Dangerous Hilarity

by Sioux Dallas

  The twins went to friends’ houses to compare gifts. Anna left with two girlfriends to go to another friend’s house. She could hardly wait to get their reaction to the possible move to Alaska.

  The new year came with a lot of celebrating. The Jacksons celebrated with friends at the Emerald Greens Country Club, and had a great time. The thought often ran through their minds that this might be the last time they’d do this for a long time. The Fairfax Fire Department put on a display of fireworks and ended with a giant rose and the American flag in the sky. The police bagpipe and drum marching band furnished music.

  January brought more cold weather and the fulfillment of many plans. “It was so wonderful. We collected enough to adopt two families. It was touching to share in their pleasure,” Irene was pleased that her class had a successful project. Her ideas for the Main Street Art Festival were accepted and plans were made to print brochures for distribution to business places and to the public.

  “Ya hah!” Tom dodged a snowball thrown by Alex Baughman. Then Tom shot one and hit the scout leader. The twins and fourteen other boys enjoyed the camp-out even in cold January on a long weekend. Fortunately there was only a light dusting of snow. In spite of the bitter weather the boys enjoyed hiking through the safe areas of the Blue Ridge Mountains, plotting different trails according to the maps provided by forest rangers, and learning to find their way back to camp with a compass.

  Tom was bouncing around. “Zowee! Isn’t this great,” he exclaimed. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

  “Yeah,” Danny Garrison stated, “think of all you’ll be missing if you go to Alaska and we’ll be here doing a lot of fun things. You won’t be here to enjoy them,” he said with a sneer.

  “Stuff it, Danny.” Mark Tully said. “You’re just jealous that they’re going to get a great adventure and you won’t have a chance to do as much.”

  “Ha. Who wants to go to old Alaska with the cold, ice and dangerous animals?” Danny answered with a twisted grin. Privately he was envious. Starbursts of anger shot through his mind as he thought of what he considered the injustice of it all. Why can’t I ever have a chance to do something fun or go somewhere so cool?

  “I would love to be going,” Benjamin Dyang yelled.

  “Besides, they’ll have a chance to do more fun things than we’ll ever get to do,” Jed Winters proclaimed.

  “It’s going to be a fantastic experience,” Ed Warden, the scout leader, said. “We’re all glad your family will have this opportunity and we’ll be waiting anxiously for you to return and share with us.”

  Come on, boys,” the assistant leader, Ben Sturgill called. “We have to get back to camp so we can prepare supper and get ready for bed.”

  Tim walked happily on talking to different ones, but Tom hung back walking more slowly and thoughtfully. How can Tim and I get out of going to Alaska? I have to think of something.

  The boys stuck wieners on sticks and cooked them over the fire. Chili was heated in a big pot. The boys squirted cheese out of a bottle on the hot dogs and sometimes on each other. There was a selection of chopped onions (brought from home in plastic bags), relish, mustard, ketchup and baked beans. They had left white potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil baking in the hot ashes. Two older boys (Eagle Scouts) had stayed behind to watch the fire and the camp supplies. Later the boys roasted marshmallows on sticks over the fire while the two leaders told ghost stories. The boys then washed, brushed their teeth with water from the melted snow and slid down into warm sleeping bags inside tents. Camping lanterns were in each tent for warmth and light and, in some cases, for comfort.

  February flew by and then March rolled around with cool but sunny days. People were dressed warmly and happily enjoying the big street festival that had followed a huge parade of fourteen floats, four high school bands and a marching bagpipe and drum band. A great horse group had marched and demonstrated how their hoses danced to music. A few people had decorated their pets and walked with them. One woman had dressed her little black poodle in a doll’s dress and pushed her in a baby carriage. The Shriners had funny little cars, clowns and several marching groups.

  Two blocks had been roped off so that people could walk freely but vehicles could not drive through. There were loads of arts and crafts booths, a face painting booth for the children, several food booths and various business booths that gave out goodies to advertise their particular business. An artist sat on the sidewalk doing caricatures of people for five dollars which would be donated to the city fund for youth programs. A new bakery was giving out tiny donuts and cookies. The longest line was at the booth selling funnel cakes.

  Some of the police demonstrated the agility and obedience of their dogs. The dogs ran through an obstacle course and then showed how they followed commands with hand signals as well as voice.

  Irene began to make preparations for their move with a reluctant Anna and even more reluctant twins helping. They conferred on lists of things to do, things to take and things to store until they returned to Virginia. Time passed much too quickly.

  Anna gradually began to talk with more interest after finding her friends were interested. The twins only expressed themselves when someone brought up the subject.

  With a lot of groaning and excuses from the twins, Irene took all of them for medical check-up and dental care. Even Galena visited her veterinarian. Irene reminded them, “All medical records will be taken with us, but school records will be sent. Now let’s go home and see what clothes we can take and what we need to buy. We’ll be needing far different clothing than we do here.

  Galena busily inspected all of the packed boxes and items left on the beds to be packed while she went from room to room supervising. Irene was exasperated one day to discover that she would place an item in a box and look around to see Galena industriously unpacking by taking the item in her mouth and dropping it somewhere in the house. Well. She was helping, wasn’t she?

  During March Herb planned to leave to meet his crew and find a house for his family. He promised to call as often as possible and to take pictures so the family would have an idea what to expect. One evening he called the family together.

  “Anna, I know I can count on you to help your mother and relieve her whenever possible. Boys, I’m counting on you to take care of your mother and sister and be a help instead of a hindrance. Remember, Galena is old and will need a lot of care and attention. Her age is about seven times that of a year of yours, so take good care of her.”

  In April Anna celebrated her fifteenth birthday in Paris with her school group. Her family would have a birthday celebration when she returned. After talking to several friends about her move, she began to feel a little better about leaving Fairfax. Of course she would miss everyone, but it would be exciting to make new friends in Alaska.

  In May the twins celebrated their thirteenth birthday with a super party. At one o’clock they had a cook-out in the back yard and games galore with eighteen boys that were invited. Tom had vetoed inviting girls with the explanation that girls didn’t want to get dirty and they would be playing rough games. They played a tug-of-war, touch football, volleyball and several others.

  The boys argued over who would cook the burgers and hot dogs on the grill until Irene just stood back and let them have at it. She smiled to herself thinking that half of them would scream indignantly if they were required to help at their own homes. The potato salad, baked beans, tomatoes, pickles and chips vanished as if a magician had waved a wand. Anna could hardly believe that the boys could eat all they had and still demolish two sheet cakes and four gallons of ice cream with twenty-eight cartons of soft drinks.

  Some of the parents had offered to help, but Irene thanked them graciously and said she and Anna could handle it with the help of the boys.

  The parents and other neighbors were invited to come later for a grown-up gathering.

  “This is super,” Dan Baxter said around a mouth full of food. “A cook-out’s great, but the s
kating will be fun, too. Course this isn’t the end.” He almost choked when Jacob Solomon quickly placed his hand over Dan’s mouth and Enrique Cabrera glared at him. The twins were too busy opening gifts to pay attention to Dan.

  At five o’clock the boys left to go to the skating rink and Anna went to a friend’s house to meet a group to go to a movie. The adults gathered with Irene each bringing food and beverages and lots of curiosity about the move.

  The twins ran back to the house at eight-thirty just as a taxi pulled up. Slowly crawling out of the taxi, Herb was smiling as he walked tiredly to the group in the back yard. After greeting Herb and hearing about his trip, the neighbors went home and the Jackson family were together alone at last. Galena was so happy to see Herb that he could not sit without her trying to climb in his lap. Herb was happy to be back with his family and had a lot of news about Alaska and their new home.

  Chapter Three

  The next morning Irene had blueberry pancakes and sausages ready for breakfast. Everyone ate, laughed and talked, happy to have Herb back with them. After breakfast Herb waited for the children to brush their teeth and then called the twins to him.

  “I bet you guys can’t guess what I’ve planned for your birthday,” he grinned, pleased with himself.

  “But Dad, our birthday was yesterday,” Tom giggled. “It’s okay, Dad. You do a lot for us all the year.

  “I know it was yesterday, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be here. I owe Anna a special day, also. That won’t make your surprise any less exciting though.”

  He grinned at them as he put an arm around each twin’s neck and hugged them close. He gave Irene a quick kiss and hugged Anna.

  “What surprise, Dad?” Tim questioned as both boys danced around him. Galena jumped with them sure she was part of whatever was going on.

  “Let’s go outside and you’ll see.” Herb placed a hand on each twin’s back and went toward the front door. Tom and Tim jumped out the door ahead of him and stopped in surprise. In front of the house was a chartered bus filled with friends who were yelling at the twins out of the windows.

  “Hurry up, slowpokes”

  “You’re holding us up.”

  “Will you get a move on.”

  “Come on the day is rushing by.”

  “Why? Are you expecting us to get on that bus with you?” Tim yelled half laughing and half serious.

  “Happy birthday,” eighteen voices chorused.

  “But all of you were at our party yesterday and none of you said anything about this.” Tom said looking at his dad with a puzzled expression. Looking past Herb the twins saw Irene and Anna waving at them.

  “Ole big mouth, Dan, almost spilled the beans yesterday,” Mark yelled out of a window. We knew it but were all sworn to secrecy.”

  “Get on board my suspicious sons. We’re off on an adventure. It’s part of your birthday surprise.” Herb laughed and urged them to board the bus so he could get on.

  “Yip! Yip! Yipee!” the twins clambered aboard the bus calling goodbye to Irene and Anna.

  “Come get Galena,” Herb called. “She thinks she’s going, too.”

  Anna ran and took the protesting Galena by the collar. Galena cried all the way back to the house and drug her feet trying to convince Anna that she should be on that bus. Once she was in the house with the door shut she calmed down and ran over the place on her inspection tour.

  Twenty boys sang, told jokes, wrestled and laughed loudly on their way to Washington, D.C., their nation’s capital, fifteen miles away.

  “Hey, Timmy, your dad is the greatest. None of our dads would have thought to bring our crowd into D.C. for the day.” Jimmy Dodd spoke loudly as he walked through the Smithsonian Museum with their group.

  “None of our dads would have been brave enough to try it,” Mark Tully laughed and hurried over to see the furniture used in Archie Bunker’s house in the famous television show, ‘All In The Family’ and the set of ‘Star Trek’. Fonzie’s jacket from ‘Happy Days’ was there, also.

  “The rest of our dads probably couldn’t have afforded it,” Alan Begley muttered, but no one paid any attention to his comment. Truthfully, he was having a fabulous time.

  “Yep, isn’t it rad? I’ve always liked the Smithsonian but never had time to see as much as I wanted to,” Tim answered.

  “Maybe your dad’s doing this to make up for dragging you off to Alaska,” Alex said with a crooked grin.

  “Maybe,” Jason Horn interjected, “but dude! I was totally wiped out to see Lindberg’s plane and all that first exploration stuff. And I never thought I’d get to see a real space ship. Besides,” he turned to Tom, “you guys are going to have a great life and be back before you know it.” In the Natural History section they were all standing beside the huge stuffed elephant looking up with open mouths and wide eyes.

  “Dad always does something special for us and our sister on our birthday,” Tom explained

  Herb gathered the boys and took them out to the sidewalk where he had made arrangements with food venders to have their carts there at noon. A young woman stood with a calculator and totaled the price for Herb to pay.

  “Whoo hoo!” Herb laughed with hands over his ears. “It sounds like feeding time at the zoo,” he laughed as the boys shoved and shouted their selections. Herb thanked the vendors, and the girl, as he took time to grab a sandwich, chips and a soft drink. He paid the bill and included a generous tip.

  The boys wolfed the food down and boarded the bus again for a tour of the city. They were impressed with a big statue of Abraham Lincoln sitting in a chair at his monument. The statue of Franklin D. Roosevelt and his little dog were admired. Some of the cherry trees still had late blooms on them. The boys were surprised to learn that the first trees had been a gift from Japan.

  The bus driver talked over the speaker as he drove them around. “On July 16, 1791, Congress approved a location for Federal buildings. As soon as George Washington agreed, Major Pierce Charles L’Enfant, a French engineer, laid out the plans for the new city. L’Enfant was a friend of Washington’s and had fought with the Americans during the American Revolution. On September 18, 1793, the cornerstone of the Capitol was laid, but the government didn’t move to D.C. until 1800. He drove on and stopped at the Mall.”

  “Whoa. Are we going to walk all the way up there?” Benji Morrison leaned back, with his mouth open, to look at the top of the Washington Monument.

  “You can if you wish,” Herb answered. “The monument is five hundred fifty-five feet tall and has eight hundred ninety-eight steps to the top. There’s an elevator if you don’t want to walk up.”

  A chorus of, “I’m walking,” came from all of the boys.

  About half way up Herb had to sit down because he was laughing too hard to continue. About a dozen of the boys were gasping for breath and three of them had gotten down to crawl up on hands and knees.

  At the top they were welcomed by a Park police who told them, “The Washington Monument is made of white marble from Maryland. Construction on it began in 1848 when James Polk was President and was completed in 1884, but it wasn’t opened to the public until 1888. George Washington had died on December 14, 1799, so, he never knew of this dedication to his memory.”

  “Why did it take so long to build it?” Aaron Langley asked.

  “The marble was mined and polished by hand which took a lot of time. Then it had to be transported by mule-drawn wagons and put in place. This naturally caused the work to go slowly. In 1848 James Marshall discovered gold at Sutter’s Mill in Coloma, California. A lot of the workers went west with the dream of becoming rich. Can anyone tell me what happened in 1861?”

  “I can,” several voices rang out at once. “The War Between The States.”

  “Right,” the policeman was pleased. “There was no work going on during those four or five years.”

  “Don’t you mean the Civil War?” Alex asked.

  “No,” the policeman said. “They gave the correct answer. Her
e young man read this card from the Library of Congress. It’s official. Please read it aloud.”

  Alex reluctantly took the card and read. “The Congressional Record of March 2, 1928 reports Senate joint resolution No. 41 wherein Congress recognized the title, War Between The States as proper. A war was waged from 1861 to 1865 between two organized governments. The United States of America and the Confederate States of America. These were the official titles of the contending parties. It was not a Civil War as it was not fought between parties in the same government. It was not a War of Succession because the states, who had seceded, did so without a thought of war. The right of a state to secede had never been questioned. It was not a War of Rebellion for sovereign, independent states, co-equal cannot rebel against each other. It was a War Between The States because twenty-two non seceding states made war upon eleven seceding states to force them back into the Union. It was not until after the surrender of 1865 that secession was decided to be unconstitutional.”

  “But I thought it was fought over slavery,” Charles Bloomingdale said.

  “Oh, no,” the policeman answered. “It was never fought over slavery. The question of slavery didn’t enter into discussion until the third year of the war when Lincoln decided to use it to force the south to surrender. They overlooked the fact that there were slaves in the north in factories and homes. There were more working in the south on farms and plantations.

  And not all of the slaves were black. Some were Asians and quite a few were poor whites who owed money to the plantation owners.” He continued, “What most people don’t know is that there is an aluminum cap of the tip top of the monument with the words, ‘Laus Deo’ on it. This means Praise be to God.”

  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go down to my horse and go on duty in the park area,” the policeman said.

  “A horse! Can I ride him?” several boys yelled.

  “Afraid not. Sorry. He’s on duty just as I am and he’s a working animal. Have a good day, fellows. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your party. Gotta go. My horse is waiting.”