White Petals

by Maria Grace

  ‘A nurse?’ I asked.

  ‘No, she’s not a nurse. She’s a care co-ordinator,’ Mum replied in a posh voice.

  ‘That’ll be nice for you,’ I said.

  ‘It’ll be nice for us all.’ She looked out the window. ‘It’s going to be much easier this time round, Em. It’ll be much more fun … I promise.’

  Why wasn’t she listening to me?

  ‘Mum, I’m really not moving back home,’ I said.

  She exhaled some cigarette smoke out of the window again.

  ‘And I said that you are moving back home, Emmeline Rose,’ she emphasised her warning by using my full name.

  ‘No, Mum…’ I mirrored her slow, deliberate tone. ‘I’m not.’

  ‘Yes, Em…’ She took a final drag of her cigarette, and her voice was croaky. ‘You are.’

  ‘Not,’ I said.

  ‘Are,’ she replied.

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘You are.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘YOU AAARRREEE!’ she bellowed, and turned around to glare at me.

  I sat in silence.

  She finished her cigarette and flicked it out of the window. ‘Do you know, Em?’ Her voice was restrained. ‘I’m not sure I like you very much sometimes. You can be a real brat when you want to be.’

  ‘Well, that makes two of us,’ I replied.

  ‘Don’t you speak to me like that!’ she shouted at me. ‘How dare you come in here, with this bloody mood you’re in, and start causing drama!’

  ‘You’re the one who’s throwing a hissy fit, Mum!’ I shouted back. ‘What makes you think that you can just tell me what do after two months of not being around? I’ve been in that children’s home for two months. You can’t just order me to leave! I’ve settled in. I like it there! I don’t want to come home!’

  She frowned.

  ‘And what about poor Freya?’ I was so angry now. ‘She’s been living with Bill and Nora for the last two months! She has a foster sister, for goodness’ sakes! She has a routine. She has regular meals on the table, and she bakes cakes on the weekends, and she has a lunchbox with actual sandwiches inside it, instead of FLUFFY-THE-FLUFFING-HAMSTER! Are you just going to take her away from all that?’

  Mum looked ashamed.

  ‘We didn’t choose this, Mum!’ I cried with temper. ‘You chose this. You did this!’

  ‘Do you seriously think that I choose to be this way?’ Mum laughed bitterly. ‘It’s a DISEASE! I don’t choose to be unwell. Nobody chooses to have mental illness, you ignorant little cow!’

  Hot tears flowed from my eyes.

  ‘I watched them put a needle in you, Mum!’ I sobbed. ‘You were bleeding, because you had hurt yourself! The paramedics held you down and jammed a needle in your thigh, and I couldn’t do anything to help you because the policewoman was holding me back. And you just passed out! Just like that! You just … passed out. Right in front of me! How am I supposed to forget something like that? I can’t get the image out of my head – it’s stuck there. You did that to me!’

  Her hands flew to her mouth. Pain was etched all over her face as she remembered.

  ‘I thought…’ Her voice was shaky. ‘I thought I had dreamt that.’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘It wasn’t a dream, Mum. It was a real-life nightmare.’

  She started crying. ‘I’m sorry, Em. I’m so, so sorry.’

  She wiped the tears from her face and walked cautiously over to me.

  I looked down at the floor.

  I felt her arms around me, hugging me tight. Even though I didn’t want to hug her back, I couldn’t help myself. I responded automatically – two months of loneliness and confusion, needing to be comforted. I sobbed into my mother’s shoulder, letting all the pain and resentment melt back into the person who had caused it.

  We stayed like that for a while, and then I swallowed the last of my tears.

  ‘I’m not coming home,’ I said quietly. ‘Please don’t try and make me.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’ asked Mum.

  I nodded.

  ‘In that case…’ She sighed and gave up the struggle. ‘We’ll just have to work something out.’

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  We dropped Grandma Coalman home, and then I sat in the back of Mel’s car with my little sister and we shared the packet of sweets that Grandma Coalman had bought her. It was comforting to sit close to each other. We hadn’t really had much chance to connect properly over the past two months, and a small distance had grown between us. She had become more attached to Bill, Nora and Lola. I had become more attached to life at the children’s home. And we’d become more detached from each other. I was looking forward to the day that we could spend time at home with Mum and Grandma Coalman, watching cartoons together again. It would be nice to have comfortable time together, instead of rushed visits in a mental hospital. But at this very moment, we were sitting next to each other, sharing sweets. We looked at one another and smiled.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ I said to her.

  ‘I’ve missed you too,’ replied Freya.

  She took out a sweet and aimed it at my mouth. I opened my mouth to catch it as she threw it in the air.

  ‘Well done!’ Freya clapped her hands and then opened her mouth to catch one that I threw.

  ‘OHHHH!’ I shouted. ‘What a catch!’

  ‘You can’t really miss your mouths.’ Mel laughed from the front of the car. ‘They’re big enough!’

  ‘Shut up, Mel!’ I chuckled and opened my mouth for the sweet that Freya was about to throw.

  The car pulled up outside Bill and Nora’s house. Freya opened the car door to get out. Bill and Nora came to greet her, and Lola came running out with two tennis racquets in her hands.

  ‘Freya!’ she called my sister. ‘Look what Bill and Nora have bought us! They’re taking us to a tennis court this afternoon! And then we’re going to buy a Christmas tree!’

  Freya and Lola squealed with excitement, held hands and jumped up and down.

  I watched them skip around the garden, happy together. A part of me still felt a little jealous of the bond that my sister had formed with her new foster sister, but I had kind of made my peace with it. Eventually, Freya and I would get back to how we used to be. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but we’d get there in the end.

  I kissed Freya on the forehead and said goodbye. ‘The next time I see you will be back at home!’ I smiled.

  ‘I know! I can’t wait!’ Freya grinned widely.

  ‘Is your mum allowed home from the hospital yet?’ asked Lola.

  ‘The doctor says that she can go home in one week,’ answered Freya.

  ‘And did they manage to get that lion to go back in the zoo?’ Lola looked concerned. ‘We don’t want him turning up at your house again – especially now that it’s all been fixed.’

  The two little girls looked up at me for reassurance.

  ‘The lion is firmly back in the zoo. He won’t be coming to the house again, I promise.’ I hugged Freya.

  ‘Ooof! That’s a relief!’ Freya breathed out, puffing up her cheeks.

  ‘Your dad must have been right when he said that everything would be OK!’ Lola handed a tennis racquet to Freya.

  ‘Yep!’ Freya hit the tennis ball over the other side of the garden. ‘Now, let’s play tennis!’

  Bill, Nora, Mel and I watched the two girls with baffled expressions. Bill raised his eyebrows. ‘Kids!’ he said, and chuckled to himself.

  ‘Come on, Em.’ Mel got in the car and started the engine. ‘Let’s get you back.’

  I got in the car and put on my seat belt. Something caught my eye in Mel’s bag.

  ‘Your phone is flashing,’ I said.

  ‘My phone can bugger off,’ she replied. ‘I’ve had enough of the thing. It’s probably another missed call from the children’s home. They rang me twice while we were in the hospital, but I missed the calls.’

  ‘What did they ring you for?’
I asked.

  ‘How am I supposed to know?’ Mel laughed. ‘They were missed calls. They were probably just ringing to see what time I was bringing you back. You know how fussy they get. If somebody is half an hour late, they ring the police. I mean … paranoid, much?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘But I suppose they’re only doing their job.’

  ‘I know.’ Mel sighed. ‘Don’t take any notice of me. I’m just grumpy because I’m tired. I’ll be fine when I get home. I’m going to put on my pyjamas, lie on the sofa, catch up with X-Factor and spend some quality time with my two favourite men.’

  ‘Simon and Louis?’ I asked.

  ‘No,’ she answered. ‘Ben and Jerry.’

  We both laughed and did a high-five as we pulled into the car park of the children’s home.

  Mel wasn’t the only one looking forward to chilling out for the rest of the day. I couldn’t wait to have a shower, put on my onesie and watch some telly. I was knackered from all the recent drama. In the last twenty-four hours, I had tripped-up Stacey Lock, had a big argument with Karra, and had an even bigger argument with my mother. My head felt as if was going to explode!

  I closed the car door and waved goodbye to Mel as she drove away.

  ‘EMMELINE ROSE!’ Bett ran towards me, panicking.

  ‘Hi, Bett. What are you looking so flustered about?’

  ‘Haven’t you heard?’ she asked. ‘I thought one of the staff would have let you know.’

  ‘Let me know what?’

  ‘They did try to phone your social worker, but they’ve just been so busy with the search party,’ she said.

  ‘Search party?’

  ‘They didn’t realise that anything was wrong until breakfast time. Everyone thought that she had slept in Quinn Davies’ room,’ said Bett.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ I asked.

  ‘But then Quinn Davies said that she hadn’t seen her since yesterday.’ Bett shook her head sadly.

  A nasty, uneasy feeling started rising in my stomach.

  ‘Bett, slow down and tell me exactly what’s happened.’

  She was quiet for a moment while she composed herself.

  ‘Karra Lewis has absconded,’ she said.

  ‘What does that mean?’ I asked.

  ‘It means,’ Bett looked worried, ‘she’s gone missing.’

  ‘OK, PEOPLE!’ Gladys Friday blew loudly on a whistle hanging on a blue string around her neck.

  We all gathered around the staff, ready for Operation Find Karra.

  ‘Gladys Friday will be taking Bett and Tyler with her,’ said Aunty Sue. ‘They will be searching all the parks in the area.’

  ‘Yes!’ Gladys Friday nodded. ‘Aunty Sue will be taking Quinn and Little Charlie with her. They will be searching around the chip shops and the rugby stands.’

  ‘Emmeline and Beano will be coming with me,’ said Big Jim. ‘And we’ll be searching around the streets, roads and bus stops.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Beano reassured everyone. ‘We’ll find her. I won’t stop looking until we do.’

  Big Jim wiped a tear from his eye. ‘That’s buuuriful, that is. Good boy, Beano.’

  ‘RIGHT!’ Gladys Friday bellowed. ‘LET’S MOVE! GO! GO! GO!’

  Everybody split into our teams and went with our mentors to look for Karra. We searched, trying to spot any flashes of red hair walking around the streets. But it was no use. The staff kept in contact with each other the entire time, but no group managed to track her down.

  Where could she be?

  ‘This is my fault,’ I said. ‘If I hadn’t argued with her, she wouldn’t have left.’

  ‘Don’t blame yourself, love.’ Big Jim patted my shoulder. ‘Karra’s had a lot on her mind lately. The argument with you was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.’

  ‘What are these ridiculous sayings that you oldies come out with?’ Beano laughed. ‘How the Donald Duck can a straw break a camel’s back?’

  ‘Shut up, boy!’ Big Jim chuckled to himself. ‘Don’t talk to me about ridiculous sayings. At least I don’t go around hashtagging everything. HashtagYOLO, Hashtag-Amazeballs…’ He stood in the middle of the street, crossing his four fingers to make a Hashtag sign as he mocked us.

  Beano and I laughed out loud.

  ‘Big Jim is right,’ said Beano. ‘It wasn’t your fault that Karra went missing. She’s just had enough of that dickhead Lucas. I think he sent her over the edge. You know he did a Snapchat story with Sticky Vicky, don’t you?’

  I nodded. ‘Quinn told me,’ I said. ‘The boy is so disrespectful, it’s unreal.’

  ‘Maybe we should split up.’ Big Jim looked at all the bus stops surrounding us. ‘There are about fifty bus stops in this area, and she could be sitting in any one of them. It’s probably best if we all look individually for her, but keep in touch by text. If anyone gets any progress, be sure to let the rest of us know, OK?’

  We agreed with Big Jim.

  I walked the streets, searching for Karra. My legs had started to ache by now, but I wouldn’t give up. I felt so bad about what happened. I needed to find my friend and tell her that I was sorry.

  Why didn’t I just check Quinn’s room last night?

  I really thought that Karra hadn’t come to bed in our own room because she was still angry with me, so I just assumed that she went to sleep in Quinn’s room instead. It wouldn’t have been the first time she’d slept there, so I had no reason to think she would be elsewhere. And poor Quinn felt terrible because she had just thought that Karra was sleeping in her own room with me. But if she wasn’t in our room, and she wasn’t in Quinn’s room, then where could she have been? Where did she sleep?

  Think, Em.

  Focus.

  I just had to listen to my instinct, that’s all. I was sure that if I listened to my gut, it would lead me in the right direction. I just had to … listen.

  OMG! I could try to see if I could hear Karra’s voice in my mind!

  I slowed my walking pace down to a stroll.

  I breathed in and out, purposefully listening to my breath. I strained my ears.

  But I couldn’t hear any trace of Karra’s voice.

  Come on, I tried to encourage myself.

  I tried visualising Karra in my imagination, and I directed all my energy on the image.

  Still nothing.

  WTF?! How come when Stacey-Stupid-Lock was around, I had the hearing ability of a superhero? But when it really mattered – when I actually needed my gift to work – it was completely absent? That wasn’t fair!

  I decided to try a different tactic. Perhaps if I focused on the sounds going on around me, then it would help.

  As I walked, I took notice of all the little noises I could hear in the background.

  The rustling of trees in the wind.

  Cars driving in the distance.

  Birds tweeting.

  Children playing in the back gardens of the terraced houses I passed.

  But it was no use. Nothing happened.

  I was so frustrated!

  Why wouldn’t it work? My friend was missing, and I needed to find her! If there was any time when I needed my gift to be active, it was now!

  Concentrate, Em.

  I was startled by a sudden piercing noise in my ear.

  Ouch! That stung! My body automatically responded to the familiar pain. My hand shot up to protect my ear.

  I breathed slowly, allowing the soreness to subside.

  I closed my eyes and pictured Karra in my mind, trying to tap into her energy.

  The shrill sound hit me again, but it wasn’t so harsh the second time. I tried to control my emotion so it didn’t distract me.

  Where are you, Karra? I sent out my plea to her.

  The ringing came back, and it must have been third time lucky because it wasn’t too painful. I nursed my aching ear as I let the ringing noise lead the way. I carried on walking and I focused all my attention on finding Karra. I didn’t really know whe
re I was going.

  I approached the end of the street and realised I had come full circle on the search route. I had ended up at the bottom of the hill near the children’s home.

  I looked across to the park at the bottom of the hill.

  The ringing noise seemed to increase, as if to direct me to the park.

  The gate was open.

  I felt drawn to the comfort of the rose bush. If I could sit by the white roses for just a few minutes, I was certain it would help.

  I walked towards the park, looking forward to resting for five minutes while I gathered my thoughts and planned where I would start searching next.

  As I got closer, a familiar voice spoke in my head. And for once, it wasn’t Stacey Lock.

  ‘She had better not come in here!’ Karra’s voice sounded annoyed.

  I looked across the park. I could see somebody sitting on the big swings. I walked slowly, trying to judge the situation before going any further.

  ‘Has she seen me?’ Karra asked herself. ‘No, I don’t think she has.’

  I sat on the pavement, pretending to tie my shoelaces.

  ‘I don’t want to see her stupid face after what she did to me!’ Karra vented. ‘I can’t believe she brought up that thing that I said about The University! I mean, how was I supposed to know that there was more than one university in the world? I was never taught anything like that! It’s not as if my mother was ever going to teach me about how many universities there are; she’s off her tits half the time! Besides, she always said that I was too thick to do anything good in life, so why would I ever need to learn about university stuff?’

  I sighed guiltily. I knew she was right. I should never have said it. I took something private that Karra had said to me, and I used it against her as ammunition. And I especiallyshouldn’t have said it in front of the others. I felt terrible that I’d embarrassed her like that. I reallywished that I could take it back.

  Would she ever forgive me? There was only one way to find out.

  I got up from the pavement and walked to the park.