Deja You

by Sandoval, Lynda

  Once they’d ordered and eaten, she sucked it up and spilled the whole story.

  Wasn’t easy, either, to say the least.

  As she neared the end of the explanation, her paper napkin lay in tatters on her lap, and her friends watched her with concern etched into their sober expressions. “The Millstone apartment fire just really brought it all back for me, I don’t know. No other fire has been like that. I think it was Suzette—”

  “Who is recovering nicely,” Brody said, “as is her beautiful, healthy baby girl.”

  She bestowed a quick half smile. “I’m glad. But that night, all I knew was she’d lost her husband. I was stupid, out of control.” She shrugged. “Nate was there, I was there. Just us in a hotel room, and…I started to think about Brody.”

  “Yeah—” he puffed his chest out playfully “—I have that effect on women.” He winked at her.

  Faith punched him in the arm.

  Erin forged ahead, ignoring his total guyness. “I mean, I’ve always claimed that I’d worked through what happened to us on prom night, but it’s not true. I’ve just honed the art of putting up a perfect front.”

  “Me, too,” Cagney said.

  “Me, three,” Lexy added.

  Erin regarded them sadly. “The truth is, my life had been at a standstill since I lost Kev. And the baby. The first baby. Brody had returned to the Gulch and done such a good job of working through his issues.”

  He curled Faith against his side. “Thanks to my lovely pregnant wife and the best in-laws a man could have.”

  She leaned up and kissed him on the chin.

  Erin and the others smiled. “You two. Anyway, in my desperate and probably not-so-rational analysis of the situation, I concluded that Brody had gotten on with his life because he’d taken one difficult step—moving back to the Gulch, no matter how terrifying.”

  He leaned his head side to side. “Pretty much true.”

  “See? So, I decided to take my one difficult and terrifying step. With Nate.” Heat suffused her whole body, and she rested a hand on her belly. She didn’t even want to know how red-faced she was. “I guess I don’t have to tell you what that step entailed.”

  “No, we get it,” Faith said.

  “And who knew,” she tossed off, her tone wry. “All that crap they pounded into our brains during high school health class was dead-on. You truly can get pregnant from just once.”

  “Aw, honey. No one blames you,” Lexy said. Her hair was red this month, an ultramodern cut, always the little siren. “None of us have any room to judge. You’re a grown woman. Besides, I’ve seen Nate Walker at the city building. That man is fine, fine, fine.”

  Erin cleared her throat, feeling itchy inside her clothing. “That was part of it, sure. He was the first guy since Kev to actually make me think…along those lines.” She choked back a wave of embarrassment. “But the night didn’t start that way, honestly. I was a mess, and he was only trying to help. He’s such a nice, genuine guy.”

  “No one’s implying he seduced you or took advantage of you in your time of weakness, if that’s what this is all about,” Cagney said.

  Erin nodded. “It is. Part of it. I’d been so scared for so long. But, I could never have done that with anyone who wasn’t…”

  Nate, she thought, with a lightning bolt of shock.

  She couldn’t have made love with any other man.

  That sudden insight shook her to her core.

  “I’d say he’s more than just nice,” Cagney interjected, her sandy blond hair in its neat, workday French braid, though strands of it had wisped their way out to frame her delicate features. She’d taken a lunch break in order to join them, still wearing her TG Police uniform. “I mean, he’s uprooting to a whole new state just to be an involved father.” She shook her head in amazement. “Not a lot of guys would go that far.”

  “I approve,” Faith said, raising a hand.

  Brody nodded. “Stand-up man, that Nate.”

  “You are my closest friends,” Erin said. She looked at each of them in turn. “I really wanted to tell you this, excruciating as it was, well, first, because of the blame issue. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to take sides.”

  “We don’t,” Faith said. “Truly.”

  “Good.” Erin readjusted in her chair. “But I also wanted to have this talk because I hope…” She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, feeling an unexpected surge of protectiveness toward Nate.

  “Hope what, Er?” Cagney urged.

  “I guess…that each of you will find a way to welcome Nate into the fold, too. I mean—” she held up her palms “—he and I are not a couple. Despite the baby. After the way I left things, trust me, that could never happen.”

  “Never say never,” Lexy sang, studying her manicure.

  Erin couldn’t even address that notion. “But, after all he’s sacrificing, I want him to have friends here, and you’re the best people I know. You have to believe none of this was his fault.”

  “It wasn’t yours, either. You were in a bad place, and you did what you had to do. But you have great instincts,” Cagney said. “If you welcome him, we’ll welcome him.”

  A chorus of agreements went around the table.

  “That said,” Cagney added, placing her palms on the tabletop, “I, unfortunately, have to get back to the old day-in, day-out grind.” She pulled a face. “But, if you want him to take over as your birth coach, all you need to do is tell me. I’ll understand.”

  Erin slashed her hands through the air. “No way. You are my birth coach. Period.”

  “Well…okay,” her quietly stoic friend said, unsure. “I’m absolutely here for you. But, if I may ask, what does Nate think about that?”

  Erin shrugged.

  “Erin?” Cagney pressed.

  “It, uh, hasn’t come up.”

  Lexy lowered her chin. “You’re due in less than eight weeks. He’s the father. It needs to come up.”

  “I know, I know. And when it does, I’ll deal with it. Promise. No more running. But I need Cagney with me in the delivery room. And, before I confront anything about the actual birth, I need to get past the fact that he’s moving here. Tomorrow. Oh, my God.” She waved a hand in front of her face, breathing rapidly.

  Lexy maneuvered her wheelchair closer to Erin and leaned forward to hug her. “We love you, you big dork. We’re just trying to help. Stop depriving your fetus of oxygen.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “No one cares that your pregnancy is the result of a one-night stand. The baby has seemed to make you happier, and I, for one, just want you to be happy.” The tiny little firebrand glanced around at the table of friends. “I want you all to be happy, since any unhappiness you might feel, as we know, is my fault.”

  “No, it isn’t, Lex. Let it go, already,” Cagney said, scraping back her chair to stand. “We make our own joy, we make our own sorrow.”

  Lexy brushed her off. She’d always blamed herself for the radical changes in their lives, discounting the fact that her change—at least physically—was the most extreme by far.

  Cagney leaned down to kiss Erin on the cheek. “I’ve really got to go. It’s all good, girlfriend. Nate’s a good guy. Your baby’s healthy. Your friends love you and so does your family. So, don’t worry. It’ll all work out somehow.” She winked at the others and left the restaurant.

  The remaining friends moved their chairs in closer.

  “Speaking of tomorrow, Jason and I still plan on helping Nate move in, whenever he rolls into town,” Brody said. “Any idea when?”

  “None. Sorry.”

  “Does he have my numbers?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll help, too,” Faith said.

  “Like hell you will,” her husband said, giving her a dark glare. He aimed a similar one at Erin. “If I catch either of you lifting or moving anything, I’ll have Cagney handcuff you inside her car for the duration.”

  “Well, we want to be t
here,” Faith said. “We’re pregnant, not helpless, for God’s sake. This isn’t 1812. We can at least provide refreshments.”

  “Fine. You can be there.” He pointed at Erin. “Keep my wife a minimum of ten feet away from the coffeemaker. She still can’t manage to brew a pot of joe that isn’t pure, choking poison.”

  “Deal.”

  Faith scrunched her nose at Erin. “Traitor.”

  Erin shrugged in apology. “Your coffee sucks, Pip. We can’t lie, because we love you.”

  Lexy laughed.

  Brody raised his brows at Faith. “And you, keep Erin from working. We all know how she is. If she so much as unpacks one pillowcase, I will rat her out to Dr. Kipfer and the fire chief, with not an iota of guilt.”

  “Geez, you play dirty, Austin,” Erin said, amused by his overprotectiveness. She had to admit, it felt good to be cared for. Sometimes. She sipped her lemonade, a huge burden lifted from her shoulders.

  “Damn right I do.” He grinned, then turned to Lexy. “And your task, little one, is to keep the city running smoothly tomorrow while the finest of TG’s finest are busy, okay?”

  She rolled her big, green eyes. “Duh, Brody. Don’t I always?”

  “That, you do.”

  “I may not have made it to my coronation ceremony on prom night, but never forget, I will always be the queen of Troublesome Gulch.” She laughed. “Wow, I’m a legend in my own mind.”

  The moving in went smoothly enough, though the day ran painfully long. It seemed as if Nate hadn’t brought much. Erin didn’t know if that was because he lived simply due to all his traveling, or because the whole situation really was temporary to him, despite what he’d claimed. Worry set her on edge regardless.

  That, and raging hormones.

  She hated the freakin’ things.

  PMS had nothin’ on pregnancy.

  When they’d finished situating all of Nate’s stuff, Jason, Brody’s and Faith’s foster son, sat on the floor playing with Boomer and Thug, and Brody and Nate engaged in some mind-numbing, irrelevant sports prattle, getting along fine, no worries whatsoever—damned irritating males. Erin and Faith hovered on the outskirts tentatively. Like…okay, guys, what next? Frankly, going home seemed like a grand idea.

  Erin’s jaw clenched. She desperately yearned for some alone time and a much-needed nap. Plus, she could tell by her friend’s pinched expression that Faith’s back hurt, an issue she’d suffered from since her first trimester.

  Faith wouldn’t readily admit to her pain, though. She was too nice for her own good. One palm pressed to her lower back, she smiled stiffly at the guys. “So, we’re done. That wasn’t too awful,” she lied, in a pathetic attempt at hint dropping.

  Erin snorted, not caring if she sounded unladylike.

  Brody glanced at Faith. “How about we all head over to our house for dinner, babe? Nate’s pantry isn’t stocked yet, and a home-cooked meal sure would be a great welcome tonight.”

  Inside, Erin groaned. Brody and his big mouth. Friend or not, she so wanted to smack the guy. God knows, he probably wasn’t offering to whip up a welcome meal, and she darn well wasn’t going to stand by and watch Faith slaving away. “Actually, we might as well have dinner at my house,” she said, throwing a subtle stink-eye Brody’s way.

  “You don’t have to cook for me.” Nate smiled at her. “Thanks, but restaurant food is a staple in my life. Besides, I’m sure both you and Faith are tired.”

  She appreciated his perceptiveness about their exhaustion, as Brody didn’t seem to have clue number one. However, she still felt unduly peeved that Nate had considered, even for a moment, the notion that she might stand before a hot stove on his behalf. Or anyone’s, for that matter.

  Nearly eight months pregnant in summer—hello!

  “Oh, trust me, I’m not cooking. We can order out. But we do need to get Boomer and Thug settled. I wouldn’t mind having everyone there in case Finn suddenly decides Thug looks like dinner instead of a new furry pal.”

  Jason’s head whipped up, one hand protectively stroking Thug’s back. “Dude, that’s cold. Ain’t no way you should let Finn eat this rabbit. He rocks, ’specially his name.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t let him—”

  “Don’t call Erin ‘dude,’ Jase,” Faith interrupted, sounding as though she were balanced, tiptoe, on her last nerve. “It’s disrespectful. I’ve told you that a million times.”

  Jason had always hated disappointing Faith. He ducked his reddened face. “My bad. Ms. DeLuca.”

  “Ugh,” Erin said, rolling her eyes. “You can’t call me that, either. It makes me feel ancient. And fat.”

  “Uh, fat?” Jason cast a confused, pleading glance toward Brody.

  “Don’t worry, buddy.” He sent the teenager a reassuring wink. “Pregnant women are known to be virtually incomprehensible.”

  “Shut up!” Erin and Faith said, in stereo.

  “My God, Brody!” Faith’s eyes flashed. She planted her fists on her hips. “That’s what you want to teach him about women? That we’re irrational because we’re carrying your children?”

  Awkwardness descended as a WWE match between Venus and Mars unexpectedly ensued. It might be two against three, but the men were hormonally outclassed, in a pro ball versus Little League sort of way.

  “Ah…I’m sorry?” Brody ventured.

  “Is that a statement or a question?” Faith asked.

  “I have a better idea,” Nate interjected, in as light a tone as it seemed he could manage while venturing into the danger zone. He smoothed his palms together a couple times. “Boomer and Thug are fine here tonight. They’ve always been quiet. No one will know the difference. Why don’t you ladies take the evening off. Relax in a testosterone-free environment.”

  “Sounds like bliss,” Erin said.

  “More like nirvana,” said Faith, with a sigh.

  “Or heaven,” said Erin.

  “Then, it’s settled. Brody, Jason and I will head off for some food and get out of your way.” He glanced toward Brody, who eagerly nodded.

  “Don’t forget, I’m supposed to spend the night with Gramps,” Jason said, referring to old Mr. Norwood, who used to own Brody and Faith’s A-frame and had become an integral part of their little patchwork family. “He scored the newest Xbox game, so I have to kick his butt at it a few times before he works on his skills. Dude has way too much time to practice. It’s not fair.”

  “Perfect,” Brody said, grabbing the escape rope from the hormone hell pit he’d unwittingly fallen into. He tried to match his tone to Nate’s, but sounded a bit too saccharine, as though carefully addressing homicidal maniacs. It didn’t help his case.

  “Babe, we’ll drive you and Erin home, drop Jase at Herman’s and then Nate and I will make ourselves scarce. Sound good?”

  “Whatever,” Faith snapped.

  “Don’t bother. I can drive Faith home,” Erin said, holding up one palm as Brody opened his mouth to comment. “And if either one of you even starts to say that I shouldn’t be driving, I can’t be held responsible for my actions. You’d better just get out while you can.”

  Eyes round, Jason shot to his feet and backed away from the women. Brody clamped a hand on his shoulder. “Son, a wise man simply listens to a pregnant woman and does what she says—”

  “Preferably without comment,” Faith added, pointedly. She ground her fist into her back. “God, I need a heating pad. And a margarita, but ha ha, joke’s on me, right?”

  Concern furrowed Brody’s forehead. “Does your back hurt, babe?”

  “Of course her back hurts. She’s carrying twenty-five extra pounds up-front, for God’s sake,” Erin barked, pointing toward the front door. “Stop asking idiotic questions, Austin. Go!”

  All three men scurried off.

  “We’ll lock up if that’s okay, Nate,” Faith called after them. “Erin can give you the spare set of keys tomorrow or whenever.”

  He held up both hands in acquiescence, saying nothing. S
mart man. When the guys closed the door behind them, as quietly as possible, Faith and Erin exhaled simultaneous sighs of relief and exasperation. Then, unexpectedly, they looked at each other and burst out laughing. Hard.

  “I hate men,” Faith said, when the hysteria had subsided. She wiped tears from her eyes.

  “I hear you. Such an annoying breed of human.”

  “And clueless? Geez.”

  “Completely.”

  “I never realized just how clueless until I got pregnant. ‘Babe, why don’t we all have dinner over at our house,’” Faith said, mimicking her husband’s voice. She bugged her eyes at Erin. “What was that?”

  “That was Brody being Brody. You’d usually melt at how sweet he was being.”

  “Sweet, schmeet. I wonder if I have a cheesecake in the freezer?”

  Erin smoothed a palm over her belly. “Ready to go? I’m exhausted. The baby’s been kicking the crap out of me all day, and I’m so over it. I’m hoping a bath will zen him out.”

  Faith palmed the extra set of keys from the coffee table. “More than ready. I want a cup of tea, a heating pad and silence. And, so help me God, there’d better not be one single sock or pair of boxer briefs on my damn floor, or those guys are in for it.”

  That sent them into hysterics again, until they were both crossing their legs and holding their bellies. Once they’d pulled themselves together, they staggered side by side toward the door. Erin hugged Faith around the shoulders. “It’s so comforting to go through this insanity with someone who really gets it.”

  “I know.” Faith chuckled, then blew out a sigh. “Although even I don’t get it sometimes. I’ve got to snap out of it. That whole exchange with Brody felt like an out-of-body experience.”

  “Yeah, I kept waiting for your head to spin around,” Erin said, in a wry tone.

  Faith grimaced. “I suppose we were a little hard on them, you know?”

  “Eh, screw it.” Erin flicked her fingers to the side. “They’re probably going to devour big plates of greasy Mexican food—”

  “And my margarita,” Faith said.

  “Like they possess such good taste. Please. They’ll drink beers.”