Deja You

by Sandoval, Lynda

  “True.”

  “And then they’ll shoot a few games of pool as if they have no cares in the world. All while we sit at home, cranky and contemplating our swollen ankles and aching backs.”

  “Good point. Jerks.” She hesitated, then sighed again, ever the romantic. “Still, I’m madly in love with Brody, and despite his forays into the supremely annoying, he’s so good to me.”

  Erin thought of Nate. “I know what you mean.”

  Faith did a double take.

  “What?” Erin asked.

  A smug smile overtook Faith’s face.

  “What?” “I didn’t say a word.”

  Erin started shaking her head before she even uttered a sound. “Oh, no. Don’t go there. I so did not mean that I felt the same way about Nate. Don’t even think you’re reading between my lines.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You and Brody are married,” Erin enunciated, as they opened the front door. “Nate and I don’t even know each other.”

  “Whatever you say.” Faith paused, still looking smug. “But, you must admit, he is really sweet. Sure seems like a guy worth getting to know.”

  “Whatever you say,” Erin echoed, with sarcasm in her tone, although she secretly agreed. But, she’d never cop to it, no matter how much she wished they could just start over. After the way she’d treated him, no chance she would set herself up for more heartbreak.

  She glanced back at Boomer and Thug, nestled together on the dog bed. Boomer thumped his tail against the floor and Thug twitched his long whiskers, which made her smile. They were male, true enough, but at least they were neutered.

  “Have fun in your new temporary house, fuzzy guys. See you tomorrow.”

  Chapter 9

  They’d consumed mass quantities of excellent Mexican food and had each ordered a second beer delivered to the pool table they’d laid their quarters on earlier. It felt good to be out of the female crosshairs, enjoying uncomplicated male companionship for a while.

  Nate would always love Vegas, because it was home. But he had to admit, he’d felt really welcomed since his move to Troublesome Gulch. So far, the small town atmosphere suited him.

  He knew he had Erin to thank for that.

  Not that he had a clue how to thank her.

  Brody aimed his pool cue. “Eight ball, side pocket.” He leaned down for the shot, knocked it in cleanly.

  “Good game.” Nate offered a hand, which Brody shook.

  “Another?”

  Nate shrugged. “Why not? First night in a new place is always uncomfortable, and I’m thinking you’d be wise to avoid going home for a while yet.”

  Brody whistled through his teeth as he racked the balls. “This pregnancy thing. Man, it’s rough. My Faith was a perky, cheery little angel before it all hit. Now, some days, all Jason and I can do is walk lightly and dodge the direct shots.”

  Nate laughed. “I’m just grateful to finally be a part of it, mood swings and all.”

  “Oh, I am, too. But, it’s nice to have another guy to commiserate with.” Brody chalked his cue, then lifted his chin. “Go ahead and break.”

  Nate lined up his shot.

  Brody sniffed. “You know Erin would’ve told you sooner had she been able.”

  Nate raised an eyebrow. “You think?”

  “I’ve known the girl since high school, basically, although I’ve only gotten to know her really well in the past year. She’s solid.”

  Nate broke hard, sinking two stripes. He moved around the table looking for a new angle, but his mind was on the lines of communication about Erin that Brody had opened up. Nate had so many questions. He called his shot, missed, then stepped back toward the row of bar stools to give Brody room for his turn. After a long pull on his Corona, Nate braved it. “Can I ask you a question about her?”

  Brody, circling and scrutinizing the table, didn’t even glance up. “About Erin? Sure.”

  “Why was she so hostile toward me during the task force meeting? Couldn’t she tell I was more on her side than on the city manager’s?”

  “It wasn’t you.” Brody leaned down, lined up and knocked in a solid so crisply, he left the cue ball spinning in place at the mouth of the pocket. “I just don’t know that she can be objective about that stuff, buddy. Ever since she was burned so badly in our prom night accident, she’s pretty against recreational fire of any kind. It’s understandable.”

  Shock riddled through Nate. His fingers tingled. “Erin was burned? Where?”

  Brody froze, dismay moving over his expression. “Damn it. I assumed you knew. You two had…I mean, she’s…” He pantomimed a big round belly.

  Nate put it together. “Her abdomen is burned?” He clenched his fists, lambasting himself silently. That explained the long period of celibacy, the unwillingness to remove her shirt when they made love. It could even explain her belief that she wouldn’t be able to conceive in the first place.

  It explained a lot.

  God, he wished he could gather her into his arms right then, apologize, reassure her that everything would be okay. Not that she’d want his comfort. Brody still hadn’t answered.

  “Is that it?” he pressed. “Her abdomen?”

  He could see Brody silently chastising himself for the breach of trust, but it was too late now. “She was in that burn treatment center for months, I guess. I’ve never seen the scars, of course, but Faith says they’re extensive. You, uh, you didn’t notice them yourself?”

  “Well—”

  “Never mind.” Brody held up a hand. “I don’t need intimate details. You have to know, I didn’t intend to spill any secrets Erin didn’t want spilled. I’m feeling a bit guilty.”

  Nate sank onto a bar stool. “I’m feeling stunned myself. She didn’t say anything. To answer your question, no, I didn’t see any scars.”

  Brody studied him quizzically.

  “Long story for another night and many more beers. I mean, she said she had an injury, which is why she thought she couldn’t conceive, but—” He shrugged.

  Brody leaned on his pool cue, seeming to contemplate the situation. Finally, he nodded his head once, mouth in a grim line. “Listen. This isn’t my story to tell—”

  “Of course. I understand. Shouldn’t have asked.”

  “Wait. Thing is, I suffered through years of turmoil until Faith forced me to face my demons. If I can help force Erin face hers, no matter how pissed off she might be that I told you, it’s worth it.”

  “Yeah?”

  “As long as you have true feelings for her.”

  “Are you kidding? She’s having my baby.”

  “Changes a lot, doesn’t it?”

  “Sure. But, the truth? I’d have feelings for her even if she weren’t pregnant. She got under my skin like no other woman has in a long time.” Nate made a regretful face. “That’s between you and me. Erin doesn’t exactly know how I feel.”

  “Exactly?”

  “Okay, at all. The way it went down—” He shook off the thought. Nate drilled his new friend with a stare. “How about a deal. Man-to-man. I keep your secrets if you keep mine? For as long as it’s necessary.”

  Brody hung up his cue. “Let’s grab a booth.”

  An hour, the entire tale of the tragedy, and two additional beers each later, Nate sat back and shook his head, squeezing the bridge of his nose between thumb and finger. “I can’t believe everything the four of you survived. No wonder your friendship is so strong.”

  Brody nodded. “A crisis like that, man, it changes everything. Not just your life. Your whole life perspective. I can’t even explain it.” He hiked his chin. “If I didn’t have Faith to help me through the rough times, I’d still be floundering. I miss her sister, Mick, every single day. She was my best friend.”

  “You still feel responsible?”

  Brody hiked one shoulder. “I probably always will. But it’s lessened some. The guilt. I can get through a day, an hour. I feel like my life has purpose again, like Mick
would approve of me and Faith, and that’s something.”

  “What about Erin?”

  “I don’t know. It’s hard to get a read on her, as you well know.”

  Nate snorted, took a sip of beer.

  “She and Kevin were—” he shook his head, then twisted two fingers tightly together “—you know. That couple. The ones everyone knew would make it. I can’t lie to you, man. Losing him and their baby ripped out a big part of her heart and soul. She’s different now.”

  A combination of sympathy and envy assailed Nate, twisting his gut into a tight knot. He’d never be Kevin, didn’t even think he could halfway fill the man’s shoes in Erin’s eyes. Still, if only he could find a way to help mend her broken parts, he’d move the earth to do so. He wanted her to be happy.

  He wanted to be the one to make her happy.

  The story made her incomprehensible actions that night and the morning after fall neatly into place. If only he’d known. All the anger he’d felt after the task force meeting, the cutting words he’d used against her at the diner—she hadn’t deserved them. If only he could take them all back…

  He blew out a breath. “We made a lot of mistakes, Erin and I.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes. But, this baby—your baby,” Brody said, “it’s made a huge difference. As rough as the pregnancy’s been for Erin emotionally and on her job, it’s brought her out of a really dark place. You have to believe that.”

  Nate swallowed back a lump in his throat. “I don’t know what to do next.”

  “Persist. Be there. Help her even when she tells you to go to hell, which she will. Frequently.”

  Nate smiled sadly.

  “Call her bluffs, ’cause she’s an expert at them.” He took a big swallow, finishing his beer. “Erin’s tough as they come on the outside, which makes her damned good at her career. But inside? She’s just like the rest of us, Nate. Vulnerable. Looking for that forever safe place.”

  “What are the odds she’ll let herself find that place with someone other than Kevin?”

  Brody aimed the neck of his beer bottle across the table and sucked in one side of his cheek. “That part, my friend, is up to you.”

  Nate huffed. “In other words, I’m dead in the water.”

  “Don’t be so sure.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “Simple. Erin’s always been a hot commodity in these parts.” He flipped a hand. “I mean, look at her.”

  “Yeah.” Nate’s body reacted almost immediately. No doubts. The physical attraction? Alive and well.

  “But, the point is, despite mad interest, she never dated anyone. Not a single guy. Until you.” Brody let that sink in.

  Nate glanced away. “We didn’t exactly date.”

  “Maybe you should, then.”

  He squinted. “Ask her on a date?”

  “Why not?”

  As if it would be that easy. Wasn’t that like backtracking? First I’ll get you pregnant, then we’ll go out for coffee. There had to be something more. Something that would prove to her how much he respected her. He’d brainstorm the whole problem later. He rolled Brody’s idea around in his head. “A date, huh?”

  Brody laid his arm along the back of the padded booth. “I probably don’t need to remind you, but she’s carrying your kid. So, yes, ask her on a freakin’ date. What have you got to lose?”

  “Everything. That’s the problem.”

  Brody curled the edges of his mouth down. “Listen, I’m no expert on women, but I do know Erin pretty well. I’d say, if you want to be, you’re still afloat. Just keep paddling, brother. Keep paddling.”

  The next day, Erin felt the overwhelming urge to check on Nate, see how he was settling in. Now that he lived in her airspace, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She had way too much free time on her hands.

  She sat in her kitchen, on edge, and listened to one, two, three rings before Nate’s voice mail kicked in. She sighed, both disappointed and relieved by the reprieve. She waited through his greeting—where was he? As if she had any business wondering—but after the beep, her heart began to pound. Oh yeah, she had to talk.

  Coherently.

  Straightening her spine, she cleared her throat. “Um, hi, Nate. It’s Erin. Sorry to bother you.” Think, Erin. Think. “I just, uh, thought we might set up a time to get Boomer and Thug acquainted with my big lug of a dog, and—”

  “Hey, you,” she heard, after some scrambling. “I couldn’t make it to the phone in time.”

  She smirked, knowing a lie when she heard one. “Right, because your place is so huge. Screening calls, are we?”

  He chuckled. “Guilty as charged. I’m working on a new project idea. Figured I could return any business calls after my brainstorm ended.”

  “Don’t let me keep you then.”

  “No. No. It’s business calls I’m avoiding.” His voice dropped to a silky tone. “You, I want to talk to.”

  She smiled, surprisingly pleased by his words.

  “Is it okay to ask how you’re feeling?” he ventured.

  Erin cringed. “Listen, about yesterday. I can’t explain it, but sometimes that irritability just demands center stage. I’m not usually prone to such mood swings. It’s the whole pregnancy thing.”

  “No harm, no foul. Truly, you can feel however you want to.”

  She exhaled, releasing her pent-up worry that he’d decided she was an evil whackjob to be avoided at all costs. “Thank you. He was kicking me all day yesterday, which hurts. It really wears on you.”

  Silence.

  Her throat squeezed.

  They still didn’t know each other well enough to read silences. “What’s wrong?”

  “A boy? We’re having a boy?”

  “Oh, that.” She laughed softly. “I don’t know. Haven’t checked, and I kind of like the idea of being surprised. It’s just easier than saying he or she all the time.”

  “Gotcha.”

  “I’d tell you, Nate. If I knew.”

  “I appreciate that.” He hesitated. “So, which do you want? Boy or girl?”

  “I want whoever this little soul is. I just want a healthy baby. Sounds so cliché.” She smiled. “How about you?”

  “Same. Although, I won’t lie. I’ve been surrounded by so many females all my life, a boy would be cool.”

  She nodded. “I can understand that. Especially after what Faith and I put you through yesterday.”

  “Shoot, woman, that was small potatoes. When I was a clueless teenage boy, all my sisters had their periods at the same time. One week a month, I was the family whipping post, verbal and physical.”

  She laughed. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this. How can I ever look them in the eyes?”

  “Consider the positive side—I’m not afraid to buy any product at the grocery store, if you know what I mean.”

  “Bonus.”

  “So, about the beasts—”

  Back to business. “Yes. I’d planned to invite you three over now. But, you’re busy, and I’ve already taken up enough of your time.”

  “Actually, it’s not that. I’m going to talk to the condo association about their obsolete ‘no animals’ rule. I own the place—or will, as soon as we close. As I see it, I should be able to keep my pets as long as they aren’t unruly. Every condo owner should.”

  “Brave move. I wish you the best of luck, but if it doesn’t work out, my offer is open-ended.”

  “Thank you. I’d be lonely without them here, though.”

  “I know what you mean.” She glanced over toward Finn, snoozing tummy-up in a sunbeam.

  “If it all works out, what do you think about me hiring Jason to care for them when I travel? The kid obviously liked them, and he’s going to need money for college.”

  Her heart expanded. “Oh, Nate, that’s a great idea. Faith will really appreciate you putting your trust in him, and it will do so much for his self-confidence.”

  “Good. Good. I’ll call them l
ater.”

  They fell into a small silence, and she could hear him shuffling paper on the other end.

  “Well, you sound busy. I’ll let you get back to work.” Strange. She didn’t want to hang up.

  “Erin, wait. Does Troublesome Gulch have a decent-sized fairgrounds?” he asked.

  She blinked, surprised by the out-of-the-ether question, but glad to still be talking to him. “Sure. The county fairgrounds are here. Why?”

  “I’ll explain later. Can you show the place to me?”

  “When?”

  “No time like the present. There’s a free lunch in it for you if you say yes,” he teased.

  “Make it free ice cream, and you’re on.”

  “Are you sure? I’m not watchdogging you,” he assured, “but you told me you weren’t supposed to gain much weight.”

  “I know.” She groaned. “But I’ve been watching my diet so closely, I feel like one of those skeletal Hollywood starlets, and it’s making me cranky. I’ve held steady at nineteen pounds gained for so long now, I’m starting to feel safe. What are the odds I’ll blimp out in the last few weeks?”

  “Slim to none, no pun intended. You’re far too disciplined for that.”

  “I’m glad you agree. I’d never do anything to compromise this baby, but I think every pregnant woman deserves at least one serving of ice cream in a nine-month period. Don’t you?”

  “Absolutely. Ice cream it is.” He paused. “Can I pick you up?”

  For a split second, she started to suggest separate cars. But they were past that, weren’t they? Didn’t she want to be? She extended the small olive branch, hoping they’d sail over the hump on their way to true friendship. “Got a pen? I’ll give you directions.”

  The fairgrounds were absolutely perfect. A vast flat area flanked by a half circle of flatiron peaks. He itched to get home and draw up his plan, but despite the short time frame, he wouldn’t give up these stolen moments with Erin for the world.

  They sat atop a picnic table in a small park they had all to themselves near the center of town, a block or so from the ice-cream parlor. Dappled sunlight shone down on them. A light breeze swirled Erin’s dark hair.

  She groaned in pleasure at her first bite of ice cream, letting her eyes flutter shut. “Mmm.” She swallowed. “I’d kill for this stuff. I really would.”