Too Late... I Love You

by Archer, Kiki

  Maria joined her in the warm spot and stared out towards the street. “I think we’re perfectly suited.”

  Connie turned around. “Really?”

  Maria nodded and kept their eyes locked, maintaining the connection. “Yes. And you shouldn’t worry. The two pieces of a jigsaw that actually fit together are the ones that are totally different.”

  Connie studied the smiling brown eyes. “I love that.”

  “Think about it. It’s true.”

  “Can I steal it?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She reached into her pocket for her phone. Opening up the notes app she started to type. “Say it again, about the jigsaw? I always write down interesting things that I hear.”

  Maria moved to the sofa and sat. “You’ve never got your phone out before so is this the first interesting thing I’ve ever said?”

  Connie laughed. “No.”

  “Why do you write them down?”

  “For my book.”

  “Really? A novel? You’re writing a novel?”

  Connie nodded and sat beside her friend on the plush white sofa. “And I’d love to use that jigsaw thing.”

  “You never cease to amaze me, Connie, do you know that? I think you’ve progressed from a violinist to a harpist, there are that many strings to your bow.”

  Connie winced. “I don’t think I’ll use that one though. I think that saying is meant to be about archers and how they can still take a shot at their target if their string breaks.” She nodded to check that Maria was following. “Because they’ll have a spare.”

  Maria laughed. “See what I mean?”

  ****

  Karl rubbed his face with both hands. It was mid-morning and he’d yet to attempt any work. “Fuck it. I’ve done the wrong thing, haven’t I? I shouldn’t have slept on the sofa and I shouldn’t have come in early today. I should have stayed at home and talked things through.”

  Louise, who had been listening to this ramble for almost an hour, got up from her seat. She coughed once and stood beside him, towering over his desk in her super-high heels and imposingly sharp dress suit. “Karl, you HAVE to get yourself together. I’ve been listening to this for far too long. We’ve got the Richardson meeting in twenty minutes and you look rough.”

  He sat up straighter in his seat. “We can’t all be naturally slick like you.”

  “I’m professional, not slick, but yes we can. I’ll get you a coffee while you go freshen up in the men’s.”

  “I’m essentially walking out on my family. Who does that? She called me a cock. She’s right. I’m—”

  “NOW!” Louise’s ponytail swung with the force of her words.

  “Alright, alright, I will. Just one thing. Give me your summary. You’re the queen of summaries. I listen to your summaries. Your summaries are always spot on.”

  Louise fingered her blunt fringe. “Fine. Tough love time, Karl.” Her pacing began as she outlined the points on her fingers. “You’re not married. You didn’t want the baby. You only asked for a second date because you found out she was a virgin and thought it would be a challenge.”

  Karl swung himself forwards. “NEVER repeat that! I was drunk and sounding off! We had good chemistry; she was fun.”

  “You’ve been drunk far too often recently, and as fun as a blonde bit of nonsense can be you never imagined it would lead to you trapped in this monotonous family-man twilight zone. This is the here and now. It’s not working with her, but what is working is the business. We’re on a roll, Karl. We’re expanding. We need you.”

  “You don’t need me.”

  “No, not here, you’re right. But I do need you in Manchester. Call it a trial separation with Connie if you like. Once everything’s up and running we can replace you with someone else if that’s your final decision.” She walked to the window and tapped on the smart glass, changing the tint to transparent. Pointing at the desks of workers taking calls and typing away she turned to Karl and growled. “But you do realise how many of those people would love to be you?”

  He rubbed his eyes at the sudden influx of light. “I don’t care. They can be me. I’m done being me. Being me’s shit.”

  “You started this business. You built it from scratch. You’re the one who’ll expand it.”

  “No, this is all you and we both know it.”

  Louise shook her head. “It’s both our names on the letterhead.”

  “You badgered me into this. You’ve driven everything from day one.”

  “Well let me badger you now.” She tapped the glass once again and as soon as they were hidden from the rest of the office she strode towards him, placed her fists on the desk and leaned forward to eyeball him. “Stop. Whining. Get. A. Fucking. Grip.”

  ****

  Connie scooped the last grains of couscous onto the Peppa Pig spoon and held it in front of her son’s mouth. He’d been successfully feeding himself for the most part, but she wanted to show off his completely clean plate. She’d never given him couscous before and was surprised at how happily he’d eaten it. He’d been known to have rather dramatic meltdowns in the past when presented with strange food. Swede was strange because mash shouldn’t be orange. Broccoli was strange because you shouldn’t eat trees. Eggs were strange no matter how they were presented, and fish was just strange “cos it stinks.” Connie had fully expected Noah to come out with such a gem as Maria offered him the plate of couscous and chicken, but he’d looked at Alice, seen her tuck in, and done exactly the same.

  She smiled at her son. “Well done, Noah. You’re all finished. A completely clean plate.”

  “I have a clean plate too,” said Alice.

  Connie nodded at the little girl. “Yes you do, don’t you. Well done both of you. Was that delicious, Noah?”

  The mop of hair moved up and down enthusiastically. “Kiss kiss like sand. Noah like sand, and Noah like kiss kiss.”

  Alice laughed loudly. “Couscous! Not kiss kiss!”

  Noah laughed loudly. “Kiss kiss!”

  Maria smiled at the giggles and stroked their matching blonde heads. “You two are just adorable.”

  “Can I get down, Mama?”

  “Yes of course you can.” Maria unbuckled the booster seat and helped her daughter from the chair.

  “Noah down too!”

  Connie shushed the shouting. “You have to ask nicely.”

  “Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”

  Freeing her son, Connie watched both children race back towards the playroom. “When did Alice start using I and me instead of her own name?”

  Maria reached over and ripped a chunk of tomato and olive bread from the tear and share loaf. “I’m not sure she’s ever used Alice.”

  “When’s her birthday again?”

  “September 8th.”

  “Noah’s is September 18th. But she seems so much more advanced than he is.”

  “They’re all different,” said Maria, adding butter to the bread and speaking between mouthfuls. “Noah’s physically more capable than Alice.”

  “No, she’s a good little runner.”

  Maria laughed. “They’re both perfect.” She dabbed the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “And I’m glad we approve of each other’s offspring. I’m dreading starting nursery in September.” She signalled to the spread of food lying in front of them on the large wooden table in the middle of the old-fashioned rustic kitchen. “Please have some more to eat.”

  “No, I’m good thank you, but I’m dreading it too. Will you send her to a school-based nursery?”

  “Yes, she’s on the list for Maple House.”

  “The private school?”

  Maria nodded.

  Connie sighed. “We’re in the catchment for Five Ways. Currently in special measures.”

  “Oh no. That’s awful. Isn’t there anywhere else?”

  “Not in our area and we definitely can’t afford Maple House prices.”

  “It’s actually quite reasonable. They take them from age
three to eighteen so they don’t get stressed about moving up to a big school.”

  “I loved my first day at the local comp. I got to wear a blazer and have my own locker.”

  “Oh bless you. Did you do well at school?”

  Connie stood and began to stack the children’s plates. “I did okay.”

  “Please, I’ll do that.”

  “No, no it’s fine.” She paused and smiled. “What do you classify as doing well?”

  “Well you obviously did do well because you ended up at university.”

  “I went for the booze.”

  “You did not.”

  “I did. My degree’s a bit rubbish.”

  “A degree’s a degree.”

  “Is that why you want to send Alice to Maple House? So she does well academically?”

  Maria got up off the beautiful hand-carved bench and took the plates from Connie. “Let me do this. I’ll stick it all in the dishwasher and we can retire to the lounge to discuss education and politics and possibly even religion.”

  Connie pretended to look at her watch. “Is that the time? I need to go.”

  Maria laughed. “No! I have food prepared so you can stay for tea as well.”

  “You don’t want us here all day.”

  Maria smiled. “Maybe I do.” She turned back to the dishwasher that was hidden discreetly inside a large oak cupboard. “And I know that Alice does too.”

  “Noah still naps at half one.”

  “Alice will occasionally. We could try them together?”

  “I feel like I’m imposing.”

  Maria returned the food to the fridge that was also hidden behind a panel of intricate carvings. “What do you usually do when he naps?”

  “Collapse.”

  “So let’s collapse together then.”

  Connie smiled. “We’d be frauds! We’ve not done anything. They’ve entertained themselves all day. He’s honestly so much easier when he’s got someone to play with. Maybe I should have another baby.”

  “I think about that sometimes too, but maybe we could just save on the nappies and borrow each other’s for now?”

  “Instant siblings?”

  Maria smiled. “Now wouldn’t that be nice?”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Pulling herself into her workstation, Connie threw out her arms and stretched wide so that both hands were touching the walls on either side. She was glowing. The day had been perfect. Relaxed, enjoyable and thoroughly good fun. Noah and Alice had napped for two hours, giving her and Maria time to debate the pros and cons of private education with the resounding conclusion that happiness was key. Maria wasn’t sending her daughter to a private school for the perceived better education, but rather the smaller class sizes which she felt would reduce the risk of bullying. Connie had done her best to assure Maria that her daughter would be fine wherever she went as times were changing and acceptance was commonplace. And while Maria had agreed to an extent she had maintained that the fee-paying school’s close-knit family atmosphere might be more welcoming to a young girl with a single lesbian mum and no siblings. Connie had laughed and suggested that Maria might not be single for her entire life and that more children might one day appear, which in turn led Maria to announce her news.

  Connie dropped her hands back onto her lap and shook off the memory. Maria had a date. Tonight. With a woman. Connie tutted to herself; of course it was with a woman. Maria was a lesbian. A lesbian who was going out tonight with another lesbian. She fiddled with the mouse. Why did the thought of two gorgeous women (because Maria’s date would most definitely be gorgeous) intrigue her so much? Would they pull back each other’s chairs like Maria had done for her at Bounce-a-rama? Would they split the bill equally? Would they laugh and chat? Would they get along as well as they’d been doing all afternoon? Connie pulled herself out of the spiralling bad mood. She couldn’t be jealous. That didn’t make sense. She nodded. It must just be intrigue. Intrigue and nosiness. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The vision of two women kissing came into focus.

  “Oh for god’s sake, Connie, come on!” She clicked on the mouse, bringing her screen back to life. What was happening? She scanned the last sentence. Oh yes, Bonnie and Mark had just returned from a wonderful date. Bonnie was happy. Mark was happy. Everyone was happy. She sighed. She’d spent the whole day ignoring the facts. Karl was leaving her and he’d made up his mind. She checked the time; it was gone eight already and she had no clue when he’d be home, or even if he’d be home at all. There had been no messages, no voicemails, just the memory of his words ringing in her head: I don’t want any of this.

  Connie rolled her eyes. They hadn’t been ringing in her head. She’d hardly thought about him all day. The events of last night had been neatly tucked away while she enjoyed a thoroughly nice time with her friend. It hadn’t been a conscious decision not to tell Maria about it, it just hadn’t come up, and anyway she’d only have spoilt the mood. She closed her eyes once more and thought back to the grand house and the warm and inviting lounge with its huge windows and shiny oak floor. Sitting on that sofa she’d felt comfortable, not at all how she thought she’d feel in a million pound property with its million pound furnishings.

  She smiled and reached for her phone, opening up the notes app and re-reading the words. She lifted her fingers to the keyboard and started to type.

  ‘I never believed in soul mates, in one key for each lock. Keys can be copied and locks can be forced. I never accepted the notion of a magical path guiding me to my fate. If fate knows best why does it wait so long? People settle for people. They give up on the fight. The twists and turns in the road can no longer be stomached and the height of the walls gets too tall. We’re overpowered. We stop. We accept. We curse ourselves for believing in that fateful twinned soul.

  But what if it’s real and we’ve been approaching it wrong? We shouldn’t be looking for that perfect match, or that complete compatible. The two pieces of a jigsaw that fit together are always totally different. There is no perfect person, just that one person who’ll fit you perfectly.’

  She smiled. Maria was right. Some people just worked. Bonnie and Mark worked. Her friendship with Maria worked. Connie heard the front door and turned around in her seat. Karl was standing there, looking tired and drawn. She had to face facts. She didn’t work with Karl, at all. Standing up slowly she walked towards him and gently wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

  “You’re right,” she said, “it will be better.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maria checked her watch. It was eight fifteen and there was no sign of her date. She had suggested they meet at the Hawksmoor steakhouse in Spitalfields, her absolute favourite eatery from her life before Alice. A life where she had dinner dates, and invites to cocktail parties. A life where she felt relevant, and in the know. She glanced around at the clusters of tables arranged closely together under the low-bricked ceiling. She’d never been here and not been noticed. People would recognise her as the daughter of the ever-exuberant Marti Mariano, owner of the Italian Bistro down the road, then, in her own right, as Maria Mariano, owner of the new coffee shop down the road. Not today though. She’d been out of the loop for too long. She reached into her bag for her phone. But Alice had been worth it. She had been worth everything.

  There were no missed calls so she resisted the temptation to phone home once more. She’d already made two calls en route and another once she’d arrived. Aunt Maddalena had made it very clear that she was to stop phoning and get on with her evening. Her father’s sister had always been rambunctious to the point of unruly, making for very interesting family gatherings when the rest of the relatives came over to stay.

  Maddalena had never married or had children of her own and Maria was sure she was her way inclined; but at seventy-two it wasn’t the kind of thing you could ask such a woman. She’d babysat for Alice on a number of occasions, but mostly after lights had gone out. Alice loved her Great Aunt Maddalena and wo
uld certainly not settle if she’d known she was there. One time Alice had woken in the night and Maria had come home to find the pair of them playing pirates in the lounge with cushions thrown onto the floor, a blanket draped between two chairs and Maddalena swimming around like a shark on her stomach.

  “Maria?”

  Maria shifted out of her memory and smiled at the woman standing in front of her. She looked exactly like her profile picture, which made a nice change from her two previous dates. It wasn’t that she was on a mission to find a partner, she just felt it was time to move on with her own life. Alice was three and she knew she had to peep back over the parapet of nursery rhymes and nappies into the adult world. Meeting Connie had reignited her taste for female company and she hoped this woman would prove as fun and flirtatious, but without the added issues of a boyfriend and straight inclination.

  The woman continued to talk. “I’m sorry I’m late; I’ve had a nightmare at work. I hope I haven’t kept you too long?”

  “It’s fine. I used to come here all the time. It’s been nice to sit back and remember.” Maria stood and pulled back her date’s chair. “Shall we?”

  The woman took off her suit jacket, displaying a slender waist and crisp white shirt that was tucked neatly into her knee-length skirt. She smiled a dazzling smile. “Are you recently back in the area?”

  Maria mirrored her date and sat down. “No. I had a little girl. My hands have been full.”

  “Sorry?”

  “I’ve been a stay at home mum.”

  “You have a daughter?”

  Maria nodded, confused. “Yes.”

  The smile had gone. “Oh. Right. Okay.”

  “You sound shocked?” Maria crossed her legs under the table and studied the professional-looking woman.