To-Do Him List

by Denise Marie

  “But with you, she’s become the woman she has held back from being, and for that, I give you my love and acceptance. I only wish—”

  “Don’t” He put his hand on her knee. “When she makes it through this, I want her as my wife. I know it is extremely fast and maybe to others, a bit premature, but I want her to be the one I come home to from a long stint on the road. I want to call her, probably drunk, after a show and tell her she is the only one who matters to me. I want to see her sneak into my private stash of cookies and hear her hum around her mouthful as she rubs her belly, pregnant. Sorry. Too much information?”

  She hiccupped, wiped away more tears, and shook her head. “No, that’s very sweet. She said you were a passionate man.” She giggled. “I want that for her, too. Let’s go see if there is any news.”

  Cole laced his hand with Carol’s and led her into the hospital with a little more hope in his stride.

  She checked the clock by the door to the waiting room. Only six hours, but more like six days.

  When they entered the room, the sight before her hit her as strange, yet it comforted her. Each one of the tattooed and pierced men held a woman in their arms. Everyone lay back in their chairs, eyes closed. “Seems it’s been a long day for everyone,” she whispered.

  He smiled. “It has.”

  ****

  The doctor offered support once more, but didn’t have anything further to add than before. At eleven hours, a man in scrubs entered the room. “Carol?” Everyone sat up, alert to the unfamiliar voice.

  She stood with Cole at her side. Then they all stood. “Yes. Dr. Harris, I presume?”

  He nodded, made his way over to a chair, and sat. His head fell back to the wall for a moment of silence as he scrubbed his face to regain composure. “It was touch and go for a while. Her vital signs declined once, but she came back to us. There was a lot of bleeding, which made it difficult to keep the area visible to retract the tumor. We managed to get it all.”

  Everyone cheered and she placed her hand over her heart.

  He held up his hand and stopped them. “That was the easy part. Now the hard part is up to her. She’s in recovery right now but will be taken to the ICU, where she will stay for the duration of her coma. I have no idea yet how long she will need to remain that way.

  “Swelling of the brain can be life threatening. We will monitor her closely, but it is up to her to fight now. When she is in the clear, we will reverse the meds and hope, I stress hope, for her to wake up. The next forty-eight hours will be critical. “Hospital policy states only family can visit in ICU.” He offered everyone in the room a hesitant smile. “I’m sorry.”

  Cole stepped forward. She joined him, linked her arm with his, and squeezed. “Dr. Harris, I’d like to introduce you to Cole Davies.” She raised her chin at Cole and smiled. “Isabelle’s fiancé. Surely there won’t be a problem with him seeing her, right?”

  The doctor shook his head. “No, that’s fine. Everyone should go home and get some rest. There is nothing more to do but wait, and that’s easier to do when you aren’t exhausted.” The doctor squinted from her to Cole. “You may have a few minutes with her when they get her settled into the ICU.” He shook their hands and surveyed everyone in the room with curiosity in his eyes. A low chuckle escaped him, but he shrugged and left the room.

  “Fiancé?” six voices said in unison the second the door closed.

  She and Cole laughed together, but refused to explain.

  ****

  He stood behind Carol to tie her mask. She smoothed down her paper gown and then checked his. Laughed. Ridiculous would be an accurate description of him, covered from head to toe in the pale blue get up, but it had to be done. He glared at her as he would Derek.

  The nurse buzzed the door open when they rang the call button. He squeezed her hand between his underarm and ribs when she slid her arm through for support. They followed the nurse.

  “It isn’t as quiet in here as you’d expect.” The nurse laughed. “There will be lots of beeps and noisy machines. They monitor her vitals. She’s comfortable. Feel free to talk to her and hold her hand. She won’t be able to wake, but I do believe the voices of loved ones can work miracles.” She took a quick glance at the machine and jotted down some notes on her chart before she left.

  Carol squeezed his arm tight. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to see your only child hooked up to machines with a bandage secured around their head. It was nice to know the medications kept her from pain, but it didn’t make the sight before them any easier.

  “I’ll give you a moment alone.” She held up her hand, panic filled her eyes. But he shook his head, could feel the color drain from his face. “I need a moment.”

  He noted her cautious movements while she dragged a chair up to the bed as close as the machines would allow. She sat, focused on Isabelle’s frail hand. Tape covered the IV tube. Goose bumps rose on Carol’s arms. He stepped back with his arms around his midsection, but he didn’t go far. The bed on the other side of her curtain was vacant, so he hid there.

  “Hey baby, you did well. The doctor got the whole tumor, now it’s up to you. Cole is here. Actually, there is a roomful of tattooed and pierced men waiting to see your pretty eyes. They’re slightly intimidating. I see the appeal, baby, he’s pretty cute. He’s lost without you, so am I. You have time to heal, so do it, momma’s orders. Then, come back to us.”

  He relaxed his shoulders when she spoke so gently, but held back a laugh when she, too, said that word “cute.” He was going to have to work on his image with these ladies. ‌He tapped his toe on the floor and his hand shook in the air, not quite on the curtain.

  After a deep breath, he eased it back and inched up beside Carol. He placed his nervous hand on her shoulder. “She’s beautiful.”

  She stood, scooted aside, and pointed for him to have a seat. “I’m just going to go ask the nurses some questions.”

  He waited for her to go before he adjusted in his seat toward Isabelle. Guilt shook him, bad. No one else could see her, be reassured, and they’d known her much longer. He made sure the nurses were all busy and took out his phone. As discreetly as possible, he snapped a few pictures of her. It was difficult to capture her in a way that showed few tubes; there were a lot.

  The nurse said they were routine, but his uneasy stomach refused to be swayed. ‌He tucked the phone back in his pocket. With his hand palm up on the bed, and ever so gently, he slid his hand under hers and laced their fingers. He didn’t want to disturb the IV taped to the top of her hand—her still warm hand.

  “Hey beautiful, you scared me. The guys are all here. It seems you haven’t just affected me. We were lost without you. Your mom, the girls, they’re all fantastic. I’m not going anywhere. I will get the chance to explain, to make it right. I love you. Did you hear me? Only you. I’ll be here until I see your eyes again, your smile. The stage isn’t going anywhere, it can wait.”

  “Cole?”

  Carol stepped alongside the bed and straightened the blanket with a hesitant tug. His chest weighted with an unfamiliar envy he couldn’t describe.

  “We should get going, she needs to rest. We can come back first thing tomorrow.”

  He leaned up on his toes from the chair and whispered in her ear. “I’m going to marry you.” He stood up and squashed his toes into the floor so he wouldn’t climb into bed with her. She wasn’t cleared for that yet.

  ****

  Going back into the waiting room wasn’t as dreadful now. Although, what about everyone else? They didn’t get the same reassurance, or see her heart still beat.

  “How is she?” many voices asked.

  He smiled. “She’s beautiful, see.” He held up his phone for everyone to see.

  Carol stood back and shook her head, but smiled. They gathered around the phone and stared, speechless. She’d just been through major surgery and her pale, lifeless body showed that. But she was still there, alive.

  “The girls crash
ed at my house last night for a slumber party. If you guys stop at the hardware store and pick up some more air mattresses, you are more than welcome to crash in my basement. It’s not fancy, but it’s close, and I hear the lady of the house is a pretty good cook.”

  He tucked his phone away and glanced at her. She avoided eye contact and shuffled through her purse while she spoke. She didn’t want to be alone and the more people who surrounded her, the better. The guys all nodded, but as he waited for their reassurance, their gazes were caught on the attractive women who’d be under the same roof. He scooped up her hand, stole her attention away from her purse. “We’d love to.”

  ****

  She was right; she lived close. The entire group stopped at the hardware store, like doing anything without each other an impossible task. They were able to cut off the owner in the parking lot on his way to his car and convince him to reopen for them.

  He and the guys took the lead, with boxed air mattresses under one arm and their bags over the shoulder of the other. The girls brought up the rear, talking and laughing as they carried bags in, all set for s’mores over the bonfire.

  He strolled through the front door, into the kitchen, and froze. He dropped the box and his bag. Broken dishes littered the floor and a towel covered an offensive smell.

  This is where it happened.

  He clutched his stomach and ran out the door toward the bushes. His name yelled in the distance was somewhat audible through his heaves, but he couldn’t make the reflex stop.

  He wasn’t there for her when she needed him.

  When the spasms subsided, he knelt down on the grass and slumped forward.

  “Here, drink.” Katherine handed him a glass of water and a of couple pills. “These will help with the nausea, Izzy swears by them. Sorry about the mess. It’s all cleaned up now.”

  He sat back on the ground, took the water and pills, and glanced back over his shoulder at the house. “I wasn’t here when she needed me.”

  She placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “There was no way to predict what happened. We were here and didn’t, so don’t beat yourself up. No matter where you were, there still would have been nothing you could do.” She sat down beside him and he, too, got comfortable next to her. She put her hand on his leg. “It was scary shit. No one deserves to see that. You dropped everything to come for her. Now that’s something.”

  He met her gaze. “I love her.”

  The ache that weighed him down lightened when she swayed into him, as if it was no surprise. He’d hurt Isabelle. Which should impact Katherine’s feelings about him, but even these beautiful friends of hers were perfect—like Isabelle.

  “I know you do, and when she wakes up, she will tell you the same. We’ve all had enough heavy for today. Let’s go to the backyard and relax by the fire. I don’t know whether you have a sweet tooth, but I make a mean s’more.” He placed his hand over hers; he was right where he was meant to be.

  Chapter Twenty

  Dear Diary,

  You never know when you will find what you were never looking for in the first place.

  He paraded down the hall, refreshed from a warm morning shower, and a coffee in his hand. People gawked at them, the effect of no disguises and bold tattoos. He glanced at Carol, who shook her head when the girls took advantage of it and snuggled up to their sides for dramatic affect. While they laughed and poked fun at one another, panicked voices sounded and doctors ran for the ICU.

  “Isabelle.” Cole threw his coffee at the nearest trashcan and took off. The many footsteps behind matched his pace. The doors swooshed open, a sound he would never forget, and a bed, her bed, was rolled out of the ICU in a hurry.

  “What’s wrong? Where are they taking my daughter?” Carol yelled her questions at the closest nurse.

  “Her brain is swelling. They’re taking her back into the OR to do a procedure that will help relieve the pressure. It’s a simple operation, but they need to get it done now. The doctor will come see you when he can.”

  They stood, frozen in place while the rush of scrub-covered bodies bustled to the end of the hall; the noise faded with them. He took her into his arms. He didn’t know what to say. What could he? The doctor was clear the next forty-eight hours were crucial. This must be what he meant.

  They made their way back into the waiting room, same seats as yesterday. No one spoke. Their coffees sat on tables, untouched, cold. An hour later, the door opened and Dr. Harris took one step into the room. Everyone stood and stared at him.

  “I see the whole gang is here again.”

  Yes, his emotions ran high, sensitive, and on another day he’d question the use of the word “gang”, but today he just required answers. “Well?” He sneered.

  “We managed to get the pressure relieved. We hope the swelling will go down in the next twenty-four hours. Any longer could result in permanent damage. She is still in the coma and will be brought back up to the ICU soon. I will have one of the nurses come and get you when she returns, so you can see her.” He scanned the group. No one had questions, so he left.

  “We’ll go get more coffee.” Brett looked at Zander and raised his chin toward the door.

  He sat in a chair. He hadn’t expect it to be this hard.

  Drew sat beside him and put his hand on his back. “She’s gonna make it, man. She has to.”

  “I don’t know how to wait, Drew.”

  He was grateful the guys hadn’t let him make the trip alone. He argued with them over it and having reflected on it now, if it were possible to kick his own ass, he would.

  “Are you all sure you aren’t going to lose jobs by being here? She would never want that,” Carol surveyed the reactions of everyone in the room.

  The girls laughed and bumped shoulders with each other. Taryn caved first. “Our bosses are all fans of theirs.” She tipped her head toward the men. “We promised autographs and concert tickets in exchange for indefinite leaves of absence.”

  She shook her head and raised her eyebrows at the men, waited with the same expression they’ve often seen from Derek.

  “We’ve cancelled shows and, without a doubt, pissed off fans. They will be rescheduled and any inconvenience will be compensated, don’t worry. Our manager gets paid well enough to know better than to give us a hard time.” He bumped fists with Drew. They loved to give Tony a hard time and were good at it.

  The door opened. “The family may see her now, one at a time.”

  Everyone smiled at the nurse, haunted with reluctance to stay behind.

  “Carol, please.” He motioned for her to go first. He was anxious to get to her, but needed more time.

  The way she smiled reminded him of the vibrant woman he loved. He couldn’t wait to be a permanent part of their family, to have a wife and a mother. Her list revealed many firsts he never imagined for himself.

  Time stood still for the next twenty minutes. The use of distractions stretched beyond their usual limit.

  He glanced up at her when she returned. He and the large group of beautiful women and tattooed rockers littered the waiting room floor, cross-legged around a board game.

  They took turns, all day. Everyone else played games. They were a competitive bunch. The hospital staff popped their heads in during a few heated moments to quiet them. Like children, they just nodded and smiled each time, and then laughed after the door closed.

  When darkness shaded the only window in the room, the games were set aside and the group paced. No one spoke of the day’s end. He kept them encouraged with the pictures he snuck, creative ones. He wrote bubble notes on paper and held them beside her head, as if she poked fun at the people she loved. Carol even managed quite a few giggles at his antics. The bubble quote that resulted in a laugh with a light slap was the one saying Cole rocks my world on stage and in bed. Katherine asked him to forward all the pictures from his phone to hers for the album she told him about and he couldn’t wait to see.

  ****

  The fol
lowing week of days had the same routine. Drew brought in a couple of guitars, and the hours they didn’t spend in comical dispute over games, they wrote. Tony was at least thankful they made their time away from the stage productive. The sheets of music they sent in were sure to make the next album number one on many charts.

  Every day Dr. Harris and Dr. Peterson visited, with updates. Day seven, the day to reverse the coma, came with a lot of anxiety. Again, coffee sat on tables untouched and the games were piled at the side of the room.

  “Don’t expect miracles, folks. She still may be out of it for a few days, at least.” He looked from Carol to Cole and cocked his head with a smile. “Do you have a recorder on the phone you’ve used to, ahem, take pictures?” He tilted his head as an annoyed father would. Only, the doctor couldn`t remain firm. “Record everyone’s voice. It’s now that we need to offer her everything we’ve got to urge her back to us. The familiar voices will help.”

  Heat rose to Cole’s skin, as if he’d just gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Which he had as a child, lots. When the doctor left, he gave everyone a lesson on how to work his phone. Each individual took their turn out in the hallway for privacy, while they spilled their heart out to her. It took a while.

  He studied everyone in the room. “How do you guys want me to do this? Do you want me to set it beside her and leave while it plays?” He needed to know he wasn’t going to hurt anyone if he listened. They all shrugged. Being together the last seven days had allowed them a lot of time to reminisce, convincing him even more that she was the one for him.

  When he edged into her curtained-off area he stopped, his hand still gripping the curtain. She had fewer tubes. Must be a good sign. He slid his mask down and kissed her forehead. The nurse on duty today told him she was a long-time fan, so he got away with quite a bit. He’d never forgive himself if she lost her job for being so kind.

  He sat in the chair and rested his elbows on the side of her bed. “It’s time, honey. No more sleeping. You can come back to us. I have a surprise for you.” He searched through the recordings on his phone. Katherine was first. She held it together, somewhat.