by Drew Sera
I think we went to bed too quickly last night though because he was dropping today and it had me thinking. I had a lunch appointment scheduled with Cheng today as well, which meant that Anthony and I wouldn't be able to go to lunch. I really thought today of all days, that he could use the company. Or at least, I wanted to make sure he had company. I had thought about my options and stared at Matt’s number before Blake's. It was an easy choice. I picked up the phone and dialed, and Blake answered on the second ring.
“Hey, Blake,” I said into the receiver.
“Mr. Everett, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Blake teased. Since I was calling from my desk phone, I'm sure my call popped up as Everett Gaming.
“Are you busy today, Mr. Eriksson?” I returned the formal greeting.
“I'm taking Kelsie for her annual exam this afternoon, but that isn't until three. How is everything going?”
“Pretty good. Anthony tied Sydney to the headboard last night and played a little rougher with her. Both of them had a phenomenal time.”
Blake's warm laugh reverberated through the receiver.
“I’m delighted to hear that, Colin. That kind of play is a huge part of him, but Sydney is more important to him. She trusts him to play with her in the ways that he needs too. He will start seeing that more and more as you guys continue to recover.”
“Anthony is dropping today,” I blurted out. “I have a lunch meeting with the president of Cheng International Hotels, but I’m a little worried about him.”
I explained that I feared we went to bed too quickly last night and about the situation with Mitch this morning.
“I just thought—”
I was going to tell him that I thought maybe they could do lunch, but he cut me off.
“Colin, I understand. Take care of your business lunch, and leave Anthony to me.”
25
Thursday, March 13th
Anthony
“Mr. Graves, Blake Eriksson is in the lobby for you,” Hannah announced through the speaker of my phone.
I glanced at all the stuff I had out on my desk. I had so much I needed to finish today, and I wanted to leave early to have a little extra one on one time with our girl. I gathered all of the papers and put them in my desk to go greet Blake. I grabbed the orange foam ball from the corner of the couch and headed to Colin’s office with it. I poked my head in and confirmed that he wasn't on a phone call, and launched the ball at him. I caught him completely off guard, and he jumped as the ball bounced off his chest.
“Fucker,” he swore in a hushed tone.
I laughed and walked in.
“That’s for showing Mitch all my fucking wounds.” I sat down in front of his desk. “Blake is here. If you're going to be tied up with Cheng for lunch, I'm going to go to lunch with Blake.”
“Yeah, of course. I'm leaving in about ten minutes to meet Cheng for lunch. Enjoy lunch with Blake.”
I met Blake in the lobby, and we ended up getting sandwiches from the deli in the atrium. We sat down by the waterfall. It was just a little way for me to be closer to Sydney since she loved this waterfall so much.
“How’s that girl of yours doing?” Blake asked me.
“She’s good, Blake. She let me use rope on her last night.” I paused as my mind drifted back to picturing her bound to the headboard. I got lost in my thoughts, and Blake pulled me back to the present.
“Anthony.”
I looked up at him and smiled.
“She’s getting better, Blake. Gina still spends half the day with her, but the other half she stays by herself. She writes a lot.”
“I imagine that is very therapeutic for her.”
I nodded, and for whatever reason, I admitted to Blake that I was writing in my notebook that she gave me for my birthday.
“Anthony, that’s fantastic. Really, I’m so happy to hear that.”
I nodded again and looked down at my sandwich. I felt awkward all of a sudden and knew it was the drop causing this. I wondered if Blake could tell. I decided to try and head the questions off at the pass.
“I think I’m dropping,” I admitted.
“I think you are, too.” He held my gaze until I looked back down at my food that I hadn’t touched much of. “Nothing to be ashamed over or worried about, Anthony. You were deeply affected by your play with her last night. Did you feel okay when you went to bed?”
I shook my head and peeked up at him. He sat across from me as calm as could be, just listening to me.
“No, I got cold. Even though I took a warm bath with her afterward, I still felt cold.”
“It’s alright, Anthony. It happens. You know how to help Sydney when she drops. You understand the psychology behind it. You’ll have to spend some extra time with her tonight.”
“Oh, I will. Colin has a dinner tonight with Cheng so Sydney and I will do dinner together.”
After Blake was done eating, I told him that I needed to get back to my office to finish up some stuff before I left. On my way to my office, my phone vibrated.
SB: Hi, Sir.
I stopped in my tracks. I could almost tell Sydney’s moods and feelings by her texts. I was that connected to her. This was the text of a nervous girl, needing something, but afraid to come right out and ask. I dialed her as I neared my office and closed the door just as she picked up.
“Hey, sunshine.”
“Hi, Anthony.”
Just as I suspected, her nervous tone had seeped through the phone.
“Sunshine, how was your morning?”
“Um, fine. Gina and I shopped online some. I didn’t order anything.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart if you had.”
“Ok,” she said quietly.
My heart hurt for her. I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.
“Sunshine, talk to me.”
“I’m sorry. I just…miss you and Colin.”
I think Sydney was dropping now, too. We both needed one another.
“Want to spend some with me this afternoon, sunshine? I’d love to spend some time with you.”
“How?”
“Well, I don’t have any meetings this afternoon, and I’m in the office with my door shut. So how about we FaceTime?”
“Really? Can we?”
“Yes, sunshine.”
I swapped over to the FaceTime function, and soon our beautiful girl appeared. Her face looked a little stressed, but I hoped that maybe just seeing me would relax her some. I knew that seeing her would do wonders for me.
“There you are, sweetheart.”
Sydney blushed and waved at me. She was sitting in her writing room on her bright blue couch. While I worked, Sydney wrote a little bit, and we carried on small conversations that were good for both of us. I was concentrating on the computer screen when Sydney said, “Oh, Anthony.”
I looked at her on the phone, and saw that she was holding my journal. I swallowed hard. I hadn’t intended for her to ever read anything I wrote in there while we were face to face like this. I didn’t know what to do or say.
“Anthony, you said you’d wake me up when you had a bad dream.”
“I know. I’m…trying, sunshine.”
I looked up, and her gorgeous blue eyes were staring lovingly at me.
“I’m going to log out and head home. Be ready when I get home, and you and I will go out to eat. And I’ll hold your hand while we’re out.”
She smiled brightly and blew me a kiss before we got off the phone. Before I left the office, I had one last thing to do from my task list today. I sent an email to the contact people on the website that I had been staring at all afternoon and told them I wanted to set up an appointment for tomorrow during my lunch. Then I shut down the laptop and headed to get our girl for dinner.
I got home and found Sydney in her present pose, but clothed. I thought it was adorable. She knew to be in this position when we came home, but since I told her to be ready for dinner, she was ready.
I crouched in front o
f her and took hold of her chin between my thumb and index finger. Fuck, I had missed her. I covered her mouth with mine, and when we pulled apart, I felt invigorated.
“Come upstairs with me while I change clothes for dinner,” I said and helped her off the ground.
When we got to our room, I pointed to the ottoman for her to sit there. From there, she’d be able to see me while I changed. I quickly pulled on some jeans and a black t-shirt, and we chatted a bit while I got ready.
“Now, sunshine…where shall we go?”
All she did was flash me her gorgeous smile, and I knew where she wanted to go.
“There? We could go anywhere, sunshine?”
“I know, Sir.”
After she inhaled her fries and Chicken McNuggets, we shared a McFlurry. As I sat there with my arm draped over her shoulder, I realized that there wouldn't have been a better place for her and me tonight.
I knew I was needy though. I had been away from Sydney too long today and needed to touch her more. Soon I had abandoned the spoon and let her hold it while I held my hand over her tummy as she ate. I rubbed on her back, kissed her cheek, tugged on her earlobe and kissed her head all while she held that McFlurry securely in her hands.
26
Thursday, March 13th
Sydney
I had wanted to talk to Anthony about what he had written in his notebook since he and I had some alone time. I was going to broach the subject, but remembered something essential that he had said to me before we started this…that it had to be his way for a while. If I pushed him, I felt as though I wasn’t holding up my promise to do it his way. I held my breath when I had asked him if he wanted to see what I had written today.
“Of course, sunshine. Lead the way,” he said.
As we walked upstairs to my writing room, he playfully hit my butt since it was right in front of him. I picked up my notebook, opened it to a page and handed it to him. I scooted down on the couch and hugged my Batman pillow while I nestled my head on his lap.
I leaned the side of my face against his stomach and closed my eyes. I think I dozed off because when I opened my eyes, I became aware that Anthony was stroking my cheek. I started to sit up, but he stopped me.
“Rest sunshine. I’ve got you.”
“I want to sit up with you. I’ve missed you all day.”
He stared down at me as if he were contemplating putting me in bed for the night. I pulled his t-shirt up and planted my hands against his stomach. He closed his eyes and whispered my name.
“Can I tell you something, sunshine?”
“Always,” I said, hoping he’d feel comfortable enough to follow through with whatever was on his tongue.
“I ached without you today. My body missed you terribly.”
He made my eyes water, and since I was lying on my back with my head on his lap, tears easily spilled out of my eyes.
“Don’t cry, sunshine. Everything is fine. I just had a little top drop from last night.”
I reached up and ran my hand down the stubble on his jaw. Poor Anthony had some top drop today. I hoped Colin kept an eye on him.
“Can I do anything for you, Sir?”
“Sunshine, I’m up for anything as long as you’re touching me.”
I had an idea and hoped it would go over well.
“Can I try something? You can tell me to stop if you want.”
“I’m all ears, sunshine.”
“Ok, take off your shirt and sit on the floor with your back against the couch.”
Anthony moved into position, and I sat behind his head with my legs hang down next to his arms. He immediately wrapped his arms around my legs and tugged on my jeans.
“Pants need to go, sunshine.”
I smiled at the back of his head and removed my pants. I ran my hands through his hair and moved my hands to his shoulders. Things were going okay for a minute, and then he got really agitated, and I was sure he was going to move away from me.
“Sydney.”
I slowed my hands and tried to figure out what I did that he hadn’t liked. I made him angry and felt sorry. Why was he mad? He hung his head and I began to apologize.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I thought you’d like a shoulder rub. I didn’t—”
“Sydney, relax a minute. Please.”
I kept my mouth tightly shut. I felt embarrassed and stupid. When I started to pull my hands away, he stopped me.
27
Thursday, March 13th
Anthony
I knew at some point I needed to man up and tell Sydney. She deserved to know why I freeze when she touches my neck. Not because her hearing it will make either of us feel better, but she needs to understand the reason behind it. I need her to know that it’s not her. And if there’s a person I knew who I felt would grasp this the easiest, it was Sydney.
She had given me a perfect lead in; the back rub which caused me to tense up. This would be the perfect chance. But could I?
“Sunshine, I need to tell you something…but we have to do it my way, ok?”
“Ok, however, is easiest for you.”
Fuck, she was so sweet, trying to help me help her understand. As much as I wished, I wasn't strong enough to vocalize this. I pulled the notebook off the couch and asked her to give me a few minutes.
Sydney sat quietly behind me on the couch while my heart thudded in my ears. I didn’t dare tell her that I knew she’d understand because I don’t want that pressure on her. But I knew in my heart that given her background, she would understand my reactions to things perfectly.
After many minutes with the pen firmly in my hands, I finally began to move it across the paper.
It's important that you know about something that happened while you were gone. It's why I freeze up sometimes. It has nothing to do with you or Colin, and everything to do with the Pro Dom Victor. I made a mistake that night and added to it with alcohol. My head wasn’t as clear as it needed to be for a physical session with a Pro Dom. It actually wasn’t clear at all. I was in so much pain, Sydney. I missed you so much. I had to ease the heartache, and the only way I’ve known how to make the pain in my heart go away was to feel physical pain. It kind of drowns it out. I was eager and antsy for the Pro Dom to just start hitting me, that I didn’t pay attention to much of anything he asked me. My only responses were, “I didn’t care.” I was drunk and got mouthy when he hit me with the belt. Things escalated, and I ended up hitting the back of my head on the floor. It was hard enough that I blacked out. I woke up to terrible pain. Familiar pain that I remember vividly from my youth, only this was much worse. I couldn’t move my arms or comprehend much of what was going on. But the fragments of the night have all been pieced together and confirmed. I’m getting long winded here, Sydney. I’m sorry. Victor had my wrists cuffed to the leg of my couch, and he prevented me from raising my head by holding his hand down on my neck. That’s where the bruising came from. Victor took my “I don’t care” response as a validity for him to fuck me. I would never have consented to that. Never. Certain things from that night set me off a bit. Like being touched on the neck. Colin did it once at the beach house, and I flipped out. I didn’t mean to. When we have sex, if I feel like too much weight is on me, I think of all of Victor’s weight on me. I’m so sorry if any of my reactions to things make you feel like it’s something you’re doing wrong. I’m sorry you had to find out the sick details of that night, but I can’t go on with you thinking that you’re upsetting me or making me cringe at your touch. And I’m sorry you have to read this instead of hearing it from me, but I can’t say it.
I stared at my phrase “validity for him to fuck me” and I felt nearly sick to my stomach. Was I really going to make Sydney read this?
With hesitant hands, I passed the notebook over my shoulder to the only person that I knew who’d actually understand. She smiled softly at me, and when she took the book from my hand, I had to look away. What the fuck did I just do?
Fears that I had in Southern Calif
ornia washed over me again, and I started to feel warm. She was moments away from finding out.
How can I take care of her if I can’t take care of myself?
Her faith in me as a protector will be shattered in seconds. And fuck me; I did this while Colin wasn’t even home.
“What…no…Anthony…oh, Anthony,” Sydney whispered.
I turned to look her. She was crying, and it broke my heart. I really regretted doing this while Colin wasn’t here. He would at least have been able to console her. She set my notebook to the side and wiped the fallen tears from her own cheek. Her mouth was tightly closed, and she began shaking her head.
I twisted on the floor and tried to comfort her. I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me. I put my chin on her knee and rest my hands on her thighs. She was struggling with my inked words. She took a deep breath and picked up my notebook and pen.
This girl was doing it my way; the way I needed right now. She understood that I couldn’t talk about it. Sydney understood this perfectly because there were things she still couldn’t say either. When she handed me back my notebook, she pulled her Robin and Batman pillows closer and hugged them to her chest.
I am so sorry you went through that again. You know that I love you and that I understand some of the feelings you’ve probably had. I will try to be careful with your neck. I can’t believe he was in this house!
Our girl was a mix of emotions. Even though the tears fell, she was fuming. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, and I worried that she was working herself up. I shook her legs with my hands, and she grabbed the notebook again. I watched her furiously scrawl something on the paper, toss the notebook to the cushion next to her and bury her face in the pillow.