Zits from Python Pit #6

by M. D. Payne; Illustrated by Keith Zoo

“My slitheries, loyal as they are, let me know that something was going on,” said Tikoloshe. “I will reward them by feeding you to them. I’ve had enough! I—”

  There was a huge CLANK, and an electric whirring sound filled the room.

  The robot moved its arm.

  “What the—” I said. I looked up and could see the monkey working some sort of controls behind the eyes of the robot.

  “I always wondered how that worked,” Rangda said.

  “Just what do you think you’re going to do with that robot?” Tikoloshe yelled. “And did I hear you say you were headed back to the ruin? Yes, I did, but why on earth would you want to go back? Everyone is here! Everything is here! Everything but . . .”

  A lightbulb went on in Tikoloshe’s head.

  “My statue!” he screeched. “No!”

  He lifted up a gnarled hand and waved it at me. My face exploded in pain as dozens of zits bubbled up.

  Tikoloshe ran past us and out. “Noooooooooo!”

  “Gooooooo!” I yelled. I could barely talk because of the zits around my mouth, but I couldn’t slow everyone down. “We have to get the statue before he does. If he hides it, he’ll have power over The House of Eternal Rest forever.”

  The snakes slithered quickly into the room as we ran out onto the plain once again. The robot was slow but picking up speed.

  Once everyone was out of the room, the three adzes stood at the hole in the wall and stared down the snakes. Their bodies trembled as they tried to control the hundreds of writhing, angry, hungry reptiles.

  Up ahead, Tikoloshe fell into the python pit.

  “Yeah!” yelled Gordon.

  With an angry grunt, Tikoloshe pulled himself out of the hole.

  “No!” yelled Gordon.

  Behind us, the adzes finally lost control, and the snakes slithered toward us.

  “They’re so fast,” said Ben. “We’re not going to make it to the other side!”

  In the middle of the plain, the snakes caught up to us, some from behind and some from right below us, popping up through the meerkat holes.

  Tikoloshe stopped near the ruin and sent more snakes our way.

  The monsters struggled to keep the snakes under control.

  “He’s directing them!” I yelled. “Everyone, watch out! It’s not going to be as easy here.” A python reared up in front of me. The Monkey Robot kicked it in the face with a CRUNCH.

  There were so many snakes that we were walking on a writhing carpet, just making sure that they didn’t bite our feet. I was desperate for one of them to bite my face, but they were out of control—I couldn’t risk getting bit in the wrong place.

  I had to get the Monkey Robot to the river.

  “Help that zombie!” I yelled, and the Monkey Robot swung an arm, pushing a zombie away before a snake could strike its face.

  I reached up to my face and it felt like it was melting off, but I knew I couldn’t stop. I was the one who had to convince Inkanyamba to help.

  “The robot and I need cover!” I screeched.

  A serpent leaped directly for my arm, and the Monkey Robot slammed it hard. But even the monkey was fumbling to get all of the snakes off of the robot. Monkey Robot was slowing down.

  “Over here!” yelled Gordon. He ran along the riverbank with a dozen kids from the soccer field.

  “Ready,” Gordon yelled.

  The kids each dropped a soccer ball.

  “Aim,” Gordon yelled.

  They pulled their legs back.

  “FIIIIIIRE!”

  A dozen soccer balls flew into the snakes, knocking them back with hard THUMPS.

  “FIIIIIIIIRE!” Gordon yelled again.

  More balls flew, and it was just enough distraction to allow the Monkey Robot and me to escape to the river.

  “Yeah!” I yelled to Gordon. “Now get them out of here!”

  As the kids ran back toward the town, I could see a new pair of shoes on Diblo’s feet. They were Gordon’s fancy state-of-the-art athletic shoes—his most prized possession. Diblo gave me a thumbs-up.

  “So that’s how he convinced them,” I said.

  I looked over my shoulder and saw the monsters and my friends slowly making their way to the ruin.

  Now my face was on fire, but there wasn’t a snake around to bite my zits. I just had to move forward.

  Tikoloshe didn’t seem to notice what Monkey Robot and I were doing. He was too worried about his statue. He turned to run to the tower and was bombarded by the fruit bats.

  I hoped the bats and other monsters would hold him up long enough for me to gain control of the snakes and race to the tower.

  I could feel the tiny snake babies moving in my face as the robot finally hit the water and walked into the deep center of the river. It bowed down and disappeared.

  I looked over at the ruins and couldn’t see Tikoloshe anymore.

  “Hurry, Monkey Robot,” I said to the water. “Hurry!”

  With a great splash, the Monkey Robot rose from the water . . .

  . . . with Inkanyamba in its arms.

  My face hurt so bad, I swayed on my feet. But I had to keep going.

  “Inkanyamba!” I yelled, raising my hands. “I might not have a pendant, but I have been sent by my pendant to help you. My pendant—and your retirement home—were stolen by Tikoloshe, who has now taken control of your kingdom . . .”

  I couldn’t see over the bulges on my face, but I had to continue.

  “You must take back the snakes. Follow me, and let’s defeat this imp.”

  I put down my hands.

  Inkanyamba bit down on something in her mouth and then spat it directly in my face.

  My face exploded in pain, and I fell back onto the ground.

  The Serpent Express

  I was only out for a few seconds. When I woke up again, the pain in my face was gone, except for in one spot.

  I reached up and felt something hard and thin stuck in my cheek.

  I yanked it out—“YOW!”—and looked at it.

  It was a fang from Inkanyamba.

  I looked over to see that the battle had moved inside the ruin. I hoped there was still enough time.

  I stood up quickly just as Monkey Robot set Inkanyamba down on the ground next to me.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Monkey Robot pointed at Inkanyamba’s back.

  “You want me to ride Inkanyamba?” I asked.

  Monkey Robot nodded.

  I jumped onto the giant wet serpent and held on to her back.

  HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

  The sound vibrated through the earth and through me. It made my toes tickle.

  HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

  There was silence from the ruin.

  “Is she calling the snakes?” I asked Monkey Robot.

  It nodded. Then it made a motion to “hold on.”

  I held on, and Inkanyamba shot forward, slithering quietly over the plain, past the bodies of dead snakes and destroyed monsters.

  “Whoa!” I yelled as she glided up the stairs of the entrance and into the entryway.

  Snakes were leaving the ruin. They stopped and bowed to their Master, and Inkanyamba hissed in return.

  Inkanyamba sped to the room with the tower entrance. Snakes were pouring out into the jungle through the open wall of the ruins.

  “He’s up there!” yelled Director Z, watching me with amazement. “Hurry!”

  Inkanyamba increased her speed and slithered up the spiral staircase.

  We quickly crept up on Grigore and Kossi. “Watch out!” I yelled. They turned into their flying forms and followed us.

  As Inkanyamba burst through the doorway, I tumbled off to find Shane and Roy chasing Tikoloshe down.

  “Stop!” I yelled.

 
Tikoloshe turned around and stuck out his tongue at me.

  “You’re too late,” yelled Tikoloshe. “Oooh, I got slowed down when the snakes turned on me, but now I’m in control of the situation. I WIN.”

  He reached his shrine and screeched with excitement as he grabbed the statue.

  “So pretty,” he said, and kissed the statue. “Where shall I hide you?”

  Inkanyamba hissed at the doorway.

  “You have nowhere to go,” I said.

  “What, do you think this is the first time I’ve ever climbed down a tower?” giggled Tikoloshe.

  “Get him,” I yelled, and Inkanyamba shot forward.

  Tikoloshe stuffed the statue in his pants and then turned invisible. Inkanyamba hit the back wall.

  “Ha, it’s safe now!” he yelled. “I can run around this place for all eternity and you’ll never find me.”

  “Block the windows,” I yelled.

  Roy moved to a window and spread his arms.

  Shane moved to another window. “Chris, look!” he yelled. He pointed out of the window.

  “Kongamato’s coming!” I said. “Hit the floor!”

  We all hit the cold floor just in time.

  SCREEEEEEEEEEE SMASH!

  The tower shook, and the roof caved in halfway, sending a shower of bricks down on us.

  “Ow!” I yelled. Bricks were hitting my legs, arms, and back.

  SMACK.

  A brick hit Tikoloshe right on the head, and he went from invisible to visible.

  “Grab him!” I yelled.

  Shane jumped forward and was just about to grab Tikoloshe when . . .

  SCREEEEEEEEEE SMASH.

  Kongamato hit the building again.

  What was left of the roof was blown off with a powerful wing flap.

  “That’s enough,” I yelled into the sky. “We’ve got this!”

  But a very angry Kongamato returned and scooped up Tikoloshe.

  The statue flew out of his hands, and Shane caught it.

  “Help!” Tikoloshe screamed.

  Kongamato flipped him in the air and caught him by the leg. Tikoloshe dangled upside down.

  I saw both pendants fall from his neck.

  I caught them and put them around my neck.

  “Roy, would you like to do the honors?” asked Shane, holding up the statue.

  “With pleasure,” said Roy.

  Shane slid the statue over to Roy, who stomped on it like it was a spider sandwich.

  SMASH CRUNCH SMASH!

  “Noooooooooooo!” screamed Tikoloshe from the sky. “My beautiful statue.”

  Kongamato dropped Tikoloshe from above the tower.

  “AHHHHHHHH!” yelled Tikoloshe as he fell.

  Inkanyamba lifted up her head, opened her mouth, and . . .

  GULP.

  . . . ate Tikoloshe.

  “Well done,” I yelled.

  “Yeah!” yelled Shane, and he high-fived Roy.

  I patted Inkanyamba on the back.

  BURP.

  “I hope he doesn’t give you indigestion,” I said.

  We all laughed. Even Inkanyamba.

  The End

  A few hours later, the ruins were quiet. Monsters lay around the stones, relaxing and chatting. My friends and I were talking with François and Director Z.

  “Have you ever heard of a Ghanaian fantasy coffin?” Kossi asked Grigore as they passed by.

  “No, but tell me more,” said Grigore.

  “Basically, they can create any coffin you can imagine,” said Kossi. “It’s just about the same size as a regular coffin, but in any shape you’d ever want. A car. A fish. A bat. A Coca-Cola can. A cow. Whatever.”

  “Oooh,” said Grigore. “I’d have to think about vhat I vant. Anything?”

  “Anything,” said Kossi.

  “It’s so good to see everyone so happy,” said François. “For as much as the battle wore them out, I think it brought some energy back into them as well.”

  “I’m sure it was good to see young monsters again,” said Director Z. “Healthy monsters. Monsterdom might not be doomed, after all.”

  “Oh, speaking of bringing back the energy,” I said, “I believe that this is your pendant.”

  I pulled François’s pendant off of my neck and put it over his head.

  “It feels good to be back,” said François. “But are you sure you have to leave? You’re more than welcome to stay and help out. You were a wonderful Director, and we’d hate to lose you.”

  “No,” I said. “We’ve got to get back to the States. We’ve been away a long, long time.”

  “Don’t worry, though,” said Gordon. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Diblo and the boys come knocking on your door and ask to help.”

  “Just make sure that claw thing is turned off,” said Director Z, swallowing hard.

  “Do you really have to leave right away?” asked François.

  “We don’t even have time for a nap on your tarantula bed,” said Shane sadly.

  “Would you like me to ship you one?” asked François. “What’s your address?”

  “I don’t think it would make it through customs,” said Ben.

  “So is Tikoloshe destroyed forever?” Nabila asked François.

  “Tikoloshe is far too ancient to be destroyed,” said François, “but traveling slowly down Inkanyamba’s digestive tract will be good punishment. He’ll come out later looking like a really angry piece of poop, but he’ll certainly leave us alone.”

  “Better have a big pooper-scooper ready!” Nabila said.

  We all laughed until the monkey that saved the day with the robot padded into the room. I squatted down and gave him a big hug.

  “We couldn’t have done it without you!” I said.

  He chattered happily as a dozen other monkeys came into the room. He joined the other monkeys and went into the cafeteria, putting things in order for the move back to the abandoned facility. They cleaned up broken trays and placed utensils back where they belonged.

  “It’s good to have the Nurses back,” said François.

  “Wait, so that monkey was a Nurse?” asked Shane. “Huh, that’s why he was always one step ahead of the game.”

  “Speaking of one step ahead of the game,” I said, “we’d better get going. What sort of monster transport is there around here?”

  “Kongamato might be able to help you with some air-based transportation,” said François.

  “This has been an awesome journey,” I said. “But I’m going to be happy to be back home!”

  Epilogue

  He Who Would Save Us saved us! His task complete, he journeyed safely to his home. Meanwhile, there was much work to be done at The House of Eternal Rest. I called my staff into the back of the cafeteria.

  “Thank you for obeying me and staying far away from our poor old friends,” I said. “Though I needed to keep an eye on the situation, it was best for you to take shelter in the jungle.”

  “It was hard,” Dosufe said. “We’re Nurses! But we knew it was right.”

  I patted him on his soft, hairy back.

  “Thank you,” I said. “Now that you are back, and François is able to carry on, we can get down to the work of helping our dear residents get back to their normal lives or afterlives. Come now.”

  I walked through the cafeteria to the entryway beyond.

  “Wait,” said Lionel. “First, can you tell us everything that happened? We’re dying to know.”

  “Yes, of course,” I said, knowing it was an important story that would be passed down for generations. “Let me tell you about He Who Would Save Us.”

  My staff gathered closer.

  “It was said that he would come. But when it happened, it wasn’t a man in a huge silver p
lane, as I always thought it would be. No, it was a boy who rode on the backs of crocodiles . . .”

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR . . .

  M. D. Payne is a mad scientist who creates monsters by stitching together words instead of dead body parts. After nearly a decade in multimedia production for public radio, he entered children’s publishing as a copywriter and marketer. Monster Juice is his debut series. He lives in the tiny village of New York City with his wife and baby girl, and hopes to add a hairy, four-legged monster to his family soon.

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