Forever Careless

by Brittany Butler

  “Hello,” I try to steady my voice.

  “Are you alright?” Of course he notices.

  “Yeah,” I lie.

  “No, you’re not. What’s going on?”

  “I just left my house. I know this is stupid but I got so upset.” My eyes dart to my mirror as I pull out of the driveway for the last time. The house blurs as the first tear trails down my face.

  “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “Of course I am! I didn’t want to sell it. My mom did it behind my back.” I remind him.

  “That’s not what I meant,” he sighs. “Why do you need that house if we’re getting married? Are you going to live there?”

  “No, I just…” I let my voice trail off because I honestly don’t know what to say. I can’t put it into words. I just wanted to be the one to decide to sell it. Olivia, of course, was okay with it so everyone is questioning what has me so upset. My answer is, I don’t know.

  “Audrey, if you’re having second thoughts about anything, tell me now.” His voice is stern but I know he’s worried.

  “I’m not!” I am, but this is normal.

  “Okay,” I hear high let out a sigh of relief. “What time is your flight?”

  “Two. I’m going to the airport now. I’m leaving after her graduation and flying to Dallas. I’ll be there after your game.” Just saying my plans for the next twenty four hours makes me exhausted.

  “Thank you so much for going to Chloe’s graduation for me.”

  “Of course, they came to mine.” I remind him.

  “I have to go. I just wanted to check on you. Have a safe flight.”

  We end the call and I turn my car out of my drive way one last time and to my new home, the airport. I’ll be in California Texas in one day. This is our life now.

  ∞

  “Audrey!” Lori calls for me as I’m walking through the airport. She’s standing near the entrance alone and smiling.

  “Where is everyone at?” I look around the lobby for Chloe or Calvin.

  “Chloe had rehearsal and Calvin stayed home.”

  “It’s good to see you,” I pull her into a hug and fall into step behind her. Her blonde hair is pulled back and she’s dressed in a white cocktail dress. Luckily I dressed up for the graduation because she looks beautiful.

  When we reach her car I get nervous. I’ve never been to there house, and the first time will be without Kellen. I was supposed to come with him over Christmas, but we got into a fight and broke up. My anxious mind tells me that they’re thinking about this.

  “Chloe just texted me,” she holds her phone up. “She said we should come to the stadium. It’s really full.” I glance down at my phone. Graduation is only an hour away. “Let me text Calvin to meet us there.”

  When we pull into the track I see that Chloe was right. The lot is packed. Lori pulls into an empty spot. “Calvin has two seats saved.”

  I fall into step behind her. She’s walking fast for someone in heels. When I check my phone I see that we only have twenty minutes and I understand why. “There he is,” she tells me when we reach the stadium. He’s seated at the end of the row with a grin on his face.

  “I’m so sorry we’re late,” I tell him.

  “The ceremony doesn’t start for a few minutes. Take a seat. How was your flight?”

  “Fine, I’m dreading the one after the ceremony.”

  “You should’ve stayed the night,” Lori tells me.

  “I haven’t saw Kellen in days. He would come get me if I told him I was staying here.” They both laugh and agree.

  “It’s starting,” Calvin says to us.

  “I can’t believe my baby is graduating,” Lori wipes her eyes with a tissue. Calvin wraps his arm around her and she leans her head on his shoulder. The sight brings a smile to my face.

  The ceremony is over quick and I’m on my way to the airport as soon it ends. When Lori catches me fidgeting with my dress or bouncing my legs, she smiles at me. “Are you ready to see him?” She finally asks.

  “Yeah,” I laugh. I’m being obvious.

  When I’m away from him I have too much down time and too much time to over think things. When I’m with him everything is right. Tonight when my plane lands it won’t matter that I sold my house, or that I don’t know when I want to get married or what color my bridesmaids dresses should be. We can simply be together without stress. I silently hope that traveling with him will be without stress.

  “Thank you for picking me up and carrying me to the airport,” I tell her as we approach it.

  “It was my pleasure. I’m so glad that you were able to come. Give Kellen a hug for me.”

  “I will,” I promise her. “We’ll visit soon.”

  She pulls her car to the front entrance and I grab my bag from the back seat. I wave back at her when she pulls off and then rush in to catch my flight. Shit, I only have thirty minutes. I walk past people and go through bag check. I board my flight as last call sounds over the intercom. I let out a sigh of relief as I take my seat.

  I close my eyes and lean back in my chair. I should sleep on the plane because I know that Kellen will keep me up when I make it to the hotel. When I feel the seat move beside me I open my eyes to find a guy sitting beside me. “I’m Ryan,” he tells me when he sees that I’m awake.

  “Audrey,” I say shortly.

  “Where are you headed,” he speaks again. I want to roll my eyes. I need a nap, I want to yell at him.

  “To see my fiancé,” I lift my left hand up to show him the ring on my finger. He mumbles something and leans back in his seat. I hope that he takes the hint and I can be left alone to enjoy my nap. With no one bothering me, I drift peacefully to sleep.

  The plane touches down on the runway and I open my eyes. Everyone on the plane appears to be waking up also. When the plane stops I stand up to get my bag out of the overhead compartment, but the guy next to me beat me to it and hands it to me.

  “Thanks,” I mutter to him.

  “Not a problem,” he replies. When I get off of the plane I walk toward the lobby and hope that Kellen is here and he didn’t send anyone to get me. I power my phone on to see if I have any texts. “Shit, I think that’s Kellen Reeves.” I hear the guy say.

  I look up to find an annoyed glare on Kellen’s face when his eyes dart between me and the guy at my side. I know what he’s thinking. I smile and run up to him. I make an effort of wrapping my arms around him and kissing him.

  “Don’t be jealous.” I whisper to him. “He was bored. He wouldn’t stop talking to me,” I laugh and hope that he does the same.

  “He was bothering you?”

  “Just leave it alone. Do you have a cab?”

  “You make me crazy,” he groans. “There are a few empty cabs. Come on.” He takes my hand and leads me to a vacant cab parked in front of the airport. He gives the driver the address and takes a seat beside me.

  “How was the graduation?” He asks.

  “Good, everyone missed you. I told your aunt that we would visit soon.”

  “We’ll see them a lot now,” he laughs. “Chloe is moving to San Francisco next week. They’ll visit all the time.”

  “You’re right,” I laugh. “I wish she would stay at our house, at least while we’re away.”

  “She’s not going for that. Apparently I’m overprotective or something.” He shrugs.

  “Apparently…” I give him a look. “You’re getting better. You didn’t hit that guy at the airport.” I laugh.

  “We can still turn around,” his jaw clenches at the thought of the guy. I fight an eye roll. He can control his temper better but he hasn’t changed.

  When we arrive at the hotel he tosses my bags beside the door and turns to me. “Don’t freak out,” he says to me.

  “I’m freaking out.” His expression is amused. When he lifts the bottom of his shirt my brow furrows in confusion. He disposes the shirt beside my luggage and my eyes dart to a white bandage underneath his right
peck.

  “Did you get hurt at the game?” I reach my hand up to touch it but he brushes it away and peels the bandage back to reveal small black ink.

  Audrey

  “What the fuck did you do?” My hand flies to my mouth.

  “I got your name tattooed on me.” He looks at me like I should know why he did this. “Jared and I went after the game tonight.”

  “This won’t come off Kellen!” I shout at him and point to the black ink starring back at me.

  “That’s the idea,” he puts the bandage back over it and walks past me to lie on the bed. “Kayla liked Jared’s tattoo.” He tells me, as if I don’t already feel bad for my reaction.

  “I like it, too.” I tell him.

  I cross the room and pull the bandage off to look at his first tattoo. A grin stretches across my face at the second look of it. It’s sexy across his toned skin. Something about my name being branded on him makes me press my lips to his. His hand reaches around to the back on my head to draw me closer.

  “What the hell just happened,” he breaks from the kiss and gives me a confused look. I shrug at him because truthfully I don’t know. “You freaked when I showed you the tattoo, and then you assaulted me after you looked at it again.” He laughs at me and I bury my face in his neck.

  “You’re intense. It freaks me out sometimes,” I tell him.

  “You should be used to that by now, babe.” I nod because he’s right. But I know that I will never get used to his behavior. And he’ll never get used to mine.

  “This is never coming off,” he picks up my left hand and looks at my ring. “And if you ever set a date,” he chuckles, “my ring is never coming off. Just think of it as another ring.”

  “How do you talk your way out of everything?” I smile at him and lean over to finish what I started.

  Chapter thirty-five

  “You really need to book a vendor at the very least,” my mother tells me again.

  “I don’t have time to think about that right now.” I put up the remaining groceries in the refrigerator and do my best to tune her out.

  “Make time, Audrey, your wedding is set for November. You have five months dear,” She reminds me.

  “I haven’t thought of where I want it,” I let out a sigh and walk over to a bar stool to finish the lecture I’m receiving over the phone.

  “Babe, do you know where my bag is?” Kellen walks through the house with a towel at his waist.

  “Hold on,” I cover the mouth piece with hand. “Why would I know where your bag is?” He shrugs and walks past me. “Check in the laundry room,” I call out to him.

  “Can I call you back?” I remove my hand and politely ask my mother.

  “Found it,” Kellen yells to me. He walks back to the kitchen fully dressed with his bag and keys in hand. “I’m going to the park. I’ll see you after the game.” He kisses me and walks out the door.

  “Is that Kellen?” My mom asks on the other end.

  “Yes, and he just left to warm up before the game.” I tell her because I know where that question was going.

  “When you two are together and have time, please give me a call. We need to figure this out,” she tells me.

  “Okay, I’ll call you back when Kellen retires.”

  “Very funny, I expect to hear from you soon.” She hangs up the phone.

  I toss my phone on the couch and pace around the living room. This happens often, my new life becomes too much and I panic. My mother and Lori frequently ask questions about the wedding and I attempt to play them off. Kellen doesn’t press the issue. He told me when I was ready that we would get married, but he doesn’t have time to push me to set a date.

  ∞

  “Audrey, this is surprise.” Chloe eyes me suspiciously when she opens her door. “Where’s Kellen?” She looks behind me, when she doesn’t see him she lets me inside of her room.

  “He’s warming up before the game tonight.” I tell her. I look around her small place. There’s a small living room with four doors to the girls bedrooms. It’s not as bad as I thought the dorms were.

  “Is everything okay?” She asks me. I nod my head at her but she notices the look on my face. “Let’s go to my room.” I follow behind her.

  The room is tiny. There’s a small twin sized bed with purple bedding pushed against the far wall. The other wall has a desk and a small closet. “This is…nice. Are you enjoying it?”

  “It’s so small,” she groans. “But the cheerleaders have to stay on campus.”

  “It’s not that bad,” I assure her. “And if you need to get away you can stay at my house, Kellen’s house,” I correct myself.

  “What’s going on?” She asks me.

  “This is moving so fast, Chloe, I’m freaking out. My mom pushes me every day to make a decision about the wedding, and I can’t get Kellen to sit down to discuss anything!”

  “He doesn’t care about the wedding, Audrey. He understands that you have to make decisions soon.” She tells me.

  “I don’t think it’s about the wedding anymore,” I admit to her. She sits down on the bed when she realizes that we’re going to be here for awhile and motions for me to do the same.

  “Spill everything,” she tells me.

  “I’m losing myself,” I tell her. “I have nothing going on in my life besides wedding plans or following my fiancé around the country for his career. I spent four years of my life in college and now I’m doing nothing with it. It’s not that we need money, but I feel like I need something to do or I will lose myself.”

  “You just haven’t found what you’re good at,” she smiles at me.

  “And I don’t think Kellen wants me to find anything,” I sigh. My best friend is gone and I have to spill everything to my fiancés little cousin. I should feel bad about my life. “He’s dropped so many hints that he wants a family soon and I’m not ready for that. I want him to finish baseball before we think about having a family. Can you imagine me dragging children around the country to his games?”

  “Most baseball wives stay home with the children for that reason,” she reminds me.

  “But he is never home. I’m just stressing out!”

  “Have you talked to him about any of this?” She eyes me suspiciously as if she already knows the answer to this.

  “A little,” I tell her.

  “That’s what I thought. Talk to him because I can’t help you and no one else can. If you don’t talk to him about this it’s just going to get worse, and you two will end up breaking things off because of normal concerns that you’re having.”

  “So I’m not crazy?” I smile at her.

  “You two are most definitely crazy,” she laughs.

  “You’re right,” I tell her. “What are you doing tonight?”

  “Studying, why?” She gives me a confused look.

  “Can I stay with you?” She narrows her eyes. “Please, I won’t tell him where I am.”

  “Oh, that will end well.” She sighs, “Sure you can stay.”

  “Thank you!” I pull her in for a hug.

  “What are you going to tell him? He’s going to wonder why his fiancé isn’t home tonight…”

  “I’ll think of something…” I promise her. “I need a night to clear my head. We both need a night away from each other.”

  “No,” she shakes her head at me. “You need to talk to him but that’s none of my business.” I smile widely at her. I don’t know how I ended up with this perfect family.

  I send Kellen texts letting him know that I’ll be out late and not to wait up for me. Then I powered my phone off. He’ll be pissed but I think one night away, especially in this cramped room sharing a twin sized bed will help me. Chloe studies and I try to entertain myself by flipping through channels and even scrolling through her tablet for wedding vendors, but I give up and lie down for the night.

  I feel like we are moving at a million miles an hour and I need to be the one to tap the breaks. He tells me that he ne
eds me to be with him and follow him to out of town games. What happens when that wears off? Love never fades but what about need?

  “Goodnight,” she tells me. “You know he’ll come here, right?”

  “Yeah, I know.” I tell her. He probably won’t think that I’m here but he’ll come here to ask her if she’s seen or heard from me today, and I can’t ask her to lie. But I’m not hiding from him. I’m just hiding from reality. There’s a difference.

  The faint, constant knock that comes from the door wakes me up. “Chloe, you have someone here to see you,” a small voice says form behind the door. I find her eyes in the dimly lit room and I can tell she’s silently asking me what I want to do.

  I watch her get up and walk to the door. Her roommate, I assume, is standing with large rimmed glasses on and auburn hair pushed back. “He told me he’s your cousin. I asked him to come back in the morning but he pushed past me,” the girl huffs. She’s clearly annoyed. “He’s on the couch.” I hear her footsteps pad to the common area where Kellen sits.

  “What are you doing here?” She asks him. I stand on my feet and get close to the door so I can hear the conversation.

  “Where is she?” His tone is clearly annoyed.

  “In my bedroom but…” she’s cut off when he stands and stomps my way. I gather all of my things and through them back in bag before he can come in here and cause a scene. “Kellen, wait.” Chloe runs and stands between us. “Audrey, get your things and go. You two are stressing everyone out! Get your shit together,” she begs. When neither of us responds to her she looks at me.

  “Just talk to him!” I stand unable to move. I was gathering my things to leave, but after she told me to leave I’m not able to move. Until this moment I didn’t consider the stress that everyone else is feeling because of us.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her as I grab my bag and push past both of them.

  “Are you going home?” I turn to see Kellen jogging up to me in the parking lot. “Or do I need bust into another house tonight?”

  “Yeah, I’m going home.” I tell him. I leave the conversation at that. I don’t want to hash this out in front of Chloe’s building.