Up for Forever

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “Really? That’s new.” He was right because I’d never brought my two worlds together. Flannery handled it like a champ but it still freaked me the fuck out. “How’d that happen?”

  “I went to see Kevin and Mom was there. With the guy I went to prom with.”

  “What?” His head snapped to me then slowly went back to the road. “What do you mean with?”

  “With. As in he wasn’t fully clothed.”

  Adam’s knuckles tightened over the steering wheel. “That’s so fucked up. Are you … ok about that?”

  “Pfff, I don’t care anymore.”

  He let it drop but even then I knew it wasn’t the last I’d hear about it. He’d want more and I needed to give him more if I ever wanted him back in my life. There was no time for that now because we got to the shop that had my car.

  And there she sat, broken and crumpled, looking exactly how I felt. At the very least, I was only left with the stitches on the side of my face, a bruise on my chest, and a fat lip on the outside. Looking at the car, it could’ve been much worse. Adam went over to the mechanic, shook his hand and fell right into tech speak that I didn’t understand.

  However, I went to the car because I had stuff in there that I needed to get out. A couple of books from the front seat, a bag with a spare set of clothes that I kept in the trunk just in case, and a couple of pieces of mail. Nothing overly urgent. All of which I shoved into the bag.

  “Is that everything?” Adam asked, coming up alongside his car right after I had dropped the stuff in the backseat with a relieved sigh.

  “I think so. What’d they say?”

  “Well, he looked it over and mechanically there isn’t much to do. The body shop needs to do up their estimate, then they’ll fax it to your insurance company. He said right now he’d guess you could pick it up on Friday. Monday at the latest.”

  “Great.” I sighed. I loved that car. A week wasn’t terribly long but I hated being without transportation. It wasn’t as bad in college because Adam was around to drive us wherever and there was public transportation everywhere. However, since Adam taught me to drive, I’d grown accustomed to getting myself around. “Do I get a loaner or what?”

  “Unfortunately,” his face scrunched up as if he knew I wasn’t going to like what he was about to say, “they don’t have one available.”

  “I guess I’ll rent a car for the week then.”

  On the way home we grabbed some Chinese food because I was starving then settled in on the couch. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised when Adam said he wasn’t heading home until Flannery and Cain got back. He’d said he told her as much when she called to check on me that morning. We also put on a movie that I couldn’t pay attention to because he was finally close and seemed happy to be there.

  There we were alone, relaxed, on good terms. There wouldn’t be a better time to explain to him what he wanted to know. How I’d become so fucked in the head to believe that nothing was forever. Relationships don’t work out and guys tended to ruin the women they once said they loved. Like my mom who is just a shell of the person I’ve heard she once was.

  “I lied to you.” My voice cracked under the weight of the truth I was about to speak.

  “About what?” Adam kept his attention on the television either not taking me seriously or not wanting to see me. I hoped it was the former.

  “When I told you I only have a brother.” This confused him. I could see it on his face, the way his eyebrows crunched down toward his nose and his eyes pierced whatever was left of the façade I tried to have in place at all times. My throat burned with the reality of telling him something I’d never told anyone, not even Flannery. She’d only heard part of it.

  “About ten years ago, we found out that my dad had someone on the side and they were about to have a baby. That’s the only reason he told her. Us. Since she was a friend of Mom’s I guess he figured better to tell us himself.” I took a long drink then sat up straighter. Adam had dropped his plate on the coffee table then leaned back running a finger over his lips as everything absorbed.

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow. It gets better. Well, worse. Mom started drinking and just kind of withdrew from life in general at first. She ignored me. Ignored Kevin. I’m pretty sure that if we didn’t have a housekeeper I would’ve starved to death. He was older. Better equipped to take care of himself. I was twelve and hadn’t learned anything about that stuff.” Another drink was needed to push the forming lump back down my throat. “Then five years ago this girl showed up at our house pregnant. By my dad. Again. He’d had two kids with the first woman and now … anyway, I went to school with her. She was a senior when I was a freshman so she was about twenty. That pushed Mom even further over the edge. We hardly ever saw my dad and she drank all the time.

  “Senior year was when the two of them slipped. See we were supposed to pretend everything was sunshine and rainbows and we’d pay the price if anyone ever found out it wasn’t. But each of them turned up at a parent’s event with a poorly concealed date. It was horrible. I was so—”

  “Ok, slow down,” Adam finally cut me off. The panic had risen so far that I knew I was babbling and lord only knows what I would’ve spilled if he hadn’t stopped me. Sliding across the couch, he took my glass and set it on the table then held my hands in his. My fingers spasmed with relief when the weight of the glass was removed. “What does this have to do with what happened with us?”

  Wow. I was really going to put it all out there for him at once. I had to because I might never be able to do it again. My eyes started to burn and water at the truth … at his tenderness.

  “It was everywhere, Adam. My dad … who knows how many times he cheated on my mom. All he taught Kevin is that women are disposable. Kevin paid for sex for God’s sake, just because he could. Then I started paying attention to everyone and everywhere I looked … it was all lies, all pretend. People didn’t love each other forever. They stayed together but did whatever the fuck they wanted to on the side. I never wanted that.” Sighing because I seriously needed some air, I took a moment before I told him exactly what all of this meant. The thing I hadn’t even told my best friend. “He destroyed her, Adam. Completely wrecked. And they destroyed me.”

  “Hey.” He leaned in close to my face. Closer than he’d been in a long time. “You are not destroyed.” When I scoffed, a little grin played on his lips. “Messed up, maybe. Deviant in all the right ways but not destroyed.” A hand cupped my non-injured cheek, his thumb ran over my cheekbone.

  “I don’t want to become her. I can’t.”

  His forehead dropped to mine and for a beautiful moment, we were breathing the same air. “You couldn’t become her, Kendra. You’re so strong that you could allow someone to love you and still be you. And I would never do that to you. You know me better than that.”

  My head nodded as I tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the tears from falling. It wasn’t an ugly cry by any means and I was able to recover rather quickly, but he still saw them when he pulled back to look at my face. The funny thing was, I no longer cared. Couldn’t be bothered to care if he saw me at my lowest. Held me at my weakest. The things that terrified me just weeks ago were nothing compared the fear of losing him forever.

  “I know you wouldn’t. That’s the realization that smacked me in the face when Ava told us about Jared. All these assholes out there and somehow I’d rooted out one of the good ones and then pushed him so far away I might never get him back.”

  “No,” he sighed, “you didn’t.”

  “I didn’t?” I tried not to let hope fill me but seeing his face, the gentle look in his eye, it proved nearly impossible. Relief rushed through me. It was cautious but still present.

  “No. I’ve just been waiting for you to figure out that I am one of the good guys.”

  “I’ve always known. I just … I just got in my own way for a little while.” No truer words had ever been spoken. I’d always known Adam wasn’t like all the others. That
he’d never do the things my father did. I just didn’t know I knew.

  Adam leaned back, pulling me with him. I didn’t want to be anywhere else other than snuggled up into his side and that’s where we stayed, mindlessly staring at the TV for a good long while. A lot had passed between us and Adam had admitted that it wasn’t too late. But we hadn’t agreed that we were back together. There were still so many questions, so much to figure out, but I still ached from the accident and wasn’t sure I could handle anymore truth that day.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  That night I asked Adam to sleep with me again. After a warning glare that told me not to get any naughty ideas, he agreed and we spent a lot of time talking about the things we’d missed in our time apart. I mean, it’s not like we didn’t know anything but it was nice to hear about his new job from him, the friends he was making, and I loved telling him about the big fat nothing that I’d been up to. Although he was surprised to hear that we’d already moved my stuff to my apartment. Cain told him about it. It shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did that I’d been a topic of discussion.

  “So these friends you’ve made … ” I nudge his arm in the darkness. His fingers were absently trailing up and down my arm. We hadn’t kissed since the night of my blunder but even this small contact made my heart beat just a notch faster. I wondered if he could tell.

  “Yeah?” he asked as if he didn’t know where the question was leading so I nudged him again slightly harder because I knew he was messing with me. “Well I have slept my way through the company already. I’m talking top shelf sex. Which has made the work day a little uncomfortable, but they’re all happy with it.” I couldn’t keep my body from shaking with laughter.

  “Ow.” I held my sore ribs. “You are an ass after all.”

  “But a different kind of ass.” The air around us turned more serious. I don’t know exactly how I knew it changed but it did. “There hasn’t been anyone, Kendra,” he whispered. “Not like that.”

  “Didn’t you want to with Ashley?” I said her name as perky as I could.

  His groan was more than enough of an answer. “Definitely not. But I do think she had our wedding planned.” She did. It was clear by the way she looked at him and what she said but that was neither here nor there. He wasn’t with her. He was in my bed with me.

  “One thing, though,” he said suddenly. My eyes had just closed but popped back open at the sound of his voice. Looking over I could see the outline of his body in the dim room. He was looking at me but his features were too dark to see. “We kind of jumped into this the first time. I mean we were friends then we went to Sam’s party and fell into bed. While I don’t regret that … I think I’d like to take it slower this time.”

  “Wait. Are you saying you want to date like normal people without the sex?”

  “Well, I’d like the sex eventually.” His deep chuckle came from his chest. “But is that okay with you? I just want to be careful. For both of us.” He sighed deeply. “What happened before? It broke my heart, Kendra. I don’t think I could live through that again.”

  At first, no words came out. They were there on my tongue but it took a minute to center myself enough to say them. I’d never really dated anyone. Sex happened pretty much right away if I was going out with someone and that never lasted. I wanted Adam to last. “Yeah. That’s ok with me.” But there was more. “Adam. Hanging out with someone when you’re having sex with them isn’t exactly the same thing.”

  “No. It isn’t.”

  Carefully, I rolled my body so that I was facing him, a feat made more difficult by all the protests my body assaulted me with, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Adam.” Silence followed. I would’ve given anything to be able to see what was going on in his head. That was the first time I’d ever said it like I meant it in a different way than I said it to Flannery, which was still rarely. Except maybe when I was drugged the night before but that could’ve been chalked up to meds and I didn’t want him to be confused in any way.

  “I love you, too.”

  Cain and Flannery came home Sunday afternoon and man, did that increase the pampering even though I was feeling better and my lip was already a lot less swollen. My progress didn’t stop Flannery from plying me with ice cream or trying to keep me on the couch. When I mentioned needing to rent a car, she scoffed and said I could use hers. And honestly, it made sense. If she wasn’t with me, she was with Cain and hardly ever drove hers anyway.

  Adam stayed as long as he could but he had a two hour drive ahead of him and work in the morning. He cleaned up our dinner mess, insisting that I stay seated, then squatted in front of me to check my injuries with gentle fingers, poking and prodding each spot, which were looking pretty good in my opinion. He was achingly careful with me, his eyes were even gentle as he pulled my shirt away to check the seatbelt bruise. I made him promise to call me if he got tired driving and when he got home either way. It was getting dark and would be for part of his drive and if my accident taught me anything it was that anything could happen.

  He promised, dropped a kiss to the top of my head, and told the others goodbye and left. I watched until the door closed. Turning, I found two sets of very curious eyes on me. Cain added that frustrating smirk.

  “What?”

  “I take it things went well this weekend?” Flannery couldn’t help the cheesy grin on her face. I didn’t hold it against her.

  “I told him.” Her eyebrows shot up. “Everything. Even the stuff I haven’t told you yet.”

  “Do I get to hear about any of this?” Cain threw out. I guess I’d assumed that Flannery would’ve told him already, and I was ok with that, but she hadn’t. She’d kept my secrets.

  But now it was time to get it all out. I replayed everything for them from the beginning so that he would have the complete picture. As I spoke, I also texted Sam so he wouldn’t be left out. I’d come to realize, especially more recently, that those four would be there for me no matter what. And I wanted them there. Aside from the occasional snickers due to Sam’s responses like “What a dickhead,” “No wonder you’re so weird,” and “Holy shit, did you just say there are more Kendra’s running around in the world?” they were all very supportive and appropriately outraged. All in all, my dad had five kids that I knew of but I hadn’t met the other three.

  “And?” Flannery pushed for more information.

  “Well … apparently we’re dating. Or we will be. Whatever.” Trying to play it off wasn’t going to work even with Sam via text. They see through it because they’d been watching me flap in the wind all summer.

  “Thank the fucking universe.” Cain threw his hands in the air.

  “Don’t be an asshole,” Flannery warned.

  “Me? Baby, please. I’m just glad things can get back to normal with these two mopes.”

  Even though it caused a little bit of pain, I threw one of the couch pillows at him, which only made him laugh harder and me groan with pain. The weekend of doing absolutely nothing but sitting, eating, and riding in a car left me wiped out. I could feel it to my still sore bones. Not long after Adam left I dragged my sorry butt to bed.

  I’d fallen asleep early and woke up to my phone ringing. It was only ten thirty so I felt like a loser but in my defense, I had been in an accident. That picture of Adam that I loved flashed on my screen.

  “You made it,” I answered, trying to erase any sound of sleep from my voice.

  “I woke you up.”

  “Nah, I’m just lying in bed.” He snorted to let me know he didn’t believe me.

  “Well, I won’t keep you but I wanted to let you know I’m home.” I heard a clunk then the sound of something shuffling before the loud slam of what sounded like a door. I couldn’t even imagine what he was doing because I hadn’t seen his place set up.

  “Mmmm-k.” That was all I had in me. I’d taken what I had determined would be my last pain medicine and that stuff knocked me right out.

  Over
the course of the week, I didn’t get to see Adam, not that I expected to. He worked a lot but we talked every day and texted late into the night. My days were spent taking care of anything and everything for the wedding. My face had earned me more than one “oh dear” from Linda and Adele and on Wednesday Adam insisted I send him a picture to ensure I was in fact healing. So I put on my best pouty lips and snapped away. That got me a “lol” and a request for a real one. Even I had to admit it was all looking pretty good.

  As I got ready for bed that night, my phone rang. I looked down to see an adorably sexy Adam. We’d talked earlier so it took me by surprise.

  “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

  “I need a reason to call you?” he countered.

  “Not really. I just thought there would be one since we talked earlier.”

  “Well, I do have a reason.” He chuckled. “I just wanted to see if you are available Friday night.”

  “For?” We’d fallen back into our comfortable way of bantering back and forth.

  “I thought we could go out. You know our first date.”

  “Hmmm … Well, I think every dating handbook says that asking for the date two days before said date is a no-no.”

  “Quit busting my balls, Kendra. I thought I was going to have to work late on Friday but we finished everything up, or we will before then. I didn’t want to make plans then have to cancel.”

  “I’m kidding. You could call me Friday morning and I’d still say yes.”

  The next thing he said was with a smile in his voice. He said he wanted to go old school. Dinner and a movie. Then he’d stay on the couch to take me to get my car Saturday morning. And I assured him that I saw a doctor and got my stitches out. As per the pic I sent, he could clearly see that my lip had completely healed. Just a small line where the split had been remained and that would fade into nothing. Basically, I was as good as new.

  After hanging up, I shook my butt across the room. If Adam wanted to take things slow, I could do that. All I wanted was him back in my life, in my bed, in my world. And everything had to be perfect.