear his voice. And he couldn’t hear me crying.

  This morning I started to reread my manuscript. As I neared the end of the last chapter I sunk low in my chair. I sabotaged my book. Through my heartache I turned BB into a fucking asshat and LL into a weeping and miserable bitch. They weren’t in love anymore. They hated one another. Hell, BB even cheated on LL.

  Go figure.

  I fucked up. I let myself fall. I let myself get burned. “Maybe you’re all I need, Toby,” I said, whispering to the copy of my first book in my hand. “You were the only man who never let me down.”

  It was stupid. But, so was I.

  I set Toby down on the desk and answered my ringing cell. The number f
lashed my family doctor’s office in Belleville.

  “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Morgan? Hi, it’s Penny from Dr. Kline’s office. We had you scheduled for your yearly physical for next week, but is there any chance you could come tomorrow? Dr. Kline has a last minute business trip he needs to take and I’m able to reschedule you if you can make it.”

  I sighed. Shit, I had forgotten completely.

  “Penny, I don’t live in Belleville anymore.” And, I didn’t even have a freaking car. “But, I guess, since it’s due.”

  “Okay, great! How is eleven AM?”

  “That’s fine. I’ll see you then.” I hung up before she could say goodbye. I twirled in the chair and faced the picture of my mom and me on my laptop.

  What would you do, Mama?

  I picked up my phone and dialed the number for the garage where Blue still sat. Raking up a hefty bill, I was sure. I spoke with a kind man on the phone who instructed me that Blue had indeed blown her motor and it would cost me an arm and a leg to fix her. She wasn’t worth it, he said. I bit my lip. She was…but, I needed a car for tomorrow.

  “How fast could you fix it?” I asked.

  “A week, maybe,” he said.

  “Okay. Do it. I will be there next week.” I smiled and hung up the phone. I couldn’t wait to drive Blue again. But, for the appointment in Belleville I would need to rent a car.

  ***

  “I’m going to call in sick and come with you,” Maggie said when I told her about my appointment. “It’s a long drive.”

  I shrugged. “I could use the company. We’ll need to leave by six-thirty.”

  “Okay. Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

  “No, I’m going to go to bed. Sorry, Mags.”

  She hugged me but didn’t say anything else. As I walked down the hallway and stepped into my bedroom I heard her say something.