Raheem’s daughter, Sherry, who still had a key, walked into the kitchen. Initially it bothered Faith that Raheem still allowed his kids to have keys to the house. After all, they no longer lived there. But whenever she tried to bring it up, he wasn’t trying to hear it.
“This is my house too you know,” she told him.
“But they’re my kids,” he responded.
All that did was piss her the hell off because he acted like he was the one home with them every day cooking, cleaning, bathing, and watching after them, when their mother was nowhere to be found.
That was one of the reasons she even agreed to take care of them, because she knew about the whole addiction thing and although she too was an addict, at least she was able to function. Well, at the time that’s what she thought.
Yes, there had been times when she neglected the kids in the area of affection, but she made sure they were fed, dressed, and clean. After that was taken care of, she’d go up to her room, close the door, and do her thing.
Did she feel guilty about it? Sometimes, but she dealt with it the next day by doing something extra special for the kids.
By the time they got to junior high, their mother, Lace, had gotten clean and Raheem let the kids go back and live with her.
Faith didn’t have a relationship with the kids’ mother. As time had passed, she found herself wanting to call her and ask, why did she and Raheem end their relationship.
After all, they were middle and high school sweethearts and it usually took a lot for people that had been together since childhood to call it quits.
Faith wondered if it was the drugs or was it infidelity. Maybe that’s why he was so good with her in the beginning, supporting her by being there and taking her to NA meetings, maybe it was because he was trying to make up for what he didn’t do for Lace.
“Hi,” Sherry greeted.
“Hey, sweetie.” Faith stood up and kissed her on the cheek.
“Where’s Dad? I’ve been calling him and calling him, he hasn’t returned any of my phone calls.”
“He’s away on a business trip.”
“You haven’t heard from him?”
“No.”
“Do you know where he’s at?”
“No.” There was no sense in lying.
Sherry took a glass out the cabinet. “I think I’ll join you.”
Faith almost told her no she wouldn’t, until she remembered that Sherry turned twenty-one two months ago.
As she poured herself a glass of wine, Faith noticed Sherry focusing on her.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Faith asked.
“Because something is up and I’m trying to figure out what it is.”
“There’s nothing up,” Faith denied.
Sherry sat across from Faith. “I’m not a little kid anymore, you can tell me the truth. Are you and Dad finally getting a divorce?”
The word finally wasn’t lost on Faith. “Finally? Why would you say that?”
“Because I know that you’ve been unhappy for a long time.”
Faith didn’t know what to say, should she deny it or should she open up a little? As much as she wanted to open up, Faith knew Sherry was not the one to do it with.
“Plus, you don’t hide things very well. It’s all over your face.”
Faith didn’t want to have Sherry concerned about what was going on in their household, she also didn’t want to lie. “You shouldn’t concern yourself with us, sweetie.”
“Why not? It’s my dad and you’re like my mom. I love you both and I want both of you to be happy and if it takes y’all getting divorced, then maybe that’s what you two need to do.”
Faith smiled inside because even though what Sherry was saying was out of line, she felt proud of her wisdom.
“I was talking to my mom about it and—”
On that note Faith interrupted Sherry. “You were talking to your mom about me and your father’s relationship? I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Oh, believe me, she doesn’t care, she’s been over Dad.”
“That’s not the point,” Faith told her. “Me and your father’s affairs are just that, ours.” Her business was her business to share.
Sherry wasn’t getting what Faith was trying to say at all. “Maybe you should call my mother, I know you and her have never really been friends but I think you should be. Y’all remind me so much of one another.”
That must be true for your father too. You have no idea how alike we are. Of course Faith didn’t speak these words.
“You and Mom really should get to know one another. I don’t know why you haven’t after all these years.”
“I don’t know how comfortable I would feel with that.”
“Well, you’re the one that raised us until my mother got better and she talks about how much she appreciates it all the time.”
This was news to Faith, she was pleased to hear it. It made her feel good to know that Lace recognized what she’d done. Raheem damn sure didn’t make her feel like he appreciated it.
Sherry stayed for about an hour. As she was walking out the door, she told Faith, “Listen, you and Dad really should consider either getting counseling or getting a divorce. What’s the sense of holding on to something that’s broken?”
After she left, Faith picked up the phone and dialed Raheem’s number. As usual, she had to leave a message. “You really need to call me, I’m still your wife and we need to talk, not yell, not fight, but have a real conversation.”
After she hung up the phone, Faith called Susan and asked her if she was going to a meeting.
“Have you forgotten about the get-together Lisa is having?” Susan reminded her.
“Actually, I did.”
“Well, that’s where I’ll be.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
When they hung up the phone, Faith went into the bedroom to change into some jeans, a cute shirt, and heels. Faith really didn’t feel like a party but she figured what the hell, maybe it would put her in better space. She took a quick shower and got dressed. She didn’t bother with makeup, she just put on some lip gloss and brushed some bronzing powder on her cheeks. She looked in the mirror and said, “This is as good as it’s going to get tonight.”
Faith was on her way out the door when she saw headlights pull up in the driveway. She walked over to the window, looked out, and saw Raheem climb out of a limo. Damn, why does he have to show up just as I’m leaving the house?
It was hard for Faith to believe that there was time when she would be waiting by the door for him to arrive. There was also a time when he’d bring her home a gift from wherever he’d traveled. That stopped quite some time ago and there was no use reminiscing about what was, when she was trying to get through what is.
Faith left Raheem numerous messages, letting him know that it was time to stop putting off the divorce issue. She hoped that when he finally returned home they would actually have a conversation about it, without becoming emotional.
Faith started pacing the floor, her nerves were on edge. Although she was ready for them to sit down and have a talk, it would to have to wait, she was on her way out the door.
Now that she’d made up her mind to go to Lisa’s, she was going. Shit, anything she was invited to from this moment on, she was going to make it a point to go. There will be no more sitting around feeling sorry for myself, it’s time to get out and explore.
As Raheem walked down the driveway, Faith turned around and headed toward the bathroom. Her heart was racing and she was getting a sick feeling to her stomach. Faith felt like she was having a panic attack. She inhaled and exhaled deeply.
“Faith!”
Faith could hear Raheem yelling for her. She refused to answer him.
“Faith!” he called out again.
He knew she was home because her car was parked in the driveway. He probably saw her shadow through the curtains when she moved away from the window as well.
Damn it
, that’s why I should have gotten blinds. Faith opened the bathroom door slightly. “I’m in the bathroom,” Faith yelled out while trying to get herself together.
How dare he come home yelling my name out like I’m supposed to run and see what he wants. He didn’t even bother to return any of the messages I left his ass.
Faith opened the bathroom door and walked out to find him sorting through the mail that was on the coffee table.
He looked up and before he could open his mouth, Faith asked him, “Why didn’t you return any of my phone calls?”
Raheem put the mail back on the table. “I was in meetings most of the time.”
Faith shook her head in disbelief. “You were in meetings twenty-four hours a day?”
Raheem ignored the question and pulled a small box out of his briefcase.
Faith saw that it was rectangular. Before she could wonder what it was, Raheem was handing it to her.
Faith crossed her arms. “Raheem, what are you doing?”
“I bought you something.”
“Why would you do that?”
Still holding the box out, Raheem told her, “It’s my way of apologizing.”
Faith refused to take the box out of his hand. “Who you need to be apologizing to is your daughter, Sherry. You need to tell her why you didn’t at least call her back. She came by here upset and worried. She wanted to know if everything was okay between us.”
Raheem still held the box out toward Faith, who ignored it. “I needed to think, I needed space, I needed to figure out what to say to you, to make you not leave me.”
Faith didn’t believe that for one minute. Raheem had the verbal skills that could charm, harm, and disarm you. She had fallen for it numerous times and this time she would not.
“You needed time!” Faith heard her voice rising and although she was telling herself, keep it calm, she couldn’t believe he had the boldness to say he needed time.
“You needed time! Motherfucker, how the hell can you stand there and say that to me?” She was furious.
Raheem finally put the box in his pocket. It was obvious he wasn’t getting off that easily.
“You need to watch your mouth,” he told her.
To this Faith laughed. “I’m a grown-ass woman; I don’t have to watch a damn thing.”
Faith had to admit, speaking up and cursing his ass out felt real good. “You’ve had nothing but time, time to cheat, time to lie, time to make me feel inadequate, time to—” Faith couldn’t even finish her thought; she was livid.
Raheem picked up his briefcase. His suitcase and garment bag were still near the front door. “I’m going to take a shower, when I get out and after you’ve calmed down, maybe then we can talk.”
“I won’t be here when you get out the shower,” Faith told him.
“Where are you going?”
“Out!” She wasn’t telling him shit.
“Is that right?” He looked at what she was wearing.
“You’re going out in jeans?” Normally, when she was going “out,” as she put it, which she rarely did, her attire was more upscale.
“Yes, I am.” Faith’s hands were on her hips.
“Listen, I’m going to take a shower, when you’re ready to talk, you know where I’ll be.”
“Do I?”
Looking like he’d had enough of the back and forth, he told her, “I’ll be here Faith, for a while. I don’t have any business trips planned. When you’re ready to discuss us, I’ll be here.”
When Faith told him she was going out, Raheem didn’t respond the way she wanted him to. She wanted him to be like, where the hell is out, that’s not telling me anything. She wanted him to be more curious and to feel threatened, instead he just walked away and left her standing in the middle of the floor.
A part of Faith wanted to stay and discuss their marriage. After all, it was the only thing occupying her mind but she refused to do it on his time, when his schedule allowed.
“I needed time to think about how to make you stay with me.”
She couldn’t believe he said that to her. What the hell was that about? Why was he fronting, acting like their marriage mattered now?
Faith grabbed her purse from beside the couch and headed out the door. You know what, I’m going out and hang with the girls. I deserve it, as much as I want to stay here, I’m not. I’ll show his ass that I have a life too.
When Faith arrived at Lisa’s house, she noticed the door was wide open. She stood there trying to decide if she should just walk in or ring the doorbell.
She didn’t have to make the decision herself, someone was walking by and noticed her standing there looking unsure. “Come on in.”
She did.
“There are people in the kitchen and downstairs.”
Faith allowed the sound of conversation to lead her into the kitchen, where a few women were laying out food.
Faith looked down at her hands. Damn, on her way there she was so upset from the confrontation—or should she say argument—with Raheem that she forgot to bring anything.
She was about to turn around and leave when one of the women she recognized from the meeting rooms looked up. “Faith? What’s up, girl, didn’t you just walk in? Where are you going?”
“Oh, um, I was about to run back out and pick up something to contribute to the party.”
“Why would you leave to do that?”
“Because I didn’t bring anything and I didn’t want to come empty-handed.”
“Girl, get your ass in here. It ain’t even that serious. Shit, after all you’ve done for us, you think we’re going to be upset that you came empty-handed? We appreciate you, so you get a pass.”
Her compliment made Faith feel a little better. “I do what I do from the heart.”
“We know you do.”
What they were talking about is that Faith often paid for the coffee and refreshments they had at the NA meetings. When there was someone in a dire situation, she would go in her pocket and assist financially. She didn’t do it for props or recognition. She did it because she could and she did it because she remembered how when she was emotionally broken down, the women “in the room” helped put her back together.
“Where is everyone else?” Faith asked, she could hear the music playing and loud laughter.
“They’re downstairs.”
Faith was headed toward the stairs, when she heard Susan’s voice. She turned around and saw Susan come in with two bags and her cell phone between her ear and shoulder.
“I’m just getting in the door, I’ll call you back.” She looked around, spotted Faith, and smiled. “Where should I put this?” she asked no one in particular.
“On the table.”
“Wherever you find a spot.”
Faith walked over to her and took one of the bags. “I’ll help you.”
“Thanks,” Susan said as she released the bag and caught the cell phone before it fell on the floor.
“You see, this is why I need to go ahead and purchase headphones.”
After meets, greets, and hugs, Susan pulled a couple of bottles of sparkling apple cider, Perrier waters, and a fruit salad out of the bags. She and Faith placed everything on the table and in the coolers that were on the floor before going downstairs.
Once they were downstairs, Faith noticed that everything was in full swing. People were playing backgammon, chess, and spades. She also noticed a handful of men.
Faith looked at Susan. “I thought this was supposed to be women only.”
“I didn’t hear that. All Lisa said is she was having a get-together.”
Faith frowned; right now she was upset with men and didn’t want to exert the extra energy by playing nice.
As they walked across the room, Susan took a good look at Faith. “Are you okay?”
“As well as can be expected, considering me and Raheem got into it before I came here.”
“Does it matter that there are men here?”
It really d
idn’t, it’s just that Faith thought the women were going to be free to sit around and talk about whatever they wanted to without having to censor their words.
“Nah, you have to excuse me, I’m just tripping, I know I can’t take my disgust with Raheem out on all men. I’m just carrying some baggage right now.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Susan asked.
It took everything in Faith’s power to keep her mouth shut. She wanted to run down the list of things that weren’t right. She wanted to be reassured that leaving Raheem was in her best interest.
“Now’s not the time.”
Of course, Susan couldn’t let it go at that. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it here.”
Susan stopped in the middle of the floor. “Well, we are going to talk before this night is over.”
Faith just let it go, because she knew if Susan said they were going to talk, then that’s just what was going to happen.
“Come on, let’s go mingle.” Susan took Faith by the hand and pulled her toward the hostess. “Lisa, I see you’ve outdone yourself once again.”
Before she knew it, two hours had passed and Faith found herself having a good time. Worn out from her busy day and from mingling, Faith found a seat in the corner near the pool table and sat down.
“Why are you over here by yourself?”
Faith looked up to find one of the most attractive men she’d seen in a long time standing in front of her. “Just minding my business.” She didn’t mean to be bitchy, it just slipped out.
“My, my, we’re in a nasty mood, aren’t we?”
Faith apologized. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired and I’ve had a rough day.”
“Why don’t you just leave?”
“Because my husband is home and I don’t want to be there with him.” Those words came out of Faith’s mouth before she could stop them.
“So, you’re having problems at home?”
Feeling uncomfortable with what she revealed, Faith told him, “Forget I just said that and let me introduce myself. I’m Faith.”
The man raised his eyebrow. “Faith, a beautiful name for a beautiful person. I’m Siddiq. I’m Lisa’s big brother.”
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