Arousal

by Simone Sowood

  “Just calling to say how much I love you and how much little Harlan and I miss you.”

  “Fuck you.” My knuckles turned white from gripping the phone so tight.

  “What’s the matter, can’t handle a little sweet talk from your loving wife?”

  “Bullshit, what the fuck do you want?”

  “A little love.”

  “Last chance. What is it? How much is it this time?”

  “It’s not money baby, it’s little Harlan, he misses his daddy.”

  “So bring him to live with me in Chicago and you can get the fuck out of my life once and for all.”

  “Now baby, that’s no way to talk to a loving wife.”

  “What loving wife?” Unbelievable. I couldn’t stand the sound of her voice. I’ve never been able to stand the sound of her voice. Not for one second. If it wasn’t for her damn amber eyes.

  “The one that’s got your son.”

  “Yeah, for a price. What kind of mother sells their own fucking child?”

  “One that wants the best for him.”

  “If you wanted the best for your child, it’d be anywhere but with a non-stop partier like you.”

  “Now, now.”

  “I’m sick of your voice. Are you going to own up to why you’re calling or not? Three…two…”

  “Fine. I need money.”

  “Well that was fucking obvious. Why do you need more than the fifty grand I give you every month and what is it for this time?”

  “I want to move closer to the beach.” Unbelievable.

  “You live on the fucking beach.”

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t face the sunset. When do I ever get up to see the sunrise? I want a sunset view.”

  “Don’t be so stupid. You know as well as I do that you don’t go to sleep until after the sun comes up. You see that damn ball rise every day.”

  “But baby.”

  “Stop talking. Stop phoning me. You want contact, you go through Daniel. Preferably through your lawyer. I never want to hear your hideous voice again.” I pulled the phone away from my ear and was about to hit end call when she screeched into the phone.

  “What?” I said, putting it back to my ear.

  “Don’t you want to know about how little Harlan is doing?”

  “I know how he’s doing, better than you do, according to what the nanny tells me. She says you sleep all day and party all night and maybe, once in a blue moon, say hello to the poor guy. And a cuddle is unheard of. When's the last time you held him?”

  “Fuck her, I’m the mother.”

  “You’re no more Harlan’s mother than you are my loving wife.”

  “But baby, I do love you, for all the money you’re going to give me.”

  “Fuck you.” Her scream pierced through the phone as I hit the end call button. It took all my willpower not to hurl my phone at the floor.

  Jenny

  I had a visitor in the night!

  As much as I needed to talk to Abbie about it, I couldn’t tell her this with the state she was in. I’d texted Marla. My phone rang immediately.

  “Hey.”

  “Who!”

  “I’m fine, how are you?”

  “Spill.”

  “Collin turned up at my door in the middle of the night.”

  “No way. What time?”

  “Two. He pounded on the door and pissed off the neighbors.”

  “So you let him in.”

  “I can’t have everyone in the building hate me. He was mouthing off to that big guy who lives across the hall.”

  “Get out. But let me guess, you let him in and he tumbled into your bed.”

  “Not quite.” I paused, a little embarrassed. “We were on the sofa first.”

  “Yuck. Remind me to sit on your armchair next time I’m over.”

  “Thanks sweetie.”

  “Uh huh. Tell me this was a one off.”

  “Of course, there’s just one problem.”

  “What?” I’m sure she rolled her eyes, I could practically hear them groaning around in their sockets.

  “He’s going to pay for my mom to go to the best doctor in the country.”

  “Shut up. That’s amazing.”

  “I know right, it’s just now it means I’m going to keep having contact with him about the payments and how the treatment is going.”

  “And you have to answer your door if he comes knocking again.” Outrage rushed through me.

  “I’m not some whore. He’s not doing this in exchange for sex.”

  “Sure. Cause no man ever did that.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes!” I yelled into the phone at her.

  “Tell me that after next weekend. I bet he comes looking for more.”

  “I won’t let him in if he does.”

  “Of course you will. You still want him.”

  “Nope. No way. Not after the way he left last time. Besides, now I need to focus on finding someone to settle down with.” I was trying to convince myself as much as her.

  “And a filthy rich ex who’s getting your mom the best medical treatment isn’t the kind you’d marry.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But you’ll get wrapped up with the doctor payments. You’re almost as gullible as Abbie if you can’t see that.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the Abbie jibe. Marla could be critical of Abbie and this time she was smug because she was right after the way Jay turned out to be James.

  “I don’t know. Collin’s always loved my mom.”

  “That was a long time ago.”

  “Yeah, but people don’t change that much.”

  “As if.” Cynical Marla. She was almost the exact opposite of Abbie. She couldn’t see that being so disbelieving was just as bad as being so willing to believe.

  “Not their cores. Not who they are.”

  “We’ll see. Just remember to keep your weekends free for when he shows up next time. Make sure you don’t have another guy stay over.”

  “Ha, that would be to funny. Maybe I could convince them to have a threesome.”

  “Says the woman who wants to settle down. That’s good potential mothering right there. ‘Sorry little Johnny, I don’t know who your father is but I think it must be Collin since the other guy fucked my ass during our double penetration.’”

  We both burst out laughing.

  As soon as I hung up, I opened my laptop and googled stomach cancer. The best place for her was in Houston. Which is really far from Maine.

  Especially if she was so run down from chemo. She was not going to want to get on a plane. I didn’t even know if she could get on a plane if it knocks out her immune system. Would she have to wear a mask and gloves? I had no idea. All I knew was that Houston was her best chance, and I needed to get her there.

  I’d taken Monday off of work to sort out all the arrangements for my mother. I’d missed a lot of work lately, but personal emergencies had to take priority.

  Collin’s brother Daniel had been amazing at helping me set things up for mom. We’d never jelled that well in the past, but he went above and beyond with my mother’s care.

  Collin’s private jet was to pick her up and ferry her and my dad between Maine and Texas. Complete with her own personal nurse who would accompany her and act as an advocate on her behalf, making sure she had the best care possible and was comfortable at home.

  The nurse would even take care of all the meals for my mother and father. A huge win, because they struggle to prepare healthy meals from scratch, now that my mom was so tired all the time, and my father only knew how to work the microwave.

  Listen to it, ‘his private jet’. I knew he was doing well, even in college it was obvious his drive would make his success inevitable. But private jets are a whole new level in the doing-well scale.

  Part of me thought I shouldn’t be so willing to take so much from Collin. It was hardly fair to take what would probably be more money tha
n I’ll make in my lifetime from an old boyfriend. One I don’t want to rekindle a relationship with by any stretch.

  But all that guilt was drowned out by the constant screaming voice in my head telling me to save my mom, no matter how or what I have to do to get her the best treatment.

  I spent the rest of the week working like a dog to catch up and keep up with new stuff piling up on my desk. Most of it was coming up with a brand strategy for a new product we were launching in a couple of months so at least there wasn’t any massive time pressure just yet.

  I’d dropped in on Abbie most days. Sam and I moved our normal Friday drinks to Abbie’s flat. And I’d spent all day Saturday with Abbie. She’d become more and more stressed because she hadn’t found another job yet. She would, I knew it; she just needed patience, but in the meantime it was difficult to help her. She was so depressed, and I couldn’t fix it. I wished I could kiss her and make everything better.

  When I finally got home, my body gave out from exhaustion. I managed to make myself a camomile tea and headed to bed.

  I jolted awake and screamed, my heart thumping so hard I thought it would give out. A hand flung across my mouth, silencing my scream. I tried to bite it.

  “Shh baby, it’s just me.” Collin’s voice relieved me. I wasn’t about to be murdered in my bed.

  He took his hand away from my mouth and caressed my arm while I tried to slow my heart and breath. Collin had climbed into my bed and laid behind me, spooning me.

  “What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get into my apartment?” I asked, my voice frazzled. I glanced at the clock, two twenty in the morning.

  “I didn’t want to wake your neighbors again, so I let myself in.”

  “What? How?” Why on earth did he think breaking into my apartment and crawling into bed with me in the middle of the night was acceptable?

  “You need better locks.” His baritone voice was quiet, his lips brushed my ear as he spoke.

  “Fuck, Collin, you cannot let yourself in and climb into bed with me!” I tried to sit and turn on the lamp but Collin held me tight to him.

  “I just wanted to see you, baby, there’s nothing wrong with that.” He nuzzled his nose into my hair. He released his grip on me, and his hand moved back and forth between my hip and waist.

  I relaxed back into the bed, letting the scent of his cologne float over me. Was this the price of paying for my mother’s treatment? His hand moved across the front of my hips, waking me further. It’s not a bad price to pay. Sex with an ex who always did know how to make me scream. No, this couldn’t be the payment; payment has to be something I don’t actually love. Like root canal.

  His hand continued, never touching me anywhere intimate. His touch varied between soft and firm as it roved my body. My skin tingled under his hand, and my pussy became so wet I thought I’d dissolve into a puddle.

  It was absurd that he’d picked my lock and climbed into bed with me in the middle of the night, but he was here now. His touch intoxicated me. I couldn’t send him away, not without some fun first.

  I reached my arm behind me, searching for his erection. Unbelievable, he wasn’t wearing anything. I could not believe his audacity. I wondered why I was not kicking him out right that second. He should have known he couldn’t do this. It’s not acceptable, is it?

  Collin hooked his finger in my panties and tugged them down my thighs. His fingertips brushed up my thighs and I moaned, approving of whatever his plans were.

  He plunged his finger into me without warning and I gasped. The thick digit poked against my front wall, making me drip with desire and forget all about my outrage at him.

  I kept my grip on his cock, stroking it in my fist. Wanting more, I started to rollover to face him but he held me in place.

  “Don’t move, I’m going to set your body on fire.”

  I stopped fighting him and let the excitement his hand created between my legs take over.

  It became so intense I had to let go of his cock, to pull my hands to my face and think and feel nothing else but what he was doing to me with his fingers.

  My body started wiggling and squirming, the intensity taking over every cell of my body. Collin moved his thumb, gliding it through my folds and stopping the tip on my clit.

  “I owe this sweet pussy a come or two.”

  He added another finger inside me, and continued their movement, his thumb circled my clit and within moments an orgasm crashed through me. My body tried to writhe and thrash, but he held me in place by hooking his leg over mine and siding his other arm underneath me and holding me tight with it.

  “That’s hardly enough,” he said, his voice low against my ear.

  His hand did not stop. Even as my orgasm subsided, he probed my g-spot and his thumb stimulated my clit. Just as I was catching my breath, another orgasm ripped through me and I screamed.

  “That’s what I want to hear.”

  My orgasm calmed but his hand continued. What the fuck was he doing to me? Out of nowhere another orgasm pushed through me and my body bucked.

  “Collin!” I screamed as wave after wave burst from my core.

  My eyes rolled back in my head at the ecstasy he’d caused within me. His hand didn’t pause, let alone stop. I stopped trying to make sense of things, I couldn’t think of anything at all. He’d turned my mind into a complete blank left with only the ability to enjoy his touch.

  “Collin,” I moaned, my voice breathless and raspy as more waves of orgasm washed over me. How was he doing this to me? This wasn’t possible. My back muscles tightened and writhed. I wasn’t sure if it was a series of orgasms, or one big long one. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Not even when we were together before, and he’d always left me breathless.

  “That’s still not enough.” His voice was low and in control, and sent tingles rushing down my back.

  Time and place seemed to vanish and I drifted along between peaks of ecstasy as if I were in a dream world.

  I don’t know how much time passed, but he rolled me over, yanked my panties the rest of the way off and placed himself between my legs. His lips found mine, but I struggled to kiss him back.

  “Your pussy is so unbelievably fucking wet,” he said, his cock at my entrance. I whimpered, how much more could my pussy take?

  Collin drove his hard cock into me, it’s size stretching and filling every part of me. Each thrust excited me all over again, my heart raced and my toes curled until a final, massive peak crashed over me. He grunted beside my ear and released himself into me.

  A weak mass of jelly, I couldn’t find the strength to move. When Collin pulled out and rolled off of me, I stayed stationary, vaguely aware of the wet spot on the bed underneath me and his cum trickling down my thigh. My chest heaved, struggling to normalize.

  Collin put his arm around me and kissed my shoulder.

  “Did you like that babe?”

  “Uh huh.” Unable to force my tongue to work, it was the best I could manage even though I wanted to say my mind was blown and I’d never be able to walk again.

  “I figured I owed you a whole bunch of those.”

  The comment alarmed me, making me feel both sad and vindicated, but I was too weak and tired to respond.

  “Morning, babe.” I opened my eyes to see Collin standing beside my bed, holding a cup of coffee.

  “What time is it?” I asked rubbing my eyes and sitting up.

  “Ten.”

  “Ten!” What was happening to me lately? That’s the second time I’ve slept in past nine since college.

  I stood, wearing only a cami. My panties were wherever Collin had put them last night when he yanked them off of me. Collin didn’t step away to give me room. Instead, he placed the back of his hand on my face and ran his fingers down my cheeks.

  “You’re beautiful.”

  I swallowed, finding it hard to pull my eyes from his. He’d dressed, wearing the dark suit I can only assume he came in the night before.

  �
��Collin, I…”

  “Babe, don’t worry.” Huh? What was he talking about?

  “About what?”

  “About your mom, she’s got the best doctors in the world now.” The comment threw me. It wasn’t where my head was at in that moment.

  I was trying to tell him this was just sex, and nothing more. Then he went and put a big relationship caring type comment out there and because it was about my mom and my needing him to pay for my mom’s treatment, I couldn’t very well turn around and tell him there was nothing between us.

  “I don’t know how to thank you for what you’re doing.”

  “I don’t need thanking. She’s a great woman, she deserves the best.”

  Collin placed the mug in my hand and kissed my forehead. For a moment my heart fluttered before I caught myself. I was thirty and on a mission to find a husband to give me babies. Collin was most definitely not that man.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Same time next week?”

  Unsure what to say, I shrugged. Did I really want to tell the most incredible man I’ve ever slept with not to come and do what he did to me last night? I reasoned that it didn’t do any harm, and that it would only last until I found a match on the online dating site.

  It was only sex. It would end once I found a potential husband on Chicagodates. Besides, I felt warm and fuzzy towards him since he was helping my mom.

  Collin

  As much as I knew better, I couldn’t stay away from Jenny. Her scent, her laugh, the way her hips moved when she walked. Every Saturday since she’d turned up back in my life drunk, I showed up at her place in the middle of the night and she opened her legs for me.

  Sweet Jenny. Pure Jenny. She couldn’t get wrapped up with me.

  At least she was letting me take care of her mother. I instructed Daniel to free up my jet to ferry Jenny’s mother, Sandra, between Maine and Houston and to arrange for priority treatment of her as a VIP at MD Anderson Cancer Center.

  I only hoped that Jenny wouldn’t take it as a sign I wanted a relationship with her. I’d do anything for her, but there’s no way I’m dragging her into my fucked up life. She’d better not get the wrong idea.