Treasure Fever!

by Andy Griffiths

  ‘And did he go?’ said Newton.

  ‘Yes,’ said Jenny, nodding. ‘But when he got there he was wrongly accused of being a thief and was thrown in jail.’

  ‘Well, that’s a great help!’ said Jack.

  ‘That’s not the end of the story,’ said Jenny. ‘The police chief asked the man why he’d come to Baghdad and so the man told him about the dream. The police chief laughed and said he’d had a similar dream in which a man told him to go to Cairo where there was a white house with a courtyard and a fountain under which a treasure was buried. But the police chief said he was too smart to take any notice of dreams and he advised the man to do the same. The other man, though, realised that the house in the police chief’s dream was his own house, so when he got out of jail he went straight home, dug under the fountain and found a huge bag of money!’

  ‘Good for him,’ said Jack. ‘But I don’t see how that helps us.’

  ‘I do,’ I said. ‘The man went all the way to Baghdad looking for the treasure but the treasure was right in the place where he started. He never thought to look for it in his own backyard.’

  ‘Do you think it’s possible that whoever dug the treasure up from Skull Island reburied it in the same place?’ said Jenny.

  ‘I reckon so,’ I said. ‘What better place to hide a treasure from someone than in the very place that person has already looked? It’s the one place they could count on Greenbeard and his gang not looking!’

  ‘But that’s so devious,’ said Jenny.

  ‘We are talking about pirates,’ I said.

  ‘Pretend pirates,’ said Jack.

  ‘Pirates nevertheless,’ I said, firmly.

  ‘If you’re right, and it really is buried on Skull Island, then that narrows it down a lot,’ said Gretel. ‘But there’s still an awful lot of Skull Island to search. It could take months to dig it all up.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said. ‘But perhaps not if we think like pirates.’

  ‘If I was a pirate,’ said Newton, ‘I’d get a metal detector.’

  ‘Pirates don’t have metal detectors,’ I said.

  ‘Maybe not,’ said Newton. ‘But I bet Grant Gadget does.’

  ‘You’re a genius, Newton!’ I said.

  ‘Do you think so?’ said Newton, looking terrified.

  ‘No doubt about it,’ I said.

  ‘Does that mean I’ll have to leave Northwest Southeast Central School and go to Northwest Southeast Central School for the Gifted? But I don’t want to leave! I like it here! I’ll be lonely! I’ll—’

  ‘Calm down, Newton,’ I said. ‘I didn’t mean you’re actually a genius. It’s just an expression—’

  ‘So what are you saying?’ said Newton, looking even more alarmed. ‘That I’m stupid? That I’m going to have to go to Northwest Southeast Central School for the Non-gifted?’

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Newton,’ I said. ‘You’re already at it! All I’m saying is that asking Grant Gadget for help is a good idea.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Newton. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I’m not sure it is such a good idea,’ said Jack. ‘I’ve never seen one of Grant’s dad’s inventions actually work.’

  ‘It’s worth a try, though,’ said Jenny. ‘A metal detector that doesn’t actually work is better than not having a metal detector at all.’

  ‘I’m not so sure about that either,’ said Jack.

  25

  Grant Gadget

  ‘So,’ said Jenny, ‘are you going to ask Grant about the metal detector?’

  ‘Shush!’ said Mr Shush, coming up behind us.

  ‘Sorry, Mr Shush,’ said Jenny.

  ‘Don’t say sorry,’ said Mr Shush, ‘just be quiet!’

  Jenny nodded. ‘Okay, sorry,’ she whispered.

  Mr Shush rolled his eyes and then moved on to the next problem threatening the peace of his library: Clive was pushing the books on one side of the shelf so that the books on the other side were falling off onto Fiona’s feet.

  Typical Clive. The only thing he could think of to do with books was use them to hurt or annoy other people.

  ‘Well?’ said Jenny, as Mr Shush got busy with Clive. ‘Are you going to ask him?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I’m just waiting until Mr Shush is distracted.’

  ‘He’s distracted now,’ said Jenny, nodding towards Mr Shush, who was making Clive pick up all the books he’d pushed off the shelf.

  ‘Okay, okay,’ I said. ‘I’m going!’

  I got up and walked over to Grant.

  He was deeply involved in a book on robots. In fact, he was so deeply involved he didn’t even hear me say his name.

  I tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Grant!’ I repeated.

  He looked up, turned his head slowly, and blinked at me through his glasses. ‘What is it, Henry?’ he said.

  ‘I wanted to ask you a favour,’ I said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I was wondering if you had a metal detector that you could lend me?’

  Grant’s eyebrows rose. ‘What for?’ he said.

  ‘Oh, nothing,’ I said, ‘just some, you know, metal detecting.’

  Grant frowned. ‘You need to be more specific,’ he said. ‘What sort of metal?’

  ‘I thought there was only one sort of metal,’ I said.

  Grant shook his head as if he were an adult and I was a poor misguided child. ‘Oh, no,’ he said. ‘Metal comes in many different forms. Gold, silver, bronze, brass, platinum—’

  ‘I get the idea, Grant,’ I said, glancing over at the magazine area where Mr Shush was dealing with Penny and Gina who, as far as I could tell, had knocked over a magazine rack while they’d been prancing about on their imaginary horses. It wasn’t going to occupy him forever, though. ‘I want a detector that can detect all of them. Especially treasure.’

  ‘Treasure?’ said Grant. ‘What sort of treasure?’

  I hesitated, not sure how much to tell him. But I was running out of time.

  ‘Buried treasure,’ I said.

  Grant nodded knowingly. ‘I see,’ he said. ‘Well, that changes everything.’

  ‘It does?’ I said.

  ‘Yes,’ said Grant. ‘It just so happens that my dad has been working on a buried-treasure detector. I don’t want to bore or confuse you with the technical details, but it’s basically a super-charged metal detector that can detect treasure no matter how deep it’s buried.’

  ‘Wow!’ I said. ‘That’s exactly what we need!’

  ‘We?’ said Grant.

  ‘I mean I,’ I said.

  ‘You said we,’ said Grant. ‘Who else is involved?’

  ‘Just me and Jenny and Jack and Newton and Gretel,’ I said.

  ‘I see,’ said Grant.

  ‘Will you help us?’

  ‘I can,’ said Grant, ‘but at a price.’

  ‘What price?’ I said.

  ‘An equal share of the treasure.’

  ‘No way,’ I said.

  ‘Forget it then,’ said Grant.

  I suddenly had second thoughts. I wanted that treasure.

  ‘Way,’ I said.

  ‘Deal,’ said Grant. ‘I’ll, er, borrow it from my dad’s workshop tonight. Where’s the treasure?’

  ‘Promise you won’t tell anyone?’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ said Grant. ‘The eye is one of the most complex and delicate sense organs of the body. I’m certainly not going to stick a needle in it!’

  ‘All right,’ I said. ‘But you won’t tell anybody?’

  ‘Of course not,’ said Grant.

  ‘It’s buried in the school grounds,’ I said.

  ‘That’s a very large area,’ Grant said. ‘Can you be any more specific?’

  ‘I’ll be more specific tomorrow, when you show me the buried-treasure detector.’

  ‘Okay. Meet me at my locker at lunchtime tomorrow and we’ll go treasure huntin
g.’

  ‘Thanks, Grant,’ I said.

  I stood up, turned around, and looked straight into the eyes of Mr Shush.

  ‘Shush!’ he said.

  26

  The buried-treasure detector

  At exactly 12.04 the next day, we turned up at Grant’s locker.

  It was easy to tell Grant’s locker. It had a large red sticker on the front that warned: TOP SECRET!

  Grant was waiting for us. He looked at his watch. ‘Thirty-five seconds late,’ he said. ‘What kept you?’

  ‘Have you got the metal detector?’ Jack asked.

  ‘Not just a metal detector,’ said Grant. ‘A supercharged treasure detector! Turn around and I’ll get it out—and no trying to peek inside my locker, or the deal is off.’

  Nobody had ever seen inside Grant’s locker . . . though not for lack of trying.

  ‘No peeking,’ said Jenny. ‘Come on, you heard Grant, everybody turn around.’

  We turned around and closed our eyes.

  As much as we would have loved to see what stuff Grant had inside his locker, nobody wanted to risk the possibility of not finding the treasure in order to do so.

  ‘Okay, you can look now,’ said Grant.

  We turned back around and Grant was standing there holding a long silver pipe with what looked like a Frisbee attached to one end. There was a control box mounted halfway up the pipe. At the other end were two thin wires that extended up to a pair of headphones that Grant already had over his ears.

  ‘What’s that supposed to be?’ said Jack.

  ‘It’s the buried-treasure detector, of course,’ said Grant, talking very loudly. ‘We’re going to use it to find the buried treasure, remember?’

  ‘Quiet!’ I said, looking around to make sure nobody else had heard. ‘Not so loud, Grant!’

  ‘What?’ he asked.

  I lifted up one of his headphones. ‘Don’t shout!’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s the headphones. I can’t tell that I’m speaking loudly.’

  He removed them and looped them around his neck. ‘Well, what do you think? Isn’t she a beauty?’

  ‘No offence, but it looks like a pole with a Frisbee on the end,’ said Jack.

  ‘That shows how much you know!’ Grant huffed.

  ‘I think it looks amazing!’ said Jenny quickly, before Jack could respond. ‘Your dad must be so smart!’

  ‘I helped him, of course,’ said Grant. ‘But yes, he is a brilliant inventor. So are you going to show me where this treasure is or not?’

  ‘I thought you were going to show us,’ said Jack.

  ‘Jack,’ I said, ‘give him a break.’

  ‘I probably could find it without your help,’ said Grant, ‘but it might take a little longer. And besides, a deal’s a deal. I get a one-sixth share, right?’

  We all looked at one another and nodded.

  ‘Right,’ I said. ‘Come with us.’

  We walked up to the top of Skull Island.

  ‘It’s buried somewhere on this hill,’ I said, ‘but we don’t know exactly where.’

  Grant nodded. ‘Don’t worry,’ he told us, patting the buried-treasure detector and putting the headphones back on. ‘That’s where this comes in. Stand back. I’m going to turn it on. This thing is pretty powerful.’

  ‘What’s going to happen?’ asked Newton nervously, backing away.

  ‘What?’ said Grant. ‘I can’t hear you! I’ve got headphones on.’

  Grant pressed a button.

  We heard a loud squeal from the headphones.

  Grant tore them off his head.

  ‘What is it?’ said Jack. ‘Have you found the treasure? Or are you picking up signals from outer space?’

  ‘No,’ said Grant. ‘The volume was up too loud. It’s the first time it’s been used. It needs a little adjustment.’

  ‘A lot of adjustment, I’d say,’ said Jack.

  Grant ignored him. He tweaked a dial and put the headphones back on.

  This time there was no squeal.

  Grant began walking in slow circles around the top of the hill. He had a look of intense concentration on his face.

  ‘It’s working!’ said Jenny.

  ‘How do you know it’s working?’ said Jack. ‘He hasn’t found the treasure yet.’

  Suddenly Grant’s buried-treasure detector started to vibrate.

  The Frisbee clamped itself to the ground.

  Grant pulled the headphones off. ‘It’s down there,’ he said. He flashed a ‘told you so’ look at Jack.

  ‘Grab a stick,’ said Gretel, ‘and let’s start digging.’

  We did as Gretel suggested, attacking the hard ground with sticks.

  We gave it everything we had, but after five minutes of frenzied digging there was still no sign of treasure.

  ‘Are you sure it’s here?’ Jack asked.

  ‘That’s what the treasure detector indicated,’ said Grant. ‘And it’s never been wrong.’

  ‘It’s never been right, either,’ said Jack.

  ‘You’re just jealous,’ said Grant.

  ‘Hang on!’ said Jenny. ‘I’ve found something!’

  We looked.

  Her stick was definitely hitting a piece of metal. It didn’t look like a chest full of buried treasure, but it definitely looked like metal.

  She dug a little more and pulled out a small rusty disc.

  ‘Is it a coin?’ said Gretel.

  ‘No, even better,’ said Jenny. ‘It’s a smiley-face badge!’

  ‘And that’s it?’ said Jack. ‘That’s the treasure?’

  ‘My mum says a smile is priceless,’ said Jenny, as she happily pinned the badge to the collar of her shirt.

  ‘Yeah, but it’s not treasure, is it?’ Jack pointed out.

  ‘No,’ said Jenny. ‘But I think it’s a really good sign. Let’s keep looking!’

  Grant fired up his buried-treasure detector again. This time he got halfway down the hill before it started vibrating and squealing.

  ‘There’s something here,’ he said. ‘I can’t say whether it’s the treasure for sure, but it’s definitely something.’

  We got down and started digging again.

  This time we found an old whistle on a chain.

  ‘Probably belonged to Mr Grunt,’ said Jack.

  Mr Grunt is the sports teacher. He’s very fond of blowing his whistle.

  ‘Can I have it?’ said Newton. ‘I’ve always wanted a whistle. I can blow it if I get into trouble.’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, handing it to Newton.

  Newton picked the dirt out of it and gave it a blow. It still worked. And it was LOUD. Pretty impressive for a whistle that had been buried for who knows how long. But as impressive as it was, it wasn’t the treasure.

  Grant started waving his buried-treasure detector over the ground again.

  It only took a few minutes before it started shaking uncontrollably.

  Suddenly Grant fell to his knees, then slumped sideways onto the ground.

  Smoke began to pour from the control box. An amazing screaming noise came from the headphones.

  Newton started blowing his whistle. ‘Danger!’ he yelled. ‘Get back, everyone! Dangerous danger!’

  I had to hand it to Newton. He sure knew what to do in a crisis.

  Grant was still lying on the ground.

  Then the buried-treasure detector blew up with a loud bang.

  Grant sat up, dazed. He took off the headphones and rubbed his ears.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Jenny asked, kneeling beside him.

  ‘Guess it needs a few adjustments,’ he replied.

  ‘A few?’ said Jack. ‘I think it’s back to the drawing board on that one.’

  Meanwhile Gretel was on her knees, digging furiously in the spot where Grant’s buried- treasure detector had blown its top.

  ‘Hey, look at this!’ she said, holding up a small object. ‘It’s a key!’

  We crowded around her.

  �
��Can I have a look?’ I said.

  ‘Sure,’ said Gretel, handing it to me.

  I rubbed the dirt off the key and examined it closely. It had an engraving of a skull and crossbones on it.

  ‘It’s not the treasure,’ I said, ‘but it’s the next best thing. We’re definitely in the right spot.’

  ‘Right spot for what?’ said a voice over my shoulder.

  I slipped the key into my pocket and turned around.

  It was Fred Durkin, with Clive leering over his shoulder.

  ‘Yeah, McThrottle,’ said Clive. ‘Right spot for what?’

  ‘Testing out Grant’s metal detector,’ I said.

  ‘Is that all you were doing?’ Fred asked suspiciously.

  ‘That’s all,’ I said.

  Fred looked at me. ‘If you’re up to something, McThrottle, I’m going to find out what it is.’

  Gretel stepped in. ‘He’s not up to anything,’ she said. ‘Run away and play now, boys.’

  Fred just stared at her. ‘Come on, Clive,’ he said. ‘This is getting boring.’

  We watched them retreat down the hill.

  ‘It was lucky for them they left when they did,’ said Jack, punching his fist into his open palm. ‘I was just about to teach those two thickheads a lesson they would never forget.’

  ‘I thought you had sore fingers,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, I did. But that was yesterday. They’re better now.’

  ‘Right,’ I said, smiling. Jack was always so brave—once the danger had passed.

  ‘What now?’ Jenny asked, clearly relieved that the unfriendly encounter was over.

  ‘We’ve got the key,’ I said. ‘And I’d say it’s a fair bet the chest is not far away.’

  At that moment the bell rang.

  ‘Everyone meet back here tomorrow lunchtime, with shovels. And, remember, not a word to anybody!’

  27

  Who blabbed?

  The next morning it was raining hard. As I walked into the classroom, Gina and Penny came running up to me.

  ‘Henry,’ said Gina, ‘have you heard?’

  ‘Heard what?’ I asked.

  ‘About the treasure!’ Penny exclaimed.