Secrets (1985)

by Steel, Danielle

  That can't be all bad, if she looks anything like you do in them, princess. But the princess was said with kindness now, and not venom.

  Gabby sat down in a comfortable chair with a sigh. She was tired. They had worked hard that week, and she was glad it was Friday.

  The next morning he picked her up, and they went to see four apartments and a town house, and he didn't fall in love with any of them, but at least they were a change. The house was available on a month-to-month basis, and they were willing to take the dog, so he took it.

  It's okay, I guess. He shrugged as they settled down to hamburgers at Mike's, before they went back to her place to rehearse. I just keep wondering if I'm going to be around three months from now. It's a little hard to make plans right now. He was facing the fact that he was going to trial, and there was always the chance that he could go to prison. It sobered him every time he thought of it. In fact, it terrified him, and it made him question the wisdom of getting involved with Gabby. He had no right to hurt the girl, and he said something to that effect as they finished dinner.

  I'm a big girl, Bill. I can take care of myself. I know what you're facing. But I also know you didn't do it. I always believed that, right from the first minute I heard. It was a hell of a vote of confidence from a girl he had been so unkind to for six months.

  Your faith in me means a lot.

  She smiled gently. I told you ' you deserve it. They chatted for a little while, and then went back to her place to rehearse. She went and got the scripts, and they ran through two scenes, but her mind wasn't on it for once, and she kept making mistakes. I'm sorry, Bill ' I must be tired.

  Come here. He pulled her down on the couch next to him. You're such a brave girl '

  What makes you say that?

  I don't know, you have this way of taking on the world ' I admire you a lot, Gabrielle. And he did. He kissed her, and they both forgot the scripts. He kissed her long and hard, and she caught her breath when she finally pulled away.

  Is that in the next scene? she teased.

  We'll have them write it in, he whispered. I think it really works.

  So do I '

  He kissed her again, and she found herself lying in his arms, as her hands wandered into his shirt, and he ran his over her skintight jeans. They were soft and old and he could feel her taut young body under them, and he swelled with desire for her.

  I want you ' I want you so much ' but I don't want to louse up your life' .

  Don't worry about it. She had never met a man she liked as much, no matter how short their time together was. But she also refused to worry about the future. It would take care of itself. I love you' . She hadn't meant to say the words, but they had slipped out, and he looked startled, as he looked up at her, lying on top of him, her small frame barely pressing down on his large one.

  I love you too, Gabrielle ' it's crazy ' I want to love you enough to stay out of your life and spare you a lot of pain, but I can't seem to make myself do it. She kissed him this time, with a passion so urgent that he forgot his qualms, and he carried her into the other room, and laid her down on her bed. He peeled off her jeans, and gently unbuttoned her shirt, as one would undress a child, and she watched as his clothes came away from his magnificent body. And then they forgot everything in each other's arms, everything except the love they shared, which had grown from the ashes of pain and hurt and disappointment. They had a great deal to give each other, and Bill had never been happier as they lay on her bed afterwards. Where have you been all my life, little girl? he whispered as she nestled into his arms, and fell asleep. And he smiled, as he looked down at her and stroked the long silky black hair that long ago had reminded him of someone else, but no longer did. She was the only woman he loved now.

  Chapter 29

  Do you think they're having an affair? Zack asked Jane over breakfast one morning.

  Bill and Gabrielle? Jane smiled at him. I think it's possible. I'm not sure he wants to get involved with anyone right now. He's very nervous about the trial, understandably. But I think it might be stronger than both of them. You know, the funny thing is that even when he was giving her such a hard time, I always thought they'd be perfect for each other.

  Zack leaned over and kissed her. That's what I love about you. You're psychic. They were sitting naked beside his pool, eating breakfast. The girls were with their father for the weekend, and they were going to relax and go antiquing for her new house, but she found she didn't care about it quite so much anymore. She seemed to be at his place most of the time, especially when the girls were with their father. It was strange even thinking about him now. He was like a total stranger. She had only seen him once since the divorce and he suddenly looked bitter and hard and a little bit crazy. You know, I was thinking the other day. What do you want to do during the hiatus?

  I hadn't even thought about it. Alyssa is going to camp, and Jason and Alex have summer jobs. Jason's working on a ranch in Montana, and Alex is working at the same camp where Alyssa goes.

  How about going to camp with me this year? He smiled at her happily. His life had never been better than it was with her, and the past seemed like a distant dream now. What about going to Europe for two months?

  Jane looked thrilled. She had never been. Wow!

  The South of France ' a few weeks in Italy. Austria ' Maybe even the music festival in Salzburg. What do you say, my love? He leaned over her and kissed her neck as she beamed. There was no mention of his earlier trips to Greece with his gay friends. That was part of the distant past, and it was all over.

  That sounds fabulous.

  I'll start making reservations. What about Ireland? We could rent a car and drive ' and Switzerland!' He was as excited as she was.

  And Spain! She laughed with delight, and chatting excitedly, they made a list. It was turning out to be the best year of her life, and of his.

  You know, I like being forty years old, she mused with a satisfied grin. It's turning out to be very glamorous.

  So that's what it is. He looked pleased. He had just ordered a mink coat for her, from Fran+oois Brac, and he was going to give it to her as soon as they got back. But the trip to Europe sounded wonderful to both of them. Wait till you get to be my age!

  Speaking of which ' Sabina has been in a hell of a mood lately.

  She's just tired. Everyone's ready for a break.

  They only had another six weeks to go, and he was right. That morning, Sabina was lying next to Mel's pool, and she thought she had never been so tired in her life. And oddly enough, they were discussing the hiatus too. She had to go to Paris for three weeks to work with Fran+oois Brac on the wardrobe for the following year, but after that she was free, and Mel had just suggested meeting her in Europe.

  Can't you come to Paris with me this time? She looked like a disappointed child and he kissed her fingertips, and then the tip of her nose, and her lips.

  I wish I could, sweetheart. You know what it's like just before we air. There's a hell of lot for me to do here. But I'll come over as soon I can. How about a couple of weeks in Cannes? He had always liked staying at the Carlton.

  What am I going to do in Paris by myself? She was pouting unhappily at him.

  Hopefully miss me desperately. Their affair had gone on all through the show, and they suited each other well. She still did what she wanted most of the time, and he gave her plenty of room. She had gone away on several weekends alone, and he never asked her where she went. It bothered him a little bit, but he knew that was the way she was. And he didn't ask her to be any different for him. He wouldn't have expected that of her. He accepted her as she was, and she suited him perfectly, with the exception of her occasional moods, like now. But Zack had been right, she was just tired. They all were, and so was Mel. It was a tremendous amount of work pulling together a series like that. And now he was working on publicity for the fall. He was planning a grand gala, to watch their first night, with plenty of press and hoopla afterwards. But he was still worried
about Warwick going to prison.

  I think he's screwing Gabrielle, Sabina had said bluntly.

  Maybe it'll do him good. He smiled at her. Maybe they're in love.

  Sabina smiled. She liked Mel's romantic streak. He lavished plenty of it on her, and she was happy these days. They all were. So tell me about our trip.

  What about Cannes? And Venice for a week?

  It sounds divine. She tilted her hat over her face, and only one green eye peeked out, and she was smiling at him. You're very good to me, Mr. Wechsler.

  Am I? He reached under his newspaper and pulled out a small box. The wrapping told her it was from Bulgari.

  What's that? The single green eye looked intrigued, and he handed it to her.

  I guess the paper boy left it for you, Miss Quarles. You'd better check it out. He handed it to her, and with a single gesture, she flung the hat aside, and began unwrapping the gift. He still thrilled her with his constant gifts. This one was a beautiful emerald ring, and she grinned broadly when she opened it, and slipped it onto an impeccably manicured finger. She kept herself beautifully. She was a star, and that was something she never forgot, especially these days. And neither did he.

  It's beautiful, Mel.

  It reminded me of your eyes.

  She thanked him with a long kiss, and they walked slowly inside, she in a white bikini, and the splendid emerald ring. And he in his bathrobe. And it was a long time before they came outside again. And when they did, they were both smiling.

  Chapter 30

  On the last day of shooting, everyone was tense, watching the final scene. It was a scene no one really wanted to see, yet they found they couldn't help it. It was the additional scene Mel had had written, in which Bill was killed ' in case he didn't come back to the show. It was a confrontation between him and Gabrielle, in which her boyfriend shot him. And at the very end, Sabina got the news her son was dead. It was a powerful scene, and everyone stood silent as they watched it. And Bill looked grim as they shouted Print, and he got up.

  Everyone remained silent, awed by the implications of it. And Bill looked around ruefully, as though saying good-bye to them. The tears on Gabby's cheeks were genuine, and even Sabina was quiet for once. Zack touched his arm as he walked away.

  They'll never have to use it, Bill. Don't worry. His eyes were kind, and Bill wanted to thank him, but he was too choked up to speak. The cast crowded around him and Gabby put her arms around him unselfconsciously and cried. It was a hard day for all of them. The last day of the first season's shows. They were going on hiatus for about two months. And Mel had ordered a splendid lunch for all of them, and the cast and crew mingled as everyone started to relax and talk about their plans for the summer.

  Gabrielle blew her nose, and Jane put an arm around her. Relax, it's all over. The scene was, but they all realized that Bill's problems weren't. He had to face the trial in nine days, and he was dreading it and so was Gabby. She had put off her summer plans, and she had decided to stay with him. They were going to Lake Tahoe the next day, and then coming back to spend a week conferring with his attorneys.

  Jane and Zack were leaving for Rome the following week, and going on to Venice after that, and then on to the French Riviera for a month. Paris for a few days after that, and a week in London on the way home. She could hardly wait. And Sabina was leaving for Paris and her appointment with Fran+oois Brac. And the crew all talked excitedly about their plans, Europe, the Grand Canyon, a number of them were going home, some were going east, and others were just hanging around to relax before they started shooting again in August.

  It feels like the last day of school, Gabby said, as Bill smiled at her. She was still so young, and so sweet, and she had been so good to him. He was deeply grateful to her, and to everyone. By the time they left the set that day, everyone had said a word to him, touched his arm, shaken his hand, said some word of encouragement wishing him well. They really were a family now. And Mel made a point of saying a word to him too.

  I'll be in town, if your attorneys need me to take the stand on your behalf. He had already told them as much, but he wanted Bill to know it too. We're all rooting for you, Bill. But he still didn't know if he'd keep the job. Everyone else had been given new contracts to sign before they left. Everyone except Bill. But he couldn't worry about that now. He was worried about his life, and the trial. It was hard to believe that it was almost time to face the music. He had thought about calling his parents once or twice, and he suspected they must have heard the news, but they didn't contact him, and he didn't really want to talk to them either.

  Are you going anywhere? Zack asked Gabrielle as they ate egg rolls and chow mein on the set. It had been catered by Chinois, and there were also pizzas from Spago.

  Not for a while. He understood why, and nodded somberly, and then glanced at Jane. They were both excited about the trip. They were spending that weekend with the girls, and then leaving as soon as the girls left for camp on Monday.

  We'll give you our itinerary and you can call us when ' after it's over. Bill walked over to them and put an arm around Gabby's shoulders, and answered for them both.

  We'll call you, Zack' . And then, I hope I see you next year ' all of you. It was a difficult day for him, and he took everything out of his dressing room when he left. There was no reason to think he'd be coming back after all. And Gabby helped him carry everything to the car, shopping bags and a suitcase, and two plants she'd given him. It was depressing doing that, but he had insisted that there was no point leaving it for someone else to do later.

  You'll just have to haul it all back here in August, she encouraged and he smiled.

  I sure as hell hope so. But he didn't look convinced and they were quiet as they finally drove off the lot, having kissed and hugged everyone, and cried some more. It was more like leaving home, than like leaving work for the summer. The show had come to mean a great deal all of them, and they were all curious about the plot of the scripts for the following season. Mel had made a little speech, wishing them all a good vacation, and hinting at big surprises in store for everyone.

  I just hope they don't surprise me by killing me again, Jane had whispered. She had gone through it once on Sorrows and was terrified of it's happening again. She had come to love this show, and the people she worked with.

  There's no chance of that. He thought she was a much better actress than Sabina.

  Ready for the mountains? Gabby asked, as Bill drove her home. I've got all my stuff packed.

  Almost. He smiled over at her, the grief at leaving the show beginning to dim a little bit. He was looking forward to a few quiet days with her, alone in the mountains. They had debated about where to go, Yosemite, or Lake Tahoe, or somewhere else. And he had finally decided to rent a condo on the lake. He just wanted to go fishing and lie in the sun and be with her. They both needed the rest, especially given what was in store for them. There was no way of knowing how it would turn out, and although his attorneys were optimistic, they could make him no promises. Want to stay at my place tonight, Gab?

  I'd love to. She picked up the bags and equipment already waiting in her front hall. She had her own fishing pole and hiking boots, a sleeping bag in case they decided to camp out. It was a far cry from the six matched Louis Vuitton suitcases Sabina was taking to Paris. And Bill smiled as he helped her carry her gear to his car.

  You certainly have the right equipment, Miss Smith. Do all debutantes wear hiking boots?

  Always. Especially at the cotillion. She grinned at him. She had always loved the outdoors, and she was thrilled to know he did too. She had gone on a three-week pack trip in Wyoming once, while she was at Yale, and it had been the high point of her college years, especially when their guide had shot a bear. She told him about it as they drove to his house and he laughed at her.

  Don't expect me to do that, kiddo. I'd run like hell, with you under one arm and my ass under the other.

  She laughed. It was fun' . She had also shot the r
apids on the Colorado River two years before, and she wanted to go to Brazil, to the Amazon, one day.

  You're supposed to want nothing more exciting than lunch at the Polo Lounge and a charge account at Giorgio, he teased, but he was happy that she didn't. She was someone very real, and if anything, she disliked all the frivolous accoutrements of her career. She was much more excited about going to Lake Tahoe with him than she would have been about going to a Hollywood party.

  She helped Bill pack his gear late that night, and the next morning at five o'clock they set out on the twelve-hour drive north to Lake Tahoe. They stopped for a quick lunch on the way, and arrived in the clear mountain air of Lake Tahoe at four thirty. And Gabby looked like an excited little girl as she flung her arms wide and grinned at him. The condo was beautiful, and they had plenty of privacy, with a hot tub in a little private garden.

  They went for a swim in the lake, and went to a steak restaurant Bill knew and liked in Truckee, and they took a long walk in the mountain air before they went to bed. It was an idyllic life for both of them, and a relief after the strain of leaving the set of Manhattan.

  I've never been happier, she whispered to him as they walked home, feeling peaceful and quiet. But Bill was quiet, deeply troubled about the trial. Nothing seemed real to him anymore, everything he touched was tainted by the threat of the trial, and what might happen to his life in a few days ' in two weeks he could be in jail, possibly for years ' it was a sobering thought as he took her hand and they went back to the condo. She wanted to make him forget everything, but it was difficult now. They sat in the hot tub before they went to bed, and they made love in front of the fire, but in his eyes she could always see the worry and the terror. There was no getting away from it anymore, and she felt a ripple of fear too as she watched him sleep that night. And she got up before dawn, to make cinnamon rolls they had bought at the store, and a fresh pot of hot coffee.

  Rise and shine. She kissed his ear and he brushed her away, and then opened one eye to look at her.