She reached out and held the sides of my arms. “Breathe, hun.”
Breathing wasn’t an option. I couldn’t go through what my mom went through. Lowell would have a heart attack. This couldn’t happen. I’d just found a man I loved. I was about to sign a record deal.
I wanted to scream, run, and hide.
“I’m going to alert Donna, who will be doing your ultrasound. I’ll be right back.”
My heart rammed against my chest. “Can I have my friend with me?”
She nodded. “I’ll get her for you.”
I paced the room, wringing my hands together, thinking how to tell Lowell. My brother wouldn’t survive me dying of breast cancer like our mom.
Roxanne ran into the room. “What’s wrong?” Her frightened look had to match mine.
I swallowed hard as I shook my head and lifted my shoulder. “They want to do an ultrasound.”
She threw her arms around me. “I’m here for you.”
I hugged her back, wishing Kody was here to wrap his strong arms around me and make me feel safe. I thought to call him, but I had nothing to tell him. Besides, I didn’t want to put him on edge.
Roxanne and I stood there, not saying anything in the cold exam room as my world was turning on its axis at breakneck speed. The mutated gene was one thing, but full-blown cancer was an entirely different path altogether. I would have to deal with chemo, losing my hair, and everything else that came with chemo. Then surgery. Then worrying if the cancer would return. My mom flashed before me, images after images of her withering away from years of fighting to stay alive.
Roxanne eased away. “You haven’t told me a thing about last night with Kody.”
I knew she was trying to take my mind off the situation, but the mention of Kody only made me cry harder. “If the tests prove nothing, I’m definitely having the surgery, and as quickly as I can. I’m not going to go through worrying constantly if they’ll find cancer or not.”
Luna came in. “Follow me.”
Roxanne and I held hands as we traipsed down the hall behind the petite radiologist until we were in a room with a bench, an ultrasound machine, and a sink.
“Donna will be in shortly,” Luna said then left.
Roxanne leaned against the sink, while I sat on the bench. The anticipation was all too consuming, causing me to bounce my knee and chomp on my nails.
A tall woman walked in. “I’m Donna. I’ll be doing your ultrasound.” She skirted the bench until she was in front of the ultrasound machine on my right. “Can I have you lie on your back and open your gown?”
Roxanne sidled up to me on my left and held my hand. Donna squirted gel on my left breast then went to work, moving the wand around the outer portion of my breast and snapping picture after picture. Like Luna, Donna had no expression on her face. I knew how to wear one of those expressions. I’d done it when the doctors had to give bad news to patients I took care of. It was hard not to cry with them.
The only sounds in the room were the clicks from the machine and my pulse beating in my ears. Roxanne focused on the screen. She and I weren’t trained in reading x-rays or ultrasound results, but we’d been in nursing long enough to spot things on a film. I couldn’t see the screen, and my only indication that anything was wrong was Roxanne’s reaction. But her face was deadpan, and for that, I was relieved.
When Donna was finished, she stood. “I’ll have the doctor check these. I’ll be right back.”
After she left, I asked Roxanne, “Did you see anything?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t tell much from here. I’m not exactly an expert on reading the results, either.”
We waited for what seemed like hours, but it was only five minutes before Donna returned.
She smiled warmly. “The tiny area we had in question is a cyst that’s filled with fluid. Nothing to worry about. They can be common for some women right before your menstrual cycle.”
Holy moly. Roxanne and I both let out a huge breath.
“The results will be available to your doctor within the next forty-eight hours,” Donna said. “You’re free to go.”
I lay there for a minute to collect myself, thanking the heavens above.
Fifteen minutes later, Roxanne and I were out in the parking lot.
Roxanne fished her keys out of her purse. “I’m so glad that everything came out fine. I was a little nervous in there.”
I unstrapped my helmet from my motorcycle. “The understatement of the century.”
“Do the results change your mind about your surgery?” she asked.
“After what I went through for the brief time in there, no.” I felt as though I had a whole new lease on life, even if that meant I would have implants or that I might feel as though I’d lost a part of me. I couldn’t get up every day, thinking I would find a lump or find out that I had breast cancer. I had the opportunity to nip this in the bud, and I would do just that.
Roxanne sighed. “It’s so good to hear you say that.”
I didn’t know when I would have the surgery. Several factors had to happen before then. I had to find a good surgeon. Luckily, my genetic counselor had said she would recommend a couple that she knew. I had to make sure I could take out a small loan to cover the costs. Above all else, I had to tell Lowell.
I checked the time on my phone. I had an hour before I had to meet with Kody and Mr. Robinson. I debated whether to call Kody and tell him the good news, but I needed to calm down a bit first. My mind was still fogged, and I knew one way to clear it. “I’m going to stop by my mom’s grave before I meet with Mr. Robinson.” I hadn’t been to see her in a couple of months, and I had this strong urge to talk to her, even if it was in spirit.
“Wait, how come you’re not wearing your leather riding gear?”
Usually I did when I rode my motorcycle, but I wasn’t planning on flying down the road at top speeds like I normally did when I rode. “My house isn’t far from here. It’s all side streets.”
The sun glinted off her keys as she stuck her hands on her hips. “Not if you’re going to the cemetery.”
I hugged her. “I’m not going to open up at top speeds. I promise. I’ll tell you all about my night with the Maxwell god later.” I covered my head with my helmet, strapped my purse around my body, then straddled my bike.
“You better.”
I turned the key, and my bike roared to life. The sound was so sweet to my ears. Roxanne faded as I made my way out of the parking lot full of cars.
I navigated through the streets of Ashford until I was on the outskirts of town. I braked at a stop sign, looking both ways then directly ahead of me. The road was open, wide, and devoid of cars. It was the perfect strip of road to kick my bike into high gear and feel the engine vibrate beneath me with the sun and wind on my face. I checked my side mirror. No cars behind me. I glanced down at my boots, contemplating whether to ride until I had to meet Mr. Robinson. But I didn’t have my leather gear on, I had promised Roxanne, and I really wanted to spend some time at my mom’s grave.
So I turned left toward the cemetery, shifted into gear, and followed the speed limit of forty miles an hour. The scent of honeysuckle wafted in the air. Inhaling, I blinked, and as I opened my eyes, a car sped out of nowhere on my left. As my front tire hit the side of the car, my body went airborne. My heart slammed against my chest. The daylight faded until blackness consumed me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kody
The stage area of The Cave was dark as I strummed the guitar, working through a melody I’d had on my mind since Jessie left the night before. The woman brought out all kinds of feelings in me. My writer’s block had certainly lifted thanks to her.
A light came on, spraying into the main club area from the hallway. Footsteps prodded before Mr. Robinson walked in. “Why are you in the dark?” He flipped a switch on the wall near the stage.
I squinted at the blinding light. “It helps me think.”
He carried his tall st
ature until he was standing in front of me. “Another song?”
“Yeah. The words hit me last night.” This song was more about family and finding peace with my past.
He carried a chair from a nearby table closer to the stage. “What triggered your creative gears?”
Her name was Jessie Ryan, and even though I hadn’t been expecting to meet someone, I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful soul to fall in love with. “Jessie.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees. “Most of the singers and bands I sign always tell me their songwriting was always sparked by a girl or a guy or a breakup. I’m glad you cut through the dead zone.”
I checked my watch. Jessie should be there any minute. I couldn’t wait to see her and find out about her mammogram.
Footsteps clobbered in the distance before Jake graced us with his presence. He stalked in looking relaxed, tanned, and showing white teeth. I hadn’t seen him for the last week. He’d been helping his old man put the finishing touches on the new home he was building in South Carolina.
Decked out in shorts and flip-flops, he ponied up to the stage as his green gaze considered me. “What did I miss? You look different.”
I set my guitar down beside my chair. “Too much.”
A corner of his mouth lifted. “Did you snag that beautiful girl Jessie yet?”
“She’s the reason why we’re all here,” Mr. Robinson said. “I’ll go into more detail when she arrives, but I’m going to offer Jessie a contract, and that contract will be extended to both of you as part of her band.” He regarded me. “I will drum up a separate contract for your songwriting. You three will make a great group. I’m sure you’ll have fans at your feet.”
Jake pumped a fist in the air. “Hell yeah.”
Jake had seen plenty of fans cooing and screaming and even stripping for his brother, JJ. He’d mentioned to me that he wanted to feel that high that his brother got every time his band, Zeal, went on stage.
As for me, I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for girls to bow down to me, or listen to them scream my name. My high all along was music—playing the guitar and writing songs. But I knew with Jessie in the lead, it would be a different kind of high for me, one I was eager to experience. I wanted to see the fans go nuts over her. I wanted to show her off. I might have to get physical with some fans, but I didn’t mind.
Jake raked a hand through his messy blond hair. “Holy shit. I seriously thought you were going to ask me to manage her. Ha. Maybe now my brother will believe I can make it as a musician in this industry.”
Mr. Robinson and I both chuckled.
It was Mr. Robinson’s turn to check his watch. I did the same. Five minutes past five.
Mr. Robinson unfolded his bulk. “I need to call Lacey. Give me a shout when Jessie gets here.” He retreated in the direction of his office.
Jake stole Mr. Robinson’s seat. “Man, I’m blown away. Tell me what else I missed.”
“I’m writing another song.”
“Bravo, dude. No more writer’s block. It’s Jessie that got you out of your funk?”
And into a world I’d never imagined. She’d given me a reason to love, to live, to feel happiness once again.
I stared past Jake to an empty table as my heart beat a wild cadence just thinking of her. The way she batted her long lashes at me. The way her hair cascaded around us when she was on top of me. The way she molded to me when we made love. How she moaned and screamed my name. Above all else, listening to her sing had to be the best fucking high for me ever.
Jake whistled. “Dude.”
I adjusted in my seat, orienting my vision back to Jake. “What?”
“I said I’m glad at least you’re not mourning Mandy.”
I had no idea where that had come from. I would always mourn Mandy. “Dare to live, right?”
“Fuck yeah, dude. Isn’t that your words in your song? So if you and Jessie are hot and heavy, what about that dude, Donovan?”
I clucked my tongue. “Not sure yet about him.” I went on to explain the intervention Donovan and I had had with my dad the day before. I felt as though we’d had a breakthrough, at least on my part. As I sat on stage, I didn’t have any urges to fight him for what he’d done to me all those years ago. After he’d told me why he fucked me up and I heard the resolve in his voice, some of that fight had left me. Not to mention, he’d been sweet to my mom when he apologized to her. I had to give him a point for that. Yet he hadn’t apologized to me, but it didn’t matter. An apology wouldn’t erase how I felt or the pain he’d caused. I was the one that had to move forward as my dad had counseled. I’d stewed long enough over what Donovan, Stockman, and Sullivan had done to me.
“Look, man, I’ve seen too much jealousy on the music circuit. Hell, JJ almost got arrested for wanting to fuck up a dude for breathing on his girl. She does love you and not him, right?”
I nodded.
“He’ll get the message, then. No guy wants to be told no over and over again.”
I hoped Jake was right. I would hate to prolong our animosity only to hurt Jessie in the process. Despite everything, the road ahead was becoming clearer. Hell, the clarity was energizing. I had a woman who loved me. Mr. Robinson was about to make me an offer to work in the music industry, which was what I’d been working toward, my family was happy and healthy, and Mom was doing well.
“What time is Jessie supposed to be here?” Jake asked.
Blinking, I whipped out my phone. “Ten minutes ago.” I dialed her number. The line rang and rang until her voice mail picked up. “Hey, baby doll. We’re waiting on you. Text me or call me to let me know how close you are.”
Jake grinned. “Baby doll, huh?”
I flipped him off as I ended the call.
“Let’s get a drink,” he said. “We need to celebrate.”
We went over to the bar.
A beer would have been nice, but I didn’t want alcohol dulling my senses when Mr. Robinson was going over contracts. “I’ll take a Coke.”
With my elbows on the bar, I stared at my phone. I didn’t know if Jessie was the type of person to be punctual. But I did know that she was extremely excited about the meeting.
Jake filled a glass with Coke from the beverage wand then set the glass in front of me. “She’ll be here.”
I tried her again. The line went to voice mail. I texted her. She could have been driving and didn’t want to answer the phone.
Jake twisted the cap off a bottle of beer then raised it. “Cheers.”
I lifted my glass. “Congrats, man. This union should be a great one.”
He tipped back the bottle, swallowed, and burped. “Darn fucking right. JJ is going to shit.”
“Good or bad?” I asked.
“Not sure. We haven’t talked since I walked out six months ago. Maybe he’ll be happy for me.”
I played with my phone. “He should be. I’m going to call her shop.” I did a search on the web for the number. When the line connected, it kept ringing and ringing. Mm. It was after five. Maybe they had closed for the day. I didn’t have Roxanne or Lowell’s number. But I did have Donovan’s number. The dark side of my psyche started to conjure up all kinds of scenarios between her and Donovan. Maybe Donovan had convinced her to give him a shot, and she was too embarrassed to show up. I gripped my phone until my knuckles were as white as Jake’s teeth.
“Maybe she’s running late from work.”
“She didn’t work today.” It wasn’t any of his business that Jessie had had a mammogram appointment. A shiver racked my body. What if they found a lump? I called her again. Nothing. So I called Donovan. I was met with yet another voice mail. I didn’t leave a message with him. He wouldn’t have returned my call, anyway.
So I found the number to the hospital on the Internet and tapped it in. Maybe there was an off chance that Jessie had gotten called in to work. “Jessie Ryan, please.”
“One moment,” the lady on the other end said. After a second, she returned.
“I’m sorry. Jessie isn’t on shift today.”
“How about Roxanne?”
No sooner had I said her name, than I heard her voice in the hall near Mr. Robinson’s office. So I hung up my phone.
“Is Kody here?” she asked.
Jake and I swapped a wide-eyed look.
“Wow!” Jake said. “That’s eerie.”
The fact that I said her name, and she showed up? Or that her voice sounded grim?
“What’s wrong?” Mr. Robinson’s voice echoed in the hall.
The blood gelled in my veins as I scrambled off the barstool and ran into the hall. I stopped in my tracks about five feet from Mr. Robinson and Roxanne. She jerked her head toward me.
Jake ran up. “Is Jessie here?”
My breathing grew shallow as the quietness became deafening.
Roxanne’s bottom lip trembled. “Jessie.” She wiped away tears. “Jessie. Motorcycle accident.” Her voice was staccato.
My phone dropped from my hand, the sound exploding in the quiet hall. Or maybe that was my heart splattering on the floor. I shook my head to ward off the dizziness that barreled into me like a freightliner. I staggered toward the wall before I bent over, laboring for breath.
Jake gripped my shoulder. “I’ll drive.”
I couldn’t move. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, either.
“Is she okay?” Mr. Robinson asked.
I stared at my shoes, listing to one side, begging, pleading for Roxanne to say yes.
Roxanne sniffled as her heels clicked along the floor. “We don’t know. She’s in surgery.” Her painted toes came into view. “Kody.”
Tears fell hot and fast as I straightened.
“I would’ve called if I had your number. Lowell and Mack are at the hospital. I know she’ll want you there when she comes out of surgery.”
If she comes out.
“What happened?” Jake asked, still holding onto me.
“We’re not sure. When the paramedics brought her in, she had a metal rod embedded in her side.”
Nausea rose, and it was all I could do to swallow the bile back down.
The Maxwell Series Boxed Set - Books 4-6 Page 52