Shattered Dreams

by Linde Lean

“Ryan, remember when you asked me if I knew that I was pregnant, and I confirmed yes.”

  Lifting his head, Ryan looked down at her, “Yes, I remember. Jen you do no have to explain anything to me, because you feel that you must, my love.” Ryan reassured her.

  “I … I know that you worry about me, and that one of the things the doctors would’ve told you was that you were to watch me. If I did it once, I could do it again.”

  Jenny looked into his concerned eyes, and she acknowledged maybe for the first time what he went through when he found her and what he was still going through wanting to keep her happy and safe.

  “When I said I knew I was pregnant, that was not completely correct. What I meant to say was that when you told me, it was not a surprise. I’d missed two monthly cycles and the thought had come up. But that night, Ryan, if I’d known for sure that I was pregnant, I don’t believe I would’ve gone that far. I would’ve had something very special, your child. I also never planned or considered doing it until I saw the razor blades in the bathroom. Something just snapped. My Darling I love you and I would never ever do anything like that again. I promise. Please tell me you believe me.”

  Jenny watched as Ryan closed his eyes, as if in prayer and then holding her close to him, he said.

  “Thank you for sharing that with me. I needed that assurance from you Jen.”

  A month later, Ryan and Jenny had an evening wedding at home in the large gardens. The garden was decorated with fairy lights, which illuminated the whole garden from the drive from the gates up to the house and between each and every shrub, plant and tree. It looked like a fairytale world.

  The guests were seated on either side of a burgundy carpet, on plush velvet burgundy seats. The bride’s path illuminated by fairy lights and one dimmed spotlight, a string orchestra started the wedding march.

  When Jenny walked down the isle, everyone gave a soft gasped at her beauty. Her hair was taken up in a braid and twisted on her head, held in place by a dainty diamond and ruby clip.

  Jenny chose a non-traditional wedding dress, due to her advanced state of pregnancy. She wore an off the shoulder, cream layered silk dress, with fine gold an burgundy embroidery, decorated with Swarovski crystals, the soft folds of the dress, sensually complimenting her ripened figure.

  The style and added embroidery design and crystals drawing the eye to the gown and away from her figure. Her bouquet made up of white and burgundy roses, with long silk gold, cream and burgundy ribbons. Around her neck she wore her love knot pendant with the ring that Ryan had given to her in hospital. Her ears were adorned with a single teardrop diamond circled by rubies.

  Andy walked in front of her leading her to Ryan.

  As she walked towards him she thought what a handsome figure he made, he was dressed in a black evening suit, with a white shirt and a thin, cream and burgundy tie, accentuating his dark good looks. Andy wore the same as his father, but he did not wear a jacket. When she reached Ryan he leaned down and gave her a heart stopping all consuming kiss.

  Ryan whispered to her, “My Jen, thank you for being you and being mine, I love you.”

  Reaching up to him with her hand, Jenny gently laid her hand on his cheek, as she recognized this very self-assured man of hers, desire for reassurance, of her love for him.

  “I love you, I was just a little lost for a while, thank you for waiting for me.”

  She raised herself on her toes, to give him a brief but intimate kiss.

  The Minister was then able to begin the ceremony, when they came to exchanging rings, Ryan reached for the chain, Jenny had never removed since the day Ryan placed it around her neck, with the request that it stay there until she was ready to wear his ring.

  Undoing the clasp he removed her ring, and then fastened the chain around her neck again, he then placed his ring on her finger.

  Ryan had chosen for himself a plain broad gold wedding band, but Jenny felt that something was missing and had the center engraved with an intricate design.

  This caught Ryan’s attention when she placed it on his finger, with interest he looked at the design he raised his brow, as his eyes adjusted to the clever engraved design, he made out the inscription, which would not be easily decipherable by another, “No one’s Fool but Mine.”

  Later that evening as the last of their guests departed, Jenny had the opportunity of spending more time with Mary’s parents who were visiting from Australia.

  Jenny liked them, but felt a restraint she could not fathom. Mary got her beauty from her mother. Brenda was a slim, tall woman, with blond hair, but Mary had inherited her fathers blue eyes, but he had black hair.

  Ryan had taken Andy up to his room earlier, as he had fallen asleep on his Nana’s lap, having fought his tiredness till the very end.

  As they all stood together talking, Jenny tucked under Ryan’s arm, Mike asked Ryan, whether they would have more children if they had a little girl, as then they had their pigeon pair, or did they want more children.

  Looking down at Jenny Ryan answered, “That’s my wife’s department, if she wants more children, I will gladly oblige, but it is entirely up to her.”

  Ryan leant down to Jenny as she reached up to him and together they shared a kiss.

  “Well if you two love birds are finished, Mary and I also have some news, we did not want to mention it earlier, as we did not want to take any of your thunder, but Mary is also pregnant.” Mike hugged his wife to him and gave her a kiss that put the rest of the family in no doubt that his wife was much loved as well.

  Amongst congratulations and well wishes, Jenny saw Mary’s father lead Ryan away and talk to him in earnest.

  “Ryan, what I have to ask you is very personal, and please I must ask that you just bear with me for a moment. If what I ask you seems strange please don’t punch me until you’ve heard me out, okay?”

  “Matthew, you have all my attention, you have stirred my curiosity.”

  “Well Jenny…” Matthew coughed, before continuing “Ryan, only a man very intimate with his wife, could answer this for me, and well there is just no other way but to come out and ask … does Jenny have a ‘butterfly’ birthmark high up on her inner right thigh?”

  Ryan was surprised, but before he could react, Matthew went on.

  “Ryan you know Brenda and I lost our youngest child, at three months due to a hi-jacking, and well, when we saw Jenny, there is just something so familiar about her, that Brenda asked me to check with you.”

  Ryan placed his arm around Matthew’s shoulder,

  “Matthew, I don’t know if Jenny is that child, but yes, she does have a birthmark like that. I don’t think she is even aware of it, as it is so intimately placed. But surely there could not be another with the exact same birthmark?”

  “If you are in agreement, then I suggest we take this up with the rest of the family.” Matthew suggested.

  Brenda stood next to Jenny, waiting in anticipation as the two men came walking towards them, her eyes earnestly on Matthew, she saw him nod.

  At that moment Jenny felt herself enclosed in a hug of such warmth and love she stood speechless for a few moments.

  By then Ryan reached them, he asked everyone to join him at the house. He saw his family settled in the formal lounge and said he and Jenny would come down in a few moments.

  Ryan took a confused and baffled Jenny to their room and then seated her on the bed. he explained what Matthew had said to him. Ryan watched as her eyes widened in surprise. “No, I didn’t know I had a birthmark like that.”

  Ryan concurred, “It is situated high and at such an angle, that as a baby your parent’s and nanny changing your nappy would’ve seen it, and now of course only I would be privy to that lovely birthmark of yours.” Ryan tried to lighten the mood. This was a huge shock to her, he could see but she blushed beautifully at his quirk.

  “Are you okay with this?’

  “I think so…”

  “Ready to go down?”

  “I supp
ose as ready as I’ll every be.”

  Jenny still felt overwhelmed with it all, went back down with Ryan he held her tenderly, she knew he wanted her to feel safe and secure in his arms, as they went to face the waiting family.

  By now Matthew and Brenda had told Reed, Susan, and Mary and Mike what they suspected. The rest of the family understood why Ryan would want to discuss this in private with Jenny and also allow Mathew and Brenda the privacy to tell the rest of them.

  Later sitting comfortably on Ryan’s lap, Jenny learnt, that one night her parents’ car was hi-jacked. Mathew and Brenda were simultaneously violently pulled from their car. Mary though only eight at the time was able to get the car door open and jump out of the speeding car and luckily came away with only a broken arm. But Jenny, then only three months old strapped in her car seat was taken away with the hi-jackers.

  Though Matthew spent a small fortune trying to find her, neither she nor the car was ever found.

  When Mary married Mike, Matthew decided to take Brenda to Australia for a while, where he had business interests, as he knew that she still hankered for their other little girl as he did, and he thought that a change of scenery would help them to finally accept the loss of their child. Not for one moment dreaming that on their return they would find her.

  Jenny marveled at the turn of events that brought her to Ryan’s gates that day,

  They all talked till late in the night, deducing that the hi-jackers or their accomplices must have decided to leave her at the orphanage.

  Jenny insisted that she have blood tests taken, just to make sure.

  Ryan instinctively knew that the blood test would prove Jenny was their lost child. Her dark hair and blue eyes were the same as her father’s.

  In the joy of discovering her family and her background Jenny also learnt her real name, not so far off from what she’d been named at the orphanage, Jane Smyth.

  And from now on she would be celebrating her correct birth date, for sure!

  Jenny and Ryan went to bed very late, in fact one could say, very early as they got to bed at about three am.

  Jenny couldn’t sleep from all the excitement she still had to absorb that her life had taken a turn forever.

  Ryan had hardly fallen asleep when he felt Jenny’s hand on his chest, turning to her he groaned, “Do you have energy for this now, my little one?” His arousal belayed his groaned question.

  “No, Ryan, it is not that, I think the baby’s coming.”

  Ryan was instantly awake, as he turned towards her; he saw her wince and then a groan come from her as a contraction took hold of her. Ryan helped Jenny dress, the au pair, Tracy was woken up to keep an eye on Andy, and then in the early hours of the morning Ryan sped to the Private Hospital.

  He stayed at Jenny’s side the whole time, and he agonized with her, her small hand squeezed his as her body tried to give birth to their baby.

  She’d been in labour for fourteen hours when Ryan told the doctor that he couldn’t stand it any longer to see his wife suffer like this, and what were they going to do about it. Their gynecologist assured Ryan that it was almost over.

  But he was wrong and three hours later Jenny was tearful and disorientated. She told Ryan she felt something was seriously wrong with the baby.

  The doctor called the pediatrician in, and they were then in an earnest discussion with Ryan.

  Jenny heard as the doctors spoke to him and he answered with no hesitation.

  “You do whatever it takes, but you keep my wife safe!”

  Jenny was going in for an emergency caesarian, the baby’s heart monitor indicated that the baby was in distress, and the mother was exhausted.

  Grabbing his hand Jenny held on for dear life.

  “Ryan don’t leave me, what about our baby, please Ryan don’t let anything happened to our baby.”

  “Jen Honey, the doctors will take care of you both.” He tried to reassure her.

  But just before the anesthetic kicked in, Jenny heard Ryan again telling the doctors.

  “There can be other babies, you must please take care of my wife. I cannot loose her.”

  Jenny came round, to such pain, the bikini caesarean section hurting as if someone had placed a hot iron on her, but her only concern was for their child.

  Jenny moaned in pain and asked Ryan, who was still holding her hand.

  “Our baby?”

  Ryan looked into her pain filled eyes, and told her, with tears in his eyes.

  “Jen my little one, she is beautiful, our little girl is fine, she looks just like you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Honey I stayed with you the whole time, I was with you when she was born, and yes, she is fine, and so are you.”

  “No I am not.” Seeing his look of concern Jenny quickly added, “Please get me something for the pain.”

  Ryan’s usual low deep voice bellowed down the Maternity Unit corridor, for a Sister, completely forgetting about the emergency bell he should be pressing.

  Daina Barnard was christened at three months, with all her family present including her ‘new’ grandparents Matthew and Brenda, and her proud Godparents, Mary and Mike.

  When the guest left, and the children were settled, the house was quiet and Jenny had Ryan exactly where she wanted him, laying under her on their bed, as she straddled him, his look of utter complacency she knew was going to be replaced very soon if she had her way, by raw desire.

  Ryan brought his hands up to cub her bouncing breasts, which were there for his sole enjoyment, now that Jenny had stop breastfeeding. He’d enjoyed having the pleasure of watching her with their daughter, this was something he did not share with Natalie, neither had he been present with Andy’s birth.

  “Ryan, you said that babies were my department?”

  “That I did my dear, but don’t tell me you want to start working on that already, you’ve just gone on the pill?”

  Hearing these words put aside any doubts Jenny may have had. Ryan did not have babies on his mind, when he took her to bed.

  “No, what I want to say is that as we have our son and our little girl, and as I want to finish my Child Psychology degree, and then also spend time with the orphaned children, I thought … what would you say if I said, no more babies?”

  “I would say … that as that is not the reason I married you, then this decision of yours would mean you are going to have more time on your hand, to give me all the attention and time I need, to explore the real reason I married you.”

  “Which is?”

  “Time in which to keep on showing you how much I love you!

  “Ditto.”

  Ryan then proceeded to do exactly that, while Jenny offered no resistance. She was after all exactly where she wanted to be.

  The End

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  Also by Linde Lean at www.midnightshowcase.com

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  Wendy wants more than just being Brian’s live-in mistress.

  She will do whatever it takes to make him realize that, even if it means not being much of a lady in his arms. Brian cares deeply for Wendy. When a crisis throws a dangerous curve in their romance, he’s soon chasing planes and racing against the clock to keep her in his life forever.

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  Visit www.midnightshowcase.com for information on additional titles by this and other authors.