The Forgotten Recipe

by Amy Clipston

Emily slid four pieces onto plates and distributed them as Veronica, her mother, and Rachel took their seats around the table. Veronica held up her fork and then waited while the rest of her family took bites of their dessert. Like a choir, they all moaned and sighed their approval of the pie, and a smile turned up Veronica’s lips. It was a sin to be prideful, but satisfaction swelled within her.

  “Veronica,” Mamm told her, “your dat was right. I think this is better than your mammi’s raspberry pies. Mei mamm’s pies were fantastic, but this crust is flakier and buttery, not at all dry. And the raspberries seem sweeter. I think your filling is a little better.” “This is scrumptious,” Rachel chimed in. “I’ve never had anything so sweet and tart at the same time.”

  “Where’s the vanilla ice cream?” Emily popped up from her chair and raced to the freezer. “I bet that would make it even better.”

  “You need to make this for the Englishers Saturday,” Mamm added between bites. “I was trying to think of something different to serve for dessert, and this would be perfect.”

  “Ya!” Rachel agreed. “They will love it.”

  Emily returned to the table with a tub of vanilla ice cream and dropped a scoop onto the pie. She took a bite and made a little moaning noise. “Veronica, you need to sell these pies.”

  “You think so?” Veronica took a bite and nodded. “It is gut, ya?”

  “Ya,” Mamm said with a little laugh. “It’s appeditlich.”

  Dat pushed his empty plate toward Emily. “Would you please cut me another piece?”

  Veronica set her fork on the plate and smiled. “I guess I’ll make another one.”

  “No,” Emily said, shaking her head. “Make a dozen. I’ll help.”

  THE THREE SISTERS HELPED MAMM SERVE A HOMEMADE SUPPER to the group of two dozen Englishers Saturday night. While answering questions about their culture, they served fruit salad, green beans and pickles made with cucumbers—both from their garden—barbecue meat loaf, chicken and noodles, and boiled potatoes.

  “For dessert,” Mamm said when most of the guests looked ready, “we have shoo-fly pie, chocolate cake, and raspberry pie.”

  Emily brought two shoo-fly pies to the table, and Rachel delivered two chocolate cakes.

  “Did you say raspberry pie?” a rotund woman with a wide smile asked. “I haven’t had that in years.”

  Mamm smiled at Veronica and pointed toward the three pies sitting on the counter. “Since you made them, you can bring them to the tables.”

  Veronica hesitated. What if the visitors hated them? What if her family had said they were good just to encourage her? Veronica wasn’t naive; she was certain her family had been handling her with kid gloves since she’d lost Seth. They were so concerned about her feelings that they would say or do anything just to see her happy again. These visitors, however, were paying for the meal, and they had no reason to worry about Veronica’s fragile feelings.

  “Veronica?” Mamm’s eyes held concern as she lowered her voice. “The guests would like to try your pies. Would you please bring them to the table?”

  “Oh, of course.” Veronica carried two of the pies to the table, placing one in front of the woman who had expressed interest.

  “Isn’t that gorgeous?” the woman said. “You made these, dear?”

  Veronica nodded while fingering the edge of her black apron. “Ya, I did. I found a few of my grandmother’s recipes, and I thought this looked like a good one.”

  “It smells divine, doesn’t it, Judy?” she asked a woman with flaming red hair sitting across from her.

  “Absolutely. Would you please cut me a piece?” Judy pushed her plate toward Veronica.

  Veronica and Emily gathered empty platters, bowls, and dishes and took them to the sink, where Mamm was already filling one side with hot, soapy water. Then they sliced and served the pies as well as the cake.

  “Oh my,” Judy said after her first bite of the raspberry pie. “This is heavenly. I’ve never tasted anything like it, Harriett.”

  “I agree,” Harriett chimed in before insisting the other folks at the table try the raspberry pie too.

  Veronica watched in awe as all three pies disappeared and the guests showered her with compliments about her baking abilities.

  “You need to try my sister’s relishes and jams too,” Emily announced. “She’s very talented with those also.”

  “Really?” Harriett asked. “Do you have them for sale?”

  “Ya, we do.” Emily disappeared into the pantry and returned with a jar of raspberry jam and a jar of sweet relish.

  Harriett examined them. “I’ll take two of each if you have more. I need to take something home to my sister, but I also want to keep one of each for myself.”

  “I’ll take three of each,” Judy said. “But would you also sell me a couple of pies?”

  Veronica blinked. “You want to buy one of my raspberry pies?”

  “No, dear,” Judy said with a grin. “I want to buy two of them.”

  “Oh.” Veronica glanced at her mother, who nodded as if giving permission. “I do have six more.” She didn’t say she only made that many to share with some of their neighbors.

  “Oh good,” Judy chimed in. “I’ll take two then.”

  By the time the guests left, she had sold six jars of relish, eight jars of jam, and all six of her pies.

  “You need to make more pies,” Rachel said while wiping off the long table. “Now you know for sure you can sell them, especially once someone has tasted them.”

  Veronica nodded while drying a dish. “I’ll get back to baking on Monday.”

  “They went quickly,” Emily said, placing glasses in the cabinets. “I’m glad you found those recipes.”

  “I am too.” Veronica glanced at her mother, who returned her smile.

  Would Seth have liked my raspberry pie? The question caused her smile to collapse and her mood to sink. Just when she was convinced she was moving through her grief, a thought would catch her off guard and send her plummeting back into the painful memories that tore at her soul. She placed the dry dish in the cabinet and picked up another one from the drying rack.

  “Veronica?” Mamm’s hand touched her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “I think I need to lie down,” Veronica whispered. “My stomach is upset.” It wasn’t a fib. As soon as her thoughts turned to Seth, her stomach roiled with renewed agony over his death.

  “Go on.” Mamm gestured toward the stairs. “We’ll take care of this.”

  “Danki.”

  Her sisters told her to feel better as she left the kitchen for the privacy of her room. She flopped onto her bed without even taking off her apron and examined the ceiling, as she’d done time and time again since that day in April. Her vision blurred with tears, and she sniffed. She needed to find a way to cope with this overwhelming bereavement. Closing her eyes, she silently asked God to bring joy back into her life.

  JASON SAT ON THE PORCH SWING WHEN HE ARRIVED HOME from church Sunday afternoon. He looked out across the pasture toward the pond at the far end of his parents’ property. His father had once promised he’d help him build a house beyond the pond. When he was engaged to Arie, he had drawn up plans for that little house, and he was ready to pay a local contractor to pour the foundation. After she’d broken off the engagement, Jason had toyed with the idea of building the house anyway, but the thought of living in the house alone seemed dismal at the time.

  Sometimes he sat on the porch and tried to imagine the house with its two stories, wraparound porch, and three bedrooms. Would he ever build the house? Eventually he would be expected to move out and live his own life, but he hoped it wouldn’t be to live alone. He wanted a family. He’d always imagined he’d be married by twenty-five, but his next birthday was approaching quickly, and he wasn’t any closer to that goal now than he was last year.

  The screen door opened and slammed with a loud bang as Stephen rushed out.

  “Why haven’t you changed y
our clothes?” Stephen asked, standing before Jason. “Aren’t you coming to the youth gathering?”

  Jason rubbed his clean-shaven chin. “I already told you no. I think I’m too old to—”

  “Oh, cut it out,” Stephen snapped with a grimace. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself and go get changed. You need to get out and do something fun. I promised Leah I’d be there in thirty minutes, so we have to leave soon. Since it’s at her farm she might need my help. We’re going to be late.”

  Forty-five minutes later, Stephen guided the horse into the rock driveway leading to the Esh farm. Three volleyball nets were assembled in the grass behind the white, two-story clapboard house. Teams of young people played at each homemade court, leaping, jumping, and laughing while the volleyballs sailed through the air. Small groups of young people sat nearby, some cheering on the teams and others oblivious to the games while they talked.

  Jason’s memories flashed to five years earlier when he attended a similar youth gathering and met Arie, the maedel he was sure he was going to marry. She was petite and pretty with dark-brown hair and gray-blue eyes. They had been on the same volleyball team and met by literally running into each other. When the ball sailed toward him, he and Arie both ran for it, crashing into each other and landing on the trampled grass in a heap of laughter. Jason pulled himself up and held out his hand.

  She took his hand, stood, brushed herself off, and said, “Thanks for the help, but that was my ball.”

  “No, actually, it was mine,” he insisted.

  Arie crossed her arms over her chest in defiance. “No, it was mine. It was coming toward me.”

  He raised an eyebrow, stunned by her stubbornness. “I’m Jason.”

  “I’m Arie, and next time, go after your own ball.” She gave him a devious grin before serving the ball with a perfect flourish of her thin arms.

  And at that moment, he was smitten with the short, outspoken brunette. It took him a month to work up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend, and he worked up the courage to ask her to marry him two years later.

  It was a cold night in mid-October, only a month before their wedding date, when Arie knocked on the back door of his parents’ house. Jason had been alone in the kitchen, and when he pulled open the door, he immediately saw the worry wrinkling her pretty face. He asked her what was wrong, and a single tear trickled down her pink cheek.

  “I’m sorry, Jason,” she whispered, her voice quaking. “I can’t marry you.”

  “What?” He felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. At first he hoped it was a cruel joke and she’d laugh before telling him she was kidding. But she never smiled.

  More tears ran down her cheeks as she explained that she didn’t love him enough to spend the rest of her life with him. He begged her to change her mind, but she insisted she had already made the decision. He visited her every day for a week, dropping off notes and even talking to her parents, but nothing changed her mind. He heard a couple of months ago that Arie married a man from western Pennsylvania and moved out there with him.

  Despite his heartbreak and disappointment, Jason hoped Arie had a happy life. After all, he didn’t want to marry someone who wouldn’t love him completely. Still, Jason never understood why Arie had changed her mind so abruptly. He craved a more thorough explanation. Sometimes he wondered if she’d met her future husband while she was still dating Jason and decided she would have a better life with him.

  “Jay?” Stephen’s voice broke through his memories. “Are you going to get out of the buggy?”

  “Ya.” Jason pushed open the door.

  “Are you all right?” Stephen asked. “You’re lost in your thoughts again.”

  “I’m fine.” Jason climbed down and followed Stephen to the volleyball courts. He recognized some of the faces in the sea of young people, but he still had the feeling he was the oldest member of the group, no matter what Stephen said. Why had he allowed his brother to convince him to come here? He knew the answer to that question. It was because he was tired of being home alone. Maybe it was time for him to try to date again. Two years was a long time to be alone.

  Or maybe he would meet someone who could tell him where Veronica Fisher lived. He knew some people socialized with other church districts more than he did.

  Leah Esh emerged from a group of young women sitting near one of the volleyball courts. A maedel who resembled Leah with the same light-brown hair and brown eyes sidled up to her and gave Jason a sweet smile, revealing dimples in her pink cheeks. This was Mary, the girl who, according to Stephen, was eager to spend time with him. She was pretty, and about average height for a maedel, like her sister Leah.

  As Leah and Stephen fell into conversation with each other, Mary and Jason exchanged awkward nods and smiles. Jason tried to think of something to say to her, anything at all that would break the ice, but nothing came to his lips.

  Finally, Mary pointed toward the volleyball courts. “Do you want to play?”

  He shrugged. “Sure, if you do.”

  She shook her head and smiled, flashing those cute dimples again. “Not really. I’m not very gut, so I don’t get picked.”

  He smiled. Mary was honest, and that was a good quality.

  “Would you like to go for a walk instead?” she offered, taking a step closer to him.

  “Okay.” He shrugged again.

  “We’re going for a walk,” Mary told Leah.

  Her excited tone sent worry through him. Both Stephen and Leah grinned at Mary, and Jason fought the urge to bolt back to the buggy. Jason didn’t want to give any of them the false hope that he was going to fall in love with Mary. She seemed like a nice girl, but he really wasn’t looking for anything serious right now. He still hadn’t fully recovered from Arie’s rejection.

  “Let’s walk toward the horse pasture,” Mary said as they started down the rock driveway.

  “Your dat sells horses, right?” he asked, slowing his gait so she could keep up.

  “Ya, that’s right. And yours owns a shed business where you work.” She smiled up at him.

  “Ya, he does.”

  “Do you enjoy working there?” she pressed.

  “Ya,” Jason said, jamming his hands into his pockets. “I like building things and working with my hands.”

  “I work at the hardware store over in Ronks two days a week,” Mary offered. “I enjoy talking to the customers.”

  “Oh.” Jason scanned the pastures peppered with beautiful horses and tried to think of something to say. Why couldn’t he relate to this pretty maedel? Had Arie stolen his ability to talk to women? Would he even know what to say to Veronica if he did have the opportunity to meet her?

  They stopped at the fence, and Jason leaned against it.

  “Do you like working with the horses?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Ya, I do. My dat and my six brieder mostly handle the training, but sometimes Leah and I get to help.”

  He kept his attention trained on the animals. “I always wondered what it would be like to live on a farm, working with a lot of animals instead of going to a shop every day.”

  “Ya, I suppose it would be different for you.” She stood close to him. “Leah told me you lost your freind in an accident a couple of months ago.”

  Jason blanched. He hadn’t expected her to mention Seth. He kept his focus on the horses in an attempt not to get emotional. “Ya, that’s true. My freind Seth was killed when he fell from the rafters in a shed we were building.”

  “That had to be difficult for you and Stephen. Leah said you were very close to him.” Mary touched his arm, and he flinched with surprise. “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m froh to listen.”

  “Danki.” He took a slight step away from her. He wasn’t ready to get close to her. After all, he hardly knew her, but she seemed eager to know him better.

  “So, how long have you worked at the shed store?” Mary asked, taking a step closer to him.

  He looked down at her, and he
imagined he might suffocate in the brightness of her smile. He tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

  “I started going to work with my dat on Saturdays when I was twelve. By thirteen I was assisting the other workers.”

  “Wow.” She leaned her arm on the fence. “That’s really wunderbaar. I bet you’re a great shed builder. Probably the best.”

  “I suppose I do okay,” he said, wondering what Stephen would think about that remark. “After all, mei dat hasn’t fired me yet.”

  His lame joke caused her to laugh a little too loudly for a little too long. Actually, she seemed to be more than eager to know him. She acted like she had a big crush on him, and he felt unworthy. Why would she want to date him? What could he possibly offer her that was more special than anyone else in the youth group?

  “How about you? How long have you been working at the hardware store?”

  “Three years,” she began, then launched into talking on and on about her job, telling him about the other employees and what she liked to do for fun in the evenings. He was relieved he didn’t have to carry the conversation, but he also struggled to focus on what she was saying. Instead of listening to her stories about her family and friends, his thoughts turned to Veronica. Was she also at a youth gathering tonight? Did she like to play volleyball, or was she more introverted, like he was?

  He was thankful when Stephen and Leah found them and invited them to come into the house for a snack. Gathering in a group to eat lessened the pressure on Jason to keep the conversation going if talkative Mary ran out of things to say.

  When it was time to go home, Jason, Stephen, and the sisters all walked to the buggy. Stephen and Leah moved behind the buggy to talk in private, and Jason and Mary looked at each other awkwardly.

  “I had a nice time,” she said, her cheeks flushing bright pink. “I hope we can spend more time together.”

  “Ya, I’m sure we will,” Jason said. He smiled politely, but he longed to take the words back. Why did I say that? He’d said it because he didn’t want to reject and hurt her the way Arie had rejected and hurt him—even if they had been engaged and he and Mary weren’t anywhere close to a relationship.