“Roxanne,” Mr. Robinson’s voice boomed. “You’re in no shape to drive. I’ll take you to the hospital.”
Roxanne’s small, cold hand touched my arm. “I’m so sorry, Kody.” Then she ran out, crying.
“Go,” Jake said to Mr. Robinson. “Kody needs a minute. We’ll be right behind you.”
Once they left, I collapsed to my knees. I needed more than a minute. “My worse fucking nightmare.”
Jake joined me. “Man, I know. But if you love that woman, you’ll be there for her when she wakes up.”
My past crystallized before me. “If.” I hated that two-letter word.
“She will,” he said confidently. “You know why? We’re going to be stars, and nothing will get in our way.”
My head started to pound. “I can’t go.” I couldn’t go through another woman dying from a motorcycle accident.
“You love her, right?”
“More than anything.” The words spilled easily.
Jake clutched my arm. “Then dare to fucking live. Dare to overcome this fear. Dare to walk into that hospital with your head fucking high. Dare to think fucking positively. She needs you.”
The pain in my chest was unbearable. Flashes of Mandy skated before me. The call I’d gotten that day from her parents. “Mandy is dead.” The days following her death had been agonizing. For years, I’d walked around in a daze, depressed, and I swore I would never survive the death of another loved one.
Jessie isn’t dead. Get up and show the woman you love that no matter what happens, you’ll be there for her.
Jake helped me to my feet. “I got you.”
I pulled on my hair then put one foot in front of the other as we made our way out to his car. The humid air washed over me. I ran over to the fence and puked up my lunch. With my hands on my thighs, I closed my eyes, trying to stave off the nausea and dizziness. But that didn’t help. I heaved again then blew out a few breaths and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
Once my stomach settled somewhat, I got into the car.
Jake rolled down the windows and turned on the air conditioner. “I’ll close the windows as soon as the cold air starts blowing.”
It didn’t matter if it was hot or cold air. Nothing would alleviate the way I was feeling.
The ride to the hospital was a blur. If we stopped at lights or took turns, I wouldn’t have known. I wasn’t even sure how I was able to get out of the car and walk into the small waiting room in the hospital. But as soon as I walked in, I walked out. I couldn’t handle the thick sadness that enveloped the room. I couldn’t handle the teary-eyed Roxanne or how Lowell was a minute away from having a heart attack. Hell, I couldn’t even handle the fear on Donovan’s ugly mug.
I bolted past people until I was out in the humid sunshine.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I dropped down on a cement bench—the same one Jessie and I had sat on the day Lowell had been rushed to the hospital. I hated hospitals. I’d been in them for more reasons than I cared to count.
A shadow crept up along the sidewalk until Donovan was looming over me. I briefly gave him a passing glance. His mirthless eyes skimmed over me before he took a seat next to me. I didn’t have the energy to even tell him to fuck off.
People hurried by.
Ambulances screeched to a halt.
Car doors slammed.
“I fucking hate motorcycles,” I finally said. “All I keep thinking about is Mandy. I can’t go through that again.”
“She’s not dead.” His tone was abrasive.
“What if she doesn’t make it? And if she does, she’ll still want to ride her motorcycle. I can’t go through life freaking the fuck out every time she rides.”
“One of the reasons I quit the racing circuit was because I got into an accident. I realized then that I didn’t want to end up like Lowell.”
Guilt gripped my throat when I thought that maybe the accident would knock some sense into Jessie like it had Donovan—that was if she was alive to realize she should stop riding.
More silence lay between us.
“Why are you out here with me?” I asked.
“I love her.” The edge to his voice dissipated.
I dug my nails into the palms of my hands. This wasn’t the time to piss me off. Turning my head slightly, I bared my teeth.
He held up his hands. “I’m not here to rub it in your face. I want you to know that she doesn’t love me. I can’t exactly force her to, either. She loves you, man. I’ve never seen her look at a guy the way she looks at you. I’ve had it bad for her since I was a teenager. But her and I were never meant to be. I realized that yesterday at your house.”
“Now you’re getting profound.”
“Your old man made me think. We were kids, Kody. Fucked-up boys who wanted to be tough. I am sorry for what I did to you.”
I hadn’t been looking for him to say he was sorry. Now that he had, I felt as though the fog that had clouded over me for so long had burned off.
“Don’t fuck this up with her. Get your ass in there. Be there for her when she comes out of surgery.”
If she did. Stop your fucked-up way of thinking.
He motioned to leave.
I straightened. “Donovan, did Sullivan and the rest of you conspire to run Mandy off the road that day?” I’d asked Sullivan the same question at a party that had taken place down by the lake about four years ago. The asshole had had the nerve to crash our party. Regardless, Lacey had forced Sullivan to confess or profess his innocence. He’d said then that he hadn’t played a role in Mandy’s accident.
Donovan shook his head, his piercings glistening. “As I said, we were boys who wanted to be tough. We weren’t killers.”
I vaulted up. “But you almost killed me.”
He squinted. “That wasn’t our intention. I told you that. Your old man said to look forward and not back. You should take his advice. I’m certainly trying.”
“It’s a simple question. Did Sullivan run Mandy off the road?” I had to hear the answer from someone who was close to Sullivan. For all I knew, Sullivan lied to me that day at my party so he wouldn’t get his ass beaten again. I wasn’t sure I trusted Donovan to tell me the truth, but we were opening up to one another.
“I’m not sure any answer you get you’ll believe. If you must know, I was right behind Sullivan in my own car when he stopped to get gas that day. He and I were headed to a party. I’d wanted to take my own car. Mandy was just leaving as I pulled in. Later that night, we heard about the accident.” He pounded his chest with his fist. “I promise you on Jessie’s life that he and I left that gas station in the opposite direction of Mandy.”
His tone wasn’t snarky and actually softened greatly when he said Jessie’s name. I believed him. He didn’t strike me as the kind of guy to blow smoke up anyone’s ass, either.
He started for the hospital entrance.
“Donovan.”
He flicked a glance my way.
“Thank you. I’m sorry too that I came at you with my guns drawn, so to speak. I shouldn’t have ganged up on you with Kade.”
“I’ll see you inside.” He blended with a couple as they walked in.
Dropping my head in my hands, I sat back down. I had to somehow put my fear aside and walk into that hospital.
Footsteps clobbered on the sidewalk, then a hand was on my back. “Kody,” Roxanne said.
I jerked up my head. “Did she make it out of surgery?”
She frowned. “Not yet. Please don’t give up on her because of her accident. She’s hopelessly in love with you. I’ve known her all my life, and I’ve never seen her in love before. Use your love for her to get through this.” Her voice was gentle. “I hate that she rides. I wish she would give up motorcycles altogether. After this, maybe she will. I know Lowell’s accident scared her. Maybe this will be the defining factor for her too.”
Or for me to walk away from the relationship once I know she’s out of danger.
>
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jessie
Five million stars coated my vision along with pain that was slowly registering in my brain. My eyelids fluttered open then shut as I winced. My entire body felt as if someone had taken a baseball bat and used me for batting practice.
“Jess,” said a voice I knew well. “Sis.”
The heaviness of my eyelids prevented me from orienting my vision.
A small, cold hand clasped my left one.
I smacked my lips together, trying to conjure up saliva to wet the dryness in my throat. As I did, the slightest movement made me groan. I touched my side as tears burned my eyes.
Someone tapped on my face. “Jess.”
I knew that voice. But I swore if Roxanne hit me again, I would scream. I wanted to sleep.
Another tap to the face. “Jessie.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out except a cry of pain.
“I’ll have the nurse on duty give you some pain medication in a bit,” Roxanne said.
My bed started moving until I was almost sitting up.
I blinked several times. Three blurred figures loomed around me. Several seconds passed before I slowly began to register where I was. When I glanced to my right, I lost my breath at how tired and pale my brother looked.
He studied me. “You scared us.”
The haze in my brain cleared just enough to find Mack biting his nails at the foot of my bed.
Roxanne shoved a straw into my mouth. “Drink.”
I sucked on it, relishing the cold water as it slipped down my sand-dry throat.
Roxanne held the cup. “No more riding motorcycles.”
Lowell clutched my hand. “Do you remember what happened?”
I pushed the cup away as I swallowed the remaining water. “All I remember,” I said with a hoarse voice, “is a car pulling out onto the road. Then I plowed into him before I blacked out.”
Roxanne fiddled with my IV bag. “You ruptured your spleen and had some internal bleeding. Your body is bruised, and you’re lucky you didn’t break any bones. Blacking out probably saved your life. I’m going to let Gayle, the nurse on duty, know that you’re awake, and see if we can up your pain meds.”
When she left, Mack took her place beside my bed. He sucked his lip ring into his mouth. “You scared the fuck out of me and Kody.” He grasped my hand and brought it to his mouth then kissed my fingers.
If it didn’t hurt to move, I would’ve done a double take. Mack had said Kody instead of Maxwell, and he’d included Kody in his statement. I had to be dreaming. Then, as though a dark cloud draped over me, my heart sank. Kody’s worst fear was me getting into an accident. “Where is Kody?” He had to be running as far away from me as he possibly could.
Mack and Lowell glanced at each other as if they were silently arguing who was going to tell me the bad news.
Mack lowered my hand. “You need to give Kody time.”
I laughed through the lump in my throat. Mack, the man who was in love with me, the man who hated Kody, was giving me advice about my boyfriend.
“I need to get back to the shop. I have to finish work on a motorcycle for a customer who needs his bike for a race he has this weekend.” He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.
“Thanks, Mack,” Lowell said.
“I’ll be back later to pick you up.” Mack’s big body slipped out of the room.
“I guess I missed a lot while I was out,” I said. “I mean Mack and Kody have become tight.”
Lowell shook his head. “Nah. Mack and I had a long talk about everything while you were in surgery. He knows that you love Kody, and since Mack loves you, he’s stepping away.”
I should have been relieved that Mack had finally accepted that he and I would never be a couple, but part of me hurt for him. I couldn’t worry about how he felt. I had my own emotional pain burning my insides. “Tell me where Kody is.” I couldn’t exactly blame Kody if he ran. I’d made his worst nightmare come true. Still, if he loved me like he said he did, then no matter what, he should have been there.
“Sis, concentrate on getting better.”
I couldn’t help but let the tears flow. The emotional pain only enhanced the physical soreness that blanketed my body. I’d poured out my feelings to him, and he’d run the minute things had gotten messy.
“Roxanne told me you’d gone to see Mom’s grave before your meeting with James Robinson,” Lowell said. “Who, by the way, was in the waiting room with all of us while you were in surgery.”
How sweet that James was worried about me. “Was Kody in the waiting room too?” Please tell me he was. Then the sting might not hurt as much.
“No. But he was around. Why were you going to see Mom? The way Roxanne made it sound was like you were worried about something.”
I wiped a tear away, and the minor act had me scrunching up my face from the stabbing needles traveling up my side. “I miss her, and I wanted some quiet time.” I should tell Lowell about my mutated gene, but the color on his face was just returning. Rip the Band-Aid off. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell him. He’s here with you. He’s not in a hospital bed because of your accident.
I sighed, trying not to wince at my physical pain and trying not to get upset that Kody wasn’t standing beside my bed. “I need to tell you something. But I don’t want you to flip out.”
He stiffened in his chair, wringing his hands together in his lap.
If I’d thought he was pale before, he was even whiter now.
“Just say it, Jess.”
“So you know Grandma and Mom had breast cancer.”
He sucked in a breath.
I shook my head vigorously. “It’s not like that. I don’t have breast cancer. I do, however, have the breast cancer gene, the mutated one. I’ve been waiting to tell you until after I had my mammogram, just to be certain that I didn’t have any signs of a mass or a lump because I knew you would ask.”
He pressed his fingers to his temple. “What does all that mean?” Apprehension weaved through his words.
“I’m going to have my breasts removed. If I do, the percentage of developing breast cancer is greatly reduced. I don’t want to take any chances.”
Several creases dented his forehead. “You’re okay with not having breasts?”
“Not at all. I just don’t want to wake up every day and ask myself if this is the day I find a lump. I’ve struggled with what to do. I’ve spoken to a patient who has been in my shoes. I’ve talked to a genetic counselor, and I’ve even spoken to Mr. Maxwell.”
He leaned back in his wheelchair. “I get he’s a psychiatrist, but why him?”
“Part of me wanted to pick his brain on how he helped Mom. I also wanted an unbiased opinion from someone who was far removed from me.”
Suddenly, anger shot out of his brown eyes. “You didn’t think that I would understand? I’m your brother, for fuck’s sake. I was there when Mom was sick from chemo. I was there when she was on her deathbed.” He raised his voice. “Let’s not forget either that Mr. Maxwell is the dad of your boyfriend. So how can he give you an unbiased opinion?”
I felt my eyebrows lifting. “So it’s okay for you to stew on things to the point you make yourself sick. You ended up in the damn hospital because you didn’t want to tell me we had no money in our bank account.” Now I was the one to raise my voice, and heaven help me, it hurt like a bitch. I took in a small breath and blinked.
He gripped the back of his neck. “Does Kody know that you’re going to have your breasts removed?”
If he was irritated over me sharing my news with Mr. Maxwell, then he was about to go off the handle. I could have lied, but he would’ve known. He always knew when I lied. He’d told me once that I bit my lip when I lied. So I dipped my chin. “He knows I might. He doesn’t know that I made my decision to have it done.”
Slowly and deliberately, he shook his head. “Whatever happened to family? You tell strangers, but you can’t tell
me.”
Tears stung my eyes. “I’m so, so sorry, Lowell. I didn’t want you to worry about me like you did with Mom. I didn’t want to put you through that, especially when you ended up in the hospital.” If I could have reached out and hugged him, I would have, but I could barely move. “Please forgive me.”
He folded his hands in his lap. “What about the cost of surgery?” He studied me, reminding me of how our father had looked when Lowell had accidentally broken a window when he was a kid, playing baseball in the yard with his friends.
“Do you know how much it’s going to cost to fix that window?” Dad had asked Lowell with his hands in front of him and his eyes piercing.
I played with my fingers, which I just noticed were bruised. I was such an idiot for not wearing my leather motorcycle gear, including my gloves. Then again, I wasn’t sure the clothing would’ve helped. “I’m going to take out a loan. Please forgive me.”
He gripped the arms of his wheelchair. “It still hurts to know that you couldn’t tell me.” He let out a loud sigh. “I guess I understand your concern, given that I did end up in the hospital.” Then he jutted out his chin. “From now on, no more holding back information when it comes to our family. Agreed?”
All the tightness in my muscles loosened. Well, maybe not. My muscles were in shock and probably wouldn’t loosen for weeks. “Agreed.”
“Also you won’t be taking out a loan,” he said. “I’ve been thinking. It’s time to close the shop. I want to sell all the parts, liquidate what we have, tear down the building, and open up the yard.”
The shop had been a dream of our dad’s. But I couldn’t help with the business anymore. I had my job, and if I signed that recording contract, I wasn’t sure how my life would change. In the meantime, Lowell and I had to replenish our finances and pay our bills, including the loan on the shop. “Or we could turn the place into a one-bedroom apartment and rent it out.” I’d just thought of that as he was talking.
His face brightened. “The accident knocked some smarts into you,” he teased. “I love that idea. We can get Mack to rent the place. He’s been staying with his mom. I’m sure he’ll love the idea too.”
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