I had bought the house, I was a home owner! The money had gone a long way to cover the cost of the house and comparatively I had only to take out a small mortgage to cover the balance and help me with furnishing it. As they say money talks and when the Estate Agent had called the seller to say he had a cash buyer they practically moved out that day! I would collect the keys at the end of the week and then it would be mine. I was pulling in work favours left, right and centre so that I could have some rooms repainted and furniture shipped for me to move in one week after I signed on the dotted line. Brandon’s friend Mark had arrived over the weekend and overnight I felt like an unwelcome guest in my own home. I wanted to be out and living in my home, one that I had bought, with my money. No-one could ever take that away from me now.
Chloe and Anthony had made an offer on their house weeks ago and were waiting on a final date as to when it would be theirs. They were planning a huge remodelling so wouldn’t be moving in for some time. Chloe’s pregnancy was progressing nicely and apart from some minor morning sickness and being an emotional wreck, she was in great form. Her small neat tummy was a constant reminder that now that I had the perfect family home; I had to find the perfect family man to help me fill it. The thoughts of dating right now put me totally off; with the house and work, I just couldn’t imagine when I would find the time. But I would have too. This time a little less publically too!
The morning I was signing for my house a bunch of purple tulips arrived for me at the office, they were from Nate. We’d been emailing a lot of late and met twice for lunch.
‘Faye it seems to me that you have the perfect man standing right in front of you and you don’t even realise it?’ Lucy said as she watched me read the card and smile.
‘What? Who?’
‘Nate of course!’
‘Lucy get serious!’
‘I am, it’s not like you would have to ‘date’ him per say, and you were engaged. You light up every time you meet up with him and clearly he still likes you – look at the size of these!’
‘Lucy he is just being nice. Nate is a nice guy.’
‘Yes Faye, yes he is. A nice guy who seems to be crazy about you.’
‘Don’t be daft, he isn’t. Besides there is just too much water under the bridge.’
‘It’s history Faye, a good foundation. Besides with all that has gone on between you two, he is still sending you flowers and meeting you for lunch and you are still smiling.’
I thought about this as I signed on the dotted line for my house. Taking the keys in hand, I smiled as I got back into my car; the vase of purple tulips on the front seat beside me. I reached for my phone and dialled.
‘Hi Nate its Faye, I got your flowers; thank you so much they are gorgeous.’
‘Aw good, I’m glad! Did you get the keys?’
'Yes, just picked them up. I was wondering, are you busy?’
‘Well I just have a few bits to finish up here and then I could be free, how come?’
‘Well I was wondering, and say if you can’t or don’t want to, if you would like to come and see the house. Be my first guest?’
‘I’d love to! I could meet you there in say 45 minutes?’
‘Perfect, see you then!’
I had about half an hour to kill before I would have to head over to the house. I decided to do a spot of shopping and pick up some essentials and a few groceries. I knew I wouldn’t be moving in for another week or so but I had decided on a whim to spend the night there. No furniture had been delivered yet so it would be a sleeping bag on the floor but that didn’t really matter to me. Sitting outside the house waiting for Nate to arrive, I realised the gravity of what I had done; both in buying a house and asking Nate over. Forever more I would have a home, a base that was mine and did I want it to mean something that I had asked Nate to meet me here first? Not my mum and dad, neither Chloe nor Lucy; all of whom had offered and I’d told them all that I would like to do it on my own? Just to have those first few minutes to myself? Nate pulled up beside me; his Rav 4 looked nice beside my cream Beetle.
‘Wow Faye, it’s nicer than the pictures you sent.’
‘Isn’t it?’ I looked up proud as punch.
‘Have you been inside?’
‘No I was waiting on you.’
‘Excellent, I brought the camera – this is one for the wall!’
I was touched. That was a really thoughtful thing to do. I hadn’t even thought about that, but this was definitely one for the wall.
‘Shall we?’ He said taking the vase of flowers from me and setting them down on the porch so he could take pictures as I opened the door. As I pushed open the door, coloured light flooded the entranceway from the window on the stairs. It somehow seemed even bigger than I had remembered. Nate whistled.
‘Wow Faye, this is impressive! How on earth did you afford it?’
I thought for a second as to whether or not I would tell him about my parents and being adopted. It didn’t seem like the time so I just smiled. I gave him the grand tour and the more I walked around the house, my house, I felt perfectly at home. My mobile started beeping; it was everyone, they were all dying to come and see the place. I gave them all the go ahead and then realised that I would have to explain to them all at some point as to why Nate was here.
‘My parents, Lucy, Chloe and her boyfriend are on the way over.’
‘Do you want me to leave?’
‘Of course not, I was just giving you the heads up, in case that would make you uncomfortable.’
‘I’m fine with it, if you are?’
We both looked at each other. I wasn’t exactly sure as to what I was fine with, but I didn’t want him to leave. They all arrived within five minutes of each other laden down with bottles, flowers and presents. They had each seen the house with me before, but now that it was mine, it was totally different!
‘Oh Faye it’s just beautiful!’ my mother exclaimed when she had had another thorough inspection of the place.
Everyone agreed. It was pushing five and I was starved, my meagre few groceries that I had bought wouldn’t stretch to feeding us all but a Chinese Take Away would go down a treat. I had noticed that the previous owners had left most of their garden furniture behind and while it was too windy and chilly to eat outside, I reckoned it would squeeze through the back door.
‘You’ll all stay and have my first meal in my new house with me? It won’t be home cooked and we’ll be sitting on garden furniture but I insist!’
No-one needed asking twice. My parents dispatched themselves to collect our phoned in order and to pick up some essentials, Nate and Anthony wrestled the table into the house and Lucy and I unpacked some of the overnight essentials and goods I had brought with me and Chloe ‘supervised’ us all from her perch on a window seat. It was nice to have my house filled with family and friends. I hoped it would set the trend for the future and that everyone would feel comfortable to drop by any time.
Seated around the make shift dining table, our take away served up on paper plates and our champagne in plastic cups, we looked a right sight with paper towels at angles covering Chloe’s belly and half a tube of peking sauce down the front of my father’s shirt.
‘I think we should have a toast.’ Nate stood up and raised his ‘glass’, ‘To Faye, may she enjoy a long and happy life here on Windmill Lane, hopefully she won’t bankrupt herself with redecorating costs and hopefully one day it will be filled with the laughter of children.’
‘Here, Here’ they all chimed.
‘Thank you Nate, that was lovely.’ I kissed his cheek and from the corner of my eye I could see Lucy smiling at me.
A couple of hours later everyone began to leave until it was only Nate and I again. We tidied things up and closed all the curtains as dusk drew in.
‘Nate, would you stay over with me? Camp out on the sitting room floor. I’ve just realised it’s my first night and well...’
He looked into my eyes.
‘Sure, I�
�ve no sleeping bag though.’
‘Me neither I was going to pop to the 24 hour Dunnes. If you wanna stay here and light some more candles and I’ll be back in about 15 minutes.’
I was quickly realising that as a single homeowner there were a lot of things I was going to have to do on my own, like organise electricity – I had just assumed it would be left on! As I picked out some sleeping bags and pillows I thought to myself, where the hell is this all going. Nate and I were not together. Did I want us to be? It was nice having him around and there was that nice familiar comfort ability that we shared. Could we go back though, after all that had happened? Maybe Lucy was right; maybe he did still have feelings for me. It seemed so natural having him here today, almost like it was his home too. He fitted in with everyone and despite my initial trepidation; no one had passed comment that he was there when they arrived. It was almost like they all expected him to be there. He knew everything now, well almost everything. But then there was Brandon. I had wished on several occasions this evening that he was there. Could I want them both equally? I wondered about it all on my way back to the house.
As I pulled into my street, my new street, it was nice to drive down the road that I now belong on. There were 8 houses in total that formed a semi-circle at the end of which was a small grassy area dominated by a windmill. The windmill was a reproduction copy of one that had stood on the site in the 1800’s. It was where the lane got its name from; Windmill Lane. While the 8 houses, or cottages as they started out, were all identical when built over 70 or so years ago, they had each been extended and modified into very individual homes. The one common theme they each seemed to share was their similar gardens; each with their perfectly manicured hedges and lawns and array of flowers; most likely owing to the commonly shared gardener. I hadn’t met any of my neighbours yet but it was obvious they were mostly families at varying stages. I was the only singleton; from what I could tell.
Pulling up into the drive I looked at Nate’s car again; it seemed at home there outside, parked beside mine. The faint flicker of candle light danced across the curtains as I walked past the sitting room window.
‘I thought it was you, one of the neighbours dropped by, with some wine and cheeses; very nice couple. I told them you were out. They said they live two doors up and to call by anytime. Carole and Ed are their names.’
‘Oh wow, neighbours! That was sweet! Let’s open it and have a picnic?’
‘Great idea!’
I walked in the kitchen, the place was covered in candles and Nate had lit a fire. I set up the sleeping bags in front of the fire, facing each other. It was all very romantic. Nate brought over the wine and cheese board and placed it on the mantle.
‘I’m just going to change into my pyjamas, I got you some too so you’ll be more comfortable.’
‘Thanks’ he said taking them from me.
We both looked at each other.
‘I’m just going to change upstairs, wash my face; there are towels in the main bathroom if you want to do the same.’
Closing the door to my en-suite, I realised how absurd this all was. The last time we had been in any state of undress with each other was the morning he had walked out on me. Now, here we were about to spend the night together and I was afraid to put on my pj’s, just in case! We weren’t even broken up a year. He knew every inch of my body, probably by heart and here I was right now standing in my new en-suite, candle in hand, unsure whether or not to get undressed, in case... then I thought, OMG he is getting undressed in my bathroom. It made me blush thinking about it. Nate would be the first man, practically naked in my new house!
We met in the hallway; me coming out of the bedroom, him out of the bathroom. We looked at each other, both a little bashful. A thought flashed in my mind, I could have sex tonight... with Nate! – It was possible. I chastised myself, we were just friends!! Sitting downstairs on top of my sleeping bag, I gulped down my first glass of wine. I barely tasted a drop in my haste of getting it into me.
‘Thanks for staying with me.’
‘You’re welcome.’
It felt like a first date, there was a lot of looking and smiling.
‘Faye I... well I... it’s just...’
He didn’t say anything else; we both leaned in and kissed each other.
Chapter 20 – The Pro/Con List
‘You kissed him?’ Lucy rolled her eyes ‘Then what?’
‘Sshh will you, I don’t want Mr. Dolan to hear.’
It was Monday morning and I had avoided Lucy and Chloe’s calls and texts all weekend saying I was busy with the painter. Now, I was trying to avoid the roaming ear of Mr. Dolan; one of Perfect Design’s most persistent clients.
‘Well we kissed some more...’
‘And...? God this is like taking blood from a stone!’
‘Well nothing else really, there was a lot of kissing...’
Lucy looked up. Mr. Dolan was trying to hear what it was that had us so huddled over the reception desk.
‘Come on down the back with me.’
I followed Lucy down to the kitchenette; she flicked on the kettle and took down two cups.
‘Did you want something else to happen?’
‘I don’t know, I thought about it. But well I wasn’t going to be the one to take it there.’
‘And did he seem eager?’
‘Well he kissed me back.’
‘And are we talking just a bit of pecking or was it heated?’
I blushed.
‘I see...’
We both stirred our tea.
‘What now? Are you going to get back with him?’
‘I don’t know, no... I don’t think so. Oh I’m confused.’
‘I bet you are...’
James peeked his head around the corner.
‘Lucy some delivery guy is at the counter looking for a package, I couldn’t find it for him.’
Lucy looks up and heads out. I look after her, still unsure as to what I am doing, or going to do. I tell Chloe via email what happened. She replies with;
Am coming over to the apartment tonight; we’ll make a pro/con list. You need to decide before you move into the house at the weekend what way you’re going. Nate or Brandon! See you at 7pm!
I had spent the previous week at Chloe’s crying over Brandon. I was missing him something awful and had picked up the phone several times to call him and ask him to get back with me. I suppose, it was part of the reason I had asked Nate to come with me when I had gotten the keys to the house; so I could pretend he was Brandon, that he was there sharing this with me. But then, when it had been Nate there with me, in that moment I realised I was happy it was Nate and not Brandon.
Everyone liked Brandon; at least I thought they did, but everyone just seemed so much more comfortable with Nate; or was I just telling myself that? I missed Brandon, I wanted him back, but the more time I spent with Nate, the more I realised that perhaps it was him I wanted. I was so confused. A pro/con list might help.
Thankfully Mark was out for the evening when Chloe arrived. We had slotted into a neat little ‘house share’ routine quickly enough but I still couldn’t wait to be out and living in my own house.
‘Ok now Faye, we are going to sort this once and for all because, well, you have me driven batty – you said last week, you would never get back with Nate!’
‘I know, it’s just well... we have a lot of history.’
‘You have history with Brandon now too! Ok so here goes...’
We spent a good two hours going backwards and forwards over the two;
NATE
NATE
BRANDON
BRANDON
Pro
Con
Pro
Con
In Ireland
Doesn’t communicate his feelings at all.
Spontaneous
In the US
Treats me well
I cheated on him.
Passionate
Sometime
s selfish
Very easy going, hard to provoke.
He cheated on me.
Has opened my eyes to a lot of new things.
Very close to mother who is very opinionated.
Good Listener
Sometimes lacks drive and motivation.
Love the way I feel in his arms
Can be single minded
Smart.
Too much history between us.
Supports me in my interests
Very Stubborn
We have history
Gorgeous
Still ‘finding’ himself
Dependable
Fun
Weird mole on back.
Good Sex
Great in bed [well anywhere]
From a nice family
Very attractive
Trustworthy
Grounded
Has a career
‘So has this helped?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Well Nate did come out with more pros and less cons.’
‘Yea... but is that what is really important?’
‘Well what about love? Who do you love?’
‘I’m not sure. I am still angry and upset by Brandon and I think part of me will always love Nate. I don’t know. I need a sign!’
‘What kind of sign?’
‘A big one, from one of them!’
‘Ok... are you going to put a time limit on it?’
‘What’s the point... I’m probably not going to get a sign from either of them. Brandon hasn’t phoned me since he told me Mark is moving in and Nate left rather sheepishly on Saturday morning without saying much.’
‘Well have you called either of them?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well with Nate, I’m embarrassed and don’t know what to say; and with Brandon I just don’t know what to say!’
The Meaning of Purple Tulips Page 11