Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  Chatline: I would like to know who founded the group and where you guys got your start.

  Jaymi: Nikki and I formed the group when we were in college together. We were both music majors and Nikki knew Kay through a friend and we asked her to join. Brian is my cousin. We asked him if he wanted to play with us after we had auditioned several drummers who didn’t quite fit our style.

  Brian: Yeah, I joined by default! Good thing I like my cousin. It’s been fun and a great opportunity.

  Chatline: Liz here. I caught your show at Sparky’s a few weeks ago and loved it! My question is for Brian. What’s it like to be the only non-gay member of the band? And, by the way…are you single?

  Brian: Aw, see, Jaymi? I do have my own fans! Happy to meet you Liz! It doesn’t bother me I’m the odd one in the group (those who know me would say I’m the odd one anyway, LOL!). It does benefit me in that I can date the straight women that come to the shows. So, yes, I am single. Wanna send me a pic?

  Kay: Hey, we’re not running a dating service here!

  Jaymi: Next question, please!

  Chatline: I love all you guys! I want to thank you for being out—it’s really inspiring to other gay women like me to have you as role models and helping our cause. You rock!—LR

  Jaymi: Thank you, LR, that’s nice to hear. We didn’t set out to be role models or activists or anything. We’ve just always believed it would be easier to be open and honest about it.

  Kay: The more of us who live openly, the more we can open people’s minds and hearts to see we’re all human and that it’s really no big deal. We didn’t see any point in being something we’re not. We’re proud of who we are.

  Chatline: Jaymi, it sounds like you’re the leader of the group. Are there ever any conflicts between you guys?—Jo

  Jaymi: Hi, Jo. Just like any job, yes, there are times we can drive each other crazy. But we’re pretty tight. You have to be when you spend so much time together. It’s like having a second family, so yes, sometimes there’s some tension and some compromises. Luckily, we always manage to work through them and ultimately put the band first.

  Chatline: I heard a rumor that there was a big fight and you kicked Nikki out of the group. Is that true? Is that why she wasn’t at the show last night?

  Jaymi looked sharply at her bandmates. “Who knows about that?”

  Brian held up his hands. “Got me. I haven’t said anything.”

  “Neither have I,” said Kay. “Maybe Nikki’s been talking.”

  Chatline: I noticed Nikki hasn’t participated in the chat, either, which makes me think maybe the rumor is true.

  Kay: Don’t believe everything you hear. Nikki was unavailable today, unfortunately, and we apologize for that. But there is no truth to rumors that she was kicked out of the band.

  Chatline: Jaymi I saw u smile at me when u sing

  Jaymi: I do have a tendency to smile onstage—I love what I do!

  Chatline: No I mean u looked right at ME and smiled last night like u were singing that song to ME.

  Jaymi shot a nervous glance at her cousin and shrugged. “I have no idea what this person’s talking about.”

  Brian: Jaymi sings to everyone in the audience—she does have that gift of connecting with them.

  Jaymi: Thank you, Brian. Anyone want to know who our biggest influences are? There’re too many to list all of them, but a few of my favorites are Melissa Etheridge, Pat Benatar, Indigo Girls, Shawn Colvin, and Mary Chapin Carpenter. I also listen to some classical sometimes to relax.

  Chatline: Jaymi I’m your biggest fan and I would love 2 meet u do u ever do any meet and greets and I know it was ME u were looking at

  “Just ignore it, Jaymi.” Kay grimaced. “She sounds a little obsessed and you don’t want to encourage her.”

  Jaymi: Our website lists the dates of all our shows and meet-and-greets. We also run ads in the Happenings Magazine insert in the newspaper.

  Chatline: I go to all ur shows would u play at my birthday party next Saturday

  Kay: Sorry. Anyone else out there with a question?

  Chatline: Kay, I play bass and I think you’re one of the best female bass players there is! Any advice for me as a woman trying to make it in this male-dominated music world?

  Chatline: How about Friday nite Jaymi? I could change my party to Friday I don’t live far from U

  Kay answered her bass player’s question while Jaymi and Brian gawked at the screen. “What is with this person?” Jaymi said. “And how does she…she? Or he? How does this person know where I live?”

  “Yeah, and can’t she get the hint already and quit bugging you?” said Brian.

  Kay peered at the laptop again. “Jaymi, that weirdo is still bugging you about her damn party. How do we get rid of her?”

  Jaymi: I’m sorry, but the band doesn’t do private parties.

  Chatline: Listen, whoever you are, quit hogging the chat! How old were all of you when you started learning to play?—Billie

  Kay: We do need to limit everybody to one or two questions so it’s fair. So, please, sign off so others can participate in the chat. Getting to Billie’s question, I was nine when I started piano lessons and twelve when I picked up guitar and bass. I also took flute lessons in grade school. I grew up in a musical family. My mom sang and played piano. My father played guitar and banjo, and my brothers and sisters all played something. So I was lucky. It was like I grew up in a band.

  Jaymi: I think I was four when I started messing around on my parents’ upright piano. I started guitar lessons when I was eight. As far as Nikki goes, she’s always saying she started singing in the womb! And besides guitar and piano lessons as a kid, most people don’t know she dabbled with the saxophone when she was younger, too. I think Brian was ten when he started drum lessons, right?

  Brian: Eleven, actually.

  Chatline: Nadine here. I’d like to know when your next album is coming out?

  Chatline: Ur going to be sorry for blowing me off Jaymi I love u I’m ur biggest fan

  There were three more threatening messages before the exasperated panel managed to end the hour-long session and sign off.

  “Well, that went well,” said Brian sarcastically, as he began attempts to trace the source of the obsessive fan so he could set up a block.

  “It was a friggin’ disaster.” Jaymi sighed. “What is with that lunatic? Saying she loves me? Being rude to the other people writing in? And it wasn’t exactly fun dodging the questions about Nikki, either.”

  “Yeah, but at least we anticipated some questions about Nikki’s absence,” said Brian.

  A blast of frigid air blew in as Shawn entered after her morning’s work in the stables. “Is it over? How’d it go?” she asked as she stamped snow off her boots and then removed them.

  “Oh, just lovely,” Kay replied, rolling her eyes. “Seems our friend Jaymi here has made quite an impression on one particularly devoted fan.”

  “What’re you talking about?”

  They bombarded Shawn with accounts of the crazed fan with the upcoming birthday.

  “And the worst thing is,” added Jaymi, who began fixing Shawn a cup of hot chocolate, “this person says she doesn’t live far from me.”

  Shawn said, “Oh my God—you think it has anything to do with that truck that followed us that night?”

  “What truck?” asked Brian.

  Jaymi and Shawn filled them in.

  “You might want to talk to Alice and ask her to keep an eye out for any strange vehicles coming into her driveway,” Brian said.

  “Yeah, and maybe add a few more locks to your doors,” added Kay.

  “Oh, come on, are you serious?” Jaymi wanted to seem calm but had to admit she was getting nervous.

  Shawn blew on her cocoa and said, “This lunatic could be stalking you, Jaymi. And I wouldn’t be much of a bodyguard.” She smiled slyly and added, “Although I wouldn’t mind guarding your body.” Her flirtation wasn’t missed by Kay and Brian, who grinned
, though they clearly resisted the temptation to tease them.

  “All right, all right.” Jaymi curled up in her chair. “I’ll go talk to Alice and Pete right now.”

  Later that evening, Jaymi found herself looking out the windows repeatedly before Shawn finally wedged a chair beneath the entrance door’s knob and slipped a broom through the handles of the french doors to help her feel safer. She even went so far as to tuck her into bed.

  “Shawn?” she asked, grabbing Shawn’s arm before she could get up from the side of the bed.

  “Yeah?”

  “Stay with me tonight…please?”

  “Are you sure?”

  She smiled and playfully squeezed Shawn’s biceps. “Ooh, feel those muscles. See? You could be my bodyguard. Working in the barn has really done wonders for me.”

  “For you? You mean for me—”

  “Oh no. I mean it’s done wonders for me…I get to check out those arms, all cut and muscular. And to think how scrawny and undernourished you were when you got here.”

  Shawn began flexing her arms and striking various bodybuilder poses. “Ooh, yeah, me strong! I protect you, Ms. Jaymi the Rock Star. Mmm, I be your personal bodyguard, yes?”

  “Come here, you nut.” Jaymi pulled her onto the bed as they had a good laugh.

  Shawn began to tickle her and she shrieked. They wrestled for several minutes before Jaymi managed to flip Shawn over and straddle her.

  “Now whatcha gonna do, Muscles?” Jaymi teased, bending over to within inches of Shawn’s face. Shawn stretched up and gave her a peck on the lips. Jaymi whispered, “Is that all you got?”

  Shawn grinned and pulled Jaymi down onto her. She locked her into a long, sensuous kiss that lasted well into the night, until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Shawn scurried into work with two minutes to spare and went right to work. A month into the job, she was settling in and getting to know a few coworkers well enough to make friendly conversation. Stacy, who usually worked nearby, made a point to approach Shawn as they began their routine that day.

  “Look out for the dragon lady today,” Stacy warned, keeping her voice to a near whisper. “She’s in rare form. She chewed my head off just because I forgot to punch out Friday, and then she went off on Andy about something, too.”

  “Really? She’s so weird. Was she pissed I called in sick Friday?”

  “Pissed is not the word. I don’t know why, we had a pretty slow day. You feeling better, by the way?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Ms. Davies,” Karla bellowed from the end of the hall. “In my office. Now.”

  She flashed a look of dread at Stacy, who returned it with a look of sympathy and mouthed, “Good luck.”

  Shawn didn’t have to be told to close the door and did so automatically. Karla paced behind her desk for a moment before bracing herself on the back of her chair.

  “What have I told you about coming in at the last minute?” she growled through clenched teeth.

  “I wasn’t late,” Shawn said confidently. “I know I punched in on time—five fifty-eight, you can check it—”

  “Yes, I can see that, but tell me, did you go to your locker before or after you clocked in?”

  “Right after, but I was still on the floor on time—”

  “You think this company’s paying you to put your shit in your locker?”

  “All I did was hang up my coat. Everybody does it, I didn’t think—” My God, Stacy wasn’t kidding.

  “Ah,” Karla said, straightening up and squeezing her chin between her thumb and forefinger, “you didn’t think. Why doesn’t that surprise me? And how are you feeling today?”

  Flashbacks of confrontations with her father began pummeling her. She fought them off but was having a difficult time fighting off her temper, which was going to blow soon if this got any worse.

  “Fine.”

  “Of course you’re fine,” Karla sneered, leaning forward and squinting at her. “You were fine enough to go to Boston Saturday night, weren’t you?”

  “What gives you the right…?” Shawn yelped, then calmed herself down enough to lower her voice. “Do you do this to everybody? You spy on them outside work? You have no right—”

  “You have no right to lie to me. You have one more chance, Davies. I’ve written you up for this.” She handed Shawn a paper from her desk and plucked a pen from her shirt pocket.

  “For what? I’m not allowed to be sick? And you know damn well I wasn’t late today.”

  “Don’t give me any grief. You weren’t sick Friday and you know it. Now sign here, before I write you up for your piss-poor attitude, too.”

  Shawn pressed her lips together tightly, knowing that the next thing out of her mouth would easily get her fired. She signed her name, resisting the urge to write Fuck you, I quit in giant letters across it. Karla snatched the paper from her hand, swiveled to her right to make a photocopy, which she then handed to Shawn—so that she would remember their conversation, she explained—and dismissed her.

  Shawn fumed the rest of the day and gave the horses an earful out of Jaymi’s Stratocaster when she got home, while chugging down a few beers in the process. It took Jaymi four attempts to get her attention when she arrived home from work. The sun had gone down while Shawn had been wailing away on the guitar and the room was growing dark. Shawn stumbled to the amp and snapped off its power. She wrangled off the guitar, catching the strap once across her face as she lifted it over her head, and had difficulty setting the guitar into its stand properly, which only made her angrier. She finally managed to secure the instrument, cursing at it the whole time.

  “Shawn?” Jaymi looked around at the empty bottles and tried to take her by the hand and calm her down, but Shawn yanked out of her grasp.

  “Leave me alone.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “She just keeps pushing and pushing, just like…my fucking father!” she yelled. “She’s gotta be an asshole—”

  “Who?”

  “Goddamn boss. What do I have to be, perfect? I can’t be perfect, don’t they know that?” She paced several steps, fists at her sides, teeth clenched.

  Jaymi made her way to her Stratocaster. She removed it from the stand and returned it to its case, then leaned it upright in its place among her others against the wall.

  Upon seeing the fear in Jaymi’s eyes and her protective response to care for the guitar, Shawn began to panic. “Oh no, Jaymi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on your Strat…I’m sorry—”

  Jaymi stood firmly, hands on her hips. “You know what, Shawn? If you’re going to drink, I’d prefer you not play my instruments and that you stay away from my equipment. Not to mention that I could hear you playing from halfway down the driveway—Alice isn’t going to put up with you playing that loud.” There was little sympathy in her tone, and for the first time, Shawn realized that despite Jaymi’s easygoing personality, she was still human and capable of getting angry.

  Shawn dropped her head in shame and left the room. She emerged from her bedroom in her coat and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  Shawn shook her head and put her hand on the doorknob. “I can tell you don’t want to be around me right now.”

  Jaymi hustled to the door and stopped her from opening it. “I didn’t say that. And you’re in no condition to drive—”

  “Maybe I need a walk to cool off. You want my keys or don’t you trust me?” She didn’t wait for an answer as she moved around Jaymi to leave. The door clicked softly closed behind her.

  *

  An hour later, Shawn came back to the apartment, looking worn out and as though she’d been crying her heart out. Jaymi went to her instantly.

  “Shawn, are you all right? Why don’t you just tell me what happened? Come on, take your coat off and sit down.” Jaymi coaxed her to the couch, fixed them each a cup of tea, and Shawn recounted her encounter
with Karla.

  “I don’t understand why she has such a problem with me. Why’s she gotta be so mean?”

  Jaymi chose to redirect the conversation. “Shawn, do you always use alcohol to deal with your anger?”

  Shawn crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you trying to say I have a drinking problem? Because I don’t—”

  “No, Shawn, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying…you have a lot of anger toward Karla, and your father. And drinking isn’t the best way to deal with anger, it only makes it worse.”

  Shawn stared at her tea on the coffee table and stirred it hypnotically. The tea bag’s string wound itself around the spoon, and she reversed the spoon’s direction to unwind it. She continued this pattern as she began to speak, her voice distant. “When I was a kid, if he pissed me off, I’d lock myself in my room and play my guitar as loud as I could stand it. Used to piss him off even more, and I’d just ignore him and turn it up louder. He threatened to take it away, so I rigged up a lock on my closet so no one could get into it but me, and I kept my guitars and amp in there.” She gazed across the room as sadness fell across her face. “If I couldn’t play, I thought I’d die. Sometimes I wanted to die. I used to think he wished I would.”

  “Oh God, Shawn, that’s awful.” Jaymi put an arm around her, anticipating tears, but there weren’t any. Her face was hard and her eyes were cold. After a few minutes of silence, Jaymi touched a hand to Shawn’s cheek and turned her face toward her.

  Jaymi locked eyes with her and spoke deliberately. “I am so glad you’re here with me, and I’m glad you locked up your guitars and kept on playing.”

  And with those sweet, gentle words, the tears began to flow. “Why can’t he be proud of me?” she sobbed. “Why can’t he forgive me? I didn’t want Mom to die. It wasn’t my fault…”