I was up the following morning and had the house scrubbed top to bottom and a huge breakfast cooked before Chloe even surfaced.
‘God Faye that is the best night’s sleep I have had in weeks!’
‘You do look great, glowing even.’
‘I feel great! Starved though!!’ She smiled as she tucked into her fry.
‘Have you decided what to do about Anthony?’
‘Yea, I’m going to tell him today. At least I’ll know where I stand and then I can decide what to do.’
‘How do you think he will take it?’
Her foot started to tap as she finished her bite.
‘I don’t know.’ She looked scared.
‘I’ll come with you if you like, wait outside, just in case.’
Relief flooded her face, ‘Would you? Would you really?’
‘Of course I will.’
She burst into tears, ‘Faye, what would I do without you.’
I burst into tears too; reaching over and pulling her into me, we hugged. Showered, dressed and a short train journey later; we found ourselves standing outside Anthony’s apartment. I walked Chloe to the door, hugged her and told her I would wait in the park just down the road.
Sitting there, I watched as young families played ball or sat on the grass enjoying the sun. I checked my phone; still no word from Brandon. I looked out ahead of me, everyone was paired up, smiling down at their little off spring; I wanted that. I decided there and then to do everything in my power to get Brandon back. Before I could put anymore thought into it, my phone rang, thinking it was Chloe I answered straight away.
‘How did it go?’
‘Faye?’
‘...sorry Brandon, I thought you were Chloe.’
‘Oh right, em look Faye, I don’t have much time. I’m calling so say; well to say I’m leaving. I thought you would be at the apartment, I’m here now but I have a taxi waiting. I’ve been offered an internship with CNN, its 6 weeks to start with, but may last 6 months. It’s an opportunity too good to give up. I think it will be good for us. I need space still. This will give me the space I need. My flights in two hours.’ He paused. ‘ Faye are you there?’
My mind reeled; leaving, he’s leaving me. ‘You’re leaving me...’ it came out as a whisper.
‘Just for a while, I need time to think, space.’
‘But... but...’
‘Faye look, this is something I’ve always wanted. I am doing this for me. I’m not saying we’re over. I just need space. I’ll call you in a couple of days. I have to go.’
The line went dead.
Chapter 14 – Left again
I stared down at the phone in my hand, what had just happened? Brandon was leaving, leaving on a flight, in two hours, to New York. In what crazy world does that happen? I went to call him back; his phone went straight to message minder. I didn’t leave a message. My phone rang;
‘Brandon?’
‘No Faye, its Chloe.’
‘Oh Chloe...!’ I had almost forgotten why I was in the park to begin with. ‘Are you ok?’
‘Yea! Great in fact! Listen Anthony has to go out to cover someone in morning surgery. Do you want to come back here and I’ll fill you in?’
‘Sure I’ll see you in a few.’ I heard the words from my mouth and I could feel my body moving but I didn’t know how all this was happening.
As I turned the corner I could see Anthony and Chloe in the driveway; he was holding her so tight, smothering her in kisses. Just before he got into the car he bent and kissed her tummy. He obviously took it well. Chloe saw me as she waved him off.
‘Oh Faye! It couldn’t have gone better; he knew all along!’
My eyes widened, ‘What do you mean?’
‘He said he guessed about 6 weeks ago, he didn’t want to say anything in case he was wrong and then I would think that maybe he wanted one; he didn’t want to put any pressure on me, wanted me to come to him.’
‘And does he want one?’
‘Well it’s not that he wanted one right now, but he’s over the moon! It’s what all the house listings were for! He realised that his place wouldn’t be suitable for a baby and definitely not big enough for a family or an Au Pair.’
‘Au pair? Where the hell did she come from?’
‘I know, I was shocked too... he has it all planned, well he has ‘A plan’ – if I like it.’
‘What is it?’
‘Well depending on when I’m due he suggests I see out the college year, have the baby during the summer and if it’s early enough and I feel ok head back next year. In the meantime, we, well he is going to buy a house, which we’ll live in and hire a house keeper or an au pair so that I and the baby are taken care of. It’s all a bit perfect!’
‘Wow.’ It was all a bit perfect, ‘How do you feel about all that?’
‘I don’t know, he says he’ll support me if I want to drop out and take some time off too. I wasn’t expecting any of this so it’s taken me a bit by surprise. I was expecting him to... well I suppose not to take it as well, and definitely not to have ‘a plan’!’
I looked at her, critically. She’d always worked so hard. She deserved this, she deserved that someone was making ‘a plan’ for her. She deserved to have the option, the nice, lovely perfect option.
‘Are you in love with him?’
It was written all over her face before she even opened her month. I smiled at her.
‘Take it Chloe, take it with both hands and hold tight, I don’t think any other ‘plan’ would be better.’
‘Either do I, but it’s a little too perfect isn’t it?’
‘Who cares, besides you haven’t found a house or an au pair yet – perhaps you’ll argue endlessly over those two. That will make it all seem a little less perfect.’
‘True, AND we haven’t told either of our parents yet.’
I looked at her again, that was true. I knew her parents would take it well, they were always so easy going and sure Chloe herself had been ‘conceived out of wedlock’. Anthony’s parents, well they were another matter entirely.
‘When, or are you going to tell them?’
‘Well, we’ll have to tell them. We haven’t discussed that yet, I’d like to wait until we have more details; like how far gone I am and when I’m due.’
‘When are you going to find all that out?’
‘I’m going to call Dr. Morrison on Monday morning and make an appointment.’
We sat thoughtful on the couch in companionable silence for a moment. I was happy that it had gone well for her, but jealous. Her world was taking off and mine had just crumbled.
‘Chloe if you don’t mind I’m going to head home? If you’re ok?!’
‘Yea, sure, thank you so much for coming with me. I couldn’t have done it without you.’
‘You’re welcome. Call me tonight and let me know what else you guys discuss.’
I left her, curled up on the couch browsing through the house listings she had flung on my coffee table mere days before; happily choosing where her future would lay. I walked out the door, not knowing what was to become of mine.
Chapter 15 – History ‘almost’ repeating itself
I made it back to the apartment, I’m still not entirely sure how, autopilot was an amazing feature I seemed to possess. I stood in the hallway wondering what on earth to do. Normally in situations like this I would call Chloe, but she deserved this little bit of happiness and to relish in her own future, not to try and calm and comfort me. I looked out over the apartment we shared; his apartment. I had put a lot of time and effort into transforming it from a stark bachelors pad into a home, our home. Would I have to leave now? Brandon had said that it wasn’t a break up; but what was it then? Were we on a break? If so what sort of ‘break’ was it... 6 weeks was a long time, the 6 month option didn’t bare thinking about.
How could he leave so easily? How had this opportunity ever come up? He’d never mentioned it before. Sure I knew it was a dream of
his to work in CNN, we’d even talked about moving to the US in the future; but that had always been in the future and together! How had that become ‘now and apart’? I scrubbed our already clean apartment until in sparkled; trying to kill time. I reckoned by 8pm he would have to have landed somewhere. I would work like a madwomen until then and call him and try to make some sense out of all this.
The line dialled once and it was answered; ‘Hello?’ he was running. ‘Mum is that you?’
‘Brandon, its Faye.’
‘Oh Faye, em I said I would call.’
‘I know you did, but well, it’s not good enough to call me and tell me you are leaving and not to talk about it.’
‘Faye, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I thought you would understand that?’
‘What about us?’
‘I told you I need space.’
‘So what exactly is going on now, are we or aren’t we together? Do I move out?’
‘Faye, I’m not sure about all that. I haven’t really thought about it. I had only arrived in Mum’s when they called me about this. Stay in the apartment, I’ll not have time to sort anything out for it.’
‘Brandon, I can’t believe you left without talking to me.’
Faye I, look... look I can’t believe you would cheat.’
‘Brandon you are acting like I cheated on you! I didn’t, it was years ago and I was young! If Nate didn’t make a big deal of it, I don’t see why you are!’
‘What do you mean? You told me you never told him.’
Shit, crap, why did I say that! ‘I met him the other day and we had coffee, I told him everything then.’
‘Why the hell did you have coffee with him?’
‘I was upset and I bumped into him, he was concerned about me.’
‘Likely story! I’m only gone a minute and already you’re hooking up with your Ex!’
‘Brandon I didn’t ‘hook up’ with anyone, I had coffee with him and you were the one who left me, and then the country!’
‘I don’t want you seeing him.’
‘I’m not seeing him, I had coffee with him. Besides you’re in the process of breaking up with me, I don’t think you have the right to be telling me who I can or can’t see!’
‘I never said I was breaking up with you, I said I needed space!’
‘I don’t think you know what you want!’
‘Faye don’t be like this, please, I’m tired, it’s be a rough few days trying to organise to come out here.’
‘And it hasn’t been rough on me?
‘What do you mean?’
‘You leave me, and then call to say you are leaving the country, possibly for 6 months!’
‘Look Faye this is getting us nowhere, I have to go, and I’m late. I’ll call in a day or so when I’m settled and we can talk then.’
‘Whatever suits you Brandon!’ I hung up.
I was furious; what made him think he could treat me like this? I couldn’t figure out if he was really upset by my ‘cheating’ or if he was using it to his full advantage – this bothered me. I didn’t feel like staying in so I called Lucy and arranged to meet her for a drink.
Sliding into a booth beside her, vodka and coke in hand I decided it was time to bare all to her; with Chloe ‘otherwise engaged’ I would need another sounding board.
‘The lying, cheating bastard, I can’t believe he left!’
‘Eh well, I’m the cheating one.’ We both giggled, ‘but yea I know.’
‘Faye, cut your losses. Who wants to be with a guy like that? Like seriously? I can’t imagine anyone who would skip town over someone cheating on an ex, years ago and then leave the country - practically without telling them.’
It was something I had considered myself; being the one to do the ‘dumping’ but well that would defeat the purpose of telling him in the first place. Wouldn’t it?
‘I don’t know Lucy.’
‘Look I always liked Brandon, you know I did; but he is being a right ass to you right now. You don’t deserve that.’
‘I don’t, you’re right, I know that. But I can see where it’s coming from. Brandon’s dad cheated on his wife with Maple, Brandon’s mum. Maple never knew he was married in the 2 years they were together. He didn’t have a great relationship with his wife, but had two small kids, so was staying with her for them. When Maple got pregnant he proposed, once she had accepted he told her everything. How he was married and about the kids and how he was going to leave his wife, marry Maple and live as a family.’
‘How ‘Days of our Lives’ of them! What happened?’
‘Maple was having none of it. She sent Brandon’s Dad packing, told him that she would never be able to trust a lying, cheating bastard and she most definitely was not going to raising another woman’s children.’
‘Did she ever see him again?’
‘I’m not too sure; I know that Brandon met his Dad once. He was about 10. It didn’t go too well.’
‘Did Brandon tell you all this?’
‘No, I rang his mum, while I was waiting on you to arrive; I wanted to see if she had any answers or if he said anything to her.’
‘Had he told her?’
‘Yes.’
‘What did she say?’
‘Well she told me the back story. She also told me that she had always liked me, thought I was good for Brandon, that she felt like him about the cheating; it was why she had never continued the relationship with Brandon’s father even though it broke her heart. She said she could see one big difference in our situation; that I had told Brandon to be honest with him, to move forward, not to get something from him and she respected me for that, but that ultimately it was up to Brandon what happened now. She said it could go either way. She also told me about his relationship with Ciara, the girl he was engaged to and how that had destroyed them both when history had ‘almost’ repeated itself.’
‘Ok, so I can see why he freaked and fair enough... but still – I don’t know. How do you feel?’
‘To be honest, I’m more upset that he left the country without really talking to me about it or making plans. I’m also a little upset that he never told me about his engagement before too – makes me wonder what else he might be keeping from me.’
As Lucy and I sipped on our drinks, I thought about being adopted and how that secret would impact our relationship when it broke. Could I keep it a secret that I knew at all? If I managed to do that, would I continually wonder what he might be able to keep from me? This had all turned out rather messy. I was sick of facing all this drama. My head was ready to burst. Tonight I was giving myself the night off… I was going to get drunk… very drunk!
‘Shots, we’re doing shots!’ I shouted a little too loudly as I fought my way to the bar and wrestled with some young one to get to the front. ‘Four shots of tequila and 2 double vodka and cokes, please!’
‘Faye?’
I whirled around and there in front of me was Nate.
‘Nate, what the hell...’
‘Hi, eh this is Dean, a mate from work. Eh Dean, this is Faye... eh my Ex.’
I sized them up. They both looked well. ‘How great to see ya! Come sit with us. You have to!’ I had said it before I thought.
‘Em ok, we’ll just get some drinks.’
‘Great! We’re at the back corner along the side, can’t miss us.’
I carefully carried the tray of shots and vodkas back to our table.
Downing a shot in one gulp ‘Luce, I’ve invited Nate and his mate Dean back to our table.’
‘What?!! Nate as in the Ex you just told me about?’
‘Yup! Heads up, here they come.’
They settled on the stools in front of us and I could see Lucy drinking in all 6 foot 4 of Nate’s buff friend.
‘Nate, Dean this is my mate Lucy. Lucy, Nate and Dean.’
‘Lovely to meet you both.’ Lucy slurred as she put out her hand, which Dean raised gently to his mouth and kissed. Lucy blushed, an actual
blush and giggled! After that Dean and Lucy were lost in their own little world. Nate smiled at me.
‘I’ve been thinking of you.’
‘You have?’ I was surprised.
‘How have you been? Did you sort things out with your boyfriend?’
I looked down at the table, perhaps it hadn’t been a wise move to invite them over; I could feel hot tears prick at my eyes. Nate’s hand touched my chin and raised it up so that he was looking directly into my eyes. So much for not thinking about all my life drama.
‘What happened?’
‘He left.’
‘What?’
‘He got some job offer to work with CNN in New York for 6 weeks, maybe 6 months. He left this morning.’
‘Oh god Faye, I am sorry, I really didn’t think he would break up with you.’
‘He didn’t, well at least, not yet anyways.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well he didn’t end it; he just says he needs space.’
‘Oh right...’
‘I know.’
Nate smiled at me, a deliciously warm smile and he rubbed my arms, his hands were soft and smooth against mine and it felt nice. He took my hand in his and I smiled back at him.
‘Faye, I’m here for you if you need anything, anything at all.’
In that moment, I felt happy and safe.
Chapter 16 – A list is a good place to start
I buried myself in work for the next week. I had such mixed feelings about everything that was going on that I allowed it to overwhelm me. With work, I knew what was what; in my life, I hadn’t a notion what was going on. Brandon had called, once. I had been out with a client at the time. He didn’t left a message and I really didn’t know what I was going to or wanted to say to him when we spoke. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole situation. On the one hand, I could understand his reaction to my cheating, even accept it. What I was having the real difficulty in accepting was how he had left on this internship without talking to me, telling me about it or sorting ‘us’ out first.
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