Deja You

by Sandoval, Lynda

  He tucked his chin. “To Kevin?”

  She nodded again, hating that she had to voice this part of it at all. Nate deserved so much better.

  “Because I want to take you out on a date?”

  “No.” She met his gaze directly. “Because I really, really want you to take me out on a date. And I want to keep sleeping in your arms like I have been. And whenever you touch me, all I want is more.” She held up a hand. “Post-pregnancy, of course.”

  His lips twitched with amusement. “Of course.”

  “Is that wrong?” she finished, in a wavery whisper. “I swore I’d never feel a thing for any other man again. I feel like such a liar.”

  “Aw, honey.” He pulled her back into an embrace. “It’s difficult to be the survivor. But we can’t control our feelings. Maybe…just maybe…Kevin would want to see you happy.”

  “But it breaks my heart that you’d feel like second place in any way. I want you to be happy, too.”

  “Then say yes. Being with you makes me happy. It’s enough for now. Truly.”

  “Even when I stand here, pregnant with your baby, and tell you I feel disloyal to a boy I loved who’s been…gone for almost twelve years?”

  “Yes.”

  She took in a deep breath. “Well, then, go ahead.”

  “Go ahead?” he asked.

  “You haven’t actually asked me out yet.”

  “Oh. That. Thanks for the reminder.” He readjusted his stance, preparing. “Erin DeLuca, would you please be my July Fourth date?”

  She eased away enough to meet his gaze. “July Fourth? Don’t you have to work?”

  “I called in my VisionPlex and FogScreen experts.” He smiled. “This next week I’ll be working hellish, exhausting hours pulling the whole gig together, don’t get me wrong. But on the day of the show? All I have to do is sit back and bask in a job well done. With you. If you agree, that is.”

  She angled her head to the side, her expression growing serious again. “No promises, okay? And we have to take things slowly. I’m skittish, Nate, and I’m…not whole. In so many ways.”

  “Whatever you need. I mean that.”

  “In that case, I’d love to be your date.” She smiled cautiously up at him.

  “Excellent.” He kissed her forehead as though this kind of affection were second nature to him now, then went back to packing up his equipment. For a few moments, they enjoyed a comfortable silence. “You know, Brody thought you might want to kill him for accidentally spilling your secrets.”

  “Months ago? Probably.” She twirled a lock of hair in her fingers. “But if he hadn’t told you, I don’t know that I ever could’ve.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. The night of the Millstone fire, after it had all hit me but before I met you, Brody assured me things would get better. I couldn’t see how, and I asked him for help. So, it’s on me.” She hiked one shoulder. “I owe him.”

  “He’ll be relieved to hear that.”

  “Nate, I have to tell you one more thing.” She cut her gaze away, unsure if she could go on. She wasn’t quite as brave as Brody yet.

  “Tell me.”

  Could she? Yes. She had to. He deserved some consideration, too. She lowered her chin, regarding him through her lashes. “I’ve told you before, but it bears repeating. I didn’t intend to get pregnant. You know that. You believe me, right?”

  He nodded.

  Her heart pounded so hard, the baby started to squirm in protest. “But, since it happened, you also have to know…really know, right here—” she pressed her palm to his chest, right over his heartbeat “—that I’m so glad the baby is yours. I am. I couldn’t ask for a better father for my child. For a better man, period.”

  He searched her face for a long time, then reached over and tucked her hair

  behind her ear, running the backs of his fingers along her jawline before letting the caress drop away. “You know what? We’re going to be okay, honey. No matter what happens between us.”

  “Are you sure?” she whispered.

  “Sure enough for both of us. For all three of us,” he amended, laying his palm on her belly. “That’s plenty for now, yeah?”

  She smiled, grateful. “Yeah.”

  Chapter 12

  The alternative fireworks show was, naturally, a massive hit. Walt Hennessey took credit for the whole thing, but Nate had seen enough of his kind to anticipate that would happen. He didn’t care. As long as the show made Erin happy, the rest didn’t matter.

  In addition to the whole town and residents from nearby towns, representatives from Denver’s major media outlets had shown up. The positive press they’d receive for thinking environmentally about the fire danger would definitely give Troublesome Gulch a bigger pin on the Colorado map. The fact that Nate had had a hand in making that happen swelled his heart with pride.

  He sat on a blanket with Erin cradled against his chest. Brody and Faith had joined them, as had Lexy. Mr. Norwood accompanied Jason and a couple of his friends, and they sat just a few yards away.

  Cagney was on duty—she always seemed to be on duty—but she stopped by to say hello, which they all enjoyed.

  They’d indulged in fried chicken and biscuits from the Pinecone—grilled, skinless chicken skewers for Erin with fresh fruit—and now they simply basked in the aftermath, enjoying the music.

  “You’re a miracle worker, Nate,” Faith said. She eyed Erin sitting comfortably in his arms. Pointedly. “And not just because that was, bar none, the coolest Fourth of July celebration the Gulch has ever seen, if you know what I’m saying, and I think you do.”

  “Let it go, Faith,” Erin said softly.

  Faith held up her hands. “I’m not pushing, Erin, except…it almost makes me cry to see you looking so happy. It’s all I ever wanted for you. That’s all.” She mimed pulling a zipper over her lips.

  To his great pleasure, Erin didn’t protest. If anything, she snuggled closer. To him that said she was happy enough to not hide their burgeoning relationship from her friends. But he didn’t want to read too much into anything at this point. He just wanted to enjoy every moment.

  “I agree with Faith,” Lexy said. “And, on that positive note, I have to go. I promised to cover part of the graveyard shift in dispatch.”

  “You work too damn much,” Brody chastised.

  She simply shrugged. “My work gives my life purpose. I love it. You know that.”

  “Wait, Lex, we’ll walk you to the parking lot.” Faith ran her palm against Brody’s face. “We should go, too. I’m exhausted, and I have to work in the morning.”

  Brody immediately got to his feet and offered a hand to his wife. “What my babies want, my babies get.”

  Faith winked at Erin. “He’s so trained, girl.”

  Everyone laughed.

  After a round of goodbyes with the new friends he’d already come to treasure, Nate found himself blissfully alone with Erin. He slid his arms around her and laid his palms gently on her belly. Putting his lips close to her ear, he whispered, “I swear, I could hold you like this forever.”

  She squirmed languidly against him. “Man, I wish I weren’t pregnant right now.”

  His body stirred. He nipped gently at her earlobe.

  “Stop with the ear thing. You’re driving me crazy.”

  “You know,” he said, in a slow growl, “pregnant women can—”

  “Not this pregnant woman. Sorry.”

  He chuckled softly. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He snuggled her in closer. “I won’t lie, Erin. I want to make love to you so badly, it’s painful.”

  “I want it, too. Just not yet. It’ll be a while now.”

  He groaned. “I need a cold shower.”

  “Typical man, one-track mind,” she said, in a teasing tone. She eased her way out of his embrace, despite his protestations, and started to gather up the trash from their picnic dinner. “We should probably go, too.”

  “Wait. I have something
to tell you,” Nate said.

  Her hands stilled. After a moment, she glanced up.

  “Don’t look so scared. It’s nothing awful. Well,” he added ruefully, “nothing too awful.”

  “What?”

  “I’m afraid the Walkers are descending. I held them at bay as long as I could.”

  Her eyes widened. “Your family?”

  “Every last bossy, estrogen-packed one of them, and they will come bearing baby gifts. Be forewarned. You might want to rent a storage unit.”

  “Oh, God, I’m scared.” She laid a hand at her throat, then laughed. “Then again, I can’t wait. When?”

  “Day after tomorrow. So, I’ve been meaning to ask you, which hotel in town is best? My place is way too small for the four of them.”

  “Nate, they’re family!”

  “I know, but you’ve seen the condo. They won’t be comfortable packed in like sardines.”

  She sat back on her knees, biting the corner of her lip. “What if they stay at my place? I have a guest room that’ll sleep two, and my living room couch folds out. That’ll sleep the other two.” She shrugged. “It’s not private, but it’s better than a hotel. And if it’s too awkward, two of them can take my bedroom and I’ll stay at your place with you.”

  “Now, that sounds like a plan.”

  “Oh, you.”

  After a moment, he reached out and took her hand. “You’d really put my family up in your house?”

  “Of course, silly,” she said, softly. “They’re sort of my family, too. Connected by the little one, of course.”

  It hit him right then, like a Louisville Slugger to the skull. He loved this woman.

  Loved her. With every fiber of his being. Not because they’d created a baby together, either. He’d fallen headfirst in love with Erin DeLuca, simply because of who she was.

  Gulping back the knowledge, he went for stern. “You will not play hostess. If you so much as lift a finger—”

  “I won’t. I’m way too exhausted these days.” She rubbed her tummy. “I honestly wonder if I’m going to make it all the way to my due date.”

  “Not to worry. They’ll wait on you hand and foot—I’ll make sure of that.”

  She laughed. “And I’ll gladly let them. Call them. Tonight. Now, if you have your cell phone.” She nearly bounced with excitement. “Tell them they’re welcome to stay with me, if they’d like. And I can’t wait to meet them.”

  He whistled low through his teeth. “You don’t know what you’re in for, honey.” He unclipped the cell phone from his waistband. “But, okay, you asked for it.”

  All the Walker siblings were on the tall side and had Nate’s dark hair and turquoise eyes, except for Colette, a petite and surprisingly natural ash blonde with a heart-shaped face and bright green catlike eyes. All of them were stunning beauties, at least in Erin’s estimation.

  Their arrival had been a flurry of chatter and laughter, bear hugs and belly touches. Everyone talked over each other, and no one lost track of any conversation threads. Erin felt a little awed and overwhelmed by all of it, but not necessarily in a negative way. She wasn’t used to big families, but she found herself so grateful that her little son or daughter would have aunts. And someday, maybe uncles and cousins, too.

  After the initial onslaught, Flannery, Piper, Colette and Nate went to unload the SUV. Erin and Nate’s mother, “call me LeAnn,” sat in the Adirondack chairs sipping lemonade, with Finn snoring at their feet.

  Despite her heartfelt desire to relax, tension hummed inside Erin, pulling her shoulders taut. She wanted them to like her, to approve. But there were things she needed to say, and she was determined not to lose her nerve.

  “You have a lovely place, sweetheart,” LeAnn said, in a casual tone, taking it all in. “It’s no wonder my Nate didn’t hesitate to move here.”

  This was it. Her chance. She cleared her throat. “Ms. Walker—”

  “Ah—” the older woman held up a hand “—LeAnn, remember?”

  “Right. Sorry.” She smiled tightly. “Anyway…I just wanted to say…well, it’s difficult.”

  “What’s on your mind?”

  Erin exhaled. “I honestly didn’t mean to get your son tied up in this mess. I hope you know that. I even offered him an easy out.”

  LeAnn barked a laugh, then reached over and covered Erin’s hand with her own. “I don’t mean to laugh, but my Nate would never take an easy out.”

  “I’ve learned that since.” Erin smiled. “Still, please, accept my most sincere apologies. I don’t want you to think badly of me.”

  LeAnn turned and studied her. “Sweet child, let me tell you something. Any mother would want to see her child married and blissful before starting a family, that I won’t lie about. But Nate has never done anything the easy or expected way.” She shook her head. “I don’t know the details of how this whole thing came about, and I don’t need to. You’re both grown adults. Just know that Nate has been happier since he moved to Troublesome Gulch than I’ve seen him in years, and mind you, he’s a generally happy kid. That’s saying something.”

  Erin nodded, amused to hear Nate referred to as a kid.

  LeAnn leaned closer. “Listen here. You’re the mother of my first grandchild. Do you know what that means?”

  Erin swallowed, then shook her head jerkily.

  “You’re family, from here on out. Period. No inquisitions, no judgments, no nothing. It’s the way we Walkers operate.”

  Erin breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m so…well, glad seems such an inadequate word.” She shrugged. “I know Nate and I aren’t your traditional parents, but we’re both going to love this baby, and I’m so grateful he will have you and the girls as his family.”

  LeAnn quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t want any more apology talk, hear? Family is family, no matter how it comes about. The girls and I are thrilled about the baby. And Nate?” She lifted her eyes heavenward. “Over the moon.”

  “He’s an incredible guy.”

  “Yes, he is. And I take full credit.”

  “You should. I told him his mother should be proud of him that—” she gulped “—that first night we met.”

  LeAnn eyed Erin sidelong. “To hear you talk about my son, I just have to be nosy. Is it simply that you don’t want the married life, sweetie? Not that it’s any of my business, but believe me, I’d understand.”

  “It’s not that.” Erin sighed. “It’s complicated.”

  “Well, there’s time. Things have a way of working themselves out the way they should.”

  “Thank you, LeAnn. For being so…nonjudgmental. And for raising such an amazing man. I couldn’t ask for a better man to be the father of my baby.”

  “You’re absolutely right.” LeAnn nailed her with an unwavering look, her tone light but pointed. “Keep that in mind when you’re facing all these so-called complications, sweetheart. Okay?”

  Erin dropped her gaze.

  “Now, enough of my not-so-subtle hints that I’d like to see you and Nate together in a more permanent way.” LeAnn laughed out loud. “To the nitty-gritty, and I’m sure Nate warned you I’d ask. I’m a registered nurse and a four-time mom myself—not the least bit squeamish. So? How’s the pregnancy been so far? As Grandma-to-be, I want all the gory details.”

  The Walker women took time to rest and unpack, while Erin and Nate left to pick up food.

  “How’s it going so far?” Nate asked warily.

  “Your family is amazing. I love them already.” The deep yearning to be a part of them shocked Erin to her core. She hadn’t wanted to be a part of a family this fervently since Kevin’s.

  Again with the guilt.

  Nate smiled, turning into the pizza place. “That, they are. If it helps any, they love you, too. And this after only knowing you for a couple hours. But I could’ve predicted that.”

  Erin demurred. “It’s only because I’m carrying their grandchild-slash-niece or nephew. Otherwise I’d just be one woman in a long
line of them, I’m sure.”

  “I’m not going to waste time being offended by that last comment.” Nate huffed. “When are you going to give yourself a little credit?”

  She crinkled her nose. “I’m not sure I deserve it.”

  Their pizzas were probably ready and waiting, but Nate killed the ignition and angled to face her. “You and Brody.” He shook his head sadly. “Don’t tell me you blame yourself for the prom night accident, too?”

  “No, not really. But…there’s Kevin. Sorry. Plus, I feel like I roped you into this makeshift family thing, and you’re just too nice to say so. It’s not a good feeling.”

  A beat passed.

  “How am I going to get through to you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I wouldn’t want to be having a child with any other woman, Erin. I don’t want any other woman in my life. Can’t you see what you’ve come to mean to me?”

  She studied him quizzically, then reached out to hold his hand.

  “I could fall in love with you in a split second,” he said, in a silky-rough tone. “Lord knows, I’m half-crazy in love with you already.”

  Her chest warmed, but she brushed him off. He didn’t know what he was saying. “Don’t be silly.”

  “I’m not. I’m holding back in deference to you—period. But I think you’re the most amazing, beautiful, complicated, intriguing woman I’ve ever come across, and I want to go on record right this minute saying, I’m ready and waiting whenever you’re ready.”

  “And waiting?”

  He pulled her toward him. “Honey, you won’t have to wait for a second. All you have to do is say the word.”

  “Nate,” she said, on an exhale.

  “It’s true.”

  Her throat squeezed. “Kiss me. I need you to kiss me.”

  He hesitated for only a second before maneuvering closer to her. Cradling her face in his hands, he kissed her gently, butterfly kisses.

  “Kiss me like you mean it, Nate.” She lowered her tone to a purr. “I know you can. I know I’m gross and huge and pregnant, but kiss me like you want me.”

  His gaze deepened, and he released a half laugh, half groan. “You’re neither gross nor huge, although I’ll concede, you are pregnant. And, just FYI, I do want you.” He threaded his fingers into the back of her hair and did as she asked, exploring her mouth with his own, trailing kisses down her neck and across her collarbone.