Dangerous Hilarity

by Sioux Dallas

“You want me to deliberately lie?”

  “Nah. I won’t ask you to lie.”

  “I know. I’ll stay home tomorrow, too,” Tim said gleefully.

  “Uh uh. Mom and dad won’t let you,” Tom said sadly. “Unless you can convince them you’re really sick.”

  “Now you want me to lie to our parents.”

  “Shoot,” Tom said with disgust, “I guess you’ll have to tell the truth. It’ll come out anyway. Stuff always does.”

  I won’t tell everything. I’ll just tell them about you climbing out the window. I won’t tell what time it was. Don’t worry. I won’t tell them anything that’ll make them tease you.”

  “Thanks, Tim. You’re the best brother in the world. I guess we’d better get busy cleaning our room. We have to do the usual Saturday things. Go get the clean sheets while I take the dirty ones off our beds. Dad’s cleaning out the basement and packing. Oooooh!” He fell back on the bed.

  “What’s wrong? Do you hurt?” Tim asked worriedly.

  “Alaska,” Tom spat out bitterly. “Every time I think of it, I get sick to my stomach.”

  “I know. Me, too. When our friends talk about it I think it might not be so bad after all. Then I’m alone thinking and I ---” Tim looked with sympathy at a mirror image of himself. Light brown hair, bright green eyes, lightly tanned face with a few freckles across the nose, a cleft in the chin and full lips that were now turned down. Both boys were tall for their age. At five feet eight inches and well muscled bodies from loads of athletic activities, they could have passed for a couple of years older.

  Both boys sank down on their beds with elbows on knees and chin in hands. With a sigh they finally got up to do what they did every Saturday.

  Chapter Five

  Tim had made arrangements to meet some of the boys at the city library on Monday after school. He and Tom walked in to find several boys at a table with numerous books on Alaska in front of them. The twins sat and whispered greetings.

  “Hey! Here’s some interesting stuff.” Pat spoke loudly in excitement.

  “Shh. Keep your voice down or we’ll be kicked out,” Tom poked him.

  Pat continued to read in a lower voice. “Since 1867 the stars and stripes have flown over Alaska, but it wasn’t until 1958 that U. S. Congress approved Alaska being admitted as our 49th state. On January 3, 1959, President Dwight Eisenhower signed the papers. The name Alaska comes from an Aleut Indian word meaning Great Land. Wow! Russia is only one hundred ninety miles from Nome.”

  “Great. I hope we get a chance to visit Russia,” Tim whispered. “I’m looking forward to meeting some real Eskimo and Indians and now some Russians.”

  Pat looking puzzled said, “I thought Russia was only fifty-three miles from Alaska.”

  “Well it is at farther northern points where people don’t live, but Nome is south of there.” John Trivet explained.

  Perry Morton struggled to talk quietly, “This is from the material you guys got from the Nome Convention and Visitors Bureau. It says three lucky Swedens, Jafet Lindberg, Erik Lindbloom and John Brynteson, discovered gold on Anvil Creek in 1898. When the news reached Klondike, thousands came and built a camp called Anvil City. No trees to build with so they had to set up tents that covered the thirty miles between Cape Rodney and Cape Nome. From about one hundred people, it grew to over ten thousand. Huge storms and fires left little in that first camp.”

  “Now me,” Benji took the paper. “During World War II, Nome was the last stop for planes flying to Russia. U. S. troops were stationed in Nome in Quonset huts. Today air travel has taken the place of steam ships.”

  “Listen,” Jim read on, “nowhere else is there so many bear and fantastic fishing. Caribou, reindeer, moose, deer, elk, bison, seals, otter and numerous birds are familiar sights.” The boys all started talking about animals, and hunting, with camera, of course.

  Tim read, “Because of the many people who came during the gold rush, this area became a supply and transportation center. A big Federal building was built, but Juneau became the capital.”

  Jason started giggling and hissed. “That reminds me of a joke. This boys went up to his teacher and said, “What’s the capital of Alaska?” She answered, “Juneau.” He said, “No, that’s why I’m asking you.”

  The boys laughed so hard they were asked to leave the library. They walked side by side with arms around each other until they met someone they had to allow to pass. Then they ran and tagged each other, trying to trip each other as they made their way.

  This stopped when Alex staggered and fell off the sidewalk. The boys were concerned about the blood that showed through his jeans on his right knee. He assured them it was just a scrape. The boys went on more calmly.

  Being normal boys they soon left the memory of Alex’s misadventure behind and again ran down the sidewalk chasing, jumping up in the air pretending to shoot baskets and making up games as they ran. Life was good and they were enjoying every minute.

  That night Herb took Anna into Washington, D.C. to eat dinner and then attend a stage play at the Kennedy Center. It was late for her birthday, but Herb wanted to keep his promise to do something special for her.

  Chapter Six

  The eighteenth of June would be the eighteenth wedding anniversary of Herb and Irene. Relatives and friends wanted to give them a party, so, on June fifth there was a big celebration.

  “We’ll sure miss the Jackson family. They’re wonderful neighbors,” Mrs. Goodson said to Herb’s brother, Henry.

  “What will they do with the dog?” Mrs. Parsons asked as she watched Galena winding among the people, wagging her tail and loving everyone.

  “Oh, I guess she’ll be put to sleep. She’s so old.” Uncle Henry’s wife, Aunt Minnie stated.

  “Oh, no.” The twins spoke as one. Anna’s lips were tight as she rubbed Galena’s back. “If Galena doesn’t go, we don’t either,” she said.

  “Besides,” Tom said through gritted teeth, “we’d stay here if they’d let us.”

  “You really don’t want to go?” Uncle Henry was surprised. “But, why not? Most kids would be thrilled to get to travel and live adventures.”

  Aunt Minnie spoke forcefully. “You should be thankful that you have parents who are giving you opportunities like this.”

  “Who wants them?” Tom almost yelled. “Opportunities, I mean.”

  Irene had joined them. “Stop that,” she ordered. “You children are being rude. I’m sorry,” she said to the small group that had gathered. “There have been a lot of conflicting emotions concerning the move. I was hoping my children had accepted it by now.” She looked so sad that Anna put an arm around her mother.

  “I’m sure we’ll like it when we get there, Mom. It’ll take some getting used to, but we’ll be fine as long as we’re together as a family -- including Galena.” She turned to glare at her brothers.

  “Yeah, I guess it’ll be okay,” Tim mumbled. “Excuse us.” He and Tom left to go into the house taking Galena with them.

  Fortunately the conversation was just with the small groups and Herb and the remainder of the crowd were not aware of the conflicts. Everyone left saying what a great time they’d had and how much they would miss the Jackson family. The majority of them spoke of their envy of the move.

  Herb left the next day to start his work in Alaska. The family would follow soon. When one of the twins would ask Galena, “Do you want to go for a really long ride in the car?” she would bark excitedly and run around trying to figure out where they were going and when.

  Ten days later they received a letter from Herb. After dinner they sat around the dining room table while Irene read the letter to them. The children laughed hysterically until their sides ached when they heard about the honey bucket. It was so strange and funny.

  Herb wrote, “It’s impossible to dig and lay pipes in the hard, frozen ground. Farther north indoor bathrooms are as scarce as hen’s teeth.”

  “Hen’s don’t have teeth,” Tim shouted
laughing.

  “That’s what it means,” Anna said, “Now hush and let mom finish.”

  Irene read on, “We could have a ten gallon bucket, called a honey bucket, to use as a commode.” The entire family was intrigued with this lifestyle.

  “Yuck! I just thought of something,” Tim frowned and shuddered.

  “What?” Tom asked.

  “That ole honey bucket would have to be emptied and washed.”

  “Ohhh. Would we have to do that?” Tom wrinkled his nose and waved his hand in front of his face as if to wave away an odor.

  “We’ll all have chores to do just as we do here.” Irene said with a straight face. The twins howled and rolled from their chairs to the floor. Galena was concerned thinking something bad had happened to her boys. She growled and ran around barking looking for the trouble. She was ready to defend her family and make short work of any trouble.

  “Get off the floor,” Irene ordered. “You’re disturbing Galena. She doesn’t understand what you’re doing. Now let me finish the letter. Daddy says there is a honey wagon which comes around to collect the dirty buckets and leave clean ones.” She had to stop again because the twins were making weird noises and exciting Galena. “Puh-leese, may I go on? Daddy says that since it’s warm enough now where we’ll be that he’ll be able to put in a bathroom for us.”

  “Wahoo! No chance of yucky stuff then,” Tom yelled. He saw some pictures sticking half out of the envelope. “What are those pictures dad sent?” Irene looked at them and then read the back.

  “This is one of the front of our house and these two are of our deep freeze.”

  “Deep freeze? Curiouser and curiouser,” Tim grinned. “But this is a hole in the ground,” Irene read on. “Our deep freeze is an underground room about eight feet by eight feet and seven feet deep. A metal door opens at ground level and we climb down a ladder to get whatever we want from the freezer. It’s dug deep to keep food cold and the metal door keeps wild animals from getting our food.”

  “There’s even shelves built in,” Anna observed. “Well, as my brothers would say, that’s neat and rico.”

  “Irene, how in the world are you going to adjust to such a dramatic change in your life?” Four of her friends were visiting to bring last minute gifts and to say goodbye.

  “I’ll be happy wherever my husband and children are. I’ve always wanted to write books for children and now, maybe I’ll have time to write. Anna is an excellent artist, so, I’m hoping she’ll be willing to illustrate for me.” Irene’s face glowed with the idea of her dreams coming true.

  “I didn’t know you were interested in writing,” Marion Parks exclaimed. “How wonderful. What type of writing have you done?”

  “Just for children in church, a few newspaper columns and for my own interests. I’m trying to write a family history for the children. I’ve done a lot of research on all four sides of our family. Genealogy is an addiction.”

  She laughed. “I’m sure there’ll be loads of material where we’ll be living, especially with the boys into enough to give me lots of inspiration. In fact, knowing them, I’ll probably have enough material for multi books.”

  Finishing their tea and finger sandwiches, the ladies wished the family all the best, gave Irene hugs and tearfully left.

  In their bedroom, the twins were still grumbling. “Why does everyone assume we’re going for sure?” Tom fumed.

  “Because we are,” Tim said with a sigh. “Face it. Dad’s already in Alaska and has a house for us. Mom’s packed and all our records are ready. Might as well make the best of it. We’ll just feel worse if we dwell on it.”

  “That’s easy to say. Make the best of it,” Tom sneered, falling on his bed. Tim was already on his bed. The twins lay on their backs looking at the ceiling. Suddenly Tom sat up. “Hey, I got it. We’ll be explorers. We can put our scout training to use and maybe even explore areas where no human has ever been.” His eyes twinkled as he gazed into space, seeing himself with nothing in sight but snow and ice.

  “You sound like a television science show,” Tim laughed. Then he lay back down and continued to brood. “Yeah,” Tim spoke in awe of the thought. “I can see us catching the biggest whale or maybe the most ferocious bear. We both have a love of science. Maybe we’ll do something that’ll make us famous, something no one else has even thought of.”

  “Such as?”

  “Who knows. Maybe we’ll discover a chemical that can be used to clean the dirtiest, most dangerous waters. Lakes and rivers could be purified. Just think, we could clean up our environment and make it a safer, healthier place for everyone to live.”

  They daydreamed, made plans and became excited thinking of how famous they could be, maybe even written up in history books. They might even be recognized by the President of the United States and given a big ticker-tape parade while crowds cheered.

  Anna was in the kitchen helping her mother with dinner. “Mom, I’m sorry, but I still have mixed feelings about our move even though I don’t want to have them. I want us to be together as a family, but I hate to leave familiar places and friends. I’ll be a stranger in Alaska. All the kids there will have friends, know the teachers and ---”

  Irene broke in. “You’ll love making new friends and seeing different parts of our country. Your friends here will be eager to hear from you and will envy your experiences. You’ve always been popular because you’re kind and thoughtful of others. You’ll do the same there --- just you wait and see.”

  Irene hugged Anna while looking up at her beautiful daughter. She smiled at the beautiful heart-shaped face framed by dark blonde, curly hair. Her hazel-green eyes were serious and thoughtful. Anna stood five-eight, an inch taller than her mother.

  Tom and Tim came clamping down the stairs, their feet hitting hard as they walked. “I’m starved. Isn’t dinner ready?” Tom whined.

  “Patience, my poor famished son. We’ll eat in about five minutes. Have you both washed?” The twins vowed that they had washed, then sat at the table talking low to each other. “What’s wrong with me? One day I’m excited about leaving and then I want to hide and not go,” Tim confessed.

  Tom nodded in agreement and shrugged his shoulders.

  On June seventh, the last day of school was exciting and sad. Mrs. Berry smiled as she placed an arm around each twin. “Boys, I have a suggestion. You’ll be writing to friends here, but would you please write to me so that I can share with everyone in school? I would appreciate a picture now and then, also.”

  “Sure. Works for me,” Tim stated with a grin and Tom nodded. “We’ll send you our address and phone number as soon as we can.”

  Irene checked boxes again to ascertain that each box was labeled so she would know where to look for their things when they got to Alaska. All boxes were loaded on a big truck. The government was paying for shipping and traveling expenses because Herb was an employee. She watched the truck pull away and breathed a prayer for all of them. Oh, Herb, I hope I can do this without you. How I wish you were here to travel with us, but you need me to be a helpmate and get us to you safely. She felt she could count on the children now that they accepted they were moving, or so she thought.

  The plan was to take three weeks zig-zagging across the United States.

  They would visit historical places, explore and appreciate their own country.

  The next morning they were up early to leave. The house had been left in the hands of a real estate agent to rent and care for until their return. Dan Baxter’s mother, as the real estate agent, volunteered to strip the beds, wash linens they had used and place items in the linen closet. A cleaning crew would come in and clean everything, as well as wash windows, getting everything ready for renters.

  The station wagon was loaded with clothing needed for the trip. Galena’s water dish, food dish, jugs of water and a sack of dog food were in the very back. A cooler filled with ice, soft drinks and sandwich meat was placed behind the rear seat. Fried chicken, a small baked ham
, potato salad and deviled eggs were placed in the cooler with carrot sticks and tomatoes. Bread, peanut butter and various jellies and additional snacks were in a huge container beside the cooler.

  “Anna, place this first aid kit where it can be reached quickly. I hope and pray we won’t have to use it,” Irene instructed.

  “Mom, you’ve got enough here to feed a small army,” Tim laughed.

  “It won’t last long. We’ll eat this before we have to start eating out. This will help a little and save time, too. Tim, please check and make sure there’s a sharp knife and enough tableware for all of us. Oh, get the napkins off the kitchen counter. Are the plastic plates and cups in there, and the jugs of water?”

  “Check and check, Mom. Your order has been obeyed.” Tim saluted just as Tom tackled him from behind. They dropped to the grass to wrestle.

  “Don’t get dirty before we start,” Irene ordered.

  “I bet nobody else is up as early as this,” Tom observed as he stood up. “The sun isn’t even fully up yet.”

  “Starting early will get us out of the heat for a while and give us time to stop for rests without losing time. Galena will need pit stops, too.” Irene explained.

  They were surprised to see neighbors sleepily coming still in their night clothes, slippers and robes. The Jacksons were touched. After dozens of hugs and well wishes, the family tearfully, but bravely, waved and drove off.

  Herb had toured most of Virginia with the children since they were young, so, Irene drove at an angle from northeast to southwest, Virginia without stopping to sightsee. It took six hours to make this part of the trip. She drove across the line into Kentucky before stopping for the night.

  “We more than likely won’t cover this many miles in one day again. I’m not accustomed to driving a lot and I’m ready for a rest,” Irene sighed. “But there was no need to stop since we knew a lot about the part we covered.”

  The next day they drove into St. Joseph, Missouri to one of the first Pony Express stations. It was thrilling to see the small room, artifacts, pictures and even a copy of the newspaper of that day.