Forever Careless

by Brittany Butler

  When I glance down at the table, my dazed mind travels back to my thoughts from earlier. “I love this table,” I run my hands over the wood and bite my lip at him.

  “Eat and we’ll revisit this conversation later,” he points down at the food in front of me. I have to force myself to not pout. He’s serious about talking before anything goes further tonight. It’s been too long and the wine is making me brave.

  “How are your classes going?” He asks.

  “Good, very easy. I can’t believe I’m graduating in a few months.”

  “Have you put any thought into what you’re doing after graduation?”

  “I don’t know that I want to do anything for awhile,” I admit.

  “Go for it. You have the rest of your life to be an adult.” I feel relieved when he takes my side. My mother and anyone else I tell that to will look at me with disgust. “Along the lines of that conversation, your birthday is coming up in two weeks.”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “I was talking to Olivia about it…”

  “No! No more parties,” I cut him off.

  “You don’t know what I was going to say,” I roll my eyes at him. “I’m not telling you after that.”

  “Fine, promise me that there will be no parties.” I glare at him.

  “I can’t promise you that there will be no parties on your birthday. I have no control over what everyone does on that day,” his dimples greet me.

  “No parties thrown for me,” I say. He shrugs it off and I immediately know that Olivia has planned something.

  We finish dinner avoiding the topics of birthdays and heavy subjects. I grab my plate but he shakes his head at me and retrieves everything to take to the kitchen, leaving out the wine and glasses. “Grab another bottle,” I yell after him when I realize I’ve polished this one off. He chuckles and appears with another bottle.

  “I guess I owe you an explanation,” I blow out a sigh in relief. I fall into step behind him to his deck off of the living room.

  “If you’re ready,” I tell him and take a seat beside him. I glance over the wood railing and into the ocean. I’ll never get over his breathtaking view of the beach.

  “I got a call from a neighbor saying that there was a man sitting outside of my house the night that we went out with William. I knew who it was. I knew you would be pissed that I left without telling you, and I did it anyway. But I didn’t know what the hell to do with him, so I knew I couldn’t drag you into it.”

  “But I want you to drag me into things. You can tell me anything.”

  “Just let me finish. You may not want to know everything,” he stands up and walks behind his chair to grip the back of it. One look at him and I can tell that he’s too anxious to sit down, I want to comfort him but I remain glued to my seat.

  “He started dating a woman and got mixed up with the wrong crowd. She, along with her friends, was messing with drugs. He swears that he didn’t touch them, and I think I believe him, but the alcohol had to stop. I knew if he was around this group any longer that he would eventually get curious.”

  “You did the right thing,” I grab his hand.

  “There’s more,” he says hesitantly.

  “You can tell me everything.” I remind him.

  “This woman just had a baby that they suspect is his.” He takes a deep breath and walks over to the railing and this time I follow after him. “He tells everyone that I’m his son, obviously this was going to happen.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “It’s probably not his. I’m sure this woman is looking for money, but she’s not getting it here.”

  “And if it is his?”

  “I wouldn’t let my little brother stay with her,” he says through clenched teeth. “It would be like the first years of my life, and I’m not letting him go through that.”

  I hide my surprise. This is one of the first times I’ve heard him speak of his mother. “How are you going to find out?”

  “I had a paternity test done before I dropped him off. I should know the results tomorrow.”

  “Have you told your family about this?”

  “Yeah, I told my uncle while he was down and he filled my family in.” He finally walks back to his seat after this weight has been lifted from him.

  “Will they adopt the baby?”

  “They would, but I can’t t ask them to do that. My uncle offered but I can’t let them do that after they took me in.”

  “Kellen, stop thinking of yourself as a burden to them, you’re their son.”

  “Okay, I’m still not letting them raise him. I’ve been thinking maybe I should.” My jaw drops before I can stop it.

  “Kellen, I don’t think a judge would give you the child.”

  “I’m the best option. His mother is addicted to drugs; his father abandoned his first child and is currently in rehab for addiction to alcohol. I look like mother Teresa compared to them. I’ll hire a nanny to help.”

  “Let’s just see what the results say tomorrow. I don’t want you to worry about it unless you have to.” I lean over and give him a peck on the lips and manage a stiff smile. “Let’s go back inside,” I tug on his hand and he gives in willingly.

  “I’m putting the wine and our glasses away,” I pout at him.

  “You’re cutting me off?”

  “Yes, I should’ve done it a long time ago.” He grins at me and disappears into the kitchen.

  “I need to use your restroom,” I yell after him. I walk quickly to his guest bathroom.

  I lock the door and slide down the back until the cold tiles greets my backside. I swallow down my panic attack and compose myself before I get too worked up. We don’t have the results and I’m sure that it’s not his brother. But I don’t believe that, not until I see the results.

  I know that he’s doing the right thing and I hope that I would do the same. But if Kellen gets custody of this baby, what will happen to us? I absolutely know that I’m not ready to have a child and I know that Kellen isn’t either. Kellen would want me to help him and I’m scared that I’m not ready.

  “Hey babe, are you okay in there?” He knocks on the door and I swipe a tear that escaped my eye before standing up.

  “Yeah, just fixing my hair,” I lie.

  I walk out of the bathroom and find him sitting on the couch with his face in his hands. I know he’s stressed out about my reaction, but I don’t know what else to feel. Of all the things that ran through my mind with his distance these past few weeks, this was not one of them. He raises his head up when I continue my walk toward him.

  “Will you stay over?” He asks. His blue eyes are pleading with me. I can’t say no to him. “I want you hear when I get the call.”

  “Of course I’ll stay.” He takes my hand in his and leads me to his bedroom. This is exactly what I’ve needed since I arrived tonight. If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve needed this for weeks.

  He stops shy of the bed and turns to me. I feel his breath on the back of my neck as he unzips my dress, letting it fall to the floor. He places kisses on my shoulder and down my back until he reaches my bra. He unclasps it in one motion; unable to wait any longer, I kick my panties off.

  “Someone is impatient,” he chuckles.

  “I’m always impatient when it comes to you,” I laugh at my honesty. “It’s been too long.” I turn around and unbutton his shirt and toss it on my pile of clothing beside the bed. I fumble with the button on his jeans before he takes my hand away and slides them off for me.

  “I want to bury myself inside of you and forget everything else tonight,” he whispers in my ear. His admission alone almost unravels me. He pushes me softly back on the bed and climbs on top of me. “The first time will be quick because I can’t wait any longer, but I’ll make it up to you.”

  “Are you ready?” He asks. I nod my head yes.

  I can feel him at my entrance before he pushes in. I’m met with pleasure and light pain. The pain fades
with each thrust. His lips connect with mine and my core starts to warm. The weeks without him made my body desperate for his touch. My body starts to tremble underneath him, “I love you,” he whispers against my mouth.

  I open mine to respond but, “Kellen,” in a throaty moan comes out instead. His body quivers above me, after two more strokes he collapses on top of me.

  “I love you,” I tell him after I find my voice.

  “Now you tell me,” he laughs.

  “I needed to be reminded,” I tease him.

  “I’m going to remind you all night. You’ll never forget.”

  Like clockwork the phone call wakes us up at nine am. I hand Kellen his phone and I can see his features turn from sleepy to serious.

  “Hello,” he answers and puts the call on speaker so I can hear every word.

  “Is this Kellen Reeves speaking?” The male voice asks.

  “It is,” he yawns and looks over at me. I take his hand in mine, this is it. This is the moment that could change our entire life.

  “I have the results from the paternity test that you requested,” I want to yell at the man to spill the news but I refrain myself. “The results were negative. The baby is not your father’s child.”

  “That’s awesome to hear. Thank you for getting back with me so fast.” His grin is contagious. He hangs up the phone and pulls me in for a hug. I don’t try to stop the tears that stream down my face.

  Soon after the call we were waiting for, my phone begins to ring with a call that I usually dread.

  “Hello mother,” I answer on the second ring.

  “I heard something interesting today.”

  “Oh,” god, what did I do? I rack my brain quickly and almost start apologizing before she cuts me off.

  “Olivia and William,” is all that she says.

  “Yeah,” I’m not sure what to say because I’m not sure where they stand.

  She sighs, “I’m glad that he ended up with one of you girls, I just hoped that it would be you.”

  “We were never more than friends,” I assure her again.

  “I know, dear, I know. How is Kellen?” I think my heart stopped as soon as the question left her mouth.

  “He’s good. We’re good.”

  “Your father would have loved him. Sometimes I think of all the baseball related questions he would ask him,” she quietly laughs. “We were always the complete opposite.”

  “I think about that, too.” I swipe the tear from my cheek before Kellen can see. This is the first enjoyable conversation I’ve had with my mother since my dad passed away.

  “I love you, Audrey. I’ve only wanted the best from you,” she assures me.

  “I love you, too mom.” We became closer through this phone call.

  Kellen raises his eyebrow at me when I put down the phone. “That was…different.”

  “Yeah, it was.” I grin at him, “my dad would have loved you.” I say, repeating my mom. I truly believe it.

  “It would’ve been nice to have someone on my side.” He places a quick, soft kiss on my lips.

  Chapter twenty-six

  “Where are we going?” I ask again as I watch Kellen load my suitcases that Olivia packed for me.

  “You’ll find out,” he swats my behind as he passes by me to get his luggage.

  “I told you I don’t like surprises!” I yell after him.

  “No, you didn’t say that. You said no parties for your birthday and I didn’t throw a party. You didn’t say that I couldn’t take you on a trip.” He reminds me again.

  Kellen told me two nights ago at dinner, as soon as he left the gym on Friday he was taking me on a trip for my birthday and Spring Break. He’s not able to go during my actual break due to Spring Training. The necklace that he bought me should’ve been enough but according to him it wasn’t. All jokes aside, I’m bouncing with excitement about this trip. It’s our first trip that we’ve taken together.

  “Let’s go. We need to stop by your place before we go to the airport,” he opens my door and helps me inside.

  “Why?”

  “Another surprise,” He grins at me and pulls out of his driveway. I turn my head to hide my excited grin and look out the window. He reaches over and pulls my hand into his but we don’t say anything the entire drive. When he pulls into my driveway I’m shocked to find Olivia and William standing outside with suitcases beside them.

  “You invited your two favorite people on this trip?” I tease him and he nods. “Thank you. It’s perfect already.” I give him a quick kiss and jump out to see Olivia.

  “You have the best boyfriend ever!” She yells when she sees me. I almost correct her but I stop myself.

  “He told me where we are going,” I lie. “I’m so excited!”

  “Kellen, you told her?” She asks him as he finishes loading their luggage with William.

  “Lying to get your way? I thought you were better than that,” he laughs.

  “I’m not.” I climb in after everyone else. “He didn’t even let me look in my suitcase because it would give me a clue.” I groan.

  “Your boyfriend is taking you, your best friend, and ex-boyfriend on a trip for your birthday. Do you hear yourself? Stop whining!” Olivia chimes in.

  “He’s only going because you’re sleeping with him,” Kellen points to William. “And we aren’t there yet. Put it like that again and I’m taking you home.” Olivia and I laugh but William remains quite. He isn’t comfortable around Kellen yet. If he’s accepting him into our lives, he considers him a friend. Well, my friend.

  The rest of the drive is filled with me trying to pry information out of my friends, and Kellen threatening to drop us all off and go alone. Kellen drives up to a closed gate with a guard standing outside and flashes him his ID. The guard opens the gate and closes it again once we pass through. I look to Kellen, Olivia, and William for any sign that I might get answers from them. I turn around in my seat again and see that we are at a small, private airport. Dozens of planes line the parking spaces. Kellen parks and walks to the small building.

  “Someone tell me what’s going on?”

  “No,” Olivia replies quickly.

  Kellen walks back out of the building with a man that looks a few years older than him. They look deep in conversation and the man’s face breaks into a wide grin when the closer they get to us. Kellen comes over to open my door.

  “William, will you get the bags out?” He looks back to me. “This is my friend, Brad. Brad this is my girlfriend, Audrey.”

  He takes my hand, “He’s told me a lot about you, it’s nice to finally meet you.” I nod but I don’t say anything. What the hell would I say? I have no idea what’s going on.

  “Brad is a pilot,” Kellen offers the first information that I’ve heard about this trip. “He’s flying us.” My eyebrows shoot up but he doesn’t say anything else. He walks over to grab some of the bags from William and they fall into step behind Brad. Everyone else seems to know what’s going on so I follow behind them and don’t ask any more questions.

  We stop in front a small plane. It’s larger than most of the other plans here, but it’s still smaller than any plane that I’ve ever been on. He loads the luggage and opens the plane door for us. William sits in the front seat beside Brad. Olivia, Kellen, and I sit in the back of the plane.

  “Why didn’t we fly commercial?” I ask Kellen.

  “Then you wouldn’t have been surprised,” he gives me a soft kiss on the cheek. “And this is more fun. Have you ever been on one like this?” I shake my head no. “You’ll love it; he’s taken me out a few times.”

  “How long will the flight be?”

  “You wish I would tell you,” he laughs. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you when it’s time,” he promises. I lay my head on his shoulder and drift to sleep after the plane takes off.

  Kellen shakes my shoulder lightly and I groggily lift my head. I look out the window and almost lose my breakfast. The mountains are so close that I know
at any moment we are going to crash into one.

  “Are we about to land?” I ask Kellen.

  “Yes.”

  “Where?” I ask in disbelief.

  “You’ll see,” he chuckles when he takes in my horrified expression.

  The plane descends quickly and the mountains streak by us in a blur. When the opening reveals a tiny airport and landing strip, I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding in. Brad lands the plane smoothly and exits the plane to get our bags before he takes off.

  I take the time to glance around me. There are a handful of planes parked with people climbing down the stairs and filling in the airport. The building appears to be in the middle of the desert, with only mountains and sand surrounding it.

  “Let’s walk inside.” Kellen grabs my hand and walked by my side to the building. “We have to go through customs.”

  “Mexico,” I say when it hits me and he grins. “What city?”

  “Not happening,” Olivia interjects from behind us.

  When we walk inside I take in the large sign that says Welcome to Los Cabos. I grin at both of them. Olivia had to mention to Kellen that we wanted to visit here. We were going to visit last Spring Break, but Olivia caught the flu and we had to cancel our trip. We vowed to come before we graduated and Kellen made that possible.

  “Where are we staying?”

  “Cabo San Lucas,” Kellen tells me. “It’s a thirty minute drive. There’s our ride.” He nods over to van parked outside of the airport.

  My eyes are glued out of the window at the small town that we pass through. Kellen talks with the family beside us, which of course, recognizes him. The van enters a large gate and drives up to two large resorts.

  “This is us,” Olivia squeals and jumps out of the van first. William quietly follows behind her with their luggage. I laugh to myself at the sight of him; he’s out of his element with us.

  Kellen walks to the front desk and I look around the resort. The lobby was open in the middle all the way to the eighth and last floor. He walks over to us and hands William their key and motions for me to follow him.