Playing for Keeps

by Rosa Temple

  A little later I woke in a panic. I had no idea how the party had gone and the official shop opening time was thirty minutes away according to Anthony’s wristwatch. He pulled me to him as I tried to get up.

  ‘Don’t go,’ he said.

  ‘I have to.’

  It had been a fabulous surprise that Anthony had come earlier than expected but I had to go. I kissed him and untangled myself from him and the throw. As I stood I realised how bloody cold the living room was and bolted out of the room and up the stairs so I could run a hot shower before I froze to death.

  Back downstairs a while later, Anthony was rubbing the stubble on his chin, yawning and pouring coffee. He was wearing just his jeans from the night before and I noticed for the first time how much weight he’d lost while being away.

  ‘It really is great to be back,’ Anthony said offering me a mug of fresh coffee.

  ‘It’s great to have you back.’ I held his hand across the table. ‘After the shop I’ll drop in on Anya. Come with me?’

  ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘At some stage I’m sure you’ll catch me up on everything else that’s been going on. Mind you, I doubt there’ll be anything as exciting as a baby and your flagship shop opening on the same day.’

  I looked deep into my mug, contemplating what I’d say about what else was going on. The first thought that came into my head was Hugo. I looked up at Anthony and smiled.

  ‘I don’t think I could take any more excitement than those two things. Could you?’ I said. I stared hard into his tired eyes.

  ‘To be honest, I’m whacked. That was a mad time in Italy, but great fun too. All I want is some normality. Time for us to get back to where we were a few months ago. I had a lot of time to think when I was away.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘Come on, Magenta. You know how things were getting between us. We live under the same roof but we never really talk any more. You had to have noticed.’

  ‘Of course I did.’

  ‘I want that to change.’

  I was quiet for a while. I wanted things to change too. This was the time to start working on what was becoming an increasingly worrying situation between us. This wasn’t the time to start talking about my ex and my commitment to seeing him through the most traumatic time of his life. That was a conversation for another time, surely.

  I got up and kissed Anthony on the cheek. ‘Me too,’ I said. ‘But we can’t talk about it now. I should get to the shop.’ I poured most of the coffee into the sink and shook my head. ‘Come by the shop in about an hour to pick me up so we can go to the hospital. Grab the big teddy from the chair in the bedroom. We can buy flowers on the way.’

  I almost ran from the kitchen and to the front door, breathing rapidly as I hoofed it down the road to the shop. I hadn’t done it. I hadn’t told Anthony about Hugo, the fact that he was back, that he was dying and that I’d said I was going to be there for him.

  Just metres away from the shop and I thought back to what Anya had said about me and Anthony not having talked about our future. Why was that? I was pretty sure we’d have one but I didn’t know what it looked like. I was pretty sure there wasn’t supposed to be any keeping of secrets from each other, mind you. We’d already established that during a series of intense talks earlier that year, the intense talks that happened after our equally intense breakup and coming back together. And here I was letting down my end of the bargain.

  When I pushed open the door of Portmanteau I could hear a soft blend of music being piped overhead. I saw Zac talking handbags to a customer and a fair number of people browsing through the bags on the racks and shelves. Jaime was ringing up a sale when I went to stand with her at the cash desk.

  ‘Was that our first sale?’ I whispered to her.

  ‘More like fifteenth?’ she said, smiling and nodding at the customers out front.

  ‘You’re kidding.’ I said.

  ‘Not at all. How did it go with Anya?’

  ‘It was touch and go but mother and baby are doing well.’

  ‘Do we have a name, yet?’

  ‘Not yet but it won’t be Agamemnon or Bruno.’

  Jaime looked puzzled as Zac walked his customer to the cash desk. I could just about hear his sales patter. Zac was a natural.

  The two of them told me all about the party. Between Jaime, Zac and Riley they had been able to speak to all the press and media people. Riley had stayed behind to help with clearing away and setting up for the morning.

  ‘I really have to thank you both so much for stepping in like that,’ I said. ‘You don’t know how lucky I feel to have found you two. Seriously. And I must call Riley in a bit and thank her too. She’s incredible. You all are.’

  I noticed a woman walk in and Zac pulling a face. He grabbed my arm and walked me to the passageway that led to the back.

  ‘It’s her,’ he whispered, eyes on the woman with shoulder-length, strawberry-blonde hair and dramatic brown eyebrows. Her lipstick was cherry-red and she wore an ankle-length black dress as if she had stepped onto the stage at an awards ceremony.

  ‘Her, who?’ I asked.

  ‘Becca Mirafiore. The one you were asking about. Her handbag shop opened last Saturday?’

  ‘Ah, yes. Blimey. She’s come to spy on us. We were supposed to be spying on her,’ I whispered just as Ms Mirafiore caught me out, whispering with my hand over my mouth, supposedly trying to be discreet. Unlike her.

  She made her way over to me and I had no choice but to move out from my hiding spot.

  ‘You must be Magenta Bright,’ she said and before I could answer she said, ‘I was sorry not to get an invitation for last night otherwise I would have introduced myself sooner.’

  I looked at Jaime and Zac, who were just as floored as I was. Why on earth would I have invited her anyway?

  ‘Nice of you to show up now though,’ I said.

  Becca had already turned her back on me and was picking up stock, inspecting it and laying everything down again with a sniff of her turned-up nose. Zac ran around after her to neaten up all the bags she’d misplaced.

  ‘Cute,’ she said. ‘Very cute.’ Her eyes trailed every corner. The shop had managed to thin out, customers leaving without buying. Becca had probably scared everyone off with her keen eye and overload of perfume that almost choked me as she glided around the shop as if she owned the place.

  ‘And this,’ she said, ‘is very, very cute.’ Becca’s eyes were on the door just as Anthony came in holding the oversized teddy bear I’d bought for Anya’s baby. I rushed over to Anthony, hooking his arm.

  ‘This is my boyfriend, Anthony,’ I declared.

  ‘Oh,’ said Becca. ‘Shame.’ She looked Anthony up and down lasciviously before pulling the door open. ‘I know this is your only shop, Magenta. If you need any professional advice, you know where to find me.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I certainly do.’

  ‘Magenta, this means war,’ said Zac, standing at the window and watching Becca flounce away with her arms crossed. ‘Handbags at dawn. She won’t know what’s coming.’

  I laughed.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘I’m pretty sure we’re quite different shops. There’s room for us both.’ But I found myself with my nose practically against the glass, looking at Ms Mirafiore and planning to drop by her shop and see what she had on her shelves.

  ‘Magenta,’ Anthony said. ‘Your shop is amazing. You have nothing to worry about.’

  ‘Who’s worried?’ Zac cut in. ‘She’ll be out of business in a week.’ He spun round. ‘Anyway, Magenta, you never told us how absolutely gorge your man is.’

  He swooped over to Anthony’s side and was taking in every inch of his physique, his eyes sweeping up and down. Anthony blushed.

  ‘I think we ought to get off to the hospital,’ I said, pulling Anthony away and heading for the door. ‘We’re off to see Anya.’

  ‘Give her my love,’ Zac said waving us off.

  Anthony and I hailed a t
axi to take us to the hospital. With the teddy between us I looked over and smiled at him.

  ‘We’ll have time to talk when the dust settles a bit,’ he said.

  I nodded yes, but what with new babies, rival handbag shops and Anthony getting ready to step up the next phase of his career, there’d be a lot of dust flying around.

  Chapter 18

  When Anya was discharged from the hospital, three days after giving birth, she, Henry and baby Milosz all went home to the house in Richmond. She insisted I come with them, which I did, but I made my excuses as quickly as I could. I thought they’d want some time alone with the baby and to get settled. Anya had been nervous about being on her own with Milosz and didn’t want me to go. I’d convinced her that Henry, who had had four children to practise on, was there for them both and that she was in safe hands.

  ‘Do you think Anthony might agree to paint a portrait of me and Milosz?’ she asked as I was leaving.

  ‘Call him. But I’m pretty sure he’ll say yes.’ I went to let myself out.

  Anya grabbed my arm before I could leave.

  ‘There’s something bothering you, isn’t there?’ she said. Ever astute, Anya had picked up on my agitated state. She was home safe and sound with the baby, Henry was back on the scene to help her, and Jaime and Zac were doing wonders at the shop, so I’d allowed the worry I felt about Hugo to grow. It was more than worry though. I was sad, I was heartbroken and I felt angry that there was nothing I could do to save him.

  Anya was cradling Milosz. He was wrapped in a finely crocheted shawl, drifting in and out of sleep, a smile on his tiny pink lips.

  ‘Come back inside,’ Anya said. ‘You’re not leaving until I get to the bottom of this.’ She marched back up the stairs to the nursery and I begrudgingly followed. Anya lay Milosz on his back in the crib and turned to me.

  ‘Is it Anthony?’

  I shook myself out of a dreamlike state, one in which I was imagining Hugo’s radiation treatment working wonders despite the statistics and despite Hugo’s pessimistic outlook.

  ‘Hmm? No. Anthony and I are fine. Or at least we’re no worse than before.’

  Anya settled into the feeding chair by the window and crossed her arms and legs.

  ‘I knew it,’ she said. ‘You two haven’t talked yet, have you?’

  I sat on the arm of the chair.

  ‘Honestly?’ I said with a sigh. ‘I think things between Anthony and me are even worse. There doesn’t seem to be the right time or place to talk about anything. He’s always out and about doing creative stuff with God knows who and I seem to be glued to the phone in the office. That vicious cycle has started all over again.’

  ‘And? Vot are you going to do about it?’ She leaned back, her green eyes piercing mine.

  I shrugged. I didn’t tell her I was more concerned about Hugo right now.

  She sprang to her feet.

  ‘If you’re not going to do something about it, then I vill,’ said Anya. I got up too, worried she might drop in on us one evening and start an intervention.

  ‘Don’t do anything,’ I said. ‘I’ll sort it. You’ve got enough to worry about.’

  Then, as if Milosz could read my mind, he began to stir, his angry cry growing louder than I’d ever heard him.

  ‘I should go.’ I edged my way out of the door as Anya went to pick up Milosz.

  ‘This isn’t over,’ she called, but I was out of the door and on my way back to the hospital.

  What Anya didn’t know was that, on the same day she’d been discharged, Hugo had a hospital appointment, his radiation treatment due to start. I’d discovered this through my constant texts to him, trying to get as much information out of him as I could and persuading him to let me come and offer my support.

  I arrived back at the hospital a little on the late side. Stella was surprised to see me. I couldn’t tell from her expression whether it was relief mixed with a bit of annoyance that I’d shown up for the appointment. After all, she was the woman who loved Hugo from afar. I had experienced unrequited love myself and it absolutely sucked, but I’d never stuck around for as long as Stella had, pretending to be friends with the man I loved yet knowing his heart was somewhere else.

  ‘He just went in to see the doctor,’ Stella said as I took a seat next to her.

  The waiting room in this section of Oncology was small yet bright. The magazines on the low glass coffee table were up-to-date and there was a bookcase against the wall. The window looked out onto a small garden, giving the impression we were far from the busy traffic on the Brompton Road and the bustle of the surrounding London streets.

  The nurses wore scrubs with a white background and varying, brightly coloured pattern prints. They didn’t smile but they seemed pleasant enough, looking professional yet sympathetic at the same time. We all knew what the fate of many of their patients would be. I had no idea how they managed their job. I was a shaking mess on the inside and Stella was as white as a sheet.

  ‘Why didn’t you go in with him?’ I asked Stella whose white-knuckled hands gripped the edge of the armrest. I wanted to take hold of her hand but it didn’t seem right. I wasn’t exactly sure how Stella felt about me.

  ‘He didn’t want me to,’ she said. ‘The doctor is giving him a preliminary talk before the radiation treatment begins. That all happens in there.’ She nodded her head in the direction of a closed door that sat ominously at the end of a short, dark corridor. The door looked taller, wider and thicker than any other door somehow. ‘When it’s time for the radiation, I… I mean we… can sit with him until they’re ready to start.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, looking around the waiting room.

  ‘But he’ll probably say he just wants you.’ Stella’s eyes swept down to the floor and I could see her bottom lip quiver. I reached to touch her hand. I couldn’t help myself.

  ‘He’ll probably want us both,’ I said.

  Hugo hadn’t wanted me to come to the hospital at all. I was the one who’d insisted. I’d even lied to him, told him Anthony was completely fine with it and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t come to offer what little comfort and support I could? In the end – and I knew he would, because I knew he still loved me and wanted me to be there – Hugo had told me about this first appointment.

  ‘I’ll understand if you change your mind. You’ve got a busy life and this isn’t going to be fun,’ he’d said.

  ‘Stupid. I’m not coming for a fun time. I’m coming for you. I know you have Stella but…’ And so it had been decided.

  The door behind which Hugo had been having his preliminary chat suddenly opened and Stella and I sat to attention. He smiled broadly when he saw me and I felt Stella’s eyes turn and stab me gently to the side of my face. I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have come. But I had to.

  Stella and I both stood and followed Hugo and his doctor down the short corridor and through the big, black door at the end. I closed it after me. Now I was on the other side of it I could see it was a normal door, no different to any other. It led into another waiting room and we followed the doctor down a longer corridor, a well-lit one this time, and then to another door.

  ‘This is it,’ Hugo laughed over his shoulder. ‘The big one. Just a few rounds of this and then we’ll all know it was a complete waste of time.’ The doctor pushed open the door. The room was bright and airy with a metallic smell that made me swallow hard. ‘Not to mention the waste of money.’ Hugo laughed again. A false, tight sort of laugh. A sound I’d never heard him make before.

  In the middle of the room was a comfortable-looking table. I kept my eyes on Hugo as he got onto it. He was being made a fuss of by one of the nurses who began adjusting the table and asking Hugo if he was okay. She fixed stabilising blocks to his neck and hips so his body wouldn’t move during the treatment. Hugo had his eyes on me the whole time and wasn’t listening to his doctor, the radiation oncologist, who introduced the team: the medical radiation physicist, the radiation therapist, the
dosimetrist. I barely took in what the doctor said and I was pretty sure Hugo hadn’t either. He just blinked his eyes, nodding once in a while, in a way which had everyone fooled.

  I hoped Stella picked up on anything important we needed to know; she seemed to be paying close attention to the doctor.

  The radiation nurse cleared her throat.

  ‘So I’ll pop your mask on in a sec, Hugo, if your friends could take a seat in the waiting room.’ She looked from me to Stella and said the word ‘friends’ with a little hesitation in her voice. She must have wondered what these two women were to Hugo, both looking equally bewildered and concerned.

  Stella and I obeyed her command and stepped out of the room. One last look at Hugo and he winked at us both. The nurse covered his mouth with a white mask just as the door was closing. The doctor followed us out.

  ‘He’s in good hands,’ he said with a booming voice from behind us as we made our way back to the waiting area. ‘Fifteen, twenty minutes and he’ll be good to go. He might feel a little groggy and weak.’ He pulled out a flier from a stack in a wall mount. ‘Some of the side effects he might experience will be in here.’ He was confused as to which one of us to hand it to and in the end I nodded towards Stella. The doctor left pretty quickly. I pulled my own flier out of the display and took a seat beside Stella again.

  ‘Pretty surreal, right?’ I said to her.

  She nodded.

  ‘Stella I really don’t want to tread on your toes but you were the one who told me about Hugo in the first place.’

  ‘Don’t mind me. I’m just worried about him, that’s all. I’m glad you came.’

  We sat in silence, pretending to read our respective fliers until Stella looked up at me.

  ‘It wasn’t my place to tell you he was dying,’ she said. ‘But I would have come and found you… after… you know, it happened.’