Filthy Dirty Fate

by Grace Morgan

  “I’ll go,” Carter says. He grabs the box. “I’ll take this to her. Maybe she’ll listen to sense if you won’t. You sit here and stew. See if that helps.”

  I swallow my drink in one gulp as I watch Carter leave. I’ve never seen him so angry with me. We’ve had fights before, but this is different. His anger is chilly enough to freeze vodka.

  My love life is none of his business, anyway. He’s been meddling with me and Lola from the start when he should have been keeping his nose out of it and dealing with his own problems.

  I go to get another drink, then stop myself. This isn’t helping. Waking up with a hangover tomorrow won’t make me feel better.

  I’ve lost Lola. Nothing is going to make me feel better.

  Chapter Five

  Lola

  Drinking won’t help me, but I can’t stop thinking about going back to the bar. I’ve tried turning on the TV and blasting the radio. I tried reading, and I even tried writing my article again.

  Nothing is making this apartment feel less empty. I wish I were at Second Circle with Burke. I close my eyes and see him in front of me, that ironic smile of his on his lips.

  I sigh and shift in my chair. I’ve been sitting in the armchair where I can see my entire apartment. I never noticed how small it was before. From here I can see the galley kitchen and my bedroom, which is dominated by my bed.

  It’s not nearly as big as Burke’s, but it feels giant with only me in it.

  There’s a knock on the door. I don’t want to answer it, but it could be Lainey.

  “Coming,” I shout.

  “Do you tell that to everyone, or are you just happy to see me?”

  The joke is so terrible that the person on the other side could only be Carter. I open the door and smile at him. He’s carrying a cardboard box marked Lola.

  “Oh.” I take a step back. I’m not ready to face the box of possessions. I told Carter that I needed to think, not that I was breaking up with Burke. Of course, a breakup assumed there was a relationship to break, and we’d never defined what was between us that clearly.

  “I’m sorry, Lola,” Carter says. “I told him to give you time or at least talk to you, but he thinks you’ve made up your mind.”

  I laugh at the idea that I’m capable of making a decision about Burke that quickly and easily. “It’s not your fault,” I say. “I should’ve talked to Burke myself. I’m sorry I dragged you into the middle of this.”

  Carter hefted the box in his arms. “I could take this right back, along with the rest of your things. Tell him you’ve decided to move in.”

  I start to laugh then stop. “You’re not serious. I haven’t decided to move in with him.”

  “I was hoping one of you would be reasonable,” Carter mutters as he walks into my apartment and sets the box down on the couch. I wish I had a side table he could set it on. Burke has tables like that.

  “I am being reasonable. What do you want me to do, rush into a relationship with a man who might’ve sent Hope running into hiding?”

  “He didn’t send Hope running!” Carter raked his hands through his hair. “I can’t deal with this anymore. I’ll tell you what happened to her, but you have to keep it to yourself.”

  I sit down hard beside him on the couch, the box of my stuff between us. “Tell me.”

  My heart is pounding in my throat. I’ve never been so frightened in my life.

  “It has nothing to do with Burke,” Carter says. “It’s Hope’s ex-boyfriend, Chris. He abused her. Hope was into some sketchy stuff, but he took it over the line. He didn’t listen to what she wanted. When she tried to fight back, he’d yell at her. Called her a dumb slut. It was brutal. I kept telling her to get out but she was so sure he was going to change.

  “When she got pregnant, I was the first one she came to. He’d demanded sex without protection, and she’d gotten knocked up from it. She was terrified, didn’t know what to do. She finally admitted that bastard wasn’t changing.”

  He paused, hands clenching into fists.

  “Look, I’ve felt responsible for Hope since she first started coming to Second Circle. She’s been like a little sister to me. I’ve looked out for her, made sure she stayed safe no matter how kinky she got. Her stuff with the boyfriend was all outside the club. I wanted to stop it, but I couldn’t interfere in her life without her asking me—and she didn’t until it got really, really bad.

  I knew the most important thing was getting her away. That psychopath is likely to do something bad if he finds her. He’s not a good person. He’s not even an okay one. I was scared for her. I got her off the radar at that house and set it up to make it look like she’d disappeared. I don’t have the means to pull off a faked death, but I can manage a disappearance. The crazy part? Chris hasn’t even tried looking for her. Just says she got what was coming to her. She’s safe now, and I need to contain this secret as much as possible to keep it that way. I felt bad about not telling Burke, but it’s on a need-to-know basis and he didn’t need to know.”

  I stare at the gray carpet as Carter finishes talking. His words bulldozed over me and left me dizzy. He catches his breath as if he just ran a marathon.

  One explanation. That’s all it takes to tilt my world off its axis again. It seems like every time I think I know something, I’m wrong. Because Burke isn’t the one Hope is afraid of. He’s barely even involved.

  “You should’ve told Burke,” I say. “What if his private investigator had turned up something?”

  “I paid that guy off,” Carter said. “Burke stopped his investigation there, so I figured I was safe enough. This whole thing would’ve stayed buried if you hadn’t come around.”

  I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I nearly ruined everything. What if I had screwed up and contacted Chris? “You should’ve told me to stop. I had no idea the risk I was taking with Hope’s safety.”

  “Would you really have stopped without seeing her alive?”

  I cringe. “No.” My persistence is both a strength and a flaw.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. You thought you were trying to save her.”

  “You saved her,” I say with admiration. Carter has always struck me as the laid back one, the one who makes a joke and never takes anything seriously. Shows how good my instincts are. He’d gotten a woman out of a bad situation and saved both her life and the life of her unborn child. “I promise I’ll take you more seriously from now on. And I’ll never assume you’re out to do something horrible to keep me from digging up your secrets again.”

  Carter barks out a laugh. “I can’t believe you thought that. Seriously. Me?” He widens his pretty eyes. “I’m freaking harmless, and you know it.”

  “I was being paranoid,” I admit. “I thought the worst of everyone. Even Burke.”

  That was the stupidest assumption of all. How could I have thought that Burke would do anything to hurt Hope? Burke had pushed me past my limits, but he’d never hurt me or pushed me to do anything I couldn’t truly handle. He’d shown me nothing but consideration, and I’d gotten it into my head that he was trying to play me.

  In my defense, the situation had called for wariness, but there was a difference between being careful and shoving the man I loved away.

  “I don’t even think it was Burke I was afraid of,” I say. “I think it was me. I’m so scared of being rejected and getting hurt that I don’t even want to try. I’m brave enough to chase down missing women, but too big a coward to hold onto love.”

  “In your defense, Burke is an even bigger coward than you are. He’s over at Second Circle right now, sulking about how you pausing to make up your mind means you’re as good as gone.”

  I finger the edge of the cardboard box. Burke sent over a box of my possessions because he thought I left him, and he didn’t even stop by in person to say goodbye. “Maybe we’re both cowards.” I sigh.

  There’s no doubt in my mind now that I love Burke, but that doesn’t mean we can go skipping off into the
sunflowers together. I don’t know how he feels about me, and I don’t know how to write the article that’s hanging over me.

  “You belong together,” Carter says. “Don’t lose sight of that.”

  I want to believe in butterflies and happily-ever-afters, but I’ve spent so much time writing grim news stories that the cynic in me thinks it’s impossible. There will always be one more obstacle between me and Burke, because I’ll be the one putting it there.

  “What if we’re awful together?” I ask.

  “You’ve been together for nearly a month now.”

  “But that’s different,” I protest. “That was a deal. This would be real. There’d be nothing holding either one of us if something goes wrong.”

  Carter studies my face. “Isn’t it worth the risk?”

  My throat is choked with tears. I want to be the woman who gambles everything on love, but I’ve always been overly cautious Lola. Lainey would have an easier time with this than me.

  “I can’t face him just yet,” I say. “Leave the box. I’ll go over when I’m ready.” Assuming I could work up the nerve. Assuming I could stop being so damn afraid that he was going to reject me.

  Carter nods slowly, but he doesn’t look happy about it. “I’ll go. But you need to talk to Burke.”

  I lock the door after him when he leaves. I don’t know what to say to Burke. I’m in love with you so let’s move in together? I sigh. Maybe it would be easier if I write it down.

  Chapter Six

  Burke

  I’m desperate. There’s no other possible reason I would have searched through every scrap of paper I have on Lola to find her address then walked twelve blocks in dress shoes and a suit.

  The part of town Lola lives in isn’t great, but I’ve been in plenty that were worse. But that doesn’t change the fact that Lola shouldn’t live a neighborhood like this. Hell¸ even the building itself is so plain I want to snatch Lola out of it because she’s far too good for it.

  It takes me ten minutes before I finally knock on her door. The whole time I’m standing there I expect she’ll open it and find me there in an idiotic staring contest with the wood panel.

  When I do finally knock, I’m afraid she won’t be home. I could’ve come all this way for nothing.

  Finally, the door opens, and Lola is standing there. She’s wearing plaid pajamas and her hair is loose around her shoulders. She’s never looked more beautiful.

  “Burke?” she whispers, as if she’s afraid that saying my name too loudly will scare me away.

  “I needed to see you.”

  She holds open the door, and without waiting for any further invitation, I stride into her apartment. The inside of her apartment is the biggest shock of all. There’s absolutely nothing that screams Lola. It looks like a poorly furnished hotel room. No, that isn’t right. Even a hotel room would have at least one painting on the wall.

  “Your place is … kind of plain,” I say awkwardly.

  Lola cracks a smile. “Yeah, I know.”

  Relief fills me at the sight of her smile. I’ve needed to see it since she left. It’s proof that she’s happy, and knowing that I’m the source of that happiness floods my veins with triumph.

  It really is too late to hold back and save my heart. I love her. Madly, completely, stupidly.

  “I want you to move back to Second Circle. Not for our deal, but for me. For good. I want you with me. I want there to be more to us being together than you chasing a missing woman. Because there is more. There’s everything. You’re everything.” The words come out in a rush, and my first thought is I’ve said too much. I don’t realize I’ve said it aloud until Lola replies.

  “No, not too much.” Lola’s eyes are soft with some emotion I’m having trouble reading. Sadness? That’s precisely the opposite of the look I want to see on her. “You should have heard Carter talk earlier. I’ve never heard him say so many words all at once.”

  I rub the back of my neck. “He was here already?” I spot the cardboard box full of Lola’s stuff from my apartment. I shouldn’t have packed it at all. I’ve made it too easy for her to leave when I want her to stay.

  “He explained everything to me.” Lola’s eyes go unfocused as she thinks about whatever it was Carter told her. “I was confused, and I acted like an idiot. I’m sorry I ever suspected you of anything.”

  “Suspected me? What did you suspect me of?” Last time I’d talked to her she’d been suspicious of Carter. I didn’t think I’d been on her radar since I’d handed over the private investigator’s records.

  “I thought you got Hope pregnant then scared her away. It’s a long story and I’m not really supposed to tell it. But I guess it’s a bit late now, huh?”

  “You found Hope? And she’s okay? Shit. She’s pregnant?” My mind reels with the information. Somehow Lola found Hope. Carter. And fuck, she’s pregnant? I can’t be the father. I took precautions. And if Hope had known about the baby before she disappeared and suspected it was mine, she would’ve come to me. At least, I assume she would have. I’d never done anything to scare Hope.

  “Carter told you all that? How did he know?” I still can’t believe he’s known where she’s been all this time and kept it from me. The sting of betrayal burns like acid through my body.

  Lola moves the box of clothes to the floor then sits on the couch and pats the cushion beside her. I drop onto the seat, at a loss for what to say or do. “He knew because he helped her get away. Hope’s ex-boyfriend got her pregnant, but he’s cruel and abusive. She was terrified about what he might do to her, so she ran. Carter helped her find a safe place to stay and took me out there to see her. She’s still scared, and she wouldn’t tell me anything.” Lola’s cheeks reddened before she admitted, “I misunderstood and thought you might have something to do with it, even though I knew better. You’re not like that. I just … I think was scared too and looking for an excuse to run myself.”

  My heart contracts violently in my chest. Sharp, visceral pain shoots through me at her words, and I nearly forget to breathe. “You don’t want to move in with me. I don’t … want to make you run. Jesus, Lola. I never want to scare you.” I rub a hand over my face, unsure how the hell we ended up here.

  “No, Burke, that’s not what I meant.” She grabs my hands and looks earnestly into my eyes. She’s so beautiful. The urge to grab her and pull her to me and then kiss the hell out of her surges through me, battling with the pain. “I meant that I was scared of myself. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I wanted to keep my life simple and boring, and you’re … neither of those things. You’re intense and you make me feel so much I don’t know if I can handle it sometimes. I—I love you. I thought I could run from that but I can’t.”

  Screw it. At Lola’s words, I let go of the iron grip I’ve been keeping on my control. I do exactly what I wanted—reach out and pull her against me. My lips find hers, and I taste the salt of her tears as they continue to fall. This gorgeous girl should never cry. “I love you,” I whisper to her. “So damn much. I didn’t believe you could feel the same way. I thought you would hate me after everything that happened between us.”

  “I don’t hate you.” She runs her fingers through my hair and my entire body tenses with need. “I could never hate you, Burke. I know you don’t see yourself as a good guy, but that’s exactly what you are—the best guy I’ve ever met. It’s all your fault I fell in love with you.”

  “Well, one of us has to take the blame.”

  Lola is mine. I want to pump my fists and shout it from the rooftops.

  “Stay with me. Permanently,” I say.

  “Yes,” she replies.

  Satisfaction rips through me as I tilt my head to take her lips again. Lola buries her hands in my hair and writhes against me, trying to get closer. And there’s nothing I want more that to have her under me again. I reach for the top button of her adorable plaid pajamas.

  “Should we get started moving now?” she asks me teasingly
.

  “It can wait until tomorrow.”

  “Mm. I am pretty tired.” She pushes me back and gets to her feet with a coy smile before tugging on my hand and leading me to her bedroom.

  The walls in her bedroom are blandly white. The only piece of furniture is a twin bed with white sheets and a white blanket.

  “Isn’t there supposed to be something other than sheets?” I ask. “I was sure there’s another part to this.”

  “I never bothered buying a comforter. It’s hot in Austin, anyway.”

  “It is that.” I drag my lips across her shoulder. “Now show me where the other half of this bed is.”

  She laughs. “I know it’s small. I don’t usually have anyone else spend the night. I don’t spend much time here. I travel a lot for my job.”

  I don’t want to talk about her job right now. I don’t know if she’s written her article about Second Circle yet, and I don’t want to know. It’ll only lead to a fight that I’m not ready to have.

  “I can make this bed work for tonight. We’ll resume your BDSM lessons tomorrow.”

  “What? I thought our deal was over.”

  “It hasn’t been thirty days yet. I believe I have two more days after this where you’re at my beck and call.”

  Lola frowns and puts her hands on her hips. “I don’t know how I feel about starting this relationship with you in charge.”

  “I’m always in charge, baby. That’s what you get for falling for a Dom,” I say with a smile. “But trust me when I say you’ll love every single thing I have planned for you because it involves me finding all the ways to make you come harder than you ever have.”

  Her eyes gleam at my words. “I can work with that.”

  She drags me down to the bed. We have trouble both fitting on it, but we manage by pressing close together. On second thought, I could grow to like a twin bed. Lola tries to get her legs around me and knees me in the stomach instead. I reverse my position on twin beds immediately. We’ll never sleep in one again.