I Walked With Her

by Lisa Barrington

  “No, but when you are with me you will get as close to it as there can be. Never anything less.”

  James pulls out my chair for me to sit. He places my napkin on my lap. The table is set up all white with a hint of blue. Miniature vases rest along the side of the square table. Each tiny vase, overflowing with mini white roses. Nick sits across from me. I can feel him watch me as I take in every detail. The umbrella stand even has ivy with white roses and blue hydrangea traveling up it. In this short time, he paid such close attention to me.

  I can’t help but think again if it’s possible if could we be more? Neither of us wants marriage again. Well I did, but I will never let every wall down. Never again. Could we fill the voids with compassion and understanding we both need so much? Passion we have now shown we both have. All we both lost. Oh God, I think we actually could.

  James interrupts my thoughts. "Max, you are the special lady of the day. May I prepare a Mimosa or a Bloody Mary? Juice? Whatever you would like. We are here to make sure you receive whatever it is you desire."

  "I like him Nick. Are you sure you are not related?"

  Nick smiles. "I am sure. But, I too am enjoying his wit.”

  "We are personal chefs. Where would the fun be if we were not personable? Max, what may I bring you?”

  "More coffee actually and a glass of water."

  "And for you Mr. G?"

  "I will have a Bloody Mary and a coffee."

  “Let me also go over a little of what we have prepared for you this special morning. This way you if need, you can pace yourselves. We have fresh berries that we picked up this morning at the farmer's market. Seriously, gorgeous! Rick made a little fresh whip cream to accompany them. We made homemade orange cranberry scones along with blueberry also. I understand you love those. I made those which means, they are even more fabulous than you can image. Baking is kind of my thing. Then some outrageous red velvet pancakes with a cream cheese frosting dressing that we will be serving hot and melted. That is major in itself. More like desert for breakfast, but it is your birthday so anything goes."

  My mouth is watering. "Shut up! Red velvet?"

  "No, seriously. I made those also. I already had one. They will make you orgasm. Maybe not like before, but my Lord they are delicious."

  “Ha!” I laugh hard aloud looking straight over to Nick.

  Nick rubs his hands over his head.

  I am so amused. This is a phenomenal morning. "I am sure they are going to be. Red Velvet is my absolute favorite."

  "We also have some fresh cured apple smoked bacon. Well done. Very well done. I understand that is how you like it. So please do not think we burnt it."

  James and I are locked in our “foodie” heaven talk. The idea of food has not sounded as good as this in so very long. "I promise. I only like it burnt."

  “That is exactly what I want to hear! Dark like me! Rick also has anything and everything that you can enjoy for made to order personal omelets. He will be more than happy to make with egg whites if you prefer. You simply let us know. We have fresh bread from the market if either of you would like toast also. Oh and Rick made a truly sublime potato hash. Let me get you those beverages, and we will get you started. Or continuing I am not certain anymore."

  "Is he part of my present? Because honestly I think I want to keep him."

  "You would. He is as crazy as you."

  James returns quickly. Places our drinks ever so properly on the table. He adds a stunning bowl of raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and boysenberries. A bowl of whip cream beside that. Lastly a plate with scones. Hot scones with the steam still coming off them. The smell is intoxicating. "Enjoy."

  My mouth is watering. "So what are you going to eat? Mr. Healthy?”

  "Are you kidding after last night and this morning I can eat whatever I wish. I am having it all." Nick raises his glass. "Here is to a fucken great birthday. We met the night of your nineteenth birthday and here we are twenty-one years later. It is my utmost honor to be here with you. Together we will make this day the most memorable ever. Here is to at least another twenty-one years in and out of your life."

  I click his glass with my water. "Great toast. In and out of my life? One minute you are all mushy. The next you are a dick. Good thing that is exactly why I am so happy to spend today with only you."

  I grab a scone. Orange cranberry. I bend it open as more steam rises out. I take a huge scope of berries, adding the whip cream. I am sparing nothing this morning either. The dress fitting if I eat too much is crossing my mind.

  "Maybe I am becoming a realist like you." Nick bites straight into the blueberry scone.

  "Whatever the hell you are, this is all beyond any words I can truly express. You have grown Nick. You are truly quite extraordinary. You have already made today very special. I feel special. I am grateful. I have no doubt it is going to continue to be the most memorable birthday. I feel it in every cell of me. The most memorable. Something feels different today. I actually can't wait for tonight. All joking aside, I hope that dress fits."

  "If it doesn't I will have you measured and buy something at Armani when we stop there."

  "Shut up, you will not. I have my own money remember."

  “That you do. However, today is all about me giving to and doing for you.”

  I lean back, cross my legs and begin enjoying my coffee, I was so rudely interrupted drinking earlier. I smile again thinking of how he made me feel.

  James is back. "So how is everything?"

  I immediately chime in first. "Outstanding. Scones, fabulous just as you said! Everything is delicious."

  "So happy to hear this. I made you a few extra scones. They are wrapped up on the side of your kitchen counter. Little birthday present from the James."

  Nick looks at James with an expression of pure approval. "Nice touch James. You're up to an additional thirty now. Keep going and you may need to head to Vegas when you are done here."

  "I wasn't even trying that time. That was genuine. Excellent. Have you thought about what you would like next?"

  Nick responds immediately. "The birthday lady will have your amazing, stupendous, orgasmic Red Velvet pancakes and I will have an omelet with the works. I mean tell Rick to do his thing. We will both have some of that bacon. The not burnt but well done as I requested. I would also like some whole-wheat toast and the potato hash. I am pretty certain with the portions you are going to serve us; we basically can share off the other’s plates to really get a chance to taste it all."

  James is grinning from ear to ear. He is looking directly at Nick. "Excellent idea. I promise we will not disappoint. Even though you seem a hard act to follow. I do love a challenge my friend. I love a challenge." James winks at Nick before he walks back inside.

  This commentary alone is worth it all. I think he could serve me dog shit right now and I would enjoy it. I lean forward for my water. I can’t help myself. "I swear to God I am keeping him. Especially since he can cook!"

  “You should. Why don't you have someone come here once a week? Prepare all your meals for the week and leave you with instructions. Maybe then, I won’t worry you’re living off peanut butter, fluff sandwiches and coffee, when I go."

  "You know what? I am going to do that! Why shouldn’t I have a personal chef? See a new! Do you think he would?"

  "He is a personal chef. This is what he does for a living Einstein." Nick sits back enjoying his Bloody Mary.

  "Oh don't be a dick. I am simply enjoying the thought of another way I am going to move on with my life. Begin another new. Start eating better. Taking better care of myself. I am going to go ask him."

  "Sounds like an excellent idea. You do that, as I go have the cigarette I have so desperately needed since our shower."

  "Wait, before you do." I pull Nick back wrapping my arms around his waist. “Our song. The lyrics.”

  “What about them?”

  “You showed me the trick. Now, I don’t know. Maybe I should promise to run away
with you. Perhaps there is something here we need to consider?”

  Nick pulls his head back to look at me, questioning me.

  "I don’t think I want this to end tomorrow. I want us to try to find a way. A way that can suit us? Even if it is only when you are in LA on business. I will never ask you to only be with me. Only that you are solely with me mind and body when you are beside me. That would be enough."

  "Moe?"

  "Look, you have your family. I have my life here. You are back and forth so often. Maybe we can make something work. We owe it to ourselves in the least talk about it. We owe it to ourselves for all we have lost. Nick I have no expectations. If you don't think it is possible we make the next thirty-one hours really worth it."

  Nick says nothing. Instead he pulls me into him, parts my lips as though they are his now. I feel my knees weaken as I pull back from him.

  "Shit Nick. Who taught you how to kiss anyway? You give me tingles from a freaking kiss. Please go smoke. If you don’t I may attack you. I need to go get me a personal chef!"

  Nick lets me go and walks to the other side of the deck. I watch him shake his head down the whole time. Even with his head down, I can still see his smile. Maybe we can do this. For one thing, there will always be laughter or we will kill one another. Either way it could be a win, win. The mold was definitely broken with us both. Right now, I am sitting tall on my brick wall. I smile myself as I walk inside.

  Chapter Eighty-Two

  "So do you gentleman only do special occasions? Or do you have regular clients that you cook for weekly or anything like that?"

  James turns to me in the giddiest fashion. "I knew it. I knew you were going to love my scones! They are the best. Don’t I know it!"

  Rick immediately looks up. "Ms. Manale, please accept my apology. James, I know talks more than he should. If he wasn't such an outstanding sous chef he would not be with me still."

  James turns waving the spatula in his hand. "What are you talking about? You and I both know half of your clients are your clients because of me. Second, I do not know who you are referring to as a sous chef. I cook right beside you and as well! You better watch what you say or I am going to venture out on my own."

  I cannot hold it in. I am giggling. I love him. He is honestly fantastic. I want to sit and have coffee with him and talk. After that, he can cook for me.

  "Rick, let me share my insight. I am older, Oh God how I am older. Never apologize again for this young man. He is outstanding. His personality makes his food jump off the plate, not to even mention how exceptional it tastes. Value what is beside you. Careful not to push a great thing away. In fact, what I would like to know is if you both would be interested in possibly cooking for me once a week. Prepare my meals. Stock up the fridge. I work out of the house. I am very flexible. You could come whichever day may work for you both. That is, if you can fit me in. Introduce me to some new things, but they must be easy. Anything I can grab with simple instructions to heat up and eat. James do not completely discount me in the kitchen. With this place stocked, I could give you a run for your money baking. I would love to bake side by side with you."

  James literally jumps slightly in the air. His smile at my offer makes me happier. "I am available! And, my cost is quite reasonable! Unlike what he is charging Mr. G." I watch as James has a sudden skip in his step as he places three huge pancakes on a plate. I mean huge.

  Seriously, how am I still hungry? Me? I need those pancakes. I guess everything is coming back to me now.

  James does not let his commentary end with his own excitement. "Rick here is not. He only takes on personal business on the weekends. He finally got his foot in the door over at Cirque and he is a sous chef there. Yes, a sous chef! Monday through Friday’s. Works his ass of there. He works all those damn hours to be yelled at all day. You tell me what day works best for you and I will make that day happen. I can make anything. Anything you like. Oh, we will have such fun! Oooohhh, I knew today was going to be a good day."

  I could not agree more. "It is a very good day. Well, I better go prepare myself for those pancakes."

  "Not until I get the cream cheese frosting ready, you are not."

  Rick continues to shake his head. Not shake his head as Nick did to go have a smoke. Rick seems quite annoyed as I go to leave. "James once, just once can we get through a service being respectful of our clients and professional?"

  James ignores Rick. He looks to me. “Max? Is that your doorbell I hear ringing? Would you like me to get it?”

  "Ah yeah, it is, No, no I got it." As I head for the front door, I giggle listening to them continue to have words. James is a peach. It is fantastic. I can hear him still. He waited till I left the kitchen to respond to Rick. He is not backing down. I listen further as I head for the door.

  "Rick let me tell you something my friend. You and I have different definitions of respectful and professional. It does not mean we are not providing the highest quality and care to these clients. Now finish your omelet. Two minutes to the window my dear fellow. Mr. Sous chef! You better make it as good as mine, because I am bringing it this morning!”

  I reach the door and all I can conclude is I have Abbott and Costello in my kitchen, except 2014 version. It is a shame they both can't work for me. Their banter is phenomenal.

  Now the door. Either Nick is up to something else or my parents sent something. Probably my parents. If I know my father, it will be a big something. I open the door, still giggling looking down.

  　 "Hey...”

  My heart jumps as quickly as my palms are soaked with sweat. I feel my stomach turn. It fills with butterflies, anxiousness and slight anger.

  Chapter Eighty-Three

  "Ben? What are you doing here? How do you even know where here is? You never answered. You never called back. Never answered a text. Nothing." My mind races. I can feel my pulse quicken faster than blood can flow through my veins.

  "I know. I am sorry Max. I probably have no right to be here. Here I am still. I had to come. I needed to come."

  His eyes look through me as he stands still before me. He looks almost as afraid in some way, as nervous as I.

  I speak softly now to anchor myself. "Why are you here? How did you find me?”

  "I never lost you Max. I have always known where you were. It was me I had to find. I am here for two reasons."

  "Two?"

  “First, Happy Birthday Max."

  Ben hands me the absurd bouquet of flowers he has been holding. The fragrance when I opened the door was alone, overwhelming. They are beautiful. Gerbera daisies. Hyacinth. Sunflowers and Jasmine. A strange wonderful vibrant collection wrapped in raffia. I can’t help but adore the rustic touch.

  "I hear you have taken a new liking to flowers."

  I can’t help but inhale them as I look back at him, now with confusion added to my psyche. "How did you hear that?"

  He half shrugs his shoulders and tries smiling as he talks, but with an obvious hint of fear. "Same way I never lost you. Your mother."

  I can’t help but raise my voice slightly as I feel my eyes grow wide. "My mother! Wow! The surprises just keep coming with my parents!” I take a deep breath. My mother has always known? She kept this hidden from me, even when she was here with me? She knows I still love him. I quiet myself once again.

  “Well, these are quite stunning. Thank you.”

  “I am happy you like them. I must have been in the florist over an hour looking for the right ones. The girl working there tried to help but…”

  I interrupt him, “Ben, what is the second reason you came? You could have had these delivered."

  "No. I couldn’t Max. I need to stand in front of you. I need to be here, right now to look in your eyes again. It is so overdue Max. The second reason is a little more complicated. You may need to actually put those down.”

  “Why?”

  “Please Max?”

  “Um, okay.” I turn and lay the flowers on the table by the door. My han
ds are shaking. I was hoping to hide that with the flowers. My God. Ben is here. Here looking in my eyes. All I want is to find his quickly again. I turn back to him. My heart stings as I do. I see myself there. It is all in my head. The past months have shown me so. Shown me, it always was only in my head. Love is fleeting Max. He is here to say he is sorry that is all it can be. Stand strong. You can do this. Think of the past twenty-four hours. You can do this Max. Look at him. Don’t let him see your pain.

  Ben takes a step closer to me. “I was in the bookstore a while back and a book caught my eye. It stood out from the others. Jumped out actually. Number three on the New York Times bestseller shelf. I was actually tempted to switch every copy they had with the number one book, but that is beside the point. Anyway. It’s titled, ‘I Walked With Her’.”

  With that, Ben pulls the book out from behind him. He had it tucked in the back of his shorts. He doesn’t leave my eyes. I can’t help but leave his as I watch the book that changed my world appear before me again. I shall never outrun it. My heart sinks as I look back up at him.

  "Have you heard of this? I thought I heard somewhere you had something to do with this. This story is about a woman similar to you. The title in itself struck me like lightning. When I read it, the five times that I have, I’ve only thought of you. Not to say, you are not in my thoughts every day, because you are. You are a breeze that follows me everywhere Max.”

  “What? I am?” Where is he going with this? He thinks of me? No. I am his past now.

  I hear movement behind me. I am unaware, yet very aware it is Nick standing in the kitchen. I can feel him. I can feel him listening. However, Ben is before me. I cannot move. I cannot yet look away. My heart is torn.

  Ben continues. “Yes Max. There isn’t a breath I take, without you still a part of it.”

  I am confused. My heart and mind are racing in different directions. “I don’t understand Ben.” I begin to cry softly as I speak.

  “Max please hear me out. This is not easy. To be honest I am scared shitless right now.”