Ashes of Life

by Erica Lucke Dean

A flood of emotions washed over me. Tears filled my eyes, and I squeezed her back as hard as I could.

  Maddie kissed my cheek and flitted out of the room as quickly as she’d come.

  “Hey.” Ben sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand in his. “I was afraid you might not come back to me.”

  I cleared my throat. “Water?”

  He reached behind him then put a cup to my lips. “Just a sip.”

  The cool water soothed the burn in my throat enough for me to speak. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” His lips curved into a sad smile.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, none of that.” He took my hand in his. “You need rest.”

  “No. I need to say this.” I tried to sit up.

  Ben gave me the doctor face. “Alex, you’ve been in a coma for eight days.”

  I shook my head. “Please.”

  He sighed and nodded.

  “I shouldn’t have run.” The words scratched my throat, and I felt the burn of tears.

  He rubbed circles on the back of my hand. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”

  “And I should have told you about the baby.”

  “You should have.”

  “I’m so sorry.” The first tears fell. Was I too late? Was he only here because of the baby? “I’ve made so many mistakes. I was operating under the wrong assumptions on many levels.”

  He pulled up a corner of the blanket to wipe the wetness from my cheeks. “You really need to rest.”

  “But you need to know why I didn’t tell you.”

  He nodded again, settling back onto the bed.

  “I said awful things that last day I saw you. And Natalie told me I was stupid for letting you go. But David cheated—even if he didn’t really, but I didn’t know that then—and I wasn’t ready to put my heart out there just yet. And then I changed my mind, and I tried to find you and tell you I love you, but I was too late. And now…” I looked at the display on the monitor.

  His face lit up with the first genuine smile I’d seen from him in months. “The baby’s fine.”

  “I was going to tell you. But then I saw you with her and decided maybe it would be better if I didn’t.”

  “Her?”

  “Hey there. It’s good to see you awake.” A perky redhead poked her head into the room.

  “Dr. Philips.” Ben stood and stepped away from the bed.

  “How’s my patient feeling today? Like you got run over by a truck, I’d assume.”

  I shrugged and immediately regretted it. I did, in fact, feel like I’d been run over by a truck. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “I’ll come back.” Ben kissed the top of my head then stepped out of the room.

  Dr. Philips watched him walk away. “You landed a good one there. Hearts have broken all over the hospital now that he’s off the market.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Oh, my goodness, you must really be out of it. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

  “No! I need to talk to Ben.”

  “There’s plenty of time for that… later.”

  The bed dipped down, and I let my eyes flutter open. Ben’s lean shape formed a silhouette against the midday sun streaming in through the window.

  “Hey.”

  “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “I’m not. How’s Maddie? Did she eat?”

  “Yeah. We grabbed a quick bite, then Grey picked her up and convinced her to go to her therapy appointment. You might need to take up baking when you’re out of here, though. She’s been staying at the house with your parents the last few days, and Natalie’s been supplying them with a steady stream of baked goods. I’m pretty sure she’s developed an addiction to blueberry muffins.”

  “That’s too bad. My only attempts at muffin baking have been epic failures. I think Natalie gave me a flawed recipe just to ensure she doesn’t have competition.”

  “Maybe it’s genetic. I hear your mom burns Pop-Tarts.”

  I laughed.

  “It’s good to see you smile again.” Ben’s expression darkened, and he shifted his attention to our joined hands. “I’ve missed you so much. I was afraid we’d never get the chance to fix things.”

  I squeezed his fingers. “Me too.”

  “Speaking of fixing things… who’s this mystery her you seem to think you saw me with?”

  “Oh…” I dropped my eyes to the blankets.

  “Let me guess, you saw me with a blonde at Beverly’s.”

  My eyes snapped up to his, and I nodded.

  “Mother’s Day, right?” I nodded again, and he bobbed his head a few times. “My sister and I took our mom out for dinner.”

  “Of course.” I slumped further into the pillows.

  “Do you remember me telling you I loved you? Well, that hasn’t changed. Believe me, I tried. But I still do, more than I know what to do with.”

  “And the baby?”

  “What about the baby? Alex, I loved you before. And I still love you after. Nothing has changed. Except now I’ll have someone else to fall in love with in a few months.”

  I shifted my weight, trying to get comfortable. “So you’re not mad?”

  “Mad?” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. “I’ve never been happier.”

  Chapter 39

  Maddie

  The final bell on the last day of school rang, and I bolted from class to meet Grey at my locker. It had been a long four weeks since the accident.

  He smiled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we headed for the parking lot. “What’s that look for?”

  “Nothing, well something, but it’s a surprise. I want to tell you and Alex at the same time.”

  “Hmm…” He squeezed me, and I winced. “Oh, sorry.” He dropped his arm and took my hand. “Your shoulder still bothering you?”

  “Just a little.”

  He walked me to the passenger side of his car then stopped short. I waited for him to open the door, but he just stood there grinning.

  With his hands planted on the roof of the car to either side of me, he leaned in so his hip grazed mine. “I’d better be gentle then.”

  All the commotion and noise of students and cars drifted away. In that moment, Grey and I were alone. He touched his lips to mine in a barely-there kiss before pulling back to gaze into my eyes.

  “You don’t have to be quite so gentle. I mean, my lips feel fine. They can take the pressure.”

  He laughed. “They can, can they?” Before I could respond, he kissed me again, deeper this time.

  I inched my hands up his chest and around his neck to keep him from pulling away. I wanted him to know I wasn’t fragile, that I might be slightly bruised, but I wasn’t broken.

  “You’ve made your point, Princess Madison,” he said against my lips. “You are soft and strong… and I won’t be so gentle with you in the future.”

  “The near future?”

  He nuzzled my ear. “I think I could be persuaded. But I thought you said we were supposed to meet Alex at the coffee shop?”

  “I did say that, didn’t I?” I pursed my lips as I contemplated my options.

  “Come on.” He laughed and kissed the tip of my nose. “We’ll revisit this later.”

  We walked into the coffee shop, hand in hand. Alex sat at the counter, with a row of mugs in front of her.

  “What are you doing?” I stepped behind her and peered over her shoulder. She smelled like citrus and cucumbers.

  “Experimenting.” Natalie held out a blueberry muffin, and I snatched it with a grin. “I think we’re getting close.”

  Alex took a sip from her cup and groaned, putting her hand on her
belly. “Not close enough.”

  “Are you okay?” A pang of worry stabbed me. “Is it the baby?”

  “Yes. The baby does not like cucumber, no matter how many fruity things you mix it with.” She shot Natalie a death glare.

  Relief flowed through me. “Why are you drinking cucumbers?”

  “She’s forcing me to drink these—” Alex waved her hand over the row of steaming cups. “—concoctions of hers.”

  Natalie scoffed with a sour frown. “They’re not concoctions. They’re blends. With tea. As it turns out, coffee—even decaf—is bad for the baby.”

  “That may be true, but lack of coffee is bad for the mother.”

  “Deal with it.” Natalie poured another drink and slid it in front of Alex. “Try this one. It’s chai and vanilla bean.”

  Alex blew on the cup before bringing it to her lips for a tentative sip. She nodded a few times. “Not bad.”

  Natalie beamed. “Jackpot!”

  “So… Maddie, what’s the big secret?” Grey leaned against the counter and rested his head on his hand.

  Alex spun around on her stool. “Secret?”

  “I’m not sure if I should tell you the good news or the bad news first.” I bit back the urge to grin like a crazy person.

  “Let’s get the bad news out of the way.” Alex took another sip of her tea.

  I squeezed Grey’s fingers. “Well, you know how hard I worked to bring my grades up in History and English?”

  “Yeah,” Alex and Grey chimed in together.

  “I was hoping to pass History with at least a C.” I stared at their expectant faces. “I didn’t get a C.”

  Alex laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “This was a rough year. You’ll do better next year.”

  “Sorry, babe. Summer school won’t be so bad.” Grey pulled me into a hug.

  “I’m not going to summer school.” Grey opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. “Because I got a B! And I got an A in English!”

  “Oh my God!” Natalie jumped up and down on the other side of the counter. “That’s amazing. It was those last-minute tutoring sessions I gave you, wasn’t it? I could never get enough of Jane Austen.”

  Alex laughed. “You could never get enough of Mr. Darcy!”

  “Isn’t he everyone’s favorite?”

  I grinned. He was definitely my mom’s favorite. And for the first time since she died, it didn’t hurt to remember.

  “I’m proud of you, sweetie.” Alex pulled me into a hug. “We’ve come a long way in a short time, haven’t we?”

  I squeezed her back. “We sure have.”

  “Speaking of time…” Grey glanced at his phone. “I should get going. I’m on diaper duty if I want to go to the party tonight.”

  I giggled. “Make sure you wash your hands before you pick me up.”

  “Before you go, I have some pretty good news of my own.” Alex looked like she was about to explode with excitement. “I just got an email from my production department. I took the liberty of sending some photos of your drawings along with a rough idea for a storyline, and they loved it!”

  Grey’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

  “It’s not a done deal yet, but the production team wants to see more. That is, if you’re willing to do the artwork.”

  “Holy shit!” He shoved his fingers into his hair. “Of course, I’m willing. I can’t believe it! I’m going to be designing a video game!”

  Alex laughed. “Well, I’d actually be doing the designing. You’d be doing the artwork. But if they give us the go-ahead, you’ll get credit right alongside me. And if you enjoy the process, you could be looking at a future apprenticeship with the company.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Grey scooped me up and spun me around the room. “I have got to be the luckiest guy in the world!” He set me on my feet and tipped my chin until our eyes locked. “Definitely the luckiest guy.”

  I put the truck in park in my mother’s driveway. “Don’t tell Ben, but I hate his truck.”

  Alex leaned in to whisper. “Only if you promise not to tell him I hate it too.”

  I couldn’t wait for Alex’s replacement car to come in. Ben had convinced her to go with the Lexus SUV instead of another Porsche. “Less flashy… safer for the baby,” he’d said. At least she’d picked the red. Not that I’d get to drive it much. Alex even said she’d match whatever I saved over the summer to buy my own car.

  “Are you ready to do this?” Alex opened the door but didn’t get out.

  I stared at the newly polished exterior and blinked back the tears. “It’s now or never.”

  “Are you sure? We could still rent it out for a year or two. There’s no rush.”

  “No.” I glanced at the new roses blooming under the front window. We’d uprooted the tulips and planted them at Dad’s. “It’s time to move on. It’s just a house. The memories will always be with me.”

  “Okay.” Alex smiled as she climbed down from the passenger seat and walked around to the tailgate. She pulled out the blue-and-red sign and held it out to me. “You wanna do the honors?”

  “Yeah. Let’s get this over with. I have a hot date with a video game artist.”

  Chapter 40

  Alex

  What’s that saying about rainy days being perfect funeral weather? Well, it wasn’t raining. In fact, I woke up to a beautiful sunny day—not a single cloud in the sky. A pair of hummingbirds danced past the kitchen window, sipping from the bright fuchsia June blooms as if today were just any other day. It seemed both wrong and entirely fitting at the same time.

  The house was too quiet. Ben had to run to the hospital to check on a patient, and Maddie must have gone off with Grey, because she wasn’t in her room when I came downstairs, leaving me alone with my thoughts. For the first time in months, that wasn’t a bad thing.

  A noise in the basement drew me out of the moment, and I followed the shaft of light spilling through the crack where the door stood ajar. I padded down the stairs in my slippers, finding Maddie sitting on the wood floor of her miniature dance studio, tying the ribbons on her old ballet shoes.

  Butterflies swirled in my stomach, and I stepped to the side so I could watch her without being seen. Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” streamed from the speakers as Maddie stood and stretched one leg across the bar.

  She switched legs then turned, doing a graceful spin in place.

  I watched in awe as each fluid turn morphed into something more beautiful than the move before. She glided across the room like a swan in water, never once faltering. And as she rose to the points of her toes, I held my breath. Tears filled my eyes. David had been right. Maddie was an amazing dancer.

  As if suspended on a string, she spun around—one then two then three revolutions—abruptly stopping in front the mirror with a wide smile.

  She did another spin, her hair whipping around her like a cape before she came to a sharp stop again.

  I watched her until the song changed then turned for the stairs, afraid I’d break the fragile spell.

  After taking a long hot shower, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, barely recognizing my body. At the sixteen-week mark, my abdomen had begun to swell, not to mention the rest of me. “This baby is making me fat,” I muttered.

  “Hey! None of that.” Maddie barreled into my room and scowled at me. “Don’t let her give you a complex.” She crouched down and spoke directly to my stomach. “Your mom just isn’t used to wearing maternity clothes yet. Wait ’til Auntie Natalie and I drag her out shopping this weekend. Then she won’t complain anymore.”

  “Not shopping.” I groaned, but secretly I was excited to embrace this phase of my life.

  “Ha! You’ll love it. Now, hurry up. The guys’ll be here i
n just a few minutes. Grey texted me. Ben just picked him up, and they’re on their way.” Maddie took one last lingering look at herself in my full-length mirror and adjusted the straps on her dress. The one I’d gotten her for her birthday.

  “See… I knew you’d like that dress.”

  She flashed a grin. “Whatever. It’s fine. No offense, but you’re not exactly the authority when it comes to fashion.”

  I knew that was likely as good a compliment as I’d get from her, but I’d take it. And we both had our less-than-diplomatic moments. Thank God we’d learned to take turns. And hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and she was still a teenager after all. I blinked back the threat of tears and went into my closet to find something big enough to fit over my growing shape.

  Maddie poked her head into my closet. “Alex?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I think I’m ready for you to make that therapy appointment for me.”

  “Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  Maddie’s smile fell slightly as she studied my expression. “Maybe we could have a few appointments together?”

  I couldn’t hold back my smile. “I’ll check with Ben. I’m sure he knows someone. He might even be able to pull a few strings to get us an earlier appointment.”

  “Sounds good.” She pulled my teal sundress from the rack.

  “What about this? The skirt is flowy enough to hide the baby bump, and the top is nice and snug across your boobs.”

  “Do you think flashing the girls is the way to go at the cemetery?”

  “Works for me.” She shrugged. “Besides, it’s not like you can hide them anymore. I’m sure everyone will be just dying to see them.”

  “Ugh, you did not just say that.” I contemplated her suggestion for a minute and continued to rifle through my dwindling choices.

  “Seriously, Alex. The sundress is pretty. Dad would have liked it.” A smile lit her face. “And I doubt you’ll hear Ben complaining.”