Fall From Grace

by Kelsey MacBride

  “Hey, honey. What can I get you?” The voice came from a young attractive woman who was standing in front of him holding a pad of paper and a pen.

  “Cheeseburger and sweet potato fries please with a diet cola.”

  “We’re outta diet, regular colas OK suga? Haven’t seen you around these parts. Are you new in town?”

  “Yeah.” His tone was cold and flat again as it had been with the lady at the hotel. The woman must have gotten the hint that he wasn’t up for small talk. With a curt nod and smile, she left him alone to mull over his depressive mood. Looking around the small diner, he was surprised to see that there were a good number of people there eating.

  He could hear children’s laughter from behind him, which brought chills down his spine. In a booth on the other side of the restaurant sat an old couple. He watched them as the man and woman sat on the same side of the booth like a young couple in love. That’s how his parents had been before they died. They had been high school sweethearts and had eyes only for the other.

  Looking beside him, he saw the expansive Mendocino coastline with its collection of rock monoliths jutting out from the deep blue of the ocean. During any other visit here, he would be amazed at how beautiful the scenery was. But this time, all he saw now when he looked at the water was a bottomless pit of blue. As he gazed out at the people on the beach, he didn’t see their happiness, just his own sadness at the loss of his joy in life.

  The beginning of the winter season was becoming a difficult time of the year for him. He missed Crystal and Sarah more than ever around this time. The idea of celebrating Christmas this year without them brought a heaviness to his heart. Growing up, the holidays had always been a memorable time for his family, and as he remembered one year, in particular, when he was a child, a smile creased his weary face.

  He was about ten years old, and his sister was around seven. They had just come home from going to the grocery store and getting the last few things that they had needed for dinner that night. Christmas was in three weeks, and both kids could hardly contain their excitement. They jumped up and down when they thought of Santa and his eight tiny reindeer coming and bringing them lots of presents. They had come in through the kitchen and helped their mother to put the dishes away. That was when their father came through the door.

  “So I have a surprise for you two.” He remembered the joy in his father’s voice as he said it.

  “What is it, Daddy?” His sister’s tiny figure jumped into their father’s arms.

  “You have to come see. Now I know it’s not the traditional kind, but it will have to do.”

  Picking up Crystal, he had started walking towards the living room. Kevin had been on his heels following close behind. When they got to the living room, they saw it. The Christmas tree. Except it didn’t look like a regular tree. It looked like an undernourished pine tree with branches sticking out everywhere.

  “Daddy is that our tree?” his sister had said as she cocked her head to the side. Her eyebrows rose to the top of her forehead as she studied the thing in the corner of the living room.

  “Well pumpkin, I know it’s not a bushy evergreen like normal, but I couldn’t find a good one this close to Christmas. This one kinda reminded me of the cartoon on television, you know? Sorry guys.”

  Crystal had turned in their father’s arms and kissed him on the cheek. “It’s perfect, Daddy. Thank you. As long as there is a place to put baby Jesus’ star it is fine with me. Actually, I like it better. It’s perfect because it’s different and special like Jesus. It will remind us that God can take the ugly things in life and make them beautiful.”

  He remembered running to the tree and touching the small branches that stuck out everywhere. “And look. There is plenty of room to hang lots of ornaments.”

  They had soon decorated the tree, and they all loved it. After that year, they had never bought a perfect evergreen tree again. The Pierce tradition was to find a wimpy evergreen with little branches coming out of it. Whether it was a tree from a local farm or one they had cut down, they always made it a point to pick one they could transform into something beautiful.

  But this year would be different. There would be no tree, and Sarah wouldn’t be there to help decorate it. He wouldn’t have his sister by his side, and that killed him more than anything. He had never had a Christmas without his sister.

  “Sorry Dad. I just don’t think I can do it this year.” He looked up at the ceiling as he whispered the words out to his father. Things were not as simple and pleasant as they were when he was a kid. It wasn’t as easy as it had once been, and he suddenly realized that his life had taken a huge turn for the worse. He felt that his father was looking down on him now. Would he be ashamed of how Kevin’s life had gone astray?

  He believed his father would be disappointed in him and that devastated him more than anything else in the world. He had strived to make his father proud of him and to give his sister someone to look up to. He knew he had screwed that up on the night he couldn’t save her daughter. He didn’t blame Crystal if she hated him. He hated himself for what he was a part of. It was his fault. All of it was his fault.

  He didn’t know why, but it seemed God was punishing him for something. He was clueless as to why he deserved the misfortunes that had befallen him. Just as the rest of his life would be, this Christmas would be a day that he spent alone. It was a day he no longer cared to celebrate. A day that would forever be tarnished.

  A feeling of guilt soon washed over him. What right did he have to complain about how terrible life was? His little sister had lost so much more in her life. He often wondered how Crystal found the strength to press on in life. She had suffered the loss of her marriage and now the one person that matter most in her life. Her daughter that had given joy every day, was now snatched out of her arms.

  Why couldn’t life be simple and full of meaning like it had been when they were kids? Like the time he got to tag along with his uncle at the hospital during the holidays one year. It was a moment in time from his past that reminded him of a better time. A time when he could laugh and feel joy. A time when his heart wasn’t so heavy.

  It was the year his father turned down his wish for a bee bee gun for Christmas and the year he became interested in a medical career. He could still sit and laugh at the stink he had made that year. He had just finished a minute-long rant after his father had told him that he didn’t need to ask Santa for a gun.

  Kevin looked up at his father, his brows deeply furrowed, as if Santa had sent him a letter saying he would be receiving no gifts that year for being a naughty boy. But his father wasn’t intimidated by his temper tantrum. Instead, he calmly changed the subject to something he knew would excite Kevin.

  “How about you and me go meet your uncle at the hospital. I just got off the phone with him, and he said he would be glad to show you around. I think it would be good for you to see what being a doctor is all about. Besides, they need some help with the Christmas party if you’re interested.” His father turned towards his sister standing next to him. “If not, you could go shopping with your mom and your sister.” His father had a sly grin on his face.

  Knowing the mall was the last place he wanted to visit, he readily agreed. “OK.”

  His father turned to his sister and kissed her. “Can Mommy take you to see Santa pumpkin?”

  “Yes, Daddy. It‘s OK. I can have another day with you. Plus Mommy can take me to the nail salon and do my nails.”

  His father chuckled at his sister’s nature to find the good in everything.

  Kevin couldn’t contain his excitement during the trip over to the hospital. As his father’s large SUV pulled up outside the ER of the local hospital, his eyes widened as they examined the large expanse of the double doors as they walked through them. The large doors made a loud swooshing sound, and he felt the hot air from above them push down on top of their heads. He was suddenly pulled into a bear of a hug by a very large man. He laughed when he realiz
ed who it was that was holding him up and squeezing him so tightly.

  “There’s my favorite nephew.” Uncle Thad was a large man. He stood at least seven inches taller than his father at his massive 6’5” height and weighed well over 200 pounds. He was a happy man and loved his job and life.

  “Uncle Thad? You’re squeezing the life outta me. I can’t breathe. Let me go. Please. Can’t breathe.”

  “Sorry, little man. Sometimes I forget how strong I can be.”

  “Actually, I was just telling Dad that I will be driving in just a few years you know. I am what the girls call a pre-teen. I’ll soon be a man.”

  “You’re right, young buck. It’s amazing to think how grown you’ve become. It looks like your dad, and I will have to make a man outta of you soon enough uh?”

  He smiled down at Kevin and tapped his older brother on the shoulder. “I hear you want to come and visit the hospital with me, son?”

  “Yes sir. That would be great. Do I get to see anyone cut open? That would be so cool to tell my friends. To see their guts and stuff. All that blood and the veins popping out and stuff. Yeah, that would be awesome.”

  “Kevin, I can’t allow you to see me do surgery. Maybe when you’re older, but not right now. And second, you should have a little more respect for people who are sick. These are people who need help. You can’t talk about ripping out their insides like they’re a Christmas turkey.” His lips pressed into a frown as his father and uncle laughed at his curious enthusiasm.

  “Come on. I’ll show you the cafeteria first. I need a coffee, and I think I have a little bit of time before I have to make rounds.”

  “OK.”

  That was the day Kevin realized that medicine was his passion. He had discovered something that year. Something about himself and who he wanted to be. He had followed his uncle around from room to room. He never said anything, just stood to his side in the rooms where his uncle thought appropriate. Uncle Thad always introduced him as his nephew looking for a career. The patients and their families had laughed and told him that if he was caring enough to help his uncle with patients, then he would help many people in his lifetime.

  “Mr. Pierce?” The spoken words brought him from his musing and memories. He looked up to see a portly gentleman with a balding head looking down at him.

  Chapter 11

  “Yes?”

  “Hello sir. I’m Mr. Sudders, the agent you spoke to earlier.” The man drew out his hand.

  “Oh yes. Hello, Mr. Sudders.” He shook the hand that was offered to him and watched as the man struggled to squeeze into the narrow booth before pulling out a laptop and then multiple clippings of homes in the area. The man took out a handkerchief from his white shirt pocket and wiped the beads of sweat from his brow as he tried to catch his breath before speaking.

  “I’ve gathered as many listings that fit the description of the type of place you’re looking for. Unfortunately, we don’t have a high turnover rate here in Mendocino. Seems like everyone that moves here loves it so much, they don’t want to leave.” Mr. Sudders gave Kevin a smile. He placed the first listing on the table.

  “This place doesn’t have a view like you requested, but it has a two car garage and a spacious kitchen, something you might find appealing.”

  Kevin leaned forward and studied the property photos before scanning the list of features. The place reminded him of the luxury condos he’d seen close to the hospital back home. They were Mediterranean style in a salmon pink color with red tile roofs, clean, and had a teal green security gate for privacy. If he were choosing a place to live in Los Angeles, Kevin would have given the place serious consideration. But he had made the long trek to this small town to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city, to find a place that would offer him time for reflection, time to wallow in his pain and rethink the direction for his life. In order to do that, he needed the serenity and hypnotic calm of the ocean. Seconds later, he shook his head. “It’s nice, but I really wanted a place with an ocean view. It’s what makes Mendocino special to me.”

  “No problem. I just thought it might be something you might consider.” Mr. Sudders shuffled through the stack of papers in his hands. “If a view of the ocean is your number one requirement, that leaves us only this property to consider.” He set another listing in front of Kevin. “The only thing you might not like is the size, it’s smaller than the other listings.”

  Kevin studied the photos carefully, taking note of the tiny kitchen and small living room. It was smaller than most of the one bedroom apartments back home, but it had a gorgeous view of the ocean, something Kevin was willing to sacrifice for. Besides, he only needed it for the short term until he decided what direction his life would take, if any. “I’ll take it,” he said, his monotone voice disguising any enthusiasm he may have felt.

  “Great. I just need you to fill out an application and with some references and then I’ll need a deposit of two months’ rent.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem,” Kevin said as he began filling in the application.

  “Now you do know about our no pet policy?”

  “I wasn’t aware of that, but I don’t have any pets. No time for them.”

  “I know what you mean. I have a Golden Retriever at home, and it’s a chore keeping her hair off of the furniture. I’m so busy with work that my wife has to be the one who has to constantly clean up after her. Trust me, you’re better off with the headaches. You’ll find that management is pretty picky about keeping these apartments in perfect condition. I think you’ll like this setup by the beach.” The agent studied Kevin’s face as he completed the application. “Have you been around these parts before?” The man’s question broke through Kevin’s concentration.

  Kevin lifted his head for a moment and smiled at the man before he resumed writing. “A long time ago, when I was a kid. It was on a family trip up to Canada.”

  “It’s quite a treat for the kids. A lot of families like to come visit here. If you’re lucky enough, you can even catch the Grey Whales and seals off the coast. If you get the chance, we also have a great botanical garden in town. Now, I understand you’re coming all the way from LA. That’s quite a long drive for you. What brings you out here? Vacation? Family?” The man clasped his hands together on top of the table as he waited for his answer.

  Kevin hesitated for a moment. His cheek muscles tensed as he struggled for the right answer. Any answer that would satisfy the man’s curiosity without hinting at the real reason that had forced him to return to Mendocino. “I needed some vacation time away from work, and I remembered how beautiful it was up here when we visited the beach.” He finished completing the application and handed it back to the agent.

  “Do you have any family or friends in the area?”

  “No.”

  “Don’t worry, everyone is friendly in this small town, and you’ll have no problem meeting some really nice people, especially if you attend church. Are you a religious man, Mr. Pierce?”

  Kevin shrugged his shoulders. “I believe in God if that’s what you mean.”

  “Well, I’m a Christian myself. If you really want to get involved with the community and meet people fast, I would suggest you try out the non-denominational church on Main Street. I see you’re not wearing a ring. If you’re not dating someone, they have a pretty active singles group and some mighty fine ladies who are looking for a good Christian man. You might like it. It’s where I met my wife.” The agent smiled as he held up his left hand to show off his gold wedding band.

  Kevin’s face reflected no emotion. “Thanks for the tip, but I’m really not interested in dating at the moment.”

  “Oh, no worries. I was just trying to be helpful. But at least check out the church, the pastor is really good, and he does a great job keeping me awake all the way until the end.”

  “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Now, I’ll need to know how long you plan on staying. You can rent month-to-month or we c
an sign a one-year lease.” The agent’s eyes bounced sideways as he glanced over the form.

  “I prefer month-to-month”

  “I see your application says you’re a doctor. You’ll be happy to know I can offer you an additional five per cent discount off your rent if you’ll commit for a year.”

  “No thanks, the month-to-month would work better for me.”

  “Alright, month-to-month it is. What kind of medicine do you practice? We sure could use a good family doctor up here if you decide to relocate.”

  The palms of Kevin’s hands moistened as he wrung his hands together. He had hoped the man would have glossed over his profession, saving him from getting into the awkward situation about his work. But it was too late. “I worked in the trauma unit,” he said in a matter-of-fact voice.

  “Wow, did you say trauma? That’s a pretty intense job. I used to watch that ER show on TV all the time, and I throw my hat off to you guys for doing such a fantastic job saving people’s lives. Growing up, I really wanted to be a nurse, but, unfortunately, my grades weren’t good enough. So I did the next best thing that made good money, I got into real estate.” The man pointed at the pictures on his computer screen. “No wonder you needed to get away for a while. I guarantee you’re going to love this town. When you return home, you’ll be recharged and ready to save more lives.” The agent’s rounded cheeks lifted into a grin.

  Saving lives? Kevin laughed sarcastically inside his head. If the man across the table only knew about the disaster that really happened in LA, the real reason why he had to escape, he wouldn’t have praised him so enthusiastically, treating him like he were some celebrity. The only reflection Kevin saw of himself was a physician that had failed to fulfill his Hippocratic Oath, a doctor who had failed two mothers and destined them to a life of unexplainable sorrow. He knew of the TV shows the man had spoken of and had even watched a few episodes when time permitted. Those doctors were his idols, the epitome of medicine at its best, a goal he felt he was destined to achieve with his promising career. But now, those dreams had quickly become a fading memory, just like his career at Harbor. Kevin kept the remaining conversation thin as he wrote out a check for the security deposit and took the keys from the agent.