I held up one finger. “One.” Which sucked because testing positive for the mutated breast cancer gene in general was life changing, but having the mutated BRCA1 gene was harder to treat, at least according to everything I’d read on the topic.
Tears cascaded down Roxanne’s chubby face. “You’re too young to be dealing with this crap.”
I couldn’t agree more. At the age of twenty-five, I should be out partying, dating, and having sex. Well, dating certainly was off the agenda now, and really, finding a steady guy was off the table. Not that I was looking, but a man wouldn’t want to get serious with a girl, knowing she could have her breasts removed. Not only that, it was hard to date, anyway. I was the primary caregiver for my brother, Lowell. Therefore, I had to work, pay bills, cook, clean, grocery shop, and make sure the house was in order, which left no time for myself.
I swiped a paper towel from the holder above the sink. “I shouldn’t be that surprised since my mom and grandmother both died from breast cancer. But you know, when you’re the one facing the test results, it hit home harder than I expected.”
She ducked into a bathroom stall and came out with toilet paper. “The difference, Jessie, is that you don’t have breast cancer. You can get ahead of this beforehand. Who’s to say you would develop a mass in either breast. We’ve researched the stats on this. Sure, your chances are much greater than someone who doesn’t have the mutation, but no one can predict that you will develop breast cancer.”
I puffed out my cheeks. “I know, but I have a fifty-five to sixty-five percent chance of developing breast cancer and a thirty-nine percent chance of developing ovarian cancer. I can’t ignore that.” I shuddered. “I wanted to have kids, breastfeed, be a complete woman.”
Roxanne grasped the sides of my arms. “Hey. You’re a beautiful woman, with or without breasts. You don’t have to make any decisions right now.”
“But if I have the surgery, I’ll never be able to get naked with a guy again.” I couldn’t face any guy if I didn’t have my breasts, regardless of implants. I just wouldn’t feel like me, or sexy, or pretty, or confident.
“Nonsense. The right guy won’t care that you won’t have breasts, or real ones, anyway.”
“Men love breasts,” I said.
With the toilet paper, she patted her eyes. “Your decision isn’t about what men will think. It’s about you and the potential of breast cancer.”
I understood what she was saying. But it still didn’t make me feel better.
“What are the next steps?” she asked.
I sighed heavily, the sound echoing. “I have to discuss my options with a genetic counselor, which I set up for next Monday.” I splashed water on my face then cleared away more smudges of mascara. As I did, I couldn’t help but remember Kody and how he must’ve seen me with raccoon eyes. “By the way, a lady was brought into the emergency room, an Eleanor Maxwell. Are you aware of her condition?”
She tucked a strand of her short brown hair behind her ear as she examined her own face. “Yeah, Dr. Basset ordered an EKG. I haven’t seen the results. Why? Do you know her?”
I shook my head. “I met her son, Kody, and her granddaughter, Raven, in the cafeteria.” Of all days to meet a man who, for a brief moment, made me forget my problems. But gorgeous men had no place in my life, especially with what I could be facing in the future.
“Mm,” she said. “Raven is a pretty name. She doesn’t happen to be a little girl with black pigtails, big blue eyes, and in the arms of the most handsome guy walking the halls of the hospital?”
I gnawed on my lip. “That’s them.”
She plucked her lipstick out of the pocket of her scrubs then applied the red color over her top and bottom lips. “You met him?”
I half smiled. “Tears and all.”
She gave me a mischievous grin. “You know what we need? A night out to have a good time. No talk about cancer and mutated genes and anything else that’s depressing. It’s open mic at The Cave on Saturday. You can try your hand at one of your songs, and we can drink and dance.”
My mouth dropped open. “I’ve told you a million times. I’m not getting up on that stage.” I sang at home in the comfort of my own living room or when I was tinkering with motorcycle engines in the shop Lowell and I owned, thanks in part to our father, who’d passed when I was ten years old. But to get up in front of a crowd… I would probably puke.
“Jessie.” My name fell off her lips and cracked against the tiled floor. “It’s time you start doing things for yourself and no one else. Besides, I’m not pushing a guy on you. I’m telling you to let loose. You know singing relieves the stress for you, and I love your voice. Maybe Mr. Robinson will too.”
Roxanne and I had been to The Cave on an open-mic night a few months back. The owner, Mr. Robinson, was a big-time record producer who had bought the teenybopper club from the previous owner then revamped and remodeled the place.
She pressed her hands together in prayer. “Come on. I want to do something fun, and we haven’t in a long time.”
Normally, she and I were pulling double shifts on weekends, and this was the first weekend in two months that both of us weren’t scheduled to work. I did need to take my mind off my problems, although I could get into catching up on my Netflix shows.
I slumped my shoulders. “Okay, but no singing.”
She smiled so wide, my heart opened up. Other than my brother, she was my only family. “Good, but please reconsider singing.”
She was right. Singing did take away my stress, but so did riding my motorcycle. “I’ll think about it.”
She clapped like a little girl who had just gotten her way. “Maybe we’ll find some cute guys there too, like that Kody guy. Is he married? Is Raven his daughter?”
I washed my hands, thinking back to the brief conversation I’d had with Kody and Raven. I didn’t see a ring on his finger, although some men didn’t wear wedding rings. “I think Raven called him ‘Uncle.’ She mentioned something about him being a triplet too.”
Roxanne’s face brightened. “Triplet.” She placed a hand over her heart. “My wet dream has always been twins or triplets.”
We both laughed, and boy, did it feel good.
“Look, don’t be causing trouble.”
She reared back. “Who? Me?”
I rolled my eyes. Roxanne could be an instigator. In high school, she’d tried to set me up with the quarterback, who I’d had a crush on. He’d been dreamy with his wild blond curls and dark-blue eyes. But the quarterback had been an asshole. All he’d wanted from me was a quick lay, and I wasn’t about to give him my virginity only to be called a slut among his friends.
Roxanne tossed her toilet paper in the trash. “I’m not going to do anything.”
“Says the woman who loves to set people up like Gayle. You know, the woman you work with in the ER.”
The door opened, and an elderly woman ambled in as Roxanne and I left.
“Gayle liked that dude who came in after taking too much Viagra.”
I snorted. “No, she didn’t. She liked his penis. That was it.”
We both busted out laughing again, and a sense of relief washed over me, just for a moment.
We came to a halt at the elevators. I was going up, and she wasn’t.
She gave me a tight hug. “I love you, girl.”
I hugged her back with all I had, tears threatening once again. “I love you. I can’t go through this without you.” I had my brother, but as a guy, he wouldn’t understand the feelings coursing through me about the possibility of losing my breasts. The same could have been said if he were to lose his penis. I couldn’t have possibly begun to sympathize on his level.
Roxanne hustled down the hall toward the ER. As I waited for the elevator doors to open, that husky voice that seemed to be embedded in my psyche called my name. “Jessie.”
Goose bumps flared along my arms as the elevator dinged. I slid away from the open doors and came face-to-face with the bro
ad-chested, black-haired man who was making me swoon and sweat. “Kody, right?” I was playing coy.
A wolfish grin lit up his angular jaw. “Jessie, right?” he teased. “Are you doing okay?”
The hall was teeming with visitors walking by. “Did you come to find me?” Please say yes.
“I was on my way to the men’s room. But my niece keeps asking about you. Would you mind stopping by my mom’s room? She’s in one twelve.”
“Is your mom all right?”
“Doc says there were some abnormalities on my mom’s EKG and that he wants to keep her overnight for observation to run more tests. But she’s fine and resting now.” Relief seemed to wash over him.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I didn’t know why I was on the verge of tears over his mom. Or maybe I was thinking of my own mom. It had been four years since she passed, although her heart had been fine. Whether someone had breast cancer or heart problems, it didn’t make things any easier to deal with.
I grabbed one of his large hands in between both of my small ones. “I’m so sorry.”
He glanced at our joined hands then back up at me with a deadpan expression on his smooth, yet stubbled, face. I would’ve given anything to drag my fingers along his jaw or anywhere else on his muscled body.
For a long second, we locked eyes. A butterfly winged through my belly. Kody’s dark, almost midnight-blue, eyes reminded me of a faraway place that included only him and me.
When his long lashes swept across his strong cheekbones, I withdrew my hand. “I didn’t mean to touch you.”
He licked his full bottom lip as he studied me. Maybe he was thinking the same thing as me—how he wanted to do things to my body that would make me scream his name. “Quite all right. Maybe I’ll see you in my mom’s room.” Then he sauntered down the hall.
I stood for a beat to admire how his black T-shirt stretched across his strong back, how his jeans sat low on his hips, and how the nurses walking toward him ogled. A fleeting pang of jealousy hit me, and I squashed it down. I wasn’t the jealous type. Then again, I’d only dated one guy in nursing school, and that was more a friends-with-benefits arrangement. I also couldn’t say I’d ever been in love with anyone, not really in love to the point I’d wanted to give my heart and soul to a man. It wasn’t that I was afraid. With Lowell’s motorcycle accident and my mom’s breast cancer, I hadn’t had time for myself, and in some respects, I still didn’t. I had to work as much as I could to make ends meet for Lowell and me. Our finances weren’t anything to write home about. We got by, but barely sometimes.
Kody placed a hand on the men’s room door then turned his head toward me with a come-hither look in those intense eyes.
A flush of warmth traveled through me at lightning speed as two debates began in my head. The first one—whether I should follow him into the bathroom, lock us into a stall, climb up his hard body, and get lost in him for as long as I could. My body warmed as I pictured that scene. I hadn’t had sex in over a year.
I smiled at him in return, seriously considering taking a step on the wild side. No doubt Roxanne would have been proud of me. But I had two issues. One, I wasn’t forward enough to corner a guy in a restroom; and two, I worked in this hospital. With my luck, a doctor I knew or a colleague of mine would walk in while Kody and I were all over each other.
So I discarded all the sexy thoughts of Kody and wondered whether I should stop by his mom’s room—the other debate. I checked my watch. I had about twenty minutes left before I had to be back at my station. I couldn’t deny a little girl’s request, although I wasn’t sure it was appropriate to barge in. You’re a nurse. You have every right to check on a patient. Kody’s mom wasn’t my patient, but Roxanne did work in the ER, and my best friend would be more than happy to accompany me for moral support. Most of all, she would probably encourage me, or more like push me into Kody’s arms.
Chapter Three
Kody
I was sauntering back to my mom’s room, when my phone rang. “Hey there.”
“Are you around tonight?” Ms. Sharp asked in one of her sultry voices.
“Wait. Don’t you have school?” I asked.
Ms. Sharp was one of my former teachers from Greenridge Academy, and I’d asked her out last year. Our relationship basically consisted of hooking up every now and then. She didn’t want anything serious, and neither did I.
“Not tomorrow. Besides, school will be out for the summer next week.”
I didn’t keep track of schedules, but it was the middle of May.
“My mom’s in the hospital. I’ll be babysitting my niece.”
“Oh no. Is she okay?”
I stopped outside my mom’s room next to a laundry cart. “She is. The doctor will know more tomorrow, but the EKG was squirmy. Ms. Sharp, let’s talk next week.”
“Sure. I’m headed to the Cape anyway to hang with friends for the weekend. Give your mom my best. Talk soon.” The line disconnected.
My mom wasn’t exactly a fan of Ms. Sharp, or I should say Audrey. I preferred to call her by her last name. It made me feel as though our relationship was less personal. Anyway, Mom thought she was too old for me at the age of twenty-eight. The seven-year difference between us didn’t bother me in the least. Not to mention, Mom also thought my former teacher was only using me. I had to chuckle when I found that out because Ms. Sharp and I were taking advantage of each other. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mom it was just sex—and great sex, I might add.
Regardless, Mom wanted to see me with a steady girl. My brothers—Kross, Kelton, and Kade—all had significant others, although Kross was the only one married. We’d been waiting for Kade to pop the question to his girl, Lacey. As for Kelton, he’d said that he and Lizzie wouldn’t get married until he was done with law school.
I was about to go in, when a nurse ambled toward me with a look of “I’ve got a secret” written on her face. I tilted my head at the pretty lady, whose name tag read Roxanne. “Do I know you?”
She latched on to her stethoscope that hung around her neck. “No. I was going in to check on your mom. I told my friend Jessie I would.”
So, Jessie, the nurse who had turned my world upside down with one smile, had talked to her friend about me. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Inwardly, I frowned. I would’ve preferred to see Jessie.
I pushed in the door, holding it open for Roxanne. She immediately went over to Mom’s side. Raven was in Dad’s lap in the chair beside Mom’s bed.
Roxanne made quick work of checking Mom’s vitals. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Maxwell?”
“No pain,” Mom said. “The blood thinner helped tremendously.”
Roxanne kept her focus on her watch as she pressed her fingers to my mom’s wrist. “If I may say so, Mrs. Maxwell, you look like you could pass for Liz Taylor’s sister.”
My mom got that a lot, and she did resemble the famous actress, with her black hair and striking blue eyes. Only today, instead of her pink cheeks, her face was pale.
I sighed quietly, knowing at least my mom was in good hands in the hospital. I was slowly coming out of the depression I’d been in and out of for years, and another downward spiral would have ended me.
My dad puffed out his chest a bit as Raven smiled, showing that one lone dimple on her cheek, just like Kross had.
Man, I hoped and prayed that whenever I fell in love and got married, I would look at my wife the same way my dad regarded my mom, with so much love and devotion even after twenty-five years of marriage.
Someone cleared her throat. Roxanne’s head jerked toward the open door.
I glanced behind me to find Jessie waving at everyone.
Like in the cafeteria when I’d first seen her and again outside the elevator, I got this weird feeling in my gut, even more so when she’d held my hand in hers. Then she smiled, and I had to grip the rail of the bed. Christ. This girl had some sort of magic juice in that smile of hers. Combined with those chocolate-brown eyes, her smile was igniti
ng some areas of my body that didn’t react on a first glance to any woman.
Ms. Sharp sure could set me ablaze, but only after some good foreplay, although her large breasts were enough to get me started.
Raven bounced off Dad and walked straight up to Jessie. She grasped Jessie’s hand then pointed to my parents with her free one. “This is my nana, and that’s my papa.”
“I’m Jessie. I met your granddaughter in the cafeteria.”
“She was crying, Nana,” Raven said. “Why were you crying, Jessie?”
I snagged my niece into my arms. “That’s not polite.” Although I wanted to know the answer as well.
Raven rested an elbow on my shoulder. “But Uncle Kody, you saw her crying too.”
Jessie gnawed on her bottom lip as she eyed her friend, who was now checking Mom’s blood pressure. “I hope I’m not intruding.”
“Not at all,” Mom said. “Do you work in the ER?”
“No, ma’am. I’m a surgical nurse. I work upstairs. But you’re in good hands with Roxanne.”
“Nana, can Jessie come to the cookout on Sunday? Please?”
“Sweetie,” Dad said. “Let’s see how Nana is doing tomorrow.”
Raven pouted. “But my mommy and daddy are coming home. You said we could have a party down by the lake.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. We had dinner at our house just about every Sunday. It was our family tradition. But with Mom in the hospital, we might have to forgo the family dinner, although I was rooting for Raven to get her way just so I could get to know Jessie more.
Roxanne jotted down my mom’s results on a pad she’d produced from the front pocket of her uniform.
Mom smoothed out the blanket at her sides. “If I go home tomorrow, then we’ll have the cookout. But you’ll have to help me with the cookies.”
Raven wiggled to get down, but I held her tightly. I didn’t want her jumping on Nana, particularly when my dad had to get approval from the head nurse to let Raven in the room.
“Jessie, will you come?” Raven asked. “Please.”
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