Forever Careless

by Brittany Butler

  “That’s lovely. How’s your friend?” I don’t like the way she says friend with disgust, so I chose to tease her.

  “Olivia, my friend, she’s great. We are actually registering together.”

  “You know who I mean, Audrey,” she actually sighs at me.

  “He’s fine mom. I need to get a shower and get ready for my appointment.”

  “Let me know how the appointment goes.” I hang up my phone and toss it on the sink.

  The scolding water greets me as I climb into the shower. I frown when my mind lingers back to my memories of Kellen in the shower. Everything I do and everything I see reminds me of a time that I’ve spent with him. This could make or break my spirit, but I do know is there is no getting over him.

  “Can we grab something to eat after this?” Olivia groans when I walk down the stairs.

  “Stop your whining we have one semester left! We’re taking three classes, easy classes,” I remind her. She rolls her eyes and takes the lead out of the front door.

  “Have you talked to him?” She asks when I slide inside the car.

  “No. He's done a complete one eighty, he's not the guy that I met months ago. He's changed and not in a good way.”

  “You’ve changed too,” I shoot her a glare. “I’m being serious! What’s going on with his dad? Did his parents split? That could be bothering him.”

  “His parents haven’t been together in a long time, Liv. The family that you’ve met is Kellen’s aunt and uncle. His real dad keeps showing up and wanting Kellen to support him.”

  “And he’s letting him,” she gives me a questioning look. I’m surprised about it too, I want to say.

  “His dad is an alcoholic. I think he’s looking into putting him into rehab.”

  “That’s great! He can get the help he needs and you two can go back to being perfect and in love. I’m ready to see what your babies will look like.”

  “I liked it better when you hated him,” I grimace. “I think something else happened.”

  “What do you mean?” She asks, clearly interested in new drama.

  “He said that his dad threw something else on him, I don’t know, and I don’t have the time to care.”

  “Let’s call in pizza and lay around the house all day,” she beams at me.

  “No argument here.”

  Chapter twenty-four

  I feel my phone vibrating from the bottom of my purse as I walk out of my second class of the day. One more and I can go home. Thankfully, I only go three days a week. This is allowing me to finally enjoy the college life, when I brought this to Olivia’s attention she insisted that she’s enjoyed the life for the last three and a half years.

  I finally find my phone and my heart stops at the name on the screen. His calls have stopped over the last three days. He was calling every day after our blow up outside of his house three weeks ago. He has sent me texts keeping me updated on everything from baseball, to his dad’s rehab search. His family is now helping him with the latter.

  “Hello,” I answer against my better judgment.

  “You answered,” he sounds shocked, but excited.

  “I’m full of surprises,” I tell him.

  “How are you?” He asks me.

  “I’m… fine.” There’s that word again. Olivia has threatened me if I use the word fine again. “How are you?”

  “I’ve been better. I have some news.”

  “I’m all ears,” I switch the phone to my other ear while I dig around my purse to find my car keys.

  “We just dropped him off. My uncle came to stay for a few days with me.”

  “That’s great. I hope he gets the help he needs,” I realize my voice is monotone, with no hint of excitement. I slide into my car, pull out of the packed student parking and drive to a fast food place for lunch.

  “Let me talk to her,” I hear his uncles muffled voice in the background followed by Kellen’s dismissal. Moments later I know who won the argument when his uncle comes over the phone.

  “Hey Audrey, Kellen says I won’t see you this trip. He says you’re busy with school but I know that’s bullshit. What did he do?” I burst into laughter as Kellen takes the phone back.

  “Can I take you out tonight?” I knew he was getting to that. I should announce that I’m going through a tunnel and hang up the phone now. This space thing isn’t going to work if he’s calling me all the time and now asking me out.

  “Your uncle is in,” I remind him, instead of saying hell no.

  “He’s leaving Thursday. Let’s go out Friday. Please, I start spring training next week and I won’t be able to see you as much…” His voice trails off at the end. As much as what, Kellen, as much as you did before you pushed me away?

  “Fine,” I sigh, making him think that I’m not happy to see him. When in reality the butterflies are stirring deep within at the thought of seeing him in four days.

  “Awesome, what time do you get out of class?” I can hear the smile behind his voice.

  “Two-thirty, why? I finally see the sandwich shop I was looking for and whip into the lot.

  “I’ll pick you up at three. I want to hang out with you all day.”

  “Okay, I need to grab lunch. I’ll see you then.”

  “I’ll text you,” he corrects me. “Bye Audrey.”

  I hang up just as my stomach starts to growl. My car pulls up to the window to take my order, and I’m on my way back to class with a sandwich in my lap. I shove large bites into my mouth in the parking lot when I realize I only have fifteen minutes to get to my class, my mother would be so proud, I laugh.

  I toss my trash in the back and grab my notebook for my last class of the day. I take the seat in the middle of the lecture hall with no one around. Minutes before class starts two girls take the seats in the row in front of me, their conversation catches my attention when I hear the name Noah escape their lips.

  “Yeah I’m being serious! She’s pressing charges!” The blonde squeals to her friend next to her.

  “I just can’t see him doing that,” her friend looks at her skeptically.

  “I totally can. I get that vibe from him.”

  “Are you talking about Noah, the one with the dark blonde hair? He’s in one of the fraternities. I can’t remember the name of it...” I realize I’m rambling when I take in their expressions.

  “Yeah, why?” The skeptic asks me.

  “He,” tried to assault me in a bar. “Uh, almost hurt my friend,” I lie.

  “Oh,” the blonde said with an eyebrow cocked at her friend. I hope that I help her argument. “He took it too far with one of our sorority sisters and she’s pressing charges against him.”

  “I hope he gets what he deserves.” I pull out my phone and type a text to Kellen.

  Noah messed with the wrong girl. I was just told that he’s facing charges for taking it too far with a girl.

  He’ll be someone’s girlfriend in prison. He replies almost immediately. I giggle at his response. I knew if anyone was happy to hear the news it would be Kellen, Noah should be happy I stopped Kellen when I did. I shiver at the thought.

  My professor walks in a few minutes late and begins the lecture. I push all thoughts aside. The least I could do during our break is being a star student again.

  ∞

  “Kellen called me today.”

  “Kellen calls you every day,” Olivia reminds me. She’s going through our DVD collection to find something to keep us occupied. Things get boring when you have absolutely no homework.

  “Good point but I answered today.” This has her attention.

  “How did that go?”

  “It was nice. His uncle is in; he helped him drop his dad off today. He asked me out I agreed to a date on Friday.”

  “Do you know what Friday is?” She laughs at me.

  “No…”

  “Valentine’s day, he probably had that planned,” she laughs even louder now.

  “He did not, he suggested today and
I said Friday!”

  “And now you’re defending him.”

  “Shut the hell up and pick out a movie,” she tosses a case at me after she pushes the DVD in.

  “I’m living vicariously through you. Let me have this.”

  “Speaking of, how are things going on with all of your men?” I smile at her.

  “William calls me every day, and Adrian hates me.”

  “The question is, who do you want?”

  “I think Adrian and I were great as friends but we shouldn’t have taken it further.” She bites her lip, “William is another story.”

  “Care to tell me?”

  “He’s different. He’s polite and well mannered but he’s different when it’s only us.”

  “Go on, I’m intrigued,” I urge her.

  “You never fooled around with him at all?” She collapses on the couch beside me. When I shake my head no she continues, “He’s the complete opposite of what I thought he would be.”

  “Do I want to know?” I cringe at the thought of this conversation going further. I’m almost terrified for my ears to hear this. She shakes her head no. My mind is blown; I usually have to ask Olivia to stop talking about her sexual encounters. “Do you actually have feelings for him or is this lust?”

  “It doesn’t matter. We’ll never know.”

  “Don’t say that. If you have feelings for him then just tell him! Things aren’t going to go well for him and Rachel. She already knows about you,” I remind her.

  “He wouldn’t break up with her and then I’ll just be his consolation prize. He didn’t get the girl he actually wanted so he’s stuck with me.”

  “I think he’s afraid of hurting her feelings. If he really cared about her, then he wouldn’t have started this up with you.”

  “I don’t know,” she sighs and tries to turn her attention back to the movie.

  “I do. Tell him!”

  “I’ll tell him if,” she grins devilishly. “You get back with Kellen. I’m tired of you moping. And honestly you’re hurting my game. I can’t bring back guys with you slumming around the house being depressed.”

  “Where do I even begin? We just had a heart to heart about you telling a guy you have feelings for him and now you’re talking about more guys!” I laugh.

  “I’m joking. Back to you and Kellen,” she nudges me with her shoulder.

  “Let’s just see how Friday goes.”

  “What are you waiting for? I don’t understand this break up.”

  “Liv, he has to stop keeping things from me. If he thinks it is okay to keep his family issues from me, he will think it is okay to do far worse. I’m putting my foot down.”

  “He doesn’t know how to deal with this issue. He wouldn’t cheat on you, or do anything else that would hurt you. As your best friend, I think you’re hurting him worse by not being with him right now.”

  “I tried to be with him. He kept telling me to give him a few days. I’m not going to sit back and be at his beck and call when he wants me to be there.”

  “I don’t want to argue, but I don’t want to see you make a huge mistake,” she hugs me and plants a kiss on my head. “Can we open a bottle of wine?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter twenty-five

  It’s Friday, and it’s most definitely Valentine’s Day. I guess when you’re slumming around the house you miss things like romantic holidays, which is okay until you ask a guy on a date, by accident. I tap the homescreen to see Kellen should be arriving in ten minutes. I pull my on black dress and flats and sit on the couch to appear like I’m casually waiting on him.

  “What are you going to do tonight, Liv?” I ask her when she takes a seat next to me.

  “What all single people do on Valentine’s Day, eat a gallon of ice cream, get drunk, and cry.”

  “I’m single and I’m not doing those things,” I remind her.

  “You are not single! You haven’t been since you met Kellen and you never will be.”

  “We are single at this second.” I point my finger at her and raise my eyebrows.

  “You’re going on a date for Valentine’s. You talk every day and you hang out. That’s not being single.” She laughs at me and stands up to walk into the kitchen, after ice cream I guess.

  I hear his Range Rover pull into the driveway. My mind almost counts the steps he takes before I hear a knock on the door. I want to yell for Olivia to get the door, but I tell myself that I can do it.

  I walk over to the door and stop in front of the mirror to run my fingers through my hair and correct my lip gloss. When I work up the courage, I open the door to find him dressed in jeans, a black button down, with flowers in his hand.

  “I bet you stood in line for hours, you know since its valentine’s day.” Olivia says from over my shoulders. I shoot her a glare but she just shrugs and says, “Don’t mind me, I’m bitter.”

  “Put these in water. It will give you something to do,” I blow her a kiss and turn back to Kellen. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “You look gorgeous,” he says when we step out of my house. He walks ahead of me and opens my door and helps me inside. He’s playing the boyfriend roll, but I’m curious to see if he’s ready to talk.

  “Where are we going?”

  “My place,” he grins and pulls out onto the road.

  “You think I’m going home with you after our first date,” he lets out a low chuckle.

  “I would rather chew my arm off than go to a restaurant on Valentines night. I cooked and I thought it would be better to be some place quiet so that we can talk.” He looks over at me and I smile. I hope he’s ready to tell me everything because I know that I can’t hold off any longer tonight.

  “I don’t know how well your baseball career would do with one arm,” I tease him to take the tension from the car.

  “I could pull it off,” he shrugs and grins.

  “How was the visit with your uncle?”

  “It was good. He shadowed me the entire time and wanted to know how I was feeling. My family thinks I’m a ticking time bomb or some shit.”

  “Why do they think that?” My curiosity always gets the best of me, but I know if I go too far he will shut the conversation down. I take what I can get.

  “I filled them in on what’s going on with us,” please fill me in on what’s going on with us, I want to add. “They’re concerned about the pressure I’m dealing with my dad and the season is starting up soon and…”

  “And what?” I ask after he lets the thought trail off.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he sees the look I give him and continues. “Okay, I’ll tell you later.”

  And just like that he shut the conversation down. At least I have the possibility that he’ll tell me later this evening. After a quick drive he pulls into his driveway and butterflies are released in my stomach. After months of coming over here, I don’t know why I’m suddenly nervous. He jumps out quickly to get my door for me; I wipe my palms on the black fabric of my dress.

  “You’re being a gentleman tonight. You’re losing your edge,” I tease.

  “Give me an hour,” he takes my hand and whispers in my ear. “You won’t say that again.” I literally gasp. What does that even mean? From the low ache in my core, I think my body is more in tune with him than my brain is.

  “What did you cook?” He chuckles. If he thinks I’m trying to change the subject, he’s right.

  “I lied. I ordered take out about an hour ago from an Italian grill.” He laughs. ” What? I couldn’t let you think that I’m capable of cooking that good.”

  “This better be good.” I walk ahead of him to see that he actually took the time to set the table. He put two candles in the center and two plates, one at the head of the table and one at the closest seat on the right.

  He walks out of the kitchen with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He places them on table and nods for me to take a seat beside him. The food that he ordered is carefully c
overed and hidden away at the opposite end of the table. My eyes connect with his when his hand offers me my glass of wine, I take it and immediately toss back half of the glass.

  “Is my company that bad?”

  “No,” I laugh and look down to pick at the hem of my dress. “I’m nervous and I have no idea why.” I don’t finish that thought because his mouth is crashing against mine as soon as the words leave my mouth. I groan when his tongue sweeps across mine. I’ve missed the way he can make me feel with a single kiss. My hands reach up to wrap in his hair and pull him closer, but he stops me.

  “I didn’t bring you hear for that,” he whispers in my ear. My mind lingers to the thought of him bending me over the table. I shake my head before I let that thought consume me. He’s right, we aren’t even together. Have some self respect, Audrey. I sigh and nod my head, “What am I going to do with you,” he laughs and leans back to his side of the table, leaving me breathless and alone.

  “I could think of a few things. Let’s eat first,” I smile widely at him. He tops my wine off and grabs the covered dish and sits it down in front of us. I can smell the lasagna and breadsticks before he uncovers it.

  “They have the best in the city,” he assures me. I toss back the second glass of wine while he puts a serving on each of our plates. “I have an entire cabinet of stronger alcohol if you feel that you need it.” I burst into laughter and shake my head at him.

  “I told you I’m nervous,” I remind him.

  “And getting drunk will help with that?” He asks. He slides his hand over to grab mine, “I’m nervous, too.”

  “That makes me feel better. Pour me one more glass and I’ll take it slow this time,” I giggle. The wine has hit my system.

  “Don’t get drunk and start crying, or throw up,” he smiles at me. “Or anything else to ruin our first valentine’s together,” he laughs and pours me one more glass.

  “Promise,” I smile. The fact that he labeled this as our first valentine’s day makes me happier than it should. I love that he’s implying that there will be more to come, and I hope that he’s right.