Hold On 2

by Tabitha Levin

  “I’ve applied for a new job,” says Lauren. “I have an interview next week.”

  “An interview? That’s great. Who with?”

  The smile that she had earlier grows bigger and she leans in close to me. “T9 News.” She squeals excitedly. “Their entertainment reporter.”

  “That’s brilliant!” It is. Working in television is Lauren’s dream job, and while entertainment reporter isn’t as hard hitting as she’d like, it would help her career immensely. “Have you told your boss at the paper yet?”

  She screws her nose up. “Are you kidding?”

  “What if he gives you a bad reference?”

  She laughs and tosses her hair back over her shoulder. “Then I’ll tell everyone what a small dick he has.”

  “But he doesn’t, you told me it was huge.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “Who says I have to report accurately when it comes to dicks?”

  Chapter 7

  Lili isn’t here. I’m ready to tell her to get the hell out of my apartment, but she isn’t here. I’ve worked up my courage all afternoon, each time going over the words I want to say, the actions I want to take, but right now I won’t get the satisfaction of following through with my plan.

  Ethan however is home. He’s sitting on the couch with a beer bottle in one hand and the television remote in the other flicking through channels, not settling on anything for more than a few seconds. It’s grating on my already frazzled nerves.

  “I’m going to tell Lili to leave,” I proclaim. “I want her gone tonight. The sooner the better.”

  I expect him to say something back to me, but he doesn’t. However I do notice that his hand shudders slightly as he lifts the remote to change another channel.

  I walk over to him and sit on the armrest, my chest pushed forward. “What power does she have over you?”

  His lip twitches and he switches off the television and slowly turns to face me. “She has no power over me.” He shakes his head as if to emphasize the point.

  “But she does. She’s still here after you said you’d get rid of her this morning.” I know I’m acting accusatory, I’m not meaning to, but I want to know why he hasn’t followed through with his promise.

  “It’s complicated.” The dark mask I know so well settles back on his face. “She’s not here right now.”

  He’s trying to deflect my questions, but I’m not giving up. I’m too worked up not to continue trying to get answers. “You said you made a promise to her father. What was that promise?”

  Ethan stands up and places his half-finished beer on the coffee table. I can see the blood pulsing through the veins on his arms and can tell he is trying to keep himself under control. “Don’t push this, please Sarah, don’t ask me about what I promised. I was a different person then.”

  I take a deep breath. “I know you’re different. I know you’re not the Ethan Collier from the past. But if we are to continue what we have together then I need to know what I’m dealing with right now.”

  He moves closer to me, runs his finger across my bottom lip, and then caresses my cheek. His hands are warm and immediately I begin to melt from his touch, but I steel myself. This is what he does to confuse me. This is how he tries to distract me. “I can handle Lili; give me time to make a plan. I’m not playing her games.”

  I frown even though I want to yield. “Where is she now?”

  He shrugs. “I’m not her keeper. We can take advantage of her not being here.” He leans over and runs his lips across my neck. My body comes alive with sensations. He knows I like this. I do. If I let him continue, I’m not going to want him to stop.

  “Ethan,” I pull away reluctantly. “Ethan, I want her gone. I want this… this…” I struggle to find the right words to describe what’s happening when I don’t understand and instead clench my fists to express my frustration. “I want whatever is happening between you and her to be over. I don’t want her in your bed. I don’t want her watching us have sex. I’m not used to this, whatever is going on.”

  He pulls his hand through his hair and leans back. “I know. I know it isn’t fair that you are a part of it by fucking me.” He lowers his eyes to the ground. “We can stop you know. We can stop fucking if you like.” He lifts his eyes back to mine and leans forward again, running his hand over my breasts through my clothing until my nipple hardens from his touch. “But I don’t want to stop fucking you, Sarah. I love fucking you. It’s like your body is made for mine. I’ve never come so hard with anyone else I’ve been with.” He moves his hand down my side and across to belly, circling lower and lower. “And I know you feel it too. We are made for fucking each other.”

  I whimper weakly. It’s both not what I want to hear and everything I want to hear. He loves fucking me, but does he love me? I know it’s too soon to even think about the L word, but I want him to feel more about me than just sex. I can’t separate the two.

  “Are you fucking anyone else?” I blurt out the words before I become too lost to his touch. I need to know if I mean anything to him at all.

  “Fucking anyone else?” Even though the words catch him by surprise, he doesn’t take his hands away from my body. He continues to caress me through my clothing and I know I’m weakening. “I told you I don’t fuck people I don’t have a connection with. I need to know they are with me and me alone.”

  “Yes I know, but are you fucking anyone else? Do you have a connection with someone else other than me?” Someone, say, who happens to be sleeping in your bed?

  He chuckles, grabs my hand, and places it on his pants. I can feel his hard cock through the fabric. “I don’t need anyone else. You are all I need. Your body satisfies everything I want.” I groan as he begins to rub my clit through my clothing. “Forget about everything else and let me fuck you hard, Sarah. Right now, right here.”

  “Yes.” I fall into his kiss and let him take me away from my thoughts. I don’t care anymore about anything except letting Ethan bring me to orgasm. The answers I seek from him can come later after I’ve calmed down. The best way I know to calm down is to lose myself in Ethan’s hands. He wants to have me, and I want to have him. Why fight it? Especially right at this moment.

  Chapter 8

  There is no slow buildup tonight to get me to full arousal, but I don’t need it. I knew as soon as Ethan said the words you are all I need that I was lost to him again.

  “Yes,” I moan as he rubs his sheathed cock against the entrance to my sex. “Yes, Ethan, I want you to fuck me.”

  I’m bent over the armrest of our couch with my skirt hiked high and my underwear discarded. He is holding my hips and has already licked me into a horny frenzy. My clit is throbbing to be touched again. I’d do anything he asked right now. I’m his.

  “Tell me that my cock is all you need.”

  “Your cock is the only thing I need. I want it inside me. I want it pleasuring me.” I don’t care that I become someone else when I’m with Ethan anymore. It turns me on when I hear myself say words that I wouldn’t dare in regular conversation. All my inhibitions evaporate when I’m in this state and I can say whatever I feel. I’m safe with him.

  “Jeez, you’re fucking hot,” he says as his cock enters my body in one smooth movement. “You’re the best fuck I’ve ever had.”

  And he’s mine. I know my experience is lacking, having only ever been with one other man, but I don’t need anyone else now. Ethan is all I need.

  I pull back so I’m upright, Ethan behind me. His hand snakes around my bare flesh to the front and he tweaks my nipples as he moves inside me. I arch my back and adjust my hips so he can push further into me as he moves slowly and deeply.

  He’s stretching me tight at this angle, the tip of his cock pressing against the sensitive wall inside me with each thrust. I close my eyes and reach backwards so I can touch him as he pleasures me. I groan as he moves slower, taking his time with smooth measured movements. He feels so good I don’t want it to stop.

  His war
m breath is heavy on my neck as he kisses and nibbles my flesh and I moan in response. I can tell he wants to go faster but is holding back for my benefit. He’s waiting until I’ve come before he takes me how he likes it. He can sense what my body needs now.

  “Ethan, I’m close,” I whisper breathlessly. “I’m nearly there.”

  “So am I,” he replies. “Let’s come together.”

  He moves his hand lower and circles it over my clit as he thrusts stronger. A few more movements like this and I’ll be shouting his name out loud. I don’t know how I’m going to hold off and wait for him to climax, but maybe I don’t have to.

  I can’t hold off. Every cell inside me is beginning to peak in an excited frenzy.

  “Ethan,” I cry out. “I’m about to…” I don’t need to finish the sentence as my body spasms into satisfied ecstasy.

  Like he promised, he comes at the same time. Feeling him release himself inside me into the condom makes my orgasm stronger, or perhaps it’s just the fact that he wanted to come together. As one.

  He holds me tight so I don’t fall as we regain our breath, kissing softly down my neck and over my cheek in a loving caress.

  I turn my head so I can capture his lips on mine and we can enjoy this moment of satisfied euphoria together. He nibbles my lips hungrily.

  Eventually we pull apart and he leaves to discard the condom. I’m left naked on the couch, enjoying watching him as he walks naked around the room. I feel satisfied, but not completely. I still have a nagging question I need answered.

  “Ethan, you said you liked fucking me.”

  He turns his head and grins. “I love fucking you.” He walks back over and rubs his palm over my shoulder and down my arm.

  I smile and lean into him. “I like having sex with you, too,” I admit. “But that’s not all it is for me. It’s not just sex.” I know I’m pressing him again for an explanation for what we are. I don’t want this to be just casual sex. Even though it’s too good to give up, I want more from him.

  He lowers his head and lifts my chin until I meet his gaze. “You know I like you. It’s more than sex for me, too. Stop worrying.”

  It’s what I want to hear but I can’t help feel I want more explanation from him. A few days ago, telling me he liked me would have been enough, it was then, but now with Lili here bringing out jealous thoughts, I need more.

  I have to get out for a while and think clearly. I don’t want my insecurities clouding my judgment again and causing a fight that I don’t need. I know everything that happened with Danny has fucked up any chance of behaving normally and rational with someone new so I need to make sure that I’m not reacting out of line with Ethan. The last thing I want to do is scare him away.

  “I’m going for a walk on the beach to clear my head. It’s been a long week.” I kiss him on the cheek and stand up.

  “Want me to come?”

  I grin and drop my gaze to his dick. “Didn’t you already do that?”

  He presses his forehead to mine. “I don’t like the idea of you being out there alone in the dark.”

  His protectiveness over me warms me further and I can feel the jealousy I had earlier start to dissipate again. “I’ll be fine. I’ll take my phone so I can call you if I need to. You stay here in case she comes back.” I don’t want to say her name now and spoil the moment. I’m feeling satisfied and happy, I don’t need to ruin that.

  It’s cooler this evening so I dress in jeans and a sweater and grab my phone as I head toward the beach. I enjoy the sound of the waves at night and the salt water is the best thing for clearing my head and thinking rationally.

  As I reach the road, I turn and can see Ethan watching me through the window of our apartment. I give him a wave before walking onto the sand. I’ll disappear from his view soon although I won’t go too far. My favorite spot to sit and think is just up ahead.

  I walk toward it and I’m about to sit down when I hear my name called.

  I spin around to see who is there as Danny steps out of the shadows.

  “Danny?” I ask. “What are you doing here?”

  “I need to talk to you,” he says. “Ever since I saw you last night I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “You were waiting here for me?”

  He coughs out a laugh. “I’ve been here for hours waiting. I knew you’d come down eventually.”

  “Where’s your fiancé?” I look up and down the beach expecting to see her.

  He shuffles his feet in the sand. “Maybe I rushed into it. I don’t know, I thought I loved her.”

  I shake my head, not understanding what he’s trying to say. “You do love her, you said you did, that’s why you are marrying her.”

  He smiles and takes a step toward me. “How can I be in love with her, when I’m still in love with you?”

  Chapter 9

  “No!” I shout as I step back. “No, you do not get to come back here and tell me that. Not now.” I cross my arms over my chest defensively, not quite believing what I’m hearing.

  “Sarah.” His voice is soft and soothing. “Sarah, calm down. Let’s talk about this.”

  I shake my head from side to side, as I take another step backwards. “Why are you waiting here?” I ask again. “Why not text or come up to the apartment if you wanted to talk?”

  He looks up at the apartment block. “Because he’s up there, isn’t he?” He looks back at me and cocks his head to the side before sitting down on the sand and staring out to sea. “He’s no good for you, you know.”

  I laugh nervously. “You sound like Lauren.” I regret admitting that to him as soon as it passes through my lips. Especially as I see a spark of excitement cross his face.

  “Lauren doesn’t approve of him?” He arches his brow high, waiting for my response.

  I don’t answer. I don’t need to give him any more information about what Ethan is or isn’t to me than I’ve already done. It’s not his business anymore.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he says. “It’ll be over soon.” He smiles and traces his finger in the sand. “Then we can get back together.”

  I look down and watch him draw a heart in the sand and place our initials inside it. I want to leave but I can’t. “Why do you think it’ll be over soon? You don’t know anything.”

  He looks back up at me. “I know you better than anyone, Sarah. This is just a fling, a way to get back at me for hurting you.”

  The wind blows his hair across his forehead and he sweeps it away. It reminds me of all the times when we’d come out here at night and make wishes on stars about our future, back when things were good between us.

  “I don’t blame you,” he continues. “I’ve been a jerk. I didn’t know what I wanted. Didn’t know what I had.”

  “You left me,” I say, my voice barely a whisper now. “You left me after a year of hell. You didn’t want to touch me and you made me feel worthless, ugly, less than.”

  “I was weak.” He takes a deep audible breath and frowns. “My career was failing and I didn’t think I could provide for you. If anything, it was me that felt worthless. I guess I projected that back onto you. I admit that wasn’t fair.”

  “You’re engaged to… to…” I can’t remember her name. “That waitress.” I pause as I try to make sense of all of this. “You love her now.”

  He shakes his head slowly. “I thought I did. I thought Roxanne was the one. She’s lots of fun to be sure, but she’s not you.”

  “You broke it off?”

  He nods slowly and reaches into his pocket. When he pulls out his hand, even in the poor light on the beach I can see clearly what he’s holding. The engagement ring sparkles and almost illuminates his face. It’s as big as I remember it was when I saw it on his fiancé’s finger. He plays with it for a while, rolling it around in the palm of his hand. “Do you want it?”

  “What do you mean, do I want it? Are you asking me to marry you?” He can’t be serious.

  He nods and brushes off the san
d that has settled on his jeans. When he kneels on the ground and holds out the ring to me, it feels like my heart has stopped beating. “Sarah Bennett, will you be my wife?”

  “Are you crazy?” I can’t stay here and listen to this nonsense a moment longer. Who the hell does he think he is? I start to walk away but then think better of it and stalk back over to him. “Danny, you are the biggest asshole I’ve ever met in my life. How dare you come here and propose to me after everything that has happened. No. No fucking way will I marry you. Not now, not ever. If you’ve really broken it off with Roxanne or whatever her name is, then you’ve done her a favor. You made me feel like it was all my fault that things didn’t work. You made me think that I didn’t work hard enough or wasn’t good enough. That was all a lie. It was you that wasn’t good enough for me.”

  His mouth drops and his face pales. He didn’t expect my outburst, but I’m not the same person I was just a few months ago.

  I don’t wait to hear another word that comes out of his mouth. I’m done thinking about him, talking about him, knowing him. I’m completely done with Danny Travis.

  I storm back toward the apartment but before I reach the road, I see Ethan standing at the edge of the sand. His large frame is silhouetted by the streetlights behind him and the way he looks in this light is imposing. I run over to him and almost fall into his arms.

  “You want me to hit him? I really want to.” Ethan’s mood is sour and I don’t blame him. I can almost feel the anger seething from his body.

  “Don’t bother. He’s not worth your time. He’s not worth my time anymore.” I reach up and kiss Ethan hard on the lips hoping that Danny is watching every move and will finally get the hint. “You know what. I feel really good right now. I feel alive.”