Deja You

by Sandoval, Lynda

  Still, she had to try.

  She gripped the wheel as the car screeched toward the empty oncoming lines and the mountain that flanked them. She couldn’t hit that. Overcorrecting, she turned the car, tires squealing to the other side where it dipped off the edge of the road into a ditch.

  She held her breath and prayed though the jolting and crunching, the sounds of breaking glass around her, until finally the vehicle came to rest on its side.

  Eerie silence filled the car.

  She’d struck her head hard on the driver’s side window, and it took her several moments to shake off confusion, to get her bearings. A second blinding labor pain helped the process along. She reached up to touch the side of her head and pulled away bloody fingers. So, what now?

  She fought back panic, knowing she could handle herself in an emergency like this. She did it for a living, for God’s sake.

  First step, get help.

  Glancing around, she caught sight of her purse splayed on the splintered passenger side window currently pressed against the gouged earth. She flailed for it, but it was just out of reach.

  Fear set in, icy and raw. She struggled to squelch it. No matter what, she was not going to give birth to her baby in a crashed car with no one around. Scared or not, she absolutely had to keep her wits about her.

  Carefully loosening her seat belt without actually unlatching it, since she didn’t want to fall, she managed enough slack to hook the strap of her purse with her fingertips, wrenching her shoulder in the process. Cringing against the new pain, she pulled the purse toward her, then dug inside for her cell phone. Relieved to have a signal, she pressed in 9-1-1 with shaky, bloody fingers.

  “Troublesome Gulch 9-1-1, what is your emergency?”

  “Lex?” she said, through gritted teeth and the onslaught of another contraction.

  “Erin?”

  Consumed in the pain, she couldn’t speak.

  “Erin! What’s wrong?”

  The agony eased, and she sucked a breath. “I, uh, had a little accident.”

  “What do you mean?” her normally calm, cool and in-charge friend asked, clearly alarmed.

  “I mean my car’s in a ditch on it’s side, and I’m in it. Dangling from my seat belt. I hit my head.”

  “Is the baby okay? What are you doing out driving, for God’s sake? You could’ve called any one of us.”

  “I had something I needed to do. Alone. But now I need help.” Her voice shook. “Please tell me Brody is working a rig tonight.”

  “He is. And so is your crew at Station Eight.”

  “Thank God. Can you send them? All of them?” She provided her exact location.

  “Stay on the phone with me, understand?”

  Another contraction hit, and Erin couldn’t speak. They seemed to be hitting closer together than they should at this point.

  “Erin? Erin?”

  “I’m here. Hurry,” she said, her voice choking.

  “Everyone’s going code three.”

  “Wait. One other thing, Lex.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m in labor.”

  “Oh, God. Are you bleeding?”

  It was the first time Erin had ever heard Lexy lose her cool in an emergency. She peered down. “Just from my head. It’s okay. The baby’s okay, I think. He or she just wants out. Soon. Please, please hurry.”

  “You know we will.” She covered her mic and said something to her partner. “Dane has already dispatched, and they know who their patient is.”

  “Tell them to drive carefully.”

  “Hang in there, doll face, okay? I am right here with you and I’m going nowhere.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” She sucked a breath and held it through another fierce contraction. When it ended, she said, “Lex? I’m scared. The contractions are too close together.”

  “I’m right here, hon. It’s going to be fine.”

  “Can you call my parents?”

  “Dane’s on it.”

  “Tell them—”

  “I know what to tell them. I have the phone tree.”

  “Cagney’s my coach.”

  “I know, sweetie. Stop worrying. Let us worry. You just try to relax so your baby can, too. Remember your breathing, okay?”

  “Okay.” She gulped back her rising panic. “Can you also call Kevin’s parents?”

  A pause. “Really?”

  “It’s a long story for later, but yes.”

  “Done.” Erin could hear Lexy’s fingers typing lightning fast. “How painful are the contractions?”

  “They suck.” Erin tried to laugh. “Lex, can you do one more thing for me?”

  “Anything.”

  “Can you call Nate? He should be at my house, but use his cell phone, just in case.”

  Lexy blew out a long breath. “I was hoping you’d say that. Of course.”

  “Tell him—” she gulped “—tell him I love him.”

  Lexy’s tone softened. “You can do that when you see him. Okay? You’re going to be just fine.”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you lose consciousness when you hit your head?”

  “No. At least, I don’t think so. But I’m bleeding.”

  “Right. Listen, you know how head wounds bleed. You’re going to be perfect, Erin,” Lexy assured her, all her normal confidence regained. “And, hey, you’re going to be a mom.”

  “Yeah, wow, huh?” Erin focused on her breathing, listening as the sirens moved closer. “I always wanted to be a mom,” she said, sniffling a bit.

  “Funny how things work out, isn’t it? Stick with me, sweetheart. The cavalry’s almost there.”

  Chapter 14

  Nate burst through the doors of High Country Medical Center’s Emergency Department, still unable to feel his extremities. His lips were numb, his brain buzzed. Fear nearly blinded him. His mom and sisters flanked him as he whipped a glance this way and that. He knew she’d come in by ambulance. “Mom?”

  “Stay right here.”

  Flannery, Colette and Piper surrounded him while their mother strode purposefully to the desk and calmly explained their situation to the charge nurse. Thank God for Mom.

  Nate had always heard that certain phone calls could cut ten years off a person’s life in an instant, but he hadn’t believed it until now. If he lost Erin—

  “Damn it, I never should’ve left her today.” He clenched his fists. “She’s been saying for a week that she didn’t feel like she’d make it to her due date.”

  “She’s going to be okay, Nate,” Flannery said.

  “I can’t lose her, Flan.” He searched his older sister’s face, gulping back his surging emotions. “Or the baby. I love them so much.”

  “We love them, too,” Piper said. “Nothing bad is going to happen. I just know.”

  His sisters wrapped him in a hug.

  His mom returned, all efficiency, no stress. “Labor and Delivery. Fifth floor. Come on.”

  He grasped his mother’s arm. “Did they say how she was doing?”

  “Of course not. We’re going to find out.”

  The five of them rushed to the bank of elevators, and Colette pushed the button. They stared up at the display as all six elevators took their sweet time descending to the lobby floor—Murphy’s Law.

  “Come on, come on,” Nate snapped, feeling as if he might explode.

  His mother faced him, grasping both of his biceps to give him a little shake. “Nathaniel Walker, take a deep breath and pull yourself together this minute. The woman you love is about to give birth to your child. My grandchild. You need to be strong for her, understand?”

  “I am.” Deep breath. “I will.”

  Ding! They all whipped toward the doors until they saw the ones with the indicator light glowing over them. In a pack, they pushed their way into the empty car before the doors had completely opened.

  Again, Colette pushed the button for the fifth floor. Repeatedly. After an eternity, the doors eased shut, and the car began
to ascend. When the doors opened onto floor five, Nate saw Brody and Faith pacing in front of the nurses’ station. Nate couldn’t read his friends’ faces. Brody turned to the nurse. “Here. This is the baby’s father.”

  “How is she?” Nate demanded.

  Brody clasped a palm on his shoulder. “She’s fine. Good. She has a slight concussion and a few stitches in her head, but labor’s going well. That’s what matters at this point. Not the head.”

  Nate sagged with relief. “I want to see her.”

  “Of course,” Faith said, taking his hand. “Come on. She’s in room twelve.”

  She ushered him forward a few steps, then he whipped back. “Mom?”

  “Go, son. Your sisters and I will be in the waiting room whenever you need us.”

  He nodded.

  At the door he hesitated. “Listen,” he told Faith, expelling a breath. “I’m sure you know Cagney’s her birth coach.”

  “Yes. But I know she wants to see you. She’s been asking for you constantly.” She tried to pull him in.

  He held her arm. “Wait. I haven’t seen her burn scars, and I’m not sure she wants me to during the birthing. I promised her I’d wait until she’s ready. Can you go in first? Tell her I’m here and just…make sure?”

  Faith smiled. “Of course, sweetie.”

  He flicked his hands to hurry Faith along.

  She’d only been in the room for a moment before she emerged with a smile on her face. “Come on in, Daddy.”

  His eyes widened. “Already?”

  “No, no. You haven’t missed anything.”

  He nodded. Digging down deep for some inner calm, he entered the room. Erin was on the bed, all covered up. The side of her head was swollen and bruised, a bandage covering what was surely the stitches. His heart clenched. “Honey.”

  She glanced over, tears rushing to her eyes. “Come here.” She held out her arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m okay, really.”

  He reached her bedside in two long strides, bending down to cup the uninjured side of her face and kiss her deeply. “I’m so glad you’re not—You really are okay, right?”

  She nodded. “They gave me Tylenol for the head. Oh, and an epidural. Let me say, I’ve never been so happy to see such a frighteningly long needle in my life.”

  He gritted his teeth, warring between the need to be there for her completely and the need to apologize. “I should’ve been there with you.”

  “You didn’t know. How could you? I didn’t even know.”

  Cagney hovered uncertainly on the other side of the bed. “Hey, listen.” She aimed a thumb over her shoulder. “I can leave if you’d like, Erin. Now that Nate’s here.”

  “No.” Erin held tightly to Nate’s hand, but reached out for her friend’s, too. She beseeched Nate. “I want you to stay, Nate, like I told Faith. I have so much to tell you—”

  “Later.”

  “Yes. Anyway, I hadn’t planned it this way, but I guess this will be the great unveiling of my hideous scars—”

  “I don’t care about your scars.”

  “I know.” She gulped. “But I do. I’m scared out of my mind.” She flashed a grateful smile at Cagney. “So, on that note, is it okay if Cagney stays for the birth, too? For moral support?”

  With his elbows resting on the side bars of the gurney, Nate smiled tenderly. “You can have absolutely anyone you want here, love. Of course it’s okay if Cagney stays. She’s your birth coach. I’m just the hapless father.”

  They all laughed.

  “I’m just going to dash out and update the crowd, okay?” Cagney said, clearly psyched that she would still be able to witness the birth.

  “Hurry back,” Erin said.

  Once they were alone, Erin took both of Nate’s hands into her own. “I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. My parents are on the way, but it’ll be a while. I told them all about you,” she rushed to add. “I’m sorry it wasn’t until now. I thought I had more time.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Also, this is harder to explain, but Kevin’s parents are on the way.”

  He peered down at her curiously.

  “It’s part of the long story for later, and I hope my instincts were correct. I asked them to be the baby’s godparents.”

  “Oh, honey.”

  “Please understand. They lost their only son, Nate, and any chance of being grandparents. I just thought—”

  “Baby, stop. It’s perfect.”

  “Really?”

  He squeezed her hand. “And truly. You’re the most giving person I’ve ever met. I expect they were thrilled?”

  “Beyond,” she whispered. “I told them you’d support the decision. I told them—listen, this is one part of the long story that I can’t wait to tell you. I don’t want to.”

  He opened his mouth to speak.

  “Wait. Let me get this out before another contraction hits. They’re not excruciating now, but I can still feel them.”

  He inclined his head.

  “Nate Walker, I’m in love with you. Completely. Totally. I love you more than anything.”

  “Erin,” he whispered, in wonder.

  “It took a weird dream and a long-overdue visit to make me realize how much, but I’m sure. And before this all gets ugly, I have something I want to ask you.”

  “Anything.”

  She searched his eyes. “Will you marry me?”

  He barked out a shocked laugh, but warmth ran all through him. “Hey, isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

  “I didn’t mean to steal your thunder. I just can’t go through this whole birth thing not knowing. Besides, who says we have to do things like the rest of the world? Conformity is overrated.” She smiled. “A really smart guy told me that once.”

  His heart expanded more than he ever thought possible. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. It’s not like we’ve done anything the normal way from the very beginning, so why start now?” She held up a hand, pausing through a contraction, then expelled a breath once it had eased. “But, the bottom line is, I haven’t truly lived for twelve years, Nate. Then you came into my life and filled up all the empty spaces in my heart. Kevin will always have a place there—”

  “As he should.”

  “Yes,” she whispered in a fervent tone, “but I love you. I see it now, so clearly. You’re the man I’m supposed to be with, and our baby is the one fate intended me to deliver and raise.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to do it without you.”

  “Aw, Erin—”

  “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t think to get you a ring for the proposal. I was too busy crashing my car, getting a concussion and going into preterm labor. I hope that’s not a deal breaker.”

  He chuckled. “That’s where I draw the line.”

  She inhaled. “You’re saying no?”

  “Of course not. But I will get you the ring.”

  Her eyes widened. “Does that mean—?”

  “Yes. One hundred percent. Because I can’t imagine spending my life without you, either.” He leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips. “I love you, Erin DeLuca. And I’d love to be your husband more than anything in this world.”

  Tears filled her eyes and rolled down into her ears. “Yay, me. I’m going to be a mommy and score the man of my dreams. I rule.”

  Cagney returned, glancing from Nate to Erin, then back. “What’s going on?”

  Nate gave her a wry smile. “Erin proposed to me.”

  “And he said yes!”

  Reserved, stoic Cagney started sniffling. “I’m so, so happy for both of you. It’s absolutely perfect.” She rounded the bed and wrapped Nate in a bear hug, then leaned down and kissed Erin on the cheek. “You done good, kid.”

  “It’s not over yet.” She grimaced. “There’s still this delivery thing to contend with.”

  As if on cue, the nurse whisked in. “Let’s give you another chec
k, honey. See how close you are.”

  Fear paled Erin’s complexion. “Nate?”

  He leaned closer to her face. “I’m going to look right here, into your beautiful eyes. Okay? There’s no need for you to feel like a specimen on a table. When you’re ready for me to look, you tell me.”

  “Okay.”

  The nurse did her thing, then pulled off her gloves, dropping them into a nearby trash bin. “Miss Erin, it’s time for you to have this baby.”

  “Really?” Erin’s voice shook with nerves.

  “Really.” She raised her brows at Nate. “Time for you to get gowned and gloved, Daddy, if you’re planning to stick around.”

  “He is,” Erin insisted.

  “Okay,” Nate said, nervous, too, but more excited than anything. He started to follow the nurse.

  “Wait.” Erin grabbed his hand.

  He turned to her.

  She blinked twice, the trepidation clear in her eyes. “I want you to see them first. The scars.”

  He cocked his head. “Honey, look, there’s plenty of time for that later. You don’t have to do this now.”

  “Yes, I do. Because I want you to see our baby come into this world, and you won’t be able to if you aren’t allowed to look at my body. Please.”

  “They’re not as bad as you think, Er,” Cagney said, in her kind, reassuring tone.

  Erin smiled at her friend. “Will you pull the blanket down, Cag?”

  Cagney did so, then moved discreetly to the other side of the birthing room to give them privacy.

  Erin squeezed her eyes shut. “Okay. Just do it.”

  With careful, gentle fingers, Nate raised the hospital gown. Erin’s burn-scarred flesh ran from just beneath her full breasts all the way down to her pelvis. Extensive, sure, but all he saw was beauty.

  He saw strength.

  He saw a survivor.

  He smoothed his palms gently over her body, then leaned down and kissed her, just over the baby.

  “Well?” she choked out, eyes still clamped shut.

  “Do you want to know what I see?”

  She bit the corner of her bottom lip, hesitating. Then eased her eyes open and nodded.